Dealing with the day to day

[gonnabeamom]

I'm just wondering how everyone is holding up?

I feel the need to touch base with all of you outside of the hullabaloo of the TTC conference. Somehow I don't feel as connected to that as I used to. I guess I'm just as obsessed as I used to be, but alot of me feels sadder and possibly wiser.

I'm the reformed queen of testing, and I felt the urge to tell someone who was asking about when to test to just wait and not put themselves through the dissapointment. It's harder to identify with the excitement of those new to TTC, and it's not really what I want, but it's how I feel.

So come be grumpy with me, or hopeful or analytical, or worried or optimistic, or whatever you feel today.

[AdinaL]

Boy do I hear you.

It just isn't as exciting anymore. ttc has become a part of life, not a new adventure. Which is tough. It is funny to hear all the gals new to it talk about charting stressing them out, or how they don't want to get too involved, and to know that after two years, you just do it out of habit. Taking my temp is just a part of my morning.

I amgetting to the point where I would do anything to be pregnant. Now I just have to find the money.

[Sophia's Mommy]

Hi Gals.
I just wanted to drop in here and offer support. I ttc #1 for over 3 years before dd through IVF. I velcro-ed the thermometer to the back of our headboard it had become such a permanent fixture. DD is 7 mos now, and we're starting to think about #2. I was unexplained infertility, so no idea if it will be difficult again this time. Stil bf exclusively, so no cycles yet. I'm a little apprehensive about going down the road again. It was so emotional, so hard, so full of ups and downs. But I can say it is all worth it. So if you don't mind, I may lurk here for a while and I may be joining you soon.

Sue

[gonnabeamom]

Sue,

Lurk, post, join away.

Glad to hear you are a mommy once, hope you can be a mommy again soon.


Adina,

You've got a knack for saying exactly what makes me feel better, without making me feel like you are trying to do so.

I wish you piles of unexpected money.

[AdinaL]

:innocent :love :hug

[pinky]

Hi, I hope it's okay for me to join you...I have been lurking here as we've started to ttc #2...took us about 2 yrs to conceive our dd, due to both male and female issues. Dh had a varicocele repair and it worked (obviously) but we don't know where we stand now..he has a SA scheduled for next week just so we know. I am continuing to cycle/ovulate very irregularly (though somewhat more than before I was pg), and have just started working with a TCM doc. My dd is still nursing so any kind of fertility meds are totally out of the question for us at this point, and I haven't quite decided whether we would eventually go that way or not.

The crazy thing about my situation is that we managed to conceive dd the old fashioned way once dh's surgery kicked in...we managed to catch my second egg in a 12 month period, if you can believe it.

So, anyway, we have officially been ttc #2 since the fall but haven't had many eggs in that period. I am charting for the sake of my TCM doc but find in general it makes me both discouraged when I don't o for weeks and a time and then obsessive when I do.

And speaking of obsessive, I'm currently in my 2ww (7dpo) and trying not to obsess. I am feeling more cynical about our fertility these days, the upside of which is that I'm somewhat less neurotic. It is such a cruel joke that the symptoms of pg and PMS are the same!

Thanks for letting me ramble. I just wanted to add that for what it's worth, my heart really goes out to you that are ttc#1. What you are going through is SO MUCH HARDER than what I am dealing with--I know b/c I've been there. Hang in there, soon-to-be-mamas.

[EnviroBecca]

:grouphug Gonnabeamom, I could've written your post! I too am not spending much time the TTC board; I look at the thread titles once a week or so, but often I don't open any of them. Maybe I will when I'm 2ww'ing again. Maybe not. The support is nice, but I can't take any more obsession! Also, it's hard to see the ladies who pop up in TTC and are pregnant within a month or two. I'm happy for them, but it's so unfair!! Even when I stay out of that forum, all over these boards I'm seeing that ladies who were 2ww'ing w/me when I first started now have babies many months old! WHY NOT ME?!? :crying

Well, since I'm staying out of there, I will post my update here. We went yesterday to see a doctor--not a bigshot Fertility Specialist but a regular gyne who has a good track record for Clomid treatment and is a friend of my midwife--and arranged for some testing: bloodwork right away, semen analysis Sat. (called around to find a lab that would let us collect the sample at home :)), progesterone starting March 1 to bring on a period so I can have HSG right after that. Odds are that Clomid will be very effective for me; it was for my mom, who prior to that had cycle problems very similar to mine. I am thinking hopeful thoughts about a January 2005 baby! :innocent

Good luck to everyone!!!

