new miscarriage

[dylsmama00]

Hi everyone,
I'm 26 years old, a mother of one 4-yr old boy, and I just found out yesterday that I miscarried, at only 4 weeks pg (just barely pg at all). Last week I took a hpt and it was +, the next day I began to spot and bleed lightly. A test at the Dr confirmed I was pg, and HCG levels were taken that day (Friday) and were only at 23. Dr's said I may just be "implanting" and very early in my pg. I knew something wasn't right though. I continued to bleed lightly with a few small clots all weekend, but if it weren't for the constant cramping (about 4 days worth), I probably wouldn't have known for sure something was wrong. I guess cramping and bleeding together are usually a bad combo. :( But it was the strangest feeling, having so many ppl tell me that it may still be ok, but I just 'knew'. I just didn't feel pg anymore. Then at times, I almost convinced myself maybe I was, just because I wanted it to be ok. Not knowing for sure whether I was miscarrying or not, I sat in pain and frustration all weekend. HCG levels on Tuesday (yesterday) were only at 5, confirming what I felt I 'knew'. I went from being pg and due in October, to having my first m/c, in about 5 days. It's very hard to grasp this. I get upset and cry at odd times, and over silly things. And it seems like noone else around me thinks it was ever real.
Mostly now I'm just left with a bunch of questions. If anyone with experience can help me with the answers to any of these things, I would greatly appreciate it.
1) Is it normal that I am cramping and spotting a little today, when my HCG was already low enough to be at a 5 yesterday, and the m/c should be over?
2) Should I see my Dr to make sure everything came out ok? Should I get another HCG reading till I hit 0?
3) How long do I need to wait before having sex? or using a tampon?
4) Does one m/c increase my chances of having another one in the future?
5) Is it possible that drinking, smoking, and/or certain medications could have made me m/c, even so early in my pg?
6) Is it easier or harder to get pg again soon after a m/c?
7) Would it increase my chances of m/c my next baby if I don't wait a long time, or certain time, after this one?
8) How do I know that everything is "normal" inside of me after having a m/c? My first pg went fine, so is it less likely that I have a reproductive or general health problem that caused this m/c?

I'm left wondering all these things until I can get into see my Dr again, which may be in about 2 weeks. If anyone can help, I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks :confused:

[gonnabeamom]

:hug. I am really sorry for your loss. It most likely won't seem real for other people as it does for you, but if my experience is an indicator your feelings are completely normal

It sounds like you would be reassured by a Dr. visit, especially if you have a good rapport wit your Dr.

However is some info based on my experience m/c between 6 and 7 weeks.

Cramping and spotting are not unusual. My impression was that once you are below 5 the m/c is assumed to have been completed.

Drs advice on when to have sex and when you can use a tampon again vary widely. I was told to wait until I stopped bleeding and feeling tender to have sex again, but really after an early m/c it's a pretty low risk activity. I would be more conservative about tampon use and wait until my next period.


M/c is incredibly common, and many early m/c go unnoticed. The m/c is around 25% of all pregnancies. As my doc explains it takes a lot to put one egg and one sperm together to get a person with everything in the right place, and if it doesn't go well, your body knows and ends the pregnancy. So one m/c doesn't put you at a higher risk for another. It is possible to take things that increase your chance of m/c, but it's not likely unless you are working around toxic chemical or on heavy meds. The bottom line is that it's very normal to look for a why for your m/c but it's not likely that you are going to get one, AND ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. Early m/c are less likely to indicate a problem than later m/c.

The answer on waiting to try to conceive another child varies too. My doctor said there is no real reason to wait especially with early m/c. Some doctors want you to wait for your next period, but usually only in order to date the pregnancy if you do get pregnant. Some will tell you several months, but my feeling is this has more to do with when they were trained than anything else.

I would suggest you make this decision based on what you feel up to emotionally.

I was a wreck for 6-7 weeks afterwards, crying for "silly reasons" or no reason at all. A friend who had m/c sometime before described the post m/c time period as being in the middle of a hormonal Tsunami.

I hope some of this is useful to you and that you can take good care of yourself. It's a hard thing you are going through, and we (the women in this forum) know it's real.

