Playing alone outside- in a fenced in yard

[Celestial]

I was wondering, for those of you that have a fenced in yard, or visit friends or family who have a fenced in yard, do you/ would let your children play outside by themselves? If so, at what age? Under what conditions?

[MamaSoleil]

As of 3 yrs, I let my daughter play in our yard, it's completely fenced in 6 ft high....but I did check on her every 5 mins...and I also know my yard has no danger hazards for her...

[Astrid]

When my son was 4 we moved into a house with a fenced yard and he played outside all summer without a problem. I could always see him out the window though. Im from the big city, now living in a smaller city but I am still paranoid.

[magnoliablue]

I was the biggest paranoid mama on the block, still am to a big degree, but I now let my kids play outside in the yard alone..they are 11 and 9..the 3 year old is only allowed out there alone when the older two are with him, like if he wants to go on the tramp or something..or when I am with him, as we do not have a fence. We do live in a nice peaceful neighborhood, but I still worry. When they are out there I am constantly sticking my head out the window or door to ask if everyone is ok...I am a bit of a nag so they say:rolleyes: ...I babysit at a friend's with a fenced in yard, and there I do allow my 3 year old to play outside..again, under my watchful eyes from the window.:bigeyes

[KeysMama]

my girls are 8 and 3. Our yard is fencend in the back, and the gates are locked with a lock. BUT in our fenced safe back yard is a pool and access to a deep water canal:eek :eek . The canal is baby proof- a small slatted fence with childproof lock. The pool is w i d e open. So when the girls are outside , I am on the porch or outside with them. The 3 year old never goes outside alone. The 8 year old can, but has to leave the back door open and tell me first so I can watch the 3 year old.
So, for us, water traps are the issue. Both chidren are avid swimmers, and we even take them diving on the reef, but I am still not comfortable with them playing near water ( since drowning is the #1 cause of child deaths in Florida!)

If we had no water traps, they would still have to let me know, keep the back door open so I could hear them, and I would hang out near the back windows at all times. This would give them a sense of freedom, and me peace of mind:hippie

[cat_astrophe]

If the yard was fenced, I would let my 3 year old play out there alone if he let me know. I have let him play in his sandbox while I was washing dishes before since the window over the sink looks directly out on the sandbox. At about 7 or 8 years old, I will allow him to play outside in an unfenced yard by himself or ride his bike on the sidewalk.

[GruppieGirl]

At 2 I started letting dd play outside in our fenced in and locked back yard. We don't have any animals, rocks or even trees for that matter.

At two I only allowed her outside, by herself when I was watching from the kitchen. This time gave her the freedom that she had been itching for and some additional self-esteem.

Now that she is 3+, I allow dd to play in the backyard (with the slider open for sound) while I run to the front of the house periodically.

[Mommiska]

Well, I started letting my two girls play outside 'alone' in the fenced back yard around 2 year old.

BUT our dog was always out there with them, and she would bark her head off if a stranger ever approached.

The back yard is safe - no hazards.

And I always stayed in the kitchen (which looks out onto the back yard) with the kitchen door open, going out to check on them (if I didn't hear them) every 2-3 minutes or so.

Does that count as letting them play alone? LOL :D

[grahamsmom98]

Well, we live out on 20 acres in a very rural area. No fences anywhere (makes the scenery even nicer that way!).

As we have a cougar in our area (seen by most of the neighbors), and found tracks outside our wood shed yesterday (12' from our back door), we have never allowed ds to play alone outside, even on our front porch.

If he wants to be outside, then we are outside!

[3boys4us]

We had a house with a fenced backyard and yes I allowed them to play outside alone for periods of time - running back and forth to check on them.

Now we live in a rural area with out a fence - we don't have cougars but we do have foxes - the kids are allowed to play outside alone but only if the dog is out with them. He's great barker and absolutely hates foxes.

[momto l&a]

Our oldest has played out side by herself since she was about one but of course I am watching very carefully from all the windows. We have a dog the stays right with her and is very much a watch dog.

Now our oldest is a very careful child, she doesnt do anything to get herself hurt. Our youngest on the other hand is a bit of a daredevil.

I very much belive in giving children time to themselves, so if they show that they want time to themselves I try my best to respect their wishes.

We live out in the country where we have seen bear, cougar, coyotes and elk all either in our yard or not far from it. Thats why we have a dog to help warn us of any animals.

Our yard is not fenced.

[Nicke]

I would classify myself as a “super paranoid” mama. I won’t let my kids play outside alone at all. Ever. The oldest is 8 the youngest is 18 months. I trust my 8 yo not to wonder off or anything, but what I don’t trust is other people. You just never know when a sicko might wonder by and happen on your kids. It only takes one second for something bad to happen.

[stillnominivan]

I started letting my kids play in the back yard (fenced) last summer at the ages of 4 and 6. I have the back door open, back windows open and a dog. I don't know how I would feel if we only had a front yard or lived on a corner lot.
I read the Culture of Fear a few years ago and it really helped to calm down my paranoia about child abductions.

