Feeling guilty - No party for DD's 1st birthday.

[sun-shine01]

My little ball of sunshine turns 1 on Friday and I am feeling crappy/guilty that we have no party planned. All of our family that we like and want to socialize with live 1000's of miles away and so now here it is 2 days before her birthday and she won't be having a birthday party.

I did order her a "halo" of fresh flowers for her to wear on her head (which will last about 2 seconds - mostly for photos - family tradition) and I am baking a cake for her to make a mess of. DH will play Happy Birthday on the guitar and she does have a few gifts to unwrap but won't it look pathetic on video - just her, DH, and me.

Most of our friends haver kids who are older or have no kids at all so weeks ago when I was thinking about a party, it seemed silly to invite them to a party for a 1 year old - now I'm regetting it. What do you think?

We plan to spend the day hiking and then cake & presents. I guess I'm just feeling sad that we have no one to share this occasion with.

Is it too late to call friends and ask them to come on Sunday (no presents) or should I just forget it.

If no party any suggstions/ideas to commemorate the day?

[Tanibani]

I think it's really OK.

For my son's first birthday, I went all out... we planned a birthday party at the park across the street. I stressed myself out getting bagels, etc... ready that morning. I paid $100+ :bang :bang :bang for party favors for the other 20+ 1 yr olds I invited. It was a nice, big party... but it didn't really matter either way to DS.

I never understood why my other friends didn't throw a big party for their 1 yr olds.... Now I do. Because they are so little, they won't really "enjoy" it.

So next time, no party - and I won't have any guilt about it either. I'll save my time & energy for when it counts, when they are older.

Don't worry about it.

The hiking plan sounds really nice. :thumb

But... if it's really bothering you... then it's NEVER too late to call a few friends over for an intimate little party. That way you won't feel "so alone."

[hvl25]

My DD will turn 2 on Jan 11 and we have no family here to celebrate with her either. I feel really bad. We don't have any friend here either really, just one set of neighbors that we talk to , thats it. I think the hiking sounds like fun. Where about in NC do you live? We live in Bristol Tn.

[chrissy]

Hi Joni!

The halo of flowers, guitar (so sweet!), mama-made cake and hiking sound PERFECT! Truly, I think it sounds wonderful and a perfect way to spend a first birthday.

:love

[Viola]

What you've got planned sounds great! We just had little family parties growing up, basically just cake with our mom, dad and siblings. On my first birthday, my mom was in the hospital having my sister, so she wasn't even there. My dad bought me a little cake and let me dig into myself. He always liked to celebrate those things.

I wasn't planning on having any kind of party for Molly when she turned one, but there were these older neighborhood kids who came to play with her, and they seemed excited about her birthday, so I had a pizza party on the Saturday near her birthday and invited them. I told them no presents, but everyone brought presents anyway. I like to do something on birthdays to commemorate the day, but it is more for me since I am so excited about having given birth to them. :)

[LiamnEmma]

Don't fret too much. Neither of my kids had a first birthday party, and dd didn't have one for turning two years either. I have no plans for one when she turns three. When it's important to her, she'll ask for one. ds has had one party that we shared with a friend for his fourth birthday. Your plans sound lovely to me, and the video will be special to her. :)

[Oklahoma Mama]

What you have planned sounds similar to what we did with my ds on his first birthday. It was just my dh and I. I made my ds special cakes and we "helped" him open his presents. I didn't see the sense in having a party with peers when he was still at the age where he didn't really play with peers. I don't plan on a party when he turns 2 other than family. My dh wants to take him on his first trip to McDonalds for a Happy Meal though :p My ds saw the "golden arches" at Walmart the other day and really wanted to go there. I don't know where he got that idea since I don't think we have been there with him at all.

[merpk]

Fear not, mama, you're doing it right.

:thumb

Have yet to go to a first b-day party where the guest of honor didn't have a breakdown/tantrum, or sleep through it, or or or or ... YKWIM.

The only b-day parties we've had for our children have been inviting my parents or DH's elderly aunt over for the cake. We don't feel bad about it yet, but are sure that the kids will get antsy about it at some point ... :shrug

[sun-shine01]

Thanks everyone - I feel much better now and not guilty anymore. We ARE celebrating - just not in a BIG way.

Chrissy - Hi! How are you? I saw where the group is going to the Children’s Museum on the 9th. I have plans on that day but they may change so I will let you know. We would love to go.

hvl25 - we live in Asheboro, NC.

