Need help! PLEASE!!!!! I can't take much more

[Free Thinker]

I posted earlier this week about not getting any sleep. I think I have finally hit my breaking point. Seriously, I have been getting 4 hours of sleep a night. That's just NOT enough. Last night I finally had a breakdown (this had been going on since before Christmas, so I think I did pretty good lasting this long). I just put DD in the floor, yelled at her and told her "mommy is TIRED!!! Why won't you sleep??? I'm EXHAUSTED!" Luckily my DH rescued me, and took DD to bed with him. That lasted all of 15 minutes. He came back and said "I can't sleep with her, she is too wiggly. SHe acts like she wants to play." No kidding :( She had already been up for over an hour. We put her in her crib and just let her cry for about 5 minutes until I felt so bad I went and got her again. I can't ever last long, but sometimes I HAVE to have a break. I hope that doesn't make me a bad mama. I know most of the mamas her don't believe in CIO, and neither do I, but I need my sanity, and sometimes 5 minutes alone refreshes me for another hour or so. I have no idea why she won't sleep more. Here was her schedule yesterday:

Up at 9:00 am,
nurse to sleep at 12:30, 20 minute nap that was woken up as soon as I put her down.
NO getting back to sleep
3:10 finally got her down for all of 20 minutes, awake again, not going back to sleep
4:00 babysitter
7:00 babysitter goes home, eat, bath, play
8:30, try to nurse to sleep, not working~~~ keep trying intermittantly until she finally goes down at 11:00
3:00 up until about 5:30
6:00 I finally got some sleep
9:00 up for the day

I did get a total of about 6 hours of sleep b/c I stayed asleep until she woke up at 9:00. I feel lazy doing that, but I need to drive an hour away today, and I don't want to feel that run down. I don't know how she is getting by w/ so little sleep either. Right now it is 11:30, and she just went down for a nap. I've gotta get ready to run around and do my Friday shopping when she wakes up.

I have the NCSS book, but I don't know how to make it work. It says to coddle baby without picking her up, but that would mean her crying for a long time. Is that what I need to do? Just stand there so that she knows I'm there? One night this week I tried to put her to bed when she was tired, but not cranky, and I laid beside her and sang, patted, ect. for over an hour. She never did go to sleep. I had to finally nurse her to sleep. Maybe I'm not understanding the NCSS? Something has got to change. I talked to my mom this morning who blames me for the entire thing. It's my fault b/c I sleep with her, I spoil her, and she know I will come whenever she cries. She does have a point. I just CAN"T let her cry. My legs jump to go get her. I do see how some moms let their babies just cry though. I am lucky enough to be able to stay home, but if Iworked outside the home, I probably would have let her CIO by now.

Please help me :help I really need it. I am sleep deprived, and just plain exhausted.

[Lucky Charm]

Mandy, I have no sound advice, but you sound exhausted, and my heart feels for you.

It seems as if you are doing all the right things. And no, putting her in her crib for 5 minutes does not make you a CIO advocate or posterchild. I totally get how 5 minutes can help you mentally for an hour. Totally.

warmly, Lisa

[manitoba_mommy]

Oh boy does this sound familiar, though not any where near the same extent as you. My Samantha will get into a pattern where, if she naps in the afternoon, then she gets up in the middle of the night ready to play for a couple of hours and it is killer! I try to doze and let her play beside me but it is hard now that she is so mobile.

Hmm, things that help;

A walk in the afternoon.
A long bath and play time about an hour before I want her to sleep.
Giving up on naps. Seriously, when she naps a lot I don't sleep.
Lying down with her, easier said then done.

And the number one help, I sleep for at least two hours with no one touching me twice a week. That would be on Saturday and Sunday mornings when DH gets up with her. Inevitably I get up and find kids not dressed, mess in the living room and baby tired out, but it is sooooo worth it. That twice a week recharge keeps me sane.

HTH

Baby crying, gotta go :)

MM

[Snowy Owl]

Originally posted by Free Thinker
Something has got to change. I talked to my mom this morning who blames me for the entire thing. It's my fault b/c I sleep with her, I spoil her, and she know I will come whenever she cries. She does have a point. I just CAN"T let her cry. My legs jump to go get her. I do see how some moms let their babies just cry though.

I didn't see if you mentioned how old your dd is. I'm assuming under two, right?
Anyway, don't let anyone tell you that nursing to sleep, co-sleeping etc is the cause of your problems. I did all those things with my daughter, now four, and she is very confident and well-adjusted, and, luckily, we didn't have the problems you're having. It's just individual temperament, is what I'm saying. I am sorry you have to go through this...it sounds like a nightmare. All I can think of doing is when your are both in bed, and she wakes up to play, make sure the room is really dark and pretend to sleep, until she gets bored and falls asleep too. And I have read that it is important not to be in bright light in the evening before bed because it messes up sleep cycles.
Sorry i can't be more helpful. Just don't let anyone undermine your parenting.
Your daughter seems to have difficulty sleeping and it could be caused by any number of things....
Good luck sorting this out and keeping it together!

