Update: Took the Cytotec this morning

[Ellie'sMom]

I just wanted to let you all know what's going on here. After 2 weeks of stop and start bleeding, I decided to go ahead and take the Cytotec prescribed by my midwife. I just couldn't live with the uncertainty any longer and I really want to miscarry at home.

Anyway, the medication is administered in 2 doses, 2 hours apart. You put 4 tablets in your vagina. I did the first dose this morning. After about 2 hours, I was having some mild cramping, and I went to the bathroom. At the risk of giving you all more info than you want I'll tell you that I pooped. When I looked down in the bowl, I saw something that for a split second I thought was the baby. Then I realized...it was 3 of the 4 tablets that I thought I secured far up in my vagina. Crap.

I called the midwife, who said that since I was already cramping and bleeding more heavily, she really didn't want to repeat the dose today. She is hopeful that the repeat does tomorrow will be enough to help my body to complete the miscarriage.

About an hour or so after I talked to her, my cramps intensified quite a bit and I had an hour of pretty uncomfortable cramps. Then they started to let up and have been very mild since. I am bleeding quite a bit (though nowhere near the pad an hour I've heard people talk about). I have also passed some clots, including one so big that it made a startling splash when it fell into the toilet.

Anyway, that's what's going on. I know alot of you cautioned me away from the Cytotec, but I did alot of research and decided it was the best option all things considered.

I could really use some good energy right now.

Peace,

Jenny

[hvl25]

I have heard some bad things about Cytotec , but , I just wanted to send you :hugs and I hope everything turns out ok for you.

[SweetTeach]

Here's some good energy coming your way

(((hugs)))

[jordmoder]

sending heartfelt support your way:hug :hug

Barbara

[Jacque Savageau]

Jenny, as I stated before - you only get support here :hug. You did research and made the best decision for you. This has been a difficutl 2 weeks for you.

It sounds like everything is moving along now. Keep yourself well hydrated now and try to get the rest you need. You're going to want to stay in-tune with your body now and look for the same signes as before.

Due to all the clots you passed, you may want to call the midwife in the morning before taking the next dose just to double check.

I hope you find some peace and healing in the comming week. How are you feeling emotionally now?

Take care - you're in my thoughs.

[SamuraiEarthMama]

dear jenny!

you've been on my mind... i haven't pm'ed you because i didn't want to pester you, but still... every day, i've been wondering and sending you good energy.

i KNOW you did not make this decision lightly! when you first mentioned cytotech, i know i had a knee-jerk reaction because i didn't want to hear about another woman being railroaded into using a drug without her full knowledge and consent. as you know, this drug isn't something that should be used lightly.

however, we also know that there is a time and a place for everything! and as long as you felt informed and secure in your decision, then it was the right one for YOU and your birth.

i hope this decision proves to bring a quick and gentle closure to your ordeal. two weeks... how hard this has been for you! my heart goes out to you and i hope you are getting the nutrition and support you deserve.

i know that sitting around on a computer probably isn't going to be high on your list of priorities, but when you get some time, we'd love to hear how you are doing... we're thinking of you and sending you and your family healing thoughts.

with a big warm hug to a friend i haven't met yet,

katje

[Katana]

:hug

I hope everything goes as well as it can for you. I'm thinking about you.

[gonnabeamom]

About the cycotech, I think Klsabin hit the nail on the head.


I hope that you are able to feel better soon.

:hug

[abimommy]

I am glad you took the time to learn about it a little more before making your decision. I hope it works well for you.

:hug

Let us know how you are doing.