[artemesia]

I wish I had a fenced in yard for Dd to play in. Or any useable yard at all for that matter. If I did then I would let her play outside now, but only if our dogs were out there too. they are super protective of her and I would feel safe that way.

[CarrieBeary77]

* do you/ would let your children play outside by themselves?*

Sort of. I say that because they're on the balcony (we're upstairs), but the door's open, I'm usually right by the door, and I check on them and talk to them all throughout.

* If so, at what age?*

They are 3yrs 9mos and 2yrs 2mos.

* Under what conditions?*
I'm there or nearby enough to see them and/or tlak to them. I also check on them frequently.

If we had a fenced yard it would be the same circumstance. Doors & windows open, me in the next room, talking to them, checking on them frequently.

I would not let them play in an UNfenced yard alone AT ALL. I had one when I was a child and my mom would let me and my bro (same ages as my ds and dd, I'm older) play outside while she was inside and more than a few times my bro would run across the BUSY MAJOR HIGHWAY and then run back. Once I went after him and brought him home. We'd also play on the other side of the stonewall at the back of the property where my mom told us not to go. NOT SAFE w/o a fence! Not for us! And I wouldn't let my kids do it, either. (I know how I was! lol!)

[tnrsmom]

Moving this to Parenting Issues. :hippie

[EMZ]

I have a fenced in back yard but never let my 2 yr old out there alone. I live in a suburb on a dead end street. I do not worry so much about a stranger grabbing her, but more so that she's so young and curious and I'd hate for her to learn how to open the gate while I wasn't around.

Every now and then, while we are playing outside in the front, I'll momentarily pop into the garage to grab a broom or to sweep the garage and when I look around the corner, she's gone. That kid moves so fast and it scares me to death that she can take off around a corner so fast.

I also don't want her out playing alone b/c what if she got stung by a bee or found something sharp in the yard that I didn't realize was there. I don't feel right leaving her alone but realize that those who are leaving their kids alone to play at this young have different "circumstances" than I do.

I don't think she'll play outside alone at 3 either. In the summer, though, I enjoy going out to play with her b/c that is when I get to catch up with all the other moms in the neighborhood.

I

[grisandole]

My 11yo is allowed outside, in our backyard and front yard, by himself. I can hear him if I have the windows open, and can see him if I look out the kitchen window. But I don't check on him excessively at this point.

Our yard is currently unfenced, so ds2, who is 18mos, cannot be out there alone. So I go with him. Our property backs to city-owned forest and there's just way too much for him to get into. Eventually, when we get a fence, I will let him play outside by himself, as I'll be able to watch and hear from the window.

Kristi

[merpk]

Am not a person living with a yard, much less a fenced-in one. Am fascinated by this thread, though ...

My folks live in suburbia, in the same house where I was brought up (in the '60s&'70s) ... and when I grew up there were always kids all over the place all over the neighborhood, riding bikes, running around ... everywhere you looked.

Now when visiting my parents, am struck by the absolute emptiness of the sidewalks and the yards. And my folks tell me they never see kids playing outside, never. Ever. And haven't for years.

Mind-blowing.

Back to your thread, mamas ...

[anythingelse]

I would not let my younger ones outside playing unsupervised even in our fenced in back yard. It is not because of anything someone might do to them, but what they are capable of doing on their own.
MY experience with this has been that a child under 5 should never been alone outside, at least have a playmate that can run for help. You may not hear/see them calling out for help or notice them around the side on the house laying in the grass crying quietly.

Left outside alone my children have ---
been bitten on the eyelid by a bee
jumped off the very top of the swingset to break a collar bone been biten by a black widow spider on the hand
played with cat poop, we have no cat so I did not think a cat would poop in the sand box :(
gotten a damp finger stuck to the metal trike on a very cold wet icy chicago winter day
turned on the hose and gagged till they were throwing up all over because it was in their mouth when they turned it on
eaten sidewalk chalk and a flower bulb they dug up thinking it was a carrot
got cut on a broken flower pot they dropped needing an aweful lot of stitches
and to top this off a 13 yr old friend of my older ds climbed our backyard tree in our old house and could not get down, he climbed to high to jump then panicked, we had to call local fire dept.
another time a nephew of mine I was babysitting at this house stepped on a small BRANCH and got a big wood splinter lodged in his bare foot

Regardless of how safe the yard looks, kids will find something.

[Queen Gwen]

We have a 6 foot fence with locked gates, and kids who aren't nearly as creative as Mary's. :) The older is one of those kids who has a deep inner drive to do everything correctly and safely, according to the rules. The younger is thus far practically incapable of independent play without her big sis or me along (she's the one who would be following the cat up onto the roof of the house, so it works out well).

Actually, there *is* one unlocked gate -- it is into the neighbor's yard, which also has a 6 foot fence with the other gates childproofed since their kids are younger than ours. The kids LOVE the independence of running back and forth between the yards. We have strict rules about leaving yards, even to go into the neighbor's house. We are sooo lucky to have such cool neighbors.

When I was little we ran all over the neighborhood all the time. I wish my kids could have that freedom.

