Samantha's portrait and birth story

[queencarr]

Rick just emailed me a photo of a portrait that he had made for me, with a "cleaned up" picture of our daughter Samantha, that was stillborn. He is in Korea right now, and had an artist who paints from photos color correct and compose a portrait from several photos, because I didn't have any pictures that I was comfortable displaying. I am amazed at the job the artist did, he added the wings and clouds on his own, as well as eyelashes (she didn't have them yet), and used a picture of Jimmy as a guide for skin color. Rick explained to him why we wanted it done, which I am sure was difficult especially with the language differences. It is amazing to finally see my baby as I saw her before she began to change.
I created a website:
Samantha's webpage (http://www.freewebs.com/carrieg/)
where you can see it. I also added our birth story and some poems I have written. Thanks for letting me share, I am just so excited to finally have a picture of her that looks good, and am really touched at the care and compassion the artist took to make her look good, without changing her.

[Jacque Savageau]

Carrie, I'm so deeply touched by her birth story and the beautiful poetry you wrote. The love she knew in her short life is more than some people ever know.

She's beautiful! The painting is amazing and I'm sure you'll cherish it forever - just as you do Smanatha.

Thank you for sharing her I feel honored to know her through your eyes.

[traci5489]

Carrie, thank you so much for sharing your lovely daughter with us. The picture and website are beautiful and your story and poems touched me deeply.

[gonnabeamom]

Oh Carrie,

I don't know what to say! She is so beautiful, and your courage is so amazing.

Your Doctor sounds truly wonderful.

I am sorry you only had Samantha for such a short time.

[iris0110]

Queencarr I am so sorry I just don't know what else to say. I cried while reading Samantha's story. It was so like mine and yet very different too. You were so strong and brave through it all. I am so sorry for your loss. Your little girl is so beautiful. The portrait was lovely. Thank you for sharing Samantha's story.

[SamuraiEarthMama]

thank you, Queencarr, for sharing your beautiful and precious daughter Samantha Jean with us.

she is so fortunate to have a mama who loves her so much.

and the portrait is lovely! what a great guy your husband is, to have that done for you. what an amazing work of art your baby is!

again, thank you so much.

katje

[queencarr]

Thank you all so much--I am just so happy to finally be able to share her.

Gonnabeamom, yes my dr is really wonderful. He was actually not the dr on call that day, but when I was admitted made sure that he was the dr that I saw. He was great through out the pg as well, esp since I as considered very high risk (ds was a 30w preemie due to severe preeclampsia). When I asked him about restrictions and such, his answer was "The baby doesn't care if you walk, run, or hang by your toes. If it hurts, don't do it" :D

Katje, I am so glad dh did this for me. He has been in Korea since last March, and he mentioned it soon after he got there, and over Christmas, ds and I went to Korea. Dh took me to the studio that he had selected so that I could see the artist's paintings, and then took care of it from there. I think it took him this long to be able to do it, and he is coming home in less than 2 weeks. One of the greatest things to come out of this experience is that dh has handled all the dealing with others--from the funeral arrangements, to telling ds, to calling friends and coworkers--and generally I am the one who handles that type of thing in our relationship. It is honestly the first time I have completely relied on dh, and that has been a good thing for us.

Thank you all again.

[hmpc2]

Thank you for sharing Samantha's story and portriat. Carrie, what a beautiful daughter. I am so glad that your DH was able to find an artist to capture her beauty. Many hugs to you.

[SamuraiEarthMama]

Originally posted by queencarr
One of the greatest things to come out of this experience is that dh has handled all the dealing with others--from the funeral arrangements, to telling ds, to calling friends and coworkers--and generally I am the one who handles that type of thing in our relationship. It is honestly the first time I have completely relied on dh, and that has been a good thing for us.

what an incredible gift your daughter gave you and your husband, then! and how wise you are to recognize it...

and i'm SOOO glad your dh is coming home soon! have fun celebrating!

warmly,

katje

[taradt]

Carrie

i cried reading Samantha's story. i had severe pre eclampsia with my first as well and know all too well about the fear and expecting another preemie.
thank you for sharing Samantha with us, she is beautiful, you have a great husband to think of doing that :)

tara

[queencarr]

katje,

That has been an incredible gift out of all this. I know that for many couples, a loss causes problems in the relationsip, but it has made us stronger and more comfortable with each other. I would like to think that was the purpose of her life, and that she accomplished it quickly and moved on.

taradt,

The fear of another preemie was what made us wait so long after ds (he was 4 1/2 when she was born). Ironically, although I developed pe again, her death was unrelated, although we didn't know that til after she was born--our initial assumption was a bp spike. Now, because I have had it early and severe in 2 pg, the odds go even higher for recurrence. Our peri gives us odds of 5-10% needing to be delivered at 24-28w, 50% by 34w, and 100% by 36w. Unless there is a cure or treatment other than delivery found, we will not be getting pg again (however, dh is bringing up the idea again). Yet another part that makes her life more bittersweet, that she is the last baby. Before ds, I had planned on several children.

[KatherineinCA]

Carrie,

Thanks so much for sharing Samantha's portrait here. I have been wanting to have a portrait made of Kevin, as well as one of our family with him included, but just haven't yet. Seeing Samantha's confirms to me how important it is to have a beautiful picture of our lost babies.

Love,
Katherine

[queencarr]

Katherine,

Having her picture has been such an important step for me. Figuring out how to aknowledge her in our lives has been an important struggle for me this past year especially, once the numbness really began to wear off, and everyone else got back to normal. One of the best parts to me is that he made her smile (we didn't know he was going to do this). One of the hardest moments for me was realizing I would never see her smile, and now I know what it looks like. Rick is bringing back the artist's business card, and I intend to write a thank you note once I can wrap my head around it well enough to do so.

Thank you all again for sharing her with me:)

[shannon0218]

Carrie, Samantha and her story are just beautiful.

[sebrinaw]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story

[saturnine25]

Thank you for honoring us with your birth story and sharing your beautiful daughter with us. :hugs