[Ellie'sMom]

Hi everyone. Thanks so much for your kind thoughts. I would have posted sooner, but things got a little hairy last night. Here's the story:

After I posted here, my bleeding just continued to increase. At about 5:00pm, my friend Becky called to see if I needed some help with care for dd. She came by, and the plan was that she would stay for dinner. I wasn't cramping much at all, but continued to bleed and pass some clots. I'm a little unclear about the exact timetable, but at one point I went in to check my pad and was surprised to find it completely saturated (underwear and pants too) after about 40 minutes. I called my midwife, who was surprised at the way things were progressing considering I hadn't even gotten a full dose of the medication. She suggested that maybe I had passed the baby in all the clots and that this was the peak. She told me to call her in 30 minutes, and that if I soaked through the next pad in that 30 minutes she wanted me to go to the ER. Well I totally soaked through the pad in about 7 minutes. I called her and we decided that I would go to the ER which is around the corner from my house rather than the hospital where she has privileges, which is about a 30 minute drive. We decided it was best if dh stayed home with dd and put her to bed, and Becky came with me. It was about 7:30 pm.

We got to the ER and they took me back to a room pretty quickly, took an initial set of vital signs and put in an IV port, "just in case." Then nobody came in to check on me for almost an hour! This is where I regret not advocating for myself. I was feeling ok, and I am not the best about asking for help, so I figured that even though I was still bleeding pretty heavily, it would all be ok.

Just as a resident came in to ask my to tell my story for the third time, I started to feel really lightheaded. I laid back and I must have looked pretty bad, because suddenly the room filled with people. I heard my poor friend Becky gasp when she saw the blood pressure monitor (59/26). They put an IV in each arm and pumped me full of fluids. Within about 15 minutes I was feeling much better. The OB resident on call finally showed up.

The OB was actually very kind. He said he wanted to take a look, and told me that if my bleeding didn't slow down soon, they would have to take me to the OR for a D&C. He did a pretty painful exam and started removing clots. Then he told me that the placenta was sitting right in the os, which was probably what was causing the heavy bleeding. He removed it, and the bleeding slowed down almost immediately.

After he took out the speculum, he took a closer look at the placenta, and said, "Oh look at that, it's all here." I asked if I could look, and he said, "Of course." I sat up and there she was. The tiny placenta, the sac perfectly intact. It was the most amazing feeling. Through all of this I had been both hoping for and dreading this moment. I thought I would feel overwhelming sadness, but the only word I can think of to describe the feeling I had as I looked at this little being was... grace. It was a moment of pure grace. And of course to me she will now always be Grace.

I asked if she had to go to pathology and was told that it was hospital policy. My midwife has since offered to help me get her back after the pathologist does the exam, but I know she won't be the same and I just want to remember those few amazing minutes when I felt a peace like I never have before.

My friend Becky (who was an amazing advocate and support through everything) left to change places with dh. A sweet nurse's aide came in and spent about 20 minutes cleaning me up.She told me about her friend who had miscarried twins and had burried them and planted 2 peach trees at the site. She told me in an embarassed way about co-sleeping with her 2 children. She was a gentle soul. At first I was told I would need to wait for the u/s tech to come in from home but then, thank goodness, the radiologist stepped in. He evidently told the OB that because I was still bleeding, he was certain that he wouldn't be able to completely rule out retained tissue on an u/s. His point was that if the m/c looked complete, if my bleeding had slowed, and if my condition had stabilized, what was the point of an u/s that would only serve to add uncertainty. So they cancelled the u/s. DH was there by this time. They rechecked my blood counts and though I was definitely anemic, I didn't need a transfusion. I came home around 12:30 am this morning.

Today I feel pretty weak, but not terrible. The bleeding is light to moderate. Though this was not how I wanted things to happen, I feel ok. The fact that I got to see my baby overshadows almost everything else. Given how strongly I reacted to the Cytotec, I think it would probably have happened naturally within a few days. But I also know that waiting any longer had ceased to be an option for me. The OB told me that he had seen similar situations even with natural miscarriages, so who knows. I just know that I had a few moments of Grace.

If you made it this far, thanks so much for all of the support during this time (and in the future I'm sure). I could not have made it through this without you all.

