Charlie is nearly 3 and so so angry

[kaje62]

and then he is adorable, sweet, soft and cute!!!

I am so stressed about this. He shoots at us all the time, straws, bananas, anything!!!! And last night he told my husband three times that he was a stupid dad. We don't even use that word in our house.

We argue in front of him too often and sometimes even call each other names but not stupid so no clue where he get that. He probably has watched Shrek, Monsters Inc and ToyStory too many times.

I come from a background of being physically abused my dad. He hit us with the belt a couple times a week, used the buckle even on our face!

I have I hate to admit slapped him maybe 20 times which I feel horrible about and even three times in the face. He recently kicked me and hit me a bunch of times and finally knocked my glasses off my face and they went flying. And I reacted and slapped him.

Please don't tell me he is the problem and is high spirited cuz he is also wonderful, darling and charming. And please don't tell me I am horrible as I have done lotsa therapy and am working on stuff. here is a thread i started awhile ago to deal with some of this.

http://216.92.20.151/discussions/showthread.php?s=&postid=1017802#post1017802

I know a top priority is for dh and I to not fight especially in front of the kids. And then I have a friend that has never laid a hand on her kids. And her and her husband never fight and her son is much more aggressive than Charlie, so is some of this normal for his age and being a boy.

I want my sweet baby back!!!

[Monica]

Hi I just wanted to say, I can understand where you are with your son. I am dealing with a lot of the same issues with my 4 year old, the name calling, stupid mom a lot, my ds hits but only when he is really really angry and usually when I am restraining him (from hurting someone else) or carrying him out of a public place. You are right about having to quit name calling in front of him and if you make a mistake you need to apologize to whoever you name called to and then to your son..."I am sorry, mommy should say such mean things...I really hurt daddy's feeling, it wasn't nice of me." Also, I am not sure about not fighting in front of your kids. My parents NEVER even had a disagreement in front of us, now I can't have a conversation and problem solving session with my husband. I don't know how to resolve conflict and I don't know how to fight fair with him. You need to learn the same things I do. It is ok to disagree with dh in front of the children but you have to show them how two mature people resolve conflict.

I would definately limit the exposure to movies (cartoons included) produced by disney. Every one I have seen with ds has language I don't approve of or topics too deep for a preschooler to handle. My ds learned "stupid head" from Lilo and Stitch. We have a disney ban in this house at least for a few years, we will reevaluate when ds has the values we want him to have firmly implanted.

As far as shooting, from all of my experience with little boys, this is fairly normal. They will "shoot" with anything so not having toy guns around doesn't help. We tell ds every time that we don't point guns at people, never! I also redirected him to shooting pretend game (come from a long line of hunters - sorry if this offend you) and then start a discussion on why people used to shoot animals (food, clothing etc) and how hunting requires one to be very responsible. Something that also helped us, was this past fall my dad took him out to the farm where he could hear my uncle fire real guns, they shot a phesant and showed ds what dead was. I think he was ready for that at four, but not sure about three. Also, it has helped to start talking about safety issues. When we are in the car, fire, strangers, etc. I slipped one in about what do you do if you find a gun and you aren't sure if it is real. This got him talking about some of the danger aspect.


Sounds like you are doing all the other stuff you need to do to get yourself over your childhood. Keep working at it, If I find any ap friendly books on anger management for preschoolers, I will let you know.

[kaje62]

you are great! thank you and my dh is a hunter so I am not offended.