[dylsmama00]

Thanks a lot for your response. It did help me with some of my concerns. I will probably see my Dr as soon as I can to get his opinion on my personal situation. Every m/c seems to vary, in so many different aspects, that it's near impossible or completely impossible to guess what is going to happen next. I can only gather and compare information from other women's experiences, and hope for a good, fast recovery...and better luck next time.
Thanks again for your input. :)

[Ellie'sMom]

I just wanted to send some :hug. Gonnabeamom's response was right on and I don't have much to add. I m/c'd in mid-Feb. I was 12 weeks by dates, though the baby had stopped growing at about 7. I am still on an emotional rollercoaster.

If you are thinking about TTC again soon, my only advice is to keep taking your prenatals. My midwife suggested waiting for 1 normal period (again I think this has to do more with dating than anything else) but I feel I need a bit longer to recover emotionally and physically, so I am going to wait a few more months. It's a really individual decision.

Keep posting here if you have questions or need support. You won't find a more supportive, knowledgeable group of women.

[shannon0218]

I too would just like to offer you some support. :hug :hug
I have now had 3 m/c's, one at 7 weeks, one like yours at 4 weeks and this last one at 10 weeks.
The specialist I spoke with actually beleives the m/c rate for 4 weeks and below is closer to 40% his reasoning being that unless you are actively TTC using charts, etc. Most women 1) don't know their cycle or body well enough to notice the subtle little differences and maby being one or two days late. 2) most women don't test the day their period is due or before. He thinks that often when we just have that feeling we were pregnant but then got our period, it usually means we were actually preg and had an early m/c. (for some reason I held some comfort in this--not sure why)
One thing I think you asked was about fertility after a m/c, and apparently you are more fertile for a few cycles after a m/c than normal.
The emotional rollercoaster, will likely continue for a while and while you are right, people on the outside (even our loving husbands and partners) just don't grasp how real it all is. However, we here definitely know how real and hurtful it is to loose a baby--at any stage in the pregnancy. I found after a week or so everyone thought I should be alright, but that was when it all really hit me. Its a terrible thing to feel you can't trust your body.
Also to echo Gonnabe--this is NOT your fault!!!!!! My OB confided to me that nothing ticked her off more than watching a teenager with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy who deliberately did things hoping to loose it could have a perfectly healthy full term babe but women like myself and many others would sit there blaming themselves for that glass of wine we had before we even knew we were pregnant. Sometimes things just aren't fair.
Know that you can reach out here whenever you feel the need.
:hug
Shannon

[taradt]

i don't really have much to add to what has already been said, just want to offer my support to you :hug
the feelings you are having are very normal, and no they aren't acknowledged by anyone other then someone who has been through it.
i also don't have awnsers to your questions, i did speak with my midwife at length after my miscarriage, not so much about the why's but about my feelings and what happened as well as looking ahead to future pregnancies, i found that helped me so much. i am also listenning to my body and found i just knew when it felt right to resume relations with DH and i have to trust that the next pregnancy will be fine.

take care

tara

[dylsmama00]

Thanks again to all with your comments. I am learning a lot, AND feeling much less alone! It is amazing how much you find about your friends' past pregnancies (and how many of them have had a m/c) after you have one yourself. I never realized it was such a common thing. It scares me. I don't think I could stand going through another one, especially if I was further along. I made the mistake of telling my 4-yr old son that we might be having a baby the day after I took the hpt. Since I m/c'ed, he seemed to have forgotten about it and I was glad. But today he asked me where my baby was. I told him he was my baby and he said "no, that baby" and pointed to my belly. :( I didn't know what to tell him, except that maybe we'll have a baby soon. Next time I will have to keep it a secret until I feel more 'safe' (whenever that will be). I feel so bad because I know he wants a little brother or sister and I don't want him to think I lied to him.
Anyhow I stumbled upon a very awesome ob-gyn doctor through all of this. Thurs night he actually called me at home to check on me! He answered a lot of my questions and told me I could call him if I had anymore. I made sure to tell him I will gladly call upon him if/when I do get pg again. It is very, very hard to find a doctor like that and I think a woman should keep looking until she finds the one that really makes her feel best. I've had lots of doctors that acted like it was killing them to answer any of my questions or listen to my concerns.
I return to see the nurse practitioner tomorrow for a check-up and my only concern right now is that I still cramp once in a while, especially last night with some sharp pains on the left side. It really freaked me out, since I thought it was all over. Anyone experience anything like that (cