Order to your day? We don't follow a schedule...

[Kiyomi]

Do you follow a schedule at home?

I just finished reading Rahima Baldwin's You are Your Child's First Teacher. In it, she talks about the ordering of a child's day, kind of having a set schedule for how the day goes (specifically in a Waldorf classroom, but also possibly in the home).

I don't have one. I follow DS's lead. If he wants to read books, we read. If he wants to play in the Tupperware cupboard, we do that. When he wants to nurse or nap, we do that. I only really follow something of a schedule when it comes to bedtime. We get into bed at a certain time each night, and we play and nurse in the bed until he falls asleep. Otherwise we just play it by ear.

Am I making a mistake by not having a more orderly day? DS just turned one. Is he missing out by lacking structure? Eventually I plan on homeschooling/unschooling him, but for now, he's just learning through play...

Tell me what you think, what you do with your kids...I love learning from you wise mamas!:love

[jannan]

i think it depends how old ds is. I'm guessing about 18 months?? at 18 months i too read my dd cues as to what we'd do next. i read that book and really liked it. i think what you are doing is fine.

[Dragonfly]

For us it also depended upon age. At your son's age, I was still mostly following ds' cues, though we had a very loose schedule in that each day before it got too late, we would try to get out for a walk to the park. But if it didn't work, it didn't work - no sweat.

Now that he's older (he turned 3 a few months ago), I'm finding that he gets frustrated if we don't have some sort of order to our day. And he's not so easily amused by things at home (the shine has worn off, I suppose), so he begins to get bored if I don't help him to think of things or if I don't make a point of getting us out of the house every day and around other people. This necessitates some sort of order for us because of "scheduling" around hunger, fatigue, that sort of thing.

He seems much happier for it. And it works better for me, too, as my tendency when there is not at least a loose sense of order is to waste a whole lot of time.

[CK'sMama]

if you’re making a mistake I guess I am as well. DS is 20 months and we have never followed a set schedule. Sometimes we naturally fall into a schedule but it is never consistent for a long period of time, and he never seems to mind either.

I know experts say that babies and small children need to have a schedule to feel comfortable but my DS is the exception to the rule I guess, always has been. He is very portable :) he is happy to go anywhere anytime with no warning. Like you the only thing we are fairly consistent with is bedtime, which he chooses when he is ready but it is usually around the same time every night. If he decides to stay up late we just sleep late the next day, no problem there.

Like you, I just follow DS’s cues and it seems to be working wonderfully for us.

[hazeldust]

for a long time we didnt have a set schedule, and things always seemed really chaotic. now we have three children under 5 and we do have a loose schedule. i didnt really consciously make one it just kind of happened and it really works for us. i cant stand alot of chaos so this is good for me as well as the kids. i really think it depends on what works for the individual.:p

[Marsupialmom]

You can have some structure to your day; this does not mean you keep your routine at all cost. If you step back you might see that you already have routines/structure and you do not realize it. Having a structure and routine does not meaning having ever minute scheduled. You often do not realize your own routines until for what ever reason you messed it up. Go visit some were and have to get up an hour earlier, it can really through you for a loop. Or eating later.

I nursed my middle child until she was 4.25 years old (or there about). I had to laugh at the day she woke up late and missed the first part of my/our morning routine. I had already gotten up, ate, when potty, and then went and laid beside her (making sure she was not sick) she woke up and waited patently and then said “Mom, will you go potty so I can NaNa.” I laughed and realized at the little routines we had in our day. At that point it was wake mom, let mom go potty, and then nurse.

Having flexible but reliable times to eat “meal” can help prevent toddler meltdowns. Having bedtime routines can make it easier at night. Does this mean you keep these schedules and routine at all cost NO!!!!!

[Lovebugsmommy]

with my 18 mo old we have a set nap time and a set bedtime.

granted nap time can vary up to an hour but it always immediatly follows lunch.

she wakes up at relativly the same time.. (8:30 ahhhh) and nap time is generally 1.5 hours. so other than that the day is unplanned.

i will be baby sitting starting next week 3 days a week so we may have a bit more structure.


i think regementing a few things like sleep time helps the rest of the day fall into a nicer pattern.

