DD says she was spanked at daycare today and other issues

[Satori]

I am so angry at daycare right now. dd is almost 3.5 and is potty learning and has been in panties for 2 weeks with no accidents till today. She was on her way to the potty but didn't make it. Daycare said they told her she was a bad girl instead of accidents happen and its ok and after we got home she told me daycare also spanked her for it! This is the last straw! Little things have been going on over a long period of time and i'm fed up with it! Its home daycare and I found out she was spanking her kids in front of dd which was causing hitting issues with dd and I had to talk to her about not doing it in front of my kid. She had a male adult relative move into her home and I was not notified at all (i'm sorry but I have a right to know who is around my child!) and she has visitors that I don't know and doesn't bother explaining who they are. She doesn't follow my directions either, its taken a year to get dd to potty train becasue she would not put her on the dang potty! School would do it, I would but if everyone's not on board its not gonna happen. I finally had to just start sending her in panties. I have dd on a waiting list at a full day preschool (not thrilled at a whole day of school but dd thrives on it) so tomorrow i'm going to visit them and see if I can get her moved up on the list while I look for other care. If she was spanked she will not be going back period. Don't know how i'm going to swing this one, finding fulltime childcare for a special needs kid is not easy! I went though half the daycares in town if not more to find this place:(

[pamelamama]

:splat

:hug

I hope you find what you are looking for. I would be livid.

xo pam

[DreamsInDigital]

If I was near you I would take care of your DD for you. :crying That's so sad that someone would make a child feel bad about themselves over an accident. :hug to you and your DD, and good luck finding a better daycare.

[mamaduck]

I would file a police report. I don't think daycares are allowed to spank children in their care. But either way, I would want it on record.

Good luck. You are doing the right thing.

[RidentMama]

:cuss Oooooh, I'd be ripping a new one for anyone who spanked my child! Good for you for not going back, and I whole-heartedly second mamaduck's advice about filing a police report! I'm so sorry that your daughter experienced that situation, and am sending prayers that you find a better daycare situation soon!

[shelbean91]

I, too, would file a police report. I don't know what state you're in, but I was going through the process to get certified for home daycare in AZ and one of the first things they told us was that we were NEVER allowed to hit the children, even if the parents said it was ok.

[hvl25]

:splat I would be TICKED!!! You should file a police report and also report her to the state if she is licensed. I don't think she is allowed to hit any kids but her own. I am sorry you have to go through this, it must be so hard :hugs

[Clarity]

the police AND child protective services. I am assuming they didn't lay out some detailed physical discipline policy you agreed to...and even if you did, spanking for a potty accident is unacceptable. A man in the house without your knowledge who's had no criminal backgorund check makes a lot of alarm bells go off. Call her, have a confernce, and if it seems fishy, turn her in. If you can I would not send her back at all. Are there any agencies in your area that can help you find emergency respite care if she's special needs while you wait for your spot to open?

[KeysMama]

home day cares are tricky. I had a great one, I only took my youngest DD there 1 time per week in the morning so I could do my shopping/errands/writing. It was great and she was totally AP with her own child. UNTIL I found out that her BIL was living there, I was curious and did a background check on him and found out he was on probation for drug dealing:splat

I also help train day care workers for my county, and they all have to have a license ( at least here in Florida). I would report her to the licensing agency ( here it is Florida Dept of Children and Families)

[chfriend]

This is just as serious as you are feeling. This situation is bad for you and your child. In my state it is illegal for a licensed daycare to use physical punishment. Is the daycare licensed? (In my state you can have 4 kids besides your own in your care b/f you need a license.)

I would not send my child back whether they spanked her or not. They told you that they called her a "bad girl" for not making it to the potty. They are unqualified to care for your child.

[LiamnEmma]

Just a big :hug here. They all said it for me. File the report, don't take her back, give her and yourself some TLC. I hope you find something great for her soon.

Leah

[Marsupialmom]

I agree file a report!! To protect other people. Also call your local school district. See if they have any early education that can help you. Many schools have programs for special needs children. Also check into head start type programs.