[poppy'smama]

hi free thinker

i'm not sure how old your DD is but mine is now 12 and a half months and this all sounds very fmailiar. We too have always breastfed and co-slept, although she's been napping in her own bed and starting the night in it since about 6 months. She used to wake 3 or 4 times a night (which I could handle OK) and always needed b/feeding back to sleep, but about a month and a half ago after we'd been abroad and she was suffering from jetlag she started waking every hour or more. It got so some nights I was just waking up and checking the clock and seeing ten or fifteen minutes had only passed since she last woke. She was also tossing and turning, wriggling all over the bed so she kept me awake, or if I moved she woke. After weeks of this and feeling exhausted and fed up and knowing I'd never do CIO, I had been desperate for something. Now i'm not the kind of person who normally would reach for a book or plan but I have to say after reading about the No Cry Sleep Solution I decided to get a copy and give it a go. I've only started two days ago but there's lots of stuff in it which really makes sense.
First though, there's nothing wrong with going to her when she cries, that's what you're meant to do, so ignore anyone who tells you that. I think we may just have children who have trouble getting back to sleep when they wake without the boob in their mouth!
One of the things the book says is they go through a full sleep cycle in 1 hour, so they come out of deep sleep to lighter after this and then will start to wake up. What you need to work towards is baby being able to settle herself back to sleep when this happens but this could take a while, a month or even longer. It's not simply about coddling baby without picking her up. If she cries pick her up it says, and you only move onto the comforting without picking up after going through various other stages first. I'm on phase 1! - this basically is about trying to get your baby to let go of the nipple just when they're on the verge of falling asleep, ( the idea being that they don't fall into deep sleep with the nipple in their mouth so they don't expect to find it there when they wake up and cry out when it's not), so when the sucking gets fluttery and the breathing deeper try and take nipple out, she'll root for it but try gently closing her mouth with a finger under her chin. I thought this wouldn't work, but I tried it this afternon before her nap and blow me down, it did! Then I tried it at bedtime too and it worked again after a few attempts where she came back on the nipple.
This week I also discovered that when I put her in her bed (once she's in a light sleep) if I stroke her upper back rhythmically and gently she goes into a deep sleep. Now previously i've tried putting ehr dowj in her cot but only if she as relaly fast asleep wuold it work, For somer eason stroking ehr upper back works for her, and I ckind of discovered it bya ccident, so you might need to work on finding out if there's something like that which will work for your daughter.

It's things like this the book suggests, so you're gradually working towards just comforting her without picking her up, not trying to do that straight away. you create new sleep associations for them, as the old ones were basically suckling and being held!

If my daughter stays up late she sleeps less well, and one of the things the book says is the earlier to bed the better they sleep. So I've moved her bed forward from 9/10 to 7.30/8.30 last couple of nights and am already noticing the difference. Another thing which might be relevant to your problems is daytime naps. Apparently it's really important when you time these, if baby has two at this age then they should be mid-morning and early afternoon, as this is in sync with thie biological clock. It's relaly important they're not too near to bedtime, if they nap too late in the afternoon it can mean they don't go to sleep till late, and i was finding this to be a real problem, because she wasn't taking her second nap till 5/6 and then a 7.30 bedtime was never going to happen. So today I experimented with just one long nap in the middle of the day, (as I figured perhaps she's old enough to move to one nap now).
This morning she woke at 7.30, I gave her an early lunch at 11.30, then she napped from 12/30 to 2.30. She didn't have another nap later. we did dinner at 5.30. I started an evening bedtime routine, ( another really important thing the book syaa) from 6 with bath, massage, stories and nursing and she was asleep by 7pm. Two nights ago she missed her afternoon nap and I got her to sleep at 7 and that night she went for 3 , 3 hour stretches of sleep in the night which is the longest she's slept in a chunk since the middle of november! As I sit writing this it's now 8.30 pm and she didn't do her horuly wake at 8pm so that's an improvement!!
I'd really suggest looking at the book again as there are lots of different techniques in there and it is a long-term thing not a quck-fix, I've decided i'm willing to commit to sticking to a routine for the next month or so as I really need to start sleeping again.

BTW, re co-sleeping. last night I kept getting her back to sleep and putting her in her own bed, apart from once when I brought her into ours around 4 am, but once she was in our bed she wouldn't settle at all, kept fussing, wriggling, crying out, nursing but not going into a deep sleep, even trying to talk to dada so they could do some playing!!! I got up at 6, put her back in her own bed, and loa dna behold she then slept till 7.30. So despite how much I've loved co-sleeping for her first year I am actually finding now that we are both getting better sleep if she is in her own bed, even if I have to get up 8 times in the night! But the idea is with the techniques in the book to help get those wakings cut right down over the next month or two.

I hope this helps you get a clearer picture of what the book is suggesting now so you can try some of these things because believe me I know how you feel, as I've been living it for the past 6 weeks too.
Remember the most important thing is your mother's instinct, you haven't spoiled her by the things you've done, you've just shown her love, and now maybe you need to show her love by helping her to learn new ways of falling asleep and staying asleep.

