any WAHMs with SAHDs out there?

[nancy926]

Sometimes I feel like we are the only ones...I work at home for a website and DH is a SAHD....he is at playgroup with DD right now!

It's an awesome lifestyle but like any, it has issues...just wondering if anyone else has this situation too. We love it, don't get me wrong....it just wears on us having to explain it to people and watching them zone out or assume DH is too dumb/lazy/uneducated to get a job (he quit his job when DD was born) or I am too detached/focused on my career to stay home, etc. Maybe I am just hypersensitive about it though!

:)
Nancy

[Nate]

Yep, one right here! I'm a medical librarian, dh is mostly SAH, but also tries to do some free-lance writing when dd naps (heh) and on wkds.
Unfortunately, I'm cruising the boards right now instead of working on my application for promotion, which would mean a raise, which would mean we could hire a baby-sitter occasionally during the week so that dh could get even more work done...

So back at it, and I'll check in later!

[EFmom]

Hey, Nate, I'm a librarian, too.

My dh works full time, but he's a teacher and he's home with the kids during the summers and all the school vacations. He gets a lot of weird comments from childless colleagues and some family members that he should get summer jobs instead.

But he loves his summers with the girls and they have a blast. Sometimes I even think about getting certified to be a school librarian so I'd have summers off, too. But I'm not cut out for that job.

[Nate]

Originally posted by EFmom
Sometimes I even think about getting certified to be a school librarian so I'd have summers off, too. But I'm not cut out for that job.

Ooh, there's an idea! But I'm w/ you--not cut out for it. What kind of work do you do? I'm at a university's health sci. library.

It's hard--I don't think he'll ever make enough for me to stay home too, and I'm not sure I'd want to, but it'd be nice to have the option. Or at least to go down to 4 days...

[EFmom]

Nate, I'm also in an academic library. Although my background is in chemistry, I'm the business librarian (among a few other things). We have faculty status. I just got through the tenure process, which is fairly awful at my institution. While I also have fantasies about working 4 days/week, the tenure-track jobs in my university are only full time.

[Piglet68]

I work full time outside the home, and DH is the SAHD. We've been doing this for almost three months now, and it's working out well.

DH was anxious to get started with being the full time parent, but I don't think he was quite prepared for how tiring it would be! I feel for him, I really do, and yet I have BTDT and have to shake my head at things that I didn't get any sympathy for back then. I have to laugh when I come home and the place is a mess: how many times did he suggest it would be nice to come home to a tidy home and didn't buy my excuses about not having time, lol. And yeah, I well appreciate what I have at work, whereas back when he was WOH full time he didn't seem to think that going for lunch with the gang quite qualified as a "luxury", let alone being able to get up and go to the bathroom whenever the urge hit him, or to concentrate on one task for more than five minutes without being interrupted.

It's especially hard for him because we are in a new city where we don't have any friends. And well, the city is pretty lame when it comes to things to do. And in the middle of winter there aren't that many places to go. He can't go to LLL like I did, and he's having a hard time meeting other like-minded parents. So on Sundays I try to take DD for a couple of hours so that he can have some precious free time.

[Geofizz]

Originally posted by Piglet68

It's especially hard for him because we are in a new city where we don't have any friends. And well, the city is pretty lame when it comes to things to do. And in the middle of winter there aren't that many places to go. He can't go to LLL like I did, and he's having a hard time meeting other like-minded parents. So on Sundays I try to take DD for a couple of hours so that he can have some precious free time.

Hear hear! I've told people dozens of times that being a SAHD is so much harder than being a SAHM because the social structures aren't there.

My DH has been a SAHD since our daughter was born. Like Piglet, we're in a new city and most of our friends were from my job --all geologists without kids.

I started going to LLL meetings to find people with kids in the area, and got several invitations to join play groups. Asking if my DH could join instead, I got some really weird reactions -- mostly looking at their feet, hemming and hawing, and then retracting the offer. The 5th offer or so resulted in a fantastic play group for DH (and Karen) and he's continued to go.

I've noticed that many people assume that DH is a SAHD because he lost his job or something. Indeed, a few months after Karen was born there was a Newsweek (or was it Time?) article on stay-at-home dads pretty much implying that no guy would choose to stay at home, and they only do it because they got layed off from their job!

[Piglet68]

Originally posted by Geofizz
...pretty much implying that no guy would choose to stay at home, and they only do it because they got layed off from their job!

How totally lame! My DH actually QUIT his very well-paying job because he wanted to be home with DD. We were able to both take time off for several months, and now I'm working because I want to, not because he can't, lol.

