NOt much luck trying to adopt.

[Emilie]

My cousin and his wife are having a terrible time trying to adopt a baby. They are both wonderful loving people- who desperately want a child! They have done quite a few fertility treatments with no luck and have been on the list for adoption for over a year. They have been picked by different potential birth moms four different times- and each time it has fallen through. They are running out of money and out of strength. They are 40 and have a golf course. They live in a nice community and have wonderful extended family. This is breaking my heart - not to mentioon theirs as well. To make matters worse my cousins two siblings are expecting their 2nd and 3rd children in Sept.
Does anyone know anything about becomng a surrogate? I am 23- married- ahve a 8 mo old son whom I bf- I had a very easy pregnancy. Is this an option for me- and how would I present this to them? Not to mention my dh? I feel deeply about this. I do not know. Could there be anything greater I could ever do in my life than give this couple what they dream of and long for?
My only main concern would be that they attempt to AP- would probally be important to me- even tho it wuold be none of my business. They may not even be hip to the idea- they have had offers - but never by a family member and not this far along the roller coaster ride.
Any suggestions would be appreciated
Emilie

[MonicaS]

I'm so sorry about your relatives misfortune in building their family.:( I can only imagine the heartache.

I know very little about surrogacy, but I'll try to help you out. I think it is a great thing to offer. I would definitely consider it if I were in your shoes. However, I personally would not do it until my baby weaned. You have to take hormones everyday to suppress your own ovulation and maybe for other things.(I'm not sure of the types or for how long) You also have to do a lot of soul searching and speak very candidly w/ your husband before taking your whole family through the journey.

I have thought about being a surrogate, but I have so many requirements of the parents that I would probably never do it. I also would only do it for a close relative or very good friend that had exhausted all other options.

There is a lot to think about. I wish you luck in your choices and much luck to your relatives.

[EFmom]

Have they looked into international adoption? While it has its own set of potential drawbacks, it also has its pluses. We've adopted from China. If you meet the basic requirements and jump through the requisite hoops, it is a more dependable, straightforward process and you will get a child.

[MonicaS]

Originally posted by EFmom
Have they looked into international adoption? While it has its own set of potential drawbacks, it also has its pluses. We've adopted from China. If you meet the basic requirements and jump through the requisite hoops, it is a more dependable, straightforward process and you will get a child.

Oh yeah, duh, there's that, too.(I got so caught up in the surrogacy question.:p) That is actually one reason we are going the IA route, instead of domestic.

[steph]

late entry into this discussion, but I just want to put in a shameless plug for the domestic agency we used - Open Adoption & Family Services - www.openadopt.com

They are fantastic, the usual wait time is around 9 month to a year (we waited close to 9)... They are very open about everything, and you only pay for the services you use. Adoptive parents can be from anywhere - the birthmoms are all from Oregon and Washington. I just can't recommend them highly enough. It can certainly save on travel expenses if you're not set on IA! Just plug as I said....

[EFmom]

BTW, people often assume that IA costs more than it does. We completed two adoptions for under $15K each. Some countries are significantly more and a few are less.

[Stevie]

So Emilie; how are your cousins doing with their adoption journey? I know I'm months behind here, but had they considered adopting across color lines? Many babies available around the country that are Black Americans, or 1/2 Black...