[Clarity]

What state are you in? My mom said she has numbers of an advocate type person (state) in southeastern PA, Florida or MD that might be able to help with interim daycare...and maybe we could look up someone where you are.

[TiredX2]

I am so sorry that you and DD are having to go through this.

Keep us posted and know our thoughts & prayers are with you!

[Satori]

Thank you everyone :) I called and talked to licensing yesterday and its not against the rules to spank a kid in your care even if you are a licensed daycare (which it is) but they don’t encourage it I have the option to file a complaint and I’m still deciding what to do on that front. I didn't get a chance to talk to the daycare lady yesterday since I was stuck in a meeting with my boss all day (got a good yearly review and a raise!:) ) but I plan on talking to her later today to find out what the heck happened from her POV. I called the school she's on the waiting list for and there is one full time kid that may be transferring to another school and if he does she will get his spot but otherwise where stuck waiting possibly a month or 2 :( Now I’m looking at hiring a private care giver. dd will be in school till noon till at least the end of the month then I need care from 12-5 m-th and 9-5 on Friday. How much do you think the going rate is? I know I’ve been paying some one $4 an hour here and there but I can’t afford to pay some one 28 hours a week at that rate.

[phathui5]

Maybe you could ask for help in your area's Finding Your Tribe forum? I'm in MD and would watch her.

[Satori]

I asked daycare about it and she said she never spanked her and didn't spank any of the kids in her care besides her own even when the parents told her to spank them. She even went as far as to ask her 5 yr old if he'd ever seen her spank dd! Either way its the final straw and i've offered the job to a sweet 19 yr old who has always been home schooled and has watched dd on occasion. I told her she could take a few days and think about it but i'm hoping she doesn't take to long and says yes.

[hipumpkins]

That is awful! I will keep fingers crossed for you that the teenager pans out. I wouldn't bleeive that day care worker of course she is going to say she didin't do it. Best of luck to you!!!

[Sustainer]

I definitely would not let my child go back to that daycare even for one more day!

[mommy2three]

Wow- I couldn't even get through your post I was so upset!!! I too would be beyond upset at this! How dare anyone spank someone else's child! I would file a police report and also see about getting their license taken away... anything you could do to ensure that this didn't happen to anyone else's kid.

Now to push my rage aside and say please give your babe a hug from us!!! I too would watch her if you were in my area (no way you're in CT, right?) Good luck with your search and I'm so sorry you both had to go through this!!!

[e&r]

In Washington State it is against licensing rules to spank *any* child, including your own. I know this because I just recently went through the orientation for home child care.

Even if it not against the licensing rules (which I would be very surprised about) it is surely against the law in your state for someone else to strike your child. As far as I know, there are only a few states which allow corporal punishment for non-parental caregivers. Perhaps formal charges through law enforcement, also - through child protective services, and then also file a complaint through licensing.

Please take this seriously. Ask to see the state statutes governing home child care. Many states have their code online. In Washington it is called the Washington Administrative Code or W.A.C. and you can look up rules for dealing with discipline in a home child care setting.

No one should strike a child in their care. There is no excuse. Even if the child poses a danger (and, of course, your's did not) there are strick rules governing restraint.

Good luck finding alternate care. PM or email me if you need more info - I'll try my best to help you.

Ellen

[Foobar]

Ok- I am going to take a slighty different approach. Right now, the daycare provider said she DIDN'T spank while your daughter said she DID. Do I have it right?

Is it possible that she really didn't spank your daughter? Could your dd be so upset about the accident that she made up the spanking? (remember that in small children lying and making up are not exactly the same thing to them)

If you are really not comfortable with the daycare anyway, you should switch, but you might want to talk to your dd again and really confirm if that did happen.

