10 month old fights everything

[rareimer]

i'm getting kind of at my wit's end, it seems like jasmyn fights me on EVERYTHING. and she's always kind of done this, but it seems to be getting worse. now she has learned that she can YELL when she doesn't want something, and she does it alot.

i can literally barely hold this child down to get her diaper changed. she yells and screams and tries to roll away, making the diaper fall apart, and i find myself getting really frustrated and speaking sharply at her, and just trying to get through the dang diaper change and by the time it's over, we're both mad at eachother and it's really no fun.

she has started fighting naps again too. we went through a period where she was finally in a good napping routine, but now the minute i try to rock her to get her to sleep, she arches her back and cries. i've tried to get her to nap in other ways, but she won't sleep unless i nurse her to sleep, or rock her, or sling her.

sometimes she'll even fight nursing, even though she has already given me the cue that she is hungry and wants nums. i think she fights it just for the sake of fighting it.

getting dressed and undressed is just great too.

i know it's probably a naturally fussy stage, but she's always been very insistent on expressing her opinion. how can i get her to express her frustration differently? she's still so young, but i don't want to let this behaviour get out of control. by the end of the day i feel like i can't do anything right for her, and i want us to enjoy our day.

thanks in advance for any and all advice! i had dr. sears "discipline book" but most of it seems to be directed towards toddlers.

[Piglet68]

At that young an age, there really isn't anything you can do except try to make all those situations more fun for your DD. When my DD started balking at diaper changes, I'd give her a prized object to play with, one she usually didn't have access to. This worked for a very long time, and even now if she's protesting a diaper change, I can usually turn it into something fun.

Same with getting dressed, playing peek-a-boo with various body parts, trying to "eat" her toes, etc. All things that get her giggling and enjoying the moment.

At that age, I found she really challenged my creativity, but you soon find things that work. It's so not worth it to start making battles out of things at this age. Children go through many stages and this is not something that will "just get worse" if left alone. IMO, it will get worse because it's been made into a power struggle.

HTH!

[Sofiamomma]

I'm right there with you Mama! My 10 month old is doing the same thing. Plus she just seems plain old cranky so much of the time. I think it might be her teeth and surely she senses my anger, frustration, resentment,etc. I agree with Piglet about diapering and dressing. I can do that. But the whole fighting sleep thing is about to send me over the edge. I went thru this with dd1 and finally used a version of Ferber, similar to what Sears writes about in the nightweaning section of the Baby Book. She was a bit older and more physically advanced though and could get out of my bed safely if she did at all. Ellie would have to be confined to a crib if I were to try to nightwean or sleep train her. I don't want to do it, but I need something to change. I am freaking out over the time it takes to get her to sleep and back to sleep and back to sleep and. . . I want to continue to co-sleep, but I can't spend 13-14 hours a day doing it!

She doesn't like to be slung, but does like to be in arms. I can get some stuff done this way, but things like homework, heavy housework, household paperwork, etc. I need to do while baby is sleeping. She does like to roll around and play on the floor, and she will do some errands with me, but protests her carseat a lot. Her sister liked toys at this age, but Ellie just throws them down. She woke up from her nap early the other day when I was finally sorting thru piled up mail and bills etc. and I was near panic. I put her in her highchair next to me and let her have the inserts and envelopes with windows she likes to crinkle, but that only worked so long. I did finally get it done, but that was all I got done that day! :rolleyes: Sigh. I haven't even mentioned how neglected her poor big sister is.

Sometimes I take her to Mother's Day Out for a couple of hours, but she seems to get sick every time I do. My mom and aunt already do childcare for me while I work, so I hate to ask for more.

I feel stuck. There's something in all this I'm not seeing, some need of hers I'm not meeting, so she's demanding to be held and/or played with most of the day and to sleep next to me at naptime and at night. I'm just not sure what it is. If only she would sling!

Today she did not nap because I tried to get up when she fell asleep, then she would not go back down. Then I got angry and said, "Fine, don't sleep! But you're not allowed to be fussy because you are tired!!" I was only half joking. I realized how ridiculous I sounded, so we all went out instead. We have been cooped up for days due to illness and weather, so it did us all good. Now she is down for the night with minimal fuss and is letting me be at the computer while she sleeps in the bed without me. Perhaps I am trying to get her to sleep more than she needs. Do we just need to ride out some fussy periods while she adjusts? When she is fussy and not hungry, wet, bored, etc, and it is her usual time to sleep, I assume she is tired and try to put her down. Or perhaps she needs more activity? She does seem more regular than my first who is very spirited. Maybe she needs more of a schedule.

I realize I have been thinking out loud. Sorry to ramble on.

[famousmockngbrd]

I hate to be trite, but I really think it's a phase they go through at this age. My DS was like that at 10 months, and is now again at 15 months, lol. But I did have a few easy months in between there. ;)

As far as not meeting a need - if she's asking to be held or whatever and you are doing it, then you are meeting her needs, even if she wants to be held all day. I know it's hard - Cole doesn't like the sling either. He's an "up and down" kind of kid.

Oh, and I am right there with you on the diaper thing - he used to just thrash around and scream like I am killing him, but now that he can say "no" it is more like: "AAAAAAIIIGGHH! No-no-no-no-no!! NO! AAAAAAAHHHH!!" :rolleyes: If I have nowhere pressing to go, I will often let him go diaperless if he resists like this, or I will dress him in stages - diaper, then play a few minutes, soaker, pants - play a while longer, socks and shoes... but I admit I have had to hold him down a few times, if I really had to go somewhere.

[hipumpkins]

Just a tip for diaper changes: I don't use cloth (sorry ) so sometimes when Johanna does not want to lay down I put the swim diapers on her that I can put on while she stands. I know huggies makes the convertible ones, tooo. Maybe there is some cloth equivalent.

[PB's Mom]

There is a good book called "Raising a Happy Unspoiled Child." It goes through discipline starting at age 5 months, and has lots of good suggestions for every few months for about the first 3 years. There is nothing in there about spanking:)

It does suggest that you not avoid "getting the job done" with diaper changes and getting clothes on, and that sort of thing, even if it means holding the child down. Distraction is fine when it works, but when it doesn't, then you need to let her know who is in charge. With my first DS, we did good on the diaper changes, but the book didn't actually say anything about getting them dressed, so I ended up chasing my DS around the house trying to get his clothes on. I wish I hadn't done that, because it is still a challenge trying to get him dressed, and he's almost 4 years old now. It is so much better to do things right from the beginning. Good luck, and I know how frustrating it can be. Your daughter sounds a lot like my first!!!