Talk to me about interracial adoption

[RachelGS]

This actually sort of belongs under my previous thread about writing for the next edition of Our Bodies, Ourselves. I need to include some information about the decision to adopt internationally or interracially. If you have a story you'd like to share about this choice and experience, I'd be very grateful to hear it. Please PM me or email me at smook @ comcast. net (no spaces). Many thanks to you.

[wemberly]

Rachel,

I can speak to that issue as welll, as Elliott is biracial, and we are caucasian.

If you look up 'PACT' and the term transracial adoption, you should finde lots of helpful info.

[EFmom]

I'm not exactly sure what you are looking for here.

I've adopted transracially twice. We are caucasian and our children are Chinese. We consider that we have become a Chinese-American family. We have joined our local Chinese community center and we take Chinese lessons as a family. It isn't easy--more than anything, it's a huge time sink. However, we think that it is vital for our kids to be able to walk into a building on a regular basis and be the ones who look like 95% of the people there (and have us look different), instead of vice versa. It has also been a great deal of fun. We've met fabulous people, have learned a ton, and have pushed ourselves to do things we otherwise never would have. I'm even team teaching a university level survey course on modern China as a result.

While IA is relatively new, Korean adoptions have been going on long enough for there to have been some research about the importance of this kind of thing. We sometimes get well-meaning family members who try to tell us that after all, our kids are American now, so why bother with all that Chinese stuff. Every time my kids look in the mirror, they know that they don't look like most of their classmates, and they know ours isn't the traditional looking family. As their parents it is our job to help them be comfortable in their own skin as much as we can.

We have become a conspicuous family. That means that nearly every time we go out, we get stared at, sometimes more discretely than others. It also means that we will be the subject of a fairly steady barrage of stranger comments. There is something about supermarket checkout lines that seems to erase any normal inhibitions people have about saying inappropriate things to strangers.

Sometimes it's fairly benign--people commenting on how cute our kids are etc. Other times it's unbelievably ignorant--people launching into attacks on our children's birth culture, the government of their birth country, or comments that are so incredibly thoughtless and generally ignorant that if it didn't hurt my kids so much it would be funny. Even the positive comments wear away on the kids. My older daughter often tells me how much she hates it when people single her out to tell her how beautiful she is.

There is a ton of good information out there about the importance of incorporating your child's birth culture in your family in order for your child to grow up with a good self-identity. I'm actually not really sure why you are posting here, since a few hours research at a university library would find you much better information? I would recommend the work of Rita James Simon in particular.

[RachelGS]

OBOS includes lots of personal stories and quotes, so that's what I'm seeking. Thanks for your responses! I apologize for "interracial" as opposed to "transracial." I'll include that correction in the book.

[DreamsInDigital]

A lot of people I know/am close with have adopted outside their race.
My midwife, Kathleen Murray, talked about her adopted Chinese daughters at my prenatal appointments.
My aunt, unable to have children, adopted a baby from Malaysia (I think)
When I'm a little older, married, financially stable, whatever, I will more than likely adopt a child outside of my own race.
I think it's a beautiful choice. I don't really have much personal experience, but I am in awe of people who do it.

[eilonwy]

I have never adopted or been adopted, transracially or otherwise, but I am mixed. I went to a conference a few years ago for multiracial and transracially adopted students and bought a really cool book called "Of Many Colors: Portraits of Multiracial Families". I'd definately look it up if I were you; there are interviews with all different kinds of parents and children, as well as some really beautiful photographs :).