My 3 yo has these tantrums about so many things, so many times during the day, and he hits this pitch that just, oh, i can't even find the words butit sets me on complete edge. me talking to him fuels it, i hate to walk away because i don't want him to feel alone, but I honestly CAN NOT listen to it. any tools to help me get through his tantrums?
A big one he has is over nursing. one little thing goes wrong and he wants to nurse. i just can't do that anymore and i feel he needs to learn other coping mechanisms. and i ask him what else will help him feel better. sometimes, he just carries on and tears at my shirt, etc.
any ideas?

Can you develop a nursing substitute? My friends daughter puts her hand in her mom's armpit (as that's where she put it when she nursed). My guy likes to pat my throat/neck.

My oldest used to hit this awful pitch, it was a horrible screeching nasty sound, when she would tantrum. It really bothered me, really put me on edge. I found, eventually, that earplugs helped. I could still hear the kids, but earplugs helped take the edge off-buffered her tone and pitch just enough to make it more tolerable for me, and then I could better handle the tantrums.

We experience that once in a while in our home...I make sure he's safe and not going to harm anyone else and just walk away...but, not too far. It usually is the case that I need a bit of quiet time myself. Anyhow, once the screaming, flailing, etc is done I shower on the love. I want him to feel loved and connected but also learn that reaching fever pitch is not going to get him what he wants.

The earplugs are also a great idea...

It's okay to walk away if it saves your sanity. (Whether you're off to get a pair of earplugs or you just need a break.) However, before you walk away, you need to give notice by saying something like, "When you're ready for me to pick you up/get snuggles/calm down, let me know--I'll be in my bedroom." Then it's up to him whether he wants to stay put or follow you.

At 3, he probably doesn't know what would make him feel better if all he's ever done is nurse. So when he's calm, try a variety of things and ask him if they help him feel better (snuggling, petting a soft blanket/stuffed animal, listening to music) so that when he's upset, you can quickly suggest something else. But with my now 4yo DS, if he's upset, he just needs to scream it out and be left alone (he knows where I am and he knows as soon as he's ready I'd be happy to pick him up). He has no interest in any other activity.