Coping with September 11th

[newmomlearning]

My oldest and dearest friend died in the South Tower of the WTC on September 11th. I was five months pregnant at the time and have since given birth to a gorgeous DD.

I met Sue when I was 12 and we became best friends through Junior High School and High School. After that, we stayed in touch. Whenever we talked on the phone or saw each other it was if no time had passed and we picked up where we left off.

My heart is so raw some days—like today—it's as if I am finding out all over again that she is gone. I don't want that to be true. I want her back. I want it all to be a horrible dream and be able to call her up and tell her about my daughter's discovery of her tongue yesterday.

I have stayed in touch with Sue's mom. I look at my DD and I am awed by the depth of grief and sorrow my friend's mom must be experiencing. It's then that I can move beyond my own loss and try to think of how I can help her cope.

I just wanted to express these thoughts and feelings. I think this sadness over her death, and the way she died, will be a part of me from now on.

[CanOBeans]

(((((((newmomlearning)))))))

I have no wisdom for you, just wanted you to know I am crying with you right now. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend.

[Ms. Mom]

Thank you for sharing Sue with us. I didn't know anyone directly who died on 9-11 and think it must be so hard on everyone touched directly.

I'm glad you started this thread. I think there are a lot of members out there who still need to talk about it.

Sending you huggs!

[lisamarie]

(((((BIG HUG))))))). I am so, so sorry about the loss of your dear friend. And also, congrats on your beautiful baby girl!!!

Writing can sometimes help~posting here or keeping a journal. Write your memories down about her. I think its wonderful that you still have contact w/her mom. But, I can understand that it doesn't take away the intense pain and grief that you are experiencing. Please feel free to come here and share your dear friend with us.

Much Love~

Lisa :better

[merpk]

(((newmomlearning))) ... it's not much help, but know that at least you have a lot of company.

It's not only the people we lost, I think, but sometimes I imagine what the end might have been like, and no matter how hard I try to put those images out of my head, they just stay and get worse.

Is there anyone else here who is ... for lack of a better word ... obsessing about 9/11? Keeps seeing the visuals from the day, or thinking about it, or startling when you hear a plane overhead? Or like I said, unwillingly imagining what it might have looked like in the buildings and then being unable to shake loose the images ...

At some point in the afternoon on that day I took the kids outside for a walk. The phones were out and I was worried about all sorts of people and couldn't take being in the apartment anymore. We're in the Upper West Side, and the streets were filled, filled with people walking uptown. I've never seen so many people on the street, on the sidewalks. And it was eerily quiet. I mean, people were talking, sure, but it was hushed. There was an incredible amount of traffic, moving at the barest crawl, but nobody was honking, it was also quiet . The people walking, some were crying, some still were covered in that dust stuff ... that visual stays with me, too.

At least I've stopped searching for the testimonies on the Web from people who were there downtown on that day. I'd sit up till sunrise reading them sometimes. And then those visuals enter the mix ...

I miss September 10th.

- Amy

[Ms. Mom]

Amy thank you for sharing that. I can't even imagine what it must be like to have that image.

Please know that by sharing you will be able to start resolving issues and find a place of acceptance. This kind of image is going to take some time - not to forget, because that won't happen - but, to resolve within you.

What you said about searching the net untill all hours - that's all so normal 'Searching and Yearning' are all part of the greif processs which your traveling through.

Please don't be afraid to seek help if you need to. 9-11 is one of the most horrifying tradgedy you'll ever live through. I'm just in Michigan and my knowledge of it was all on the box in my living room. I can't imagine having the images you do.

[amy mama]

I freak out every time I see or hear a plane-I don't know if I"ll ever board one again. Amy, I keep imagining what the last moments must have been like too-how bad it was up there that so many people jumped, etc. And I'm also obsessed with reading about it. Our paper, on the 12th, had a full page picture of a man, upside down falling from the sky who had jumped. I couldn't get the image out of my head. I later found out he was a chef at Windows on the Worlds. Since I'm planning on going to culinary school, that upset me even more. I just want to sell my house and move the hell out of the country. But's its not really feasible right now, and where is really safe anway???

[Ms. Mom]

amy mama, your feeling angry and confused right now. I think that's a very normal response. What happend on 9-11 was a horrible event. Many of us will never be the same again.

I remember as a child, my mother telling me of the day JFK was shot and how the world walk around numb for days. I now understand in a way I never dreamed I would.

What was the most odd for me was the absence of plains in the sky. I live in a flight patter for a major airport and the sky was just so silent!

I also live by an airforce base and about once a day we would hear a military plain go by and it would strike shear panic in me!

Thank you for talking about this here - I think it's important for you to move through your grief (not past it).

[amy mama]

newmomlearning-I've been upset the last couple days that I just kind of jumped right in here, and made my post all about me, without offerng you the support you need. I'm sorry, and wanted you to know I'm thinking of you!

[newmomlearning]

Hi Amy Mama,

I've been away from the boards for a while, working on a memorial for my friend and building a stronger relationship with her Mom. It's been up & down emotionally.

I just came back today and read your posts. I, too, am focussed on 9-11. I don't have a TV in my home, so I am spared a lot of the media images. I just think about it a lot, and I read all the articles about it in the paper.

I don't want to forget how horrible it is. I want to feel it, rather than feel numb about it. I want to know who else was touched. I want to know why.

There are parts of the 9-11 story that are not told: Policemen coming to the doors of the families to tell them they found pieces of their loved one. We are going through this now. They came last week.

Sometimes it seems as though many people see 9-11 as yesterday's news...and, it is so much a part of the life of those who lost loved ones. Reading your feelings & reactions makes me feel as though people haven't forgotten, nor will they forget. And, that helps. I'm glad you posted.

I'll post my 9-11 story later.

[ladylee]

newmomlearning--:hug

[newmomlearning]

ladylee,

Thank you....

A few days after my DD was born I was b'feeding her and noticed the cute animals on the sleeping gown she was in were designed by John Lennon. The words of John Lennon's "Imagine" soon were on my mind:

"You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one."

As I breastfed my precious babe, I reflected on Sept. 11th and the loss of my friend Sue, the beautiful baby girl of another mother, Sally. I finally knew what those words meant. And, I wept.

I'm glad there is this forum, 'cause there is no place else to express this stuff. It is just too hard to talk about.

[jewels]

newmamalearning,
While nothing I can say will take away your pain, I do want to share my story with you in hopes that it will help you in some way.
While terrorists were attacking our country, I was in labor with my son in Virginia. I had been stuck in bed for nearly 21 hours, enduring a particularly terrible birth experience at the hospital. I am still healing from the wounds of my labor emotionally. At 11:57, just hours after the planes hit the towers, Chandler Novah made his grand entry into a disheveled world, completely unaware of the events taking place around him. For the next couple of hours my world was complete and renewed, despite the struggle I had gone through, and despite the tragedy that had struck just north of me. I still mourn for the victims of the attacks. But I also still thank God for the blessing He bestowed upon me several weeks early. In the midst of pain and death, there is still beauty and life, and miracles beyond comprehension. This may not ease your pain, but please do remember that love endures all and conquers all. Your love for your friend keeps her memory alive.
Thanks for 'listening'.

[merpk]

Jewels, congratulations on your baby almost being 1 ...

When he's old enough, his birth date will be ... well, I guess 'novelty' is not hte right word, but sort of the right idea I'm looking for.

So hard to mix that with this ...

- Amy