[USAmma]

Don't feel bad. Your child will probably enjoy the familiy gathering more than a huge party where she will get overly tired and probably held by lots of people she doesn't know well. My dd just turned 3 and we haven't had a party for her yet, nor do we plan to for next year either.

Now that she's making friends we'll probably invite 1-2 friends and their parents and treat them to something special like the mini railroad park or a picnic next year. When she's older, like 10 or so, she can invite 1-2 friends for us to take out to dinner or to the movies, horseback riding, whatever they want to do. Some special activity of my dd's choosing. But sometimes I think simpler is better. You get more quality time with the people you like the most rather than a bunch of stress and money.

Darshani

[famousmockngbrd]

We didn't have a big party, either. I felt a little guilty about that, especially because just 2 months ago we had gone to my neice's first b-day party and there were tons of people, a big cake, catered food, the whole thing. And now these *same* grandparents were coming to my house for homemade cake and a party consisting of them, my mom, my DH and me. Yeah, we may have looked a little pathetic but I only wanted people there who were at least *almost* as excited as I was that it was Cole's first birthday. To have a bunch of neighbors and playmates and stuff over just seemed hollow and wrong. His first birthday was really special to me and I felt kind of selfish about who I shared it with, yk? And it was really nice and fun and I think I'll always remember it, which is really the point since your DD won't remember it either way. :)

[Tracy]

we skipped a party for ds's first birthday and I totally am so glad we did. We took him to the beach and he had a fabulous time. We got him a birthday cake and sang for him at the end of the day and he got embarrassed. I can only imagine what he would have done with a crowded room of people singing to him.
He got a few gifts from friends and enjoyed them and really just loved spending the day with us. And also, during his birthday before we went to the beach we went to our little shopping area and people asked, "How old is he and I said, "One today." and each person would say in a very animated voice, "Happy Birthday" and I really think he 'got' it that it was his birthday.

when ds turned 2..we skipped the party again. We again took him to the beach and did a few other special things and he just felt good and had a good time.

maybe when he turns 3 we MIGHT have a party and I really mean "might'....it all depends. He can get easily overwhelmed and that just makes the whole day less than special....

so, back to your OP....
I think no party is just grand. Your day sounds splendid.

don't feel guilty at all.

hugs

[journeymom]

famousmockngbrd, it sounds like your niece's birthday was an excuse for her parents to have party. Which is great, for people who like to have parties! Some just do parties regularly, and well.

Sunshine, we did not have an official birthday "party" for dd until she was 5 y.o. The kind with other little kids, games, matching paper plates, and goody bags (don't get me started on goody bags...). Prior to that, all her parties had been just family with a cake.

Her first birthday we lived an hour away from everyone. I took a stab at making a cheesecake (haven't made one since) and dh, dd and I had a nice, quiet evening.

[Megs Mom]

goody bags. ugh.

[ediesmom]

For Edie's first birthday I invited only imediate family. We had the cake, gifts, etc. She ended up spiking a fever of about 105 and it really pissed everyone off that I refused to give her any fever reducer (like I had any!!!) All the pictures look like she was so miserable (she was). I learned my lesson on many fronts that day. NEVER let the family know exactly what natural health care actully is.... NEVER make your child entertain guests with a fever of 105.....Postpone any party if your child screams when people disturb her from a nap with presents.

IF I had it to do all over again, I would certainly invite no one, and spend the day with halos of flowers, beautiful soft birthday songs, and a walk. Sounds perfect.

[reeseccup]

Birthdays are small family gatherings for us, nothing big or fancy. A little cake and some gifts, but nothing over the top like I've seen and been invited to. I never feel guilty and am greatful for our traditions. You choose to do what works for you and be happy to simply acknowlege her special day.




HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY Sweet Angel!!!!

[Harper]

My Harper won't be having a first birthday party either! She will turn one in February and all I want is to spend the day alone with her and dh. That seems like the most special thing that we can do. We don't have any specific plans yet (although a hike sounds like a great one if it isn't too cold!) My cousin said to me at Christmas "We'll see you for Harper's first birthday" and I said "no you won't." She was shocked that we wouldn't have a party--she actually invited herself to our house the weekend after her birthday so she could celebrate. I don't get it. Harper is only one--she doesn't care. I don't imagine giving her birthday cake (at least in the traditional sense) and she definately doesn't need a truckload of presents. My sister (who always has enormous catered affairs for her kids' birthdays) thinks I don't want one because I am a WOHM and my time alone with Harper is so precious. She might be right....