[Satori]

dd is just now begining to make things up and based on her behavior when she's told she's going there and the behavior she displays after going there I have to believe something is going on. I've been talking to the school psych at dd's preschool and she agree's that based on the behavior were seeing somethings wrong (were not thinking molestation or anything) and dd needs to be removed. She even tried calling dd's new school to find out where she's at on the waiting list becasue they couldn't give me an answer and see if she could speed it up (its an all day program which I need childcare wise and dd will thrive there becasue of her needs) but they said probably this summer:( I'm going to have to take out an ad in the paper which is really scary and field calls from a bunch of unquailifed people. Maybe instead of a phone number i'll leave an email address and just email those responding with my requirements and if there still interested interview them. Think that would actually work?


ps: sorry if the spelling sucks, new computer and haven't installed Office yet so no spell checker:(

[Foobar]

Ok- I just wanted to throw that out there.


I have found sitters over the web before.
I would try that. Also check with your church/temple/mosque and see if there is anyone there. Check with your town for daycare providers.

Good luck!

[Clarity]

really, can you tell us what state you're in? Mine for example, has parent resource centers you can call, visit, or check out online to help find childcare placement. We might be able to track down a website or phone # for you if we know your state. If you're near a city, craigslist.com usually has a childcare forum for each city, plus lot of other childcare-centered websites.

[Satori]

I'm in CA, the local childcare agency is Community Connection for Childcare and i've called every single daycare in this area and none are suitable for dd:( I just picked up a paper today and there's a new daycare in there thats 24 hour in home that I called and they didn't seem phased by dd's severe peanut allergy (which is what is causing so much trouble in finding placement) but I dont think she really understood it either but I have an appt to meet with her tomorrow and there's a SAHM looking for a kid to watch to so i'll give her a call as well. I told dd she would have to go to daycare today becasue I cant take her to work today and she looked absolutly terrified and started crying. Needless to say she's at work with my mother playing in the nursery but that doesn't give me much time as she's getting a new boss and chances are he wont put up with her being there. I'm also placing a ad in the paper today to start looking for someone.

[e&r]

I will try to look up the info about rules for home daycares in CA. It is probably good that you are in a large state - they will probably have similar rules as other large states.

In an earlier post you said that there were people in the home that you were not informed about. In WA state *no one* can be in the home while the children are there if they have not gone through a criminal background check and are listed as your assistant. *no one*

This means:
house guests - including the caregivers own parents

other care givers - I asked if my grandparents-in-law could come to watch my little one; the answer is "only if they have gone through the criminal background check and assistant process"

spouse of caregiver - yes, even spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.

caregivers own children above a certain age - I think that it is 16 years old.

friends of the caregiver

neighbors

even parents of the children in care cannot be left alone with any child except their own - not even for a minute!

This rule protects everyone, though it may sound incovenient and harsh. It especially protects the children in care.

If nothing else (if you can't "prove" she spanked your child) you should call her licenser and state that you were wondering about the other people in the home.

You should know, though, that you do not need to prove anything. If your daughter says that she was spanked then that is all you need to file a report with Child Protective Services. In my experience they gently and skillfully interview the child and can usually (not always) figure out what really happened.

Good luck and please keep us informed. I will now do a search of the CA rules regarding home child care.

Ellen

[e&r]

Family Child Care Homes - Criminal Background Exemption (http://ccld.ca.gov/docs/attachments/fcchmemo_08_08_02.pdf)
It might take a few minutes to download - it's a pdf document.

This is not the complete law, just an update as of 2002. Basically, it states that there should be two posters at your child care stating the law about Criminal Background Checks and your rights as parents.

All members of the household need to have background checks. The exemption is not about whether or not to have a check, but whether someone with a criminal record is allowed on the site. This means that the state *may* allow someone to be on site with a minor offense (non-violent, perhaps a traffic violation), but that you have a right to ask if anyone has an exemption and the care provider must document that she/he provided you with that information. It also sounds like you were to sign something with this info on it - so that you would know your rights - and that that document should be in your child's file.

There are serious fines for not following the rule. If your provider has someone in the home without a background check it seems to me, based on the little that I read, that there could be a fine of up to $50 per day for this violation as well as the risk of the loss of license.

Anyway, good luck and I hope that this info is helpful.

Ellen