[queencarr]

I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. I am glad that, although things did not go as you had hoped, that you were able to see your baby. I think those moments make such a difference. Be sure to get plenty of rest and take care of yourself especially in the next few weeks. I am so sorry.

[jordmoder]

I'm so glad for you that this ordeal is over, and that you were able to see Grace. That is such a gift in many ways.

I wanted to share with you that I had a very similar experience, an u/s at 12 weeks that showed no heartbeat - I elected to wait it out, and 11 days later I did miscarry - and, even without cytotec, within 45 minutes of delivering the being I call "little bird" passed out on the ER parking lot ... the placenta was just sitting in my os, like you.

My understanding is that about 50% of the time, m/c at 12 weeks or so go without a problem, and 50% of the time it's a mess.

Please please please give youself ample time to rest and recooperate. I did not and just kept on (had a 21 month old at the time) and felt yucky for a long time.

Iron Woman Tea by Traditional medicinals is great - I was terribly anemic and it tasted so good!

sending healing thought to you

Barbara

[Jacque Savageau]

Jenny :hug to you and precious Grace. I'm so glad you got the opportunity to say goodbye. Though she had already left you, I know she could still feel your great love as a mother.

The Tea Barbara suggesed is really good for the anemia, you may also want to have some red rasberry leaf tea as it aids in healing the uterus. Double check with the midwife as she may have a some different suggestions.

You REALLY need to be diligent about keeping hydrated right now. Just fill a large water bottle and keep it by you at all times. Stay away from caffein - it depletes iron. Coffee or soda may sound really good now, but try very hard to avoid it if you can.

Some foods high in iron are Beans and Lentils (some nice warm soup may hit the spot), leafy greans, beats and red meat if you're not a vegetarian.

I'll light a candle today for Grace - please know we're here for you :hug

[SamuraiEarthMama]

dear jenny!

thank you so much for taking the time to share your precious Grace with us. your description is so perfect! that's exactly it.

i have to go, and cannot take the time to write what you and Grace deserve... but i wanted to send you a warm hug and sigh of relief that this is finally over.

mrs. mom is right on with all her nutrition suggestions... i hope your body recovers quickly, so you can get on with the hard work of healing the rest of you!

warmly,

katje

[taradt]

((hugs)) Jenny

thank you for sharing Grace with us, what a beautiful name.
i am sorry it was such an ordeal but that you got to see Grace.

take good care of yourself

tara

[iris0110]

I just wanted to send you a cyber ((HUG)). I am sorry things didn't go the way you wanted them to, but I am so glad that you got to see your Grace. I am sure just getting to see her will give you comfort and help you hold on to good memories. Take care of your self and drink plenty of water. I also second the recomendation of Red Rasberry Leaf Tea. It is wonderful and soothing.

[Britishmum]

:hug :hug :hug

[Ellie'sMom]

Thanks for all the hugs! I am feeling ok today, both physically and emotionally. I am trying to take it easy, but finding it hard with my nearly 2 year old dd. She has been such a trooper for the past 2 weeks, and she is just now starting to act out a little, I think in response to all the changes in routine this weekend.

I am trying to eat well and drink. I am taking an iron supplement, and I will definitely check out the Iron Woman tea. DH is feeding me lots of meat and spinach, but lentil soup is a great idea. I think that will be dinner tomorrow. I am going back to work tomorrow, but I mostly sit at work so I think it will be ok. I only work for 4 hours. My midwife has been amazing, and has told me that if I find work to be th slightest bit taxing she will write me a excuse note and insist I stay home for the rest of the week.

I am off to get some much needed sleep.

Thanks again for all of the support.

[naturegirl]

Jenny :hug I am so happy to hear that you are okay. What a scare that must have been. And how wonderful that you got to see your precious Grace. Such a beautiful name.

I wanted to send you my love and support. We were all very saddened to hear of your loss. Take care.

:hug
Cheryl