[Hannah's Mom]

I've told people dozens of times that being a SAHD is so much harder than being a SAHM because the social structures aren't there.

I definitely agree with this statement!

I WOH full-time and DH is a SAHD, who works every other weekend and whenever I am off work and we aren't traveling for holidays (used to work EVERY weekend, but that got to be a burden for family together time after a year). The reasons I work are that our insurance is through my work and I have student loans, which I receive a lot of assistance with through my work (attorney with Legal Aid). It was important to us to TRY to have one of us at home, if at all possible, for at least 6-12 months. We have not decided for sure what we'll do about DH working when kiddo #2 is born in August, but daycare for 2 might be so ridiculous that it's not worth him working full-time.

[Nate]

Actually, explaining DH's situation is almost easier now than it used to be. He finished his PhD about 5 (!) yrs ago, then spent another year teaching p/t, then I finished my MS and got the job out here in Madison. The move was great for me, professionally, but he had decided not to do the full-time academic route, and instead to either try to get a job as a writer or to teach p/t & free-lance (my Mom: "I can't understand going to all that school then not using it!":rolleyes: :splat ). Then we came out here & his prof. network (teaching-wise) disappeared. So he got a job as a library asst. & wrote on the side.

Anyway, I've ALWAYS made more money than him. I think my family was wondering when he was going to buckle down (is that the right idiom?) and actually start earning money, so when we decided that he'd quit his job (which he hated--he told me stories from his dept. that make my blood boil) and stay home w/ bebe it actually took some pressure off, KWIM? Now he at least has a good excuse to be making so much less than me...

[Nate]

Originally posted by Piglet68
It's especially hard for him because we are in a new city where we don't have any friends. And well, the city is pretty lame when it comes to things to do. And in the middle of winter there aren't that many places to go. He can't go to LLL like I did, and he's having a hard time meeting other like-minded parents. So on Sundays I try to take DD for a couple of hours so that he can have some precious free time.

Oops, I meant to say--we just discovered that a couple of the neighborhood/community centers in town have a "parent-child play time." $3/visit, you bring the kids over, and they have a baby, a toddler, and a pre-school area. It's not a structured play group, but dh isn't really much of a joiner, so this is almost better for him. He can just go w/ dd & hang out & talk to people if he feels like it. So those of you trying to find play groups or another sort of a network might want to look into something like that...

[EMZ]

My dh doesn't stay home, but he works nights so he's with her the 2 mornings and 1 afternoon I'm at work.

I love it! I wouldn't work if he could not be home with her.

For us, this is the best situation and we all thrive on it.

[MamaSoleil]

My dh has taken over my parental leave...The plan is for him to go back to work when the leave is over (we get 12mts pd leave in Canada). But, we'll see...all is well so far, and I'd like to avoid enrolling Samson in a daycare, though I do have a REALLY good one lined up in case that is the scenario....

Mamasoleil/samson

[nancy926]

Thanks for all of the replies! Do any of you mamas work at home, or are you all working outside the home?

Being a WAHM was difficult for me initially because I wanted to step in and "fix it" every time she cried...I think I got too involved and upset DH a few times before I "came to". Now I just stay out of it and let them come to me if DD wants to nurse or DH wants to go to the bathroom by himself <g>. DD knows where I am, though, and she'll push open the door if it's not completely closed and toddle right in! Which I don't mind at all (unless I"m on a conference call or something....)

Vermont has a great program (Success by Six) that has set up playgroups in almost every town's library once a week, as well as a "toddler gym" on the weekends. DH has met a few other SAHDs this way, although SAHDs don't seem to "hang together" the way moms do.

I am happy to have the toddler gym on the weekends b/c I can take DD to that and meet other moms, which I can't really do during the week....

Anyway, I'm rambling. Back to work!
:D
Nancy

[Geofizz]

I work in my office/lab on the university. I spend about 30% of my time in the lab, so working at home exclusively is impossible.

I do stay home anytime it snows because it's a pain to bike in the snow. I hide out in the basement on those days. I struggle to get much done, though, because DH always inturrupts me to nurse DD. I'm then slow to return to working after a nursing break, because DD is just more fun.

[I love my work by the way -- it's fun, just not as fun as my DD.]

[Nate]

Originally posted by mamasoleil
we get 12mts pd leave in Canada

That does it, I'm moving to Canada. I got to take vacation & sick time--no temp. disability in Wisc., no paid leave from the Univ. Basically we lived on nothing for 13 wks while I stayed home...