[Cutie01Q]

Our DD is 16 months and we are going through the same thing. I think last night was my breaking point, she went to bed at 10:00 and then was up from 12:00-4:30 and I could tell she was exhausted then after a lot of tears she went to sleep and then was up every hour after that. For about the past month she has been getting up every hour and then nurses back to sleep but it is so exhausting for me. I feel like I never get any real sleep and I get so frustrated with her for being up and then I feel terrible for being mad at her for waking up because I know that she doesn't understand but I don't know what to do. Something has to change soon or I think I am going to go nuts. Help!

[mosky22]

You are not alone & you are not a bad mama.

My dd is 14 1/2 months and we have been co-sleeping since she was born. I can completly relate to what you are describing. Including the part where you just lose it.

I can only offer you my experience and tell you what we have done to cope.

A bath just before bed works like a charm. There are all kinds of Herbal baths for babies now. I totally beleive in Aromatherapy. There are Organic & non Organic versions, most have lavender in them to help settle Baby down for bed.

A good motto: Bath, Breast, Bed!!

In my experinece as my dd got older she needed more than just bm to get through the night. I give her Organic Whole Milk Yogurt just before bed. I would only recomend this for children over 1 year that have already been introduced to dairy products. My theory is that the extra calcium and fat help her sleep more soundly through the night. She will still stir for a few light breast feeding sessions, but she makes it through the night.

Another tough time is when she is teathing. I have noticed that she will furiously switch from one breast to the other trying to get some satisfaction. It is not necessarily that she is still hungry but she is looking for comfort that is just not there. I have read that when teathing, nursing can acctually make their mouths hurt more. We have found great success with the Hylands Homeopathic Teathing pills. They work like magic, she settles down almost instantly and as soon as she is calm she falls right to sleep. We have been using them since she was about 5 months old.

Some of the other things that work for naps during the day:

Walking in the fresh air. She used to fall asleep in the stroller as soon as the air hit her face.

Holding her on my Chest but not nursing, patting her back and singing to her.

Another thing about co-sleeping, I have had to teach her that when mama is done nursing that she can fall asleep on her own. I have succesfully done this without taking her out of the bed. When I pull my breast out of her mouth, she stirs slightly, and may even grab for me. I roll over and I am careful not to touch her again untill she falls back asleep. I am very proud of her for learning to go to sleep on her own. This has also been usefull when she is so full from earlier nursings and from dinner that she does not want to nurse to sleep. She can now fall asleep on her own. She may toss and turn but she gets to sleep eventually.

I do not believe in CIO. I think that is an antiquated notion that disregards a childs real need for comfort. If your baby is crying, there is a reason. It is your job to figure it out and do your best to fix it.

[corrie43]

I agree with the poster who said an earlier bedtime helps. My 11 month old dd was staying up till 9:30 or 10pm and sleeping like crap. I moved the bedtime to 8pm last night and she slept from 8pm to 4am and woke up for her binky. It is now 6am and she is still sleeping. I think an aromatherapy bath would help. I also read something about lettuce or cabbage in the bath helping them sleep. I belive it's lettuce, anyone else heard of that?
Corrie

[poppy'smama]

hi free thinker

poppy's mama here with update on last night after 1 daytime nap and early bedtime of 7pm.

Well last night she woke at 9.25/12.30/3.15 (took 1 hour to settle after this with nursing, rocking, stroking), then slept till 7.15, that's down to 3 wakings from 7 the previous night and all the sleep chunks were good 2 and a half to 3 hour stretches, which is loads better (previous night longest was 2 hrs, shortest 35 mins!). And she still only woke up for the day 15 mins earlier than the previous morning. So, I'm hoping I'm really onto something with the earlier bedtime and not letting her nap late in the afternoon. Also I'm having success with the gentle pull off technique she suggests in NCSS too.

I'd definitely recommend you read it again and try some of the ideas. The way I feel this morning is wonderful, I haven't felt this rested in weeks!

Amy

[Free Thinker]

Thanks so much for all of the responses. I am planning a few new things for today. Even though it will be cold, we are going on a walk. I just got a back pack carrier, so maybe the cold air and just being outside will tire her out. Also, last night she only woke up 3 times or so (I seem to forget how many times I wake up :raz ). Every time she went back to sleep fairly easily within 45 minutes or so (MUCH better than a few HOURS of being awake exhausted). She was up at 8:00, but DH did baby duty for about 30 minutes or so, to let me get a bit more sleep. I am also going to re-read the NCSS book and really make up a good plan. I digress, I also got some Chamomille tablets at the HFS, so the next time she won't go to sleep, we will give her a few of those to settle her down. Hopefully we won't have to use them, but if we do, it will be for out sanity. I am still really tired, but I'm hoping to get some better sleep tonight.

Thanks so much,and to all the mamas who are struggling with non sleepers, you have my sympathy (((BIG HUGS)))

[hipumpkins]

I'm right there with you! I totally understand. I have had more then my shoare of tears over anon sleeping child! Last ngiht we actaually got soem sleep after months months of trying to get her to sleep more then 2 hours.
Good luck to you...hope you get some sleep soon!