[Evergreen]

Your party plans sound awesome!!! My little one will be one on the 20th and I feel guilty because I AM doing the whole big party thing. My neighbor's little girl is 2 days older than mine and she has already planned a whole big combo party which I feel I can not back out of now. I know it is going to be too overwhelming for dd, though, and wish I had just a crown of flowers, my family, and some vegan cupcakes! Oh well.

[schatz]

my dd's birthday was yesterday and we skipped the big party too. She won't remember and frankly, we were pooped out from four days of holiday gatherings last week. I'm saving my party enthusiasm for years when she will remember it. I did make her a cake and took a picture of it smeared on her face to mark the occasion.

But, as soon as she is old enough to know what is going on, I will be sure to make her birthday special - especially since it is on a holiday. My birthday is Jan 5 and my mom always made sure we had a celebration that was separate from the Christmas festivities - that meant a lot to me.

Happy b-day to all the littles ones!

[kofduke]

My DS will turn 1 in three weeks. Christmas overwhelmed him completely, so we've scheduled a brunch with just us and his grandparents (who we adore), and cousin's family at a restaurant (10 altogether with the 2 kids). I figure he'll have more fun eating a pancake and fruit and hanging out with his favorite people than having 30 people running around our house.

[tnrsmom]

Moving this to Parenting Issues:hippie

[paradisegirl]

I think that all that really matters is that the two people the baby loves most are there to share in his first birthday. I only had a couple small birthdays for my DD. I'm also far from family and friends. I had some sorta big parties for my son and I liked having the small parties more :thumb . Besides I don't think they really care as long as they get to open presents LOL.

[freespiritmom]

i have 5 sons and started doing the first birthday differently with the last 3.. I no longer do a big party for the first 2 birthdays.. I realized with Jack.. that I didn't want to overwhelm myself with doing a party especially when he really didn't know the difference.. I wanted to enjoy him.. not spend the day entertaining. His first birthday was more special to me.. not to him.. so I announced to everyone that we would be going out to eat to "celebrate" Jack's first birthday and that they were welcome to join us.. I didn't send out invitations, decorate etc... I made a cake for Jack at home and we all sat around the table.. enjoying the cake and looking at our little boy:love... we went out to eat that night and some family members came.. We let them know that gifts were not required. ..

anyway.. nak so in a rush as he won't stop kicking the keyboard lol.. now that our budget is smaller and our family size is larger.. we don't go out to eat.. We don't do parties for the first 2 birthdays.. We just have a wonderful day at home with a cake I make from scratch (I just made Gage's cake tonight as his birthday was on Christmas ..he turned 3.. and some of us were either sick with the flu or just getting over it... so we delayed the party until this weekend).. I let Gage help with the icing (the cake looks rediculous but the look of accomplishment on his face was priceless :love ) ... We actually aren't doing a "party" per se tomorrow either.. ... just spending time together.. I did get Finding Nemo plates and napkins and I bought some helium filled balloons which will stay in the van until tomorrow... Gage is looking forward to tomorrow.. He showed me all day how he will blow out the candles and kept saying "Me wuv cake" all day :love

anyway.. what I'm saying is that.. relax and enjoy the day.. a party isn't necessary right now.. It will be remembered better when he is older..

[Ashlee]

Well, because my xh and I were just married, new parents, family far away we had Kier's first birthday just us three. I mean we did tape it so his grandparents could watch his 'party' all I did was make a cake, took picture and sang happy birthday to him. Now, with more kids, friends, ect. I have bigger parties for them

[fireflies~for~me]

I am bumping this....I remember reading it awhile back and did a search on it to re-read since we decided not to do a party for DS....thanks for all the insights!

[mamawanabe]

The whole big birthday party thing seems weird to me. It is new? When we were growing up, we just had cake and presents after dinner. I always thought my birthday was special, and we have lots of pictures, but I don't even think the grandparents came over for it (my grandma did take me to do something special - usually to the big Toledo mall to buy me a new dress, which I loved - FOR my birthday, but I'm not sure that was ON my birthday).

I plan on following that model. When my kids are old enough to want a birthday party, we'll plan something with thier friends, but it won't be all that crazy 20 kids/catered/thremed/goody bags stuff, at least until they are old enough to help plan and carry it out.

We'll do special stuff - much like the OP's plan. Or a family hike; I love that one too.

[jeca]

I didn't have a party for Mare's first birthday either. It was just me and her as daddy was still in Iraq and my other 2 were still in arkansas. Try not to feel badly if it really bothers you just give her a hellofa 2nd birthday party.

BTW, your making me feel bad now.:(