[bestjob]

Our 3 kids have fallen into a "routine" rather than a "schedule". That means we get up, have breakfast, activity, snack, activity, lunch, activity, snack, activity, dinner, activity, bedtime. The activities vary all the time, and from day to day, or season to season. They can be high-energy park time, or low energy reading or computer time, depending on the day. Sometimes snack is a big deal at the table and sometimes it is a package of raisins in the van on the way to skating lessons. Still, we find that staying with the routine helps the kids feel like they know what's going on. It works for us.

[Jennifer Z]

Left to our own devices, my dh and I don't have any kind of schedule, sleep or otherwise, so I think it is sort of natural for ds to not really be on a schedule either. When there is something in our lives that dictates a particular sleep schedule, we really have to work to keep that schedule...even though both of us were raised with strict schedules, we seem to lack an internal clock that says "now is the time to sleep" and such. Since Zane has joined us, we do tend to get much more consistent sleep...much more 'schedule-like', but probably not what most people would consider a schedule.

On occasion, I have laid out a schedule to follow, and it usually only last a few days (at the most). I find it too confining and limiting. For me, it is more chaotic to be watching the clock and focused on time than it is to let ourselves enjoy the moment.

I know some adults can't function well unless they have a schedule, and it would stand to reason that some children would be that way too. A lot of those people also tend to be 'morning people'...at least in my experience. They are much more rigid and think people like me live in "chaos", because to them, that is what it would be. They couldn't function well living as we do. I can't function well living within the confines of a schedule. We are just go-with-the-flow night owls and enjoy being that way.

I guess that is the long-winded answer of "no, we don't have a schedule either" :LOL

[Embee]

I remembering having similar thoughts having read Baldwin's book, but as I read I noticed her focus to be more on "rythmn" than order per se. Indeed, rythmn for many people means a schedule of types but not for all. I think it's important to take individual personalities into account and also, the circumstances that present themselves each day.

We don't follow much of a schedule but have a fairly natural routine for most things (wake up, lay there why DS opens my eyes for me, eat breakfast, make sure to put lunch in there somewhere to avoid meltdowns, etc). No set wake up time for DS, so we base bedtime on when he woke up or his mood. The one thing we try to fit in everyday: getting out of the house-- preferrably outside. This is a must for both DS and I's mental health but getting out can mean lots of different things and at particularly different times (park, library, errands, whatever). However, If we've planned to go to the park in the morning and DS is totally into independent play when it comes time to leave, I don't disturb him. We can always go later. I'd rather he be able to play and see something through to it's natural end than uproot for the sake of a the schedule. KWIM? As he gets older, this becomes more and more important. Goes to attention span and who wants to fuss with that. :D

So the question is, what is the right rythmn for your family? Is everyone happy and running on all cylinders or does something feel out sinc? I'm thinking that for the younger set, lots and lots (AND LOTS) of just plain, unstructured play time is an excellent way to go. For us, meals are important however (avoiding those meltdowns) so if we'll be out and about at lunchtime, I just bring it along wherever we go. Often times, DS eats better out and about than he does at home.

Best of luck!

[boobear]

Yes, we follow a routine but it's not a rigid one. This is mostly how our day goes:

Breakfast
Playground or inside activity
Snack
Nap
Lunch
Walk around outside or inside activity
Get dinner ready
Reading/board game
Bath
Sleep (finally!)

It depends on weather, health, holidays and visitors.

I'm beginning to incorporate homeschool topics for my 2.5 year old dd when possible. My older 8 year old dd starts school again on Monday.

[hotmamacita]

we call it rythym

Pre-twins, we followed a rythym to the day and week that emerged after a while and I honored that. I tried the order your day thing and just couldn't do it.

But a rythym (very similar to a schedule, I suppose) worked well for us. Some days it would change with the weather too. Post-twins? Oh it is just chaos and I am lucky if we get out of the house at all. We have Just made it to the year mark and I am hoping to see a natural rythym emerge because I miss taking nature walks, having tea and toast in the winter afternoons.

[mama_kass]

You probably have more of a rythem to your day than you think. I think rythem not schedule is very important and natural to humans. Think about what you do. I bet you'll see a pattern.

