How to find a guardian? longish

[CerridwenLorelei]

In two years ds will be old enough if Goddess forbid something were to happen to both me and dh. Though I wouldn't want to do that but he has said he would.
In the meantime, I changed my mind about my aunt -who originally said she would even homeschool them around her school days ( special ed teacher) but I have concerns about how mine would be treated when her gsons are around ( these kids are according to mine "scary" though it is not their fault long story there) And they would not be apd -mainstreamed, spanked and more no thank you
I had a friend that would AP them and she was in the will but I had second thoughts after seeing how bad her dh is to her and his own kids ICK then we had a falling out and are no longer friends period


I have met mamas here online at MDC that I would trust my kids with sight unseen before I trust anyone in either family to take them

My best friend is in worse health than me right now and can't even take care of himself ( and I miss him so much too we all do he lives 3 1/2 hrs away)


I have no IRL to even think about -though a lady that I am building a friendship with told me leave them to her and teach her ap and I know she would homeschool them too hers is hsed

but right now I am in a quandary and a half
I don't plan on anything happening to us but when you have kids.....

[PumpkinSeeds]

I am in the same boat as you.

[momto l&a]

If you dont mind I join you all in that boat.

Dh and I have been talking about this for a little over 4 years. We thought we had come to a solution but then the family we had picked has/is having some marital problems.:( So back to square one.

The friend that I would love to be a guardian her dh isnt ready for children yet and both her and her dh are the oldest so their parents already have them as their sibblings guardians. So needless to say they dont want to be a potential guardian to any more children.

The freinds we do have we dont really want them to raise our we ones because our values and such are differant.

Family is OUT. Both our parents are to old, we both have brothers but they cant take care of their own kids sooo...

My Mom had said she would take our kids and find them a home with a list of what we want in a family and her and my Dad throughly checking the family out. That right now almost seems the way to go. But if dh and i cant find somebody what makes her think she could:scratch .We really want someone the girls know. But we just dont know anybody.

I just pray that God doesnt take us before our children are grown.

[CerridwenLorelei]

sorry we are all in the same boat kwim?

[eilonwy]

We were very lucky to find a couple to be Eli's guardians. Dh had a friend from high school and I had a friend from elementary school who met and got married. It was pretty strange encountering my old friend again, but it was a very good thing.

If you can't find anyone nearby, why not use the internet? We use it for everything else these days. :wink You've said that you have friends here at MDC you'd be willing to trust; perhaps you could private message someone here. It sounds a little bit outrageous, I'm sure, but it's not all that uncommon for a child's guardians to be out of state. My sister's friend's mother's boyfriend (how's that for convoluted! :LOL) got a phone call about a year ago from another state. His cousin's friend's wife (more convolutions) had left him and he couldn't take care of their 6 month old daughter. The boyfriend bought a carseat (my sister had to show them which kind to get) and drove to upstate NY with his girlfriend to get this baby and bring her back to PA. This man was the closest person they could find to take care of the baby, and he accepted right away.

[wwhippetcrazy]

Dh and I have been talking about this since we had Dd.
It's such a hard decision to make...I can think of more people I dont' want to have the kids then I want to have the kids kwim??

We're leaning towards my brother, but, he's unemployed and single....what if his future wife doesn't want our kids, or worse what if we don't like her. Although if my bro likes her, I'm sure we will....he's the best :D I'd even go as far to say he's going to be an awesome hubby and daddy someday!!

Good luck with your decision!! Oh, I agree with eilonwy...if there is someone on here you are really close too, it doesn't hurt to think of them too.

Jen

[Clarity]

It couldn't hurt to reach out to someone here and ask...you can establish a more intimate relationship, correspond, talk on the phone, IM, and maybe meet in person some day if you both feel so inclined. Maybe someone who's in the same position or local to you or your extended family. If your child lost you, trying to maintain family and friend ties might be really helpful.

I have a stray teenager right now we're acting as a surrogate family for...in his first apartment, first job. He comes over here for a meal and when he gets lonely, and for some gentle nagging or advice when he wants it. I'm sorry his family is too screwed up to provide that.

My mom would not be able take care of DD alone, but she is very aligned with my style/needs so she'd be a great decision maker about where would be good for her, and keeping track of how it's going. So maybe a decision maker/monitor and physical home could be split between two people. Thing change over time...my friends we thought would be good seem too rigid as the years go by. My sister is a lot more able to do it than she was when we wrote our wills. But more than one person has asked us to be the guardian for their children...I know I could take in a child of any age (even a teenager, aggravating as they can be) and treat them as my own. I find it sad that many people could not.