[AmyG]

I voted Other. My only child is 12 months right now, so he obviously doesn't play outside alone, but I intend to let my kids play outside without an adult with another child. I'm not sure of the age yet, since it will depend on the maturity of the child. We'll have another baby when this one is about 18 months old, so probably when they're about 4 and 5. I'd like for one to be able and get me if something happens to the other.

[longjon's_wife]

We have a fenced in back yard and live in the suburbs on a dead end street. DS will be 3 next month, and I have only let him in the back by himself when I've had to run in to potty or answer the phone (which is by a back window). When it's warm enough, he's been out while I've folded laundry or washed dishes, but I'm always at the window/door and leave the sliding glass door open so that I can hear him. I also put our 90 lb. dog out with him as well! Of course any potential intruders should be more afraid of our cantankerous, outside cat!

[LunaMom]

Hmmm, I'm from Mary's (Vanna's Mom) camp...I'm more worried about my DD (age five) getting herself into trouble. Our backyard is pretty large and not so manicured, so there is shrubbery to crawl behind, branches that have fallen down, maybe even some poison ivy in a far corner.

If I had another child, I think I'd be more likely to let them play together, because they'd keep each other occupied and be able to report if one got hurt. It would have to be MY child, though - when she has a friend over I feel it is my responsibility to supervise them outdoors.

On the other hand, I'm starting to wonder if the potential for getting into trouble is no worse than it is inside the house, KWIM? Perhaps this spring I will try to loosen the leash a little - maybe I'll sit inside by an open window and let her play...

I guess I just don't want her to get badly hurt and have to think, "If only I had been outside watching her..."

Five is a tough age - they're not so little anymore, but they're not really "big kids" yet!

[EnviroBecca]

We're going to have to have very different rules for front and back yards.

The back half of our back yard slopes sharply downward. There are a few slightly flatter places where one can stand or sit, but most of it is so steep that it's difficult to stand without clutching a tree. At the bottom of the slope is a six-foot fence that seems sturdy, but you never know...and on the other side of the fence is a retaining wall 25 feet high, at the bottom of which is a busy parking lot. :eek Even if the fence holds, one can get hurt smashing into it or the trees. Also, you can see only part of the back yard from the kitchen window, and the back door is at basement level; if I was in the kitchen and saw an accident happen, I would have to run across the dining room, down the stairs, and across the laundry room to get outside. We're thinking all play in the back yard will be very closely supervised until our kid is at least 7 or 8 and very sure-footed! And no running games will be allowed in the flat part of the yard.

In front, however, we have a big covered porch that is very visible from the living room. Two families on our block have 3-year-olds who frequently play on the porch alone, with a parent checking on them often. We plan to allow that when our child is 3 AND has demonstrated that he/she won't run into the street.

[lorijds]

Now Vanna's mom,

Don't those things happen when you are in the yard, too?!?!

You've got quite a crew!

We don't have a fenced in yard, but we live on a very quiet, almost a dead end of sorts street (it is two blocks long and doesn't go anywhere, so only if you live there or are lost do you usually drive on it). Our yard also has a hedge around probably 70% of it.

Now that the kids are old enough to know not to leave the yard under any circumstances (they are 5 and8), I don'thave a problem with them playing outside as long as they stay in the part of the yard where I can see them from the living roomand kitchen. I will even let our younger playmates (3 and 4 year olds) play out there, as long as the older ones are there, too.

We've had the discussion (or rather, we have an ongoing discussion) on what to do in the even of strangers, dogs, etc. And I still worry sometimes. But I grew up on a farm where I ran wild and free, with no one having any damn idea about where I was on 100s of acres of land. I wonder what the hell my mom was thinking sometimes. On the other hand, I had so much fun! I have an incredible imagination and I think I also do well alone, depending upon myself, in part because that is how I was for most of my childhood.

My dh grew up in a beaver cleaver type of neighborhood where every house but one in a two block radius had at least one child, and all the kids ran around the neighborhood all the time together.

So though we worry about safety, we also are very much aware the most of the joyful times of our childhoods were spent completely out of the radar of adults. And we feel we are better for it.

My dh is now a high school teacher. He says he can tell the kids who were allowed to run around free and the ones who were "confined." Mostly by the way they organize themselves in groups. When he gets them into groups and assigns group work, he says that usually the kids that grew up "organized" and overseen, always in organized sports and with not alot of freedom time, these kids have a hard time divying things up and moving forward. They are used to someone doing it for them (coach, teacher, parent, etc). The kids (he notes often from lower socioeconomic groups) who did not grow up going to organized sports and the like, who got to run around a little wild, are better at organizing groups of kids. They don't need someone to tell them their part and what to do.

His theory is that, if kids aren't left alone to be kids and to work things out, and to deal with things on their own, they don't get as many of the vital experiences that help them later on in life. The experiences that make them self reliant and confident, without needing constant reassurance or direction. And after much reflection, I agree.

So, we let our kids run around a bit. And I bite all my fingernails off. But I already see the benefits.