[pinky]

Hi Becca, just wanted to mention--as we've been down that SA route many-a-time--and since you've been calling around--IME it's very important to go to a lab that does a lot of SA's, so that you have technicians who really know what they're doing. I'm sure you've already done this, but my dh's first SA was done at a crappy lab that gave us very inaccurate results. I'd just hate to see anyone else deal with that problem. Best of luck with your doctor visits!

[gonnabeamom]

Hey Gals,

So glad to have you all to chat with.

I am in the two week wait, and vascilating between excitment and "whatever". I don't think my body is back to normal (whatever that is) after the m/c, and I o'd late so it's hard to get my hopes up. Which is in some ways nice.

Also HHH and I are planning an unexpected vacation, and so that is very distracting. Of course like an idiot I had to count today and discover that I'll be 14 DPO around the begining of the trip.

It's funny I now thinkof myslef as infertile, and I still believe I'm gonna have a baby, It's like the meaning of the words has changed in my head to one of the tribe of folks who can't take having a baby for granted, but have to work at it.

[AdinaL]

Hey Becca baby - you and I are on the same track right now!

Here is the update I posted on the ottrta...which I am not hanging out on much these days.


This cycle is a wash. I went to the doc today and he did a preg test - BFN. No surprise there.
He did my annual and we talked about fertility issues.
He did an ultrasound ans no follicles were developing and my uterine lining wasn't thick enough to indicate anything was going on. Soooo....he gave me provera to induce (yay!!! the end is in sight!) He called in the order for the HSG, I just need to call when my period starts to schedule it. And he gave me a script for letrozole...which is a breast cancer drug, that they are having good results with for infertility. Supposedly it makes you ovulate kinda like Clomid - without the hot flashes and mood swings. So we will try that and see if it works. And if it does we will do 3-5 cycles of that. If not, we will go back to clomid.

So, HSG in the near future, and some funky new drugs. Hopefully this will be the ticket, caus ethe next step is more testing, including seeing if the eggs are any good and more drugs, including injectables. So, if the powers that be woudl like to give me a break here and let this work I would be appreciative. Oh and let the HSG be totally normal please.

So there you go update! :)

[Astrid]

:wave Hello

I am so glad to have found this thread :) I tried posting on the ottrta but I don't feel like I belong there. I've been trying too long to feel any sort of excitement during my 10 day wait. I hope this doesn't sound horrible, but when people come to the ttc board and get pregnant right away, it really makes me question myself - what is wrong with my body, what is wrong with me that fate hasn't felt like I am ready for a baby. And since I am ttc#2, I wonder if I am such bad mother that I don't deserve another :(

My husband has been very supportive lately, and very optimistic that we will get pregnant eventually. In my early 20s, I had always thought that I wouldn't want to be pregnant after 30 - ha!!! As I approach the big day (3 more months) it feels like the right time to be pregnant...

Adina, Im glad your doctor is helping you end this cycle!

Gonnabeamom
"It's like the meaning of the words has changed in my head to one of the tribe of folks who can't take having a baby for granted, but have to work at it."
I really like that! I am going to start seeing myself in that manner, rather then being so harsh on myself! Thank you!

:hug to everyone.

[gonnabeamom]

Well,

I'm off on vacation, and I'm 14 DPO, So still holding out hope for this month. I'm just not as jumpy about it as i used to be. It helps alot to be super busy.

I am packing my clear plan monitor, my basal thermometer, pads, insteads, and 2 FRERs. I figured only you guys would understand.

[gonnabeamom]

Turns out I only needed to pack the FRERs!:jaw

I got a BFP!


I had my only bit of spotting just after I'd peed on the stick, and so was saying "Oh No! Oh No!" while my husband was watching two lines come up simultaneously.

We're still a bit nervous because of the m/c in January, but all the signs are good. I got a faint line last time, and started spotting the next day. This time no spotting, sore boobs, and m/s.


We haven't told anyone besides medical folks, and are not sure when we'll tell folks IRL.


It's feeling very unreal at this point. I'm having a hard time getting myself to call midwives. Just nerves I guess. The oddest thing is that I think I'm less focused on pregnancy than I have been in years.


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[AdinaL]

Holy Crap!!! CONGRATS!!!! :love :balloons

[Astrid]

:banana :balloons Gonnabe, that is wonderful news! Congratulations :balloons :banana

[gonnabeamom]

Thank you so much!

I feel like you all can understand what a long journey this has been. We've been trying actively for over a year, and before that I spent a year and a half to two years trying to get healthy enough, and a year or more before that wondering if we'd ever feel ready.

I am still not feeling it's totally real, and waiting to get that "out of the woods" feeling.

I wish as I always have that I could make it happen for all of you.