In my family we definatly have a rythem. Not a rigid schedule. The rythem changes sometimes like if we have out of town guests or travel. This is all fine. Having changes here in there makes us all resilient to change.

[Parker'smommy]

I also have a routine to our day, but not a schedule. ANd I have found recently that my 22 month old does understand our routine and likes that he can predict what is going to happen next and knows what to expect.

We dont have a set wake time in the am so naptimes and bedtimes are based on that. The earlier we wake the earlier naptime will be in the day. The later we wake, the later the naptime. But I have based this all on reading his cues for the first year or so. I know he cant make it past 1230 for a nap if we have woken up before 8, so if we wake before 8 I make sure we nap by 1230 or so to avoid tantrums and crankiness. kwim?

The activites that we do vary from day to day but he knows that after when we wake that we nurse, eat breakfast, and that when we finish lunch, that we will change his diaper and then nurse and take a nap. He knows that after his bath that he gets in his pjs, reads stories, says his prayers, adn then we nurse to go to sleep. Recently, it was real late with relatives over for the holiday and he came to me and kept saying, "amen", he wanted to say his prayers and nurse and go to sleep!!!

I think what you are doing is great, especially if it works for you and your child!!!

[pageta]

I have a schedule: I get up when ds wakes me up (be that 6 or 7:30), I go to the bathroom, have a cup of chai...and then we play the rest by ear. I dress him after he does his morning poop (so I don't have to change his clothes if he leaks). I eat when I'm hungry. I try to feed him every two hours or so. Sometimes I get wrapped up in a project and he gets fussy and then I realize he needs to be fed.

I've tried to come up with a routine, but any that I try to impose on myself never last. So I guess we have a self-generated routine. I just try to follow his cues rather than impose a schedule on him. If I try to get him to sleep when he isn't tired, it's just one big battle. So I just watch for signs of sleepiness, then I do things to encourage sleep (rocking in the sling, nursing, etc.).

I will say, the most ANNOYING question I've gotten as a new mother is "Is he on a schedule yet?" Regardless of what I say (he is, he isn't, he might be...), the next comment is, "Well, as soon as you have them figured out, they start doing something new" as though any schedule I might think I have right now will certainly be completely invalid tomorrow anyway (SO WHY DID THEY ASK!!!).

[Suzetta]

I think that you need to look at your child to best decide what to do. If he seems to be happy and thriving, I wouldn't mess with the day. However, if he seems tired. irritable, and hard to manage, then implementing a routine would probably help.

It is nearly impossible to 'schedule' children according to a clock. They have far too much of a variance in moods and desires.

In our house, we keep a routine. DD and I wake up whenever we have both had enough sleep. From there we have feeding/play time, then my shower then her bath. She is only 5 months old, but gets a huge grin when it is time for her bath, as she knows it comes after my shower. She also knows that after her bath she will nurse and nap. Then we have variable activity for the rest of the day.

The only time I try to keep with a clock is that I like to have her start a nap about an hour before dh comes home from work. That way, she can be alert and happy for his arrival.

We do not have a bed time....but as she becomes closer to school age that will be a concern. I am a teacher...and I have observed that children who go to sleep earlier have a much easier time adjusting to school.

It sounds like you are putting lots of continuity and consistency in his day without even realizing it. By following his cues, you are teaching him that he can depend you being there to meet his needs.

:thumb

[Kiyomi]

Thanks mamas for your responses!

I guess once I removed the rigid sounding "schedule" and replaced it with "routine", DS and I do have a daily routine! :) I guess our routine is more apparent to me on weekends, when DH is home...he always makes mental plans for us before DS and I wake, but I insist that we follow our routine to keep Noah happy. We do fit in spontaneous things, but I do try to schedule them to "work" within our standard day, KWIM?

He is the happiest child I have ever met, so I guess this is working out for us. If things start to change (if he becomes irritable, etc), then I will look at rearranging the day's routine. For now, though, I think we're doing pretty well! :thumb

[merpk]

:confused:

Schedule? What's that?

:eyes

Oh, you mean how when we get up we go to the bathroom first or change diapers right away?

Yeah, I guess that's our schedule. After that, it's *entirely* up in the air ...

:)

[Austin'smom]

I think what you are doing is fine. I think it would be very difficult to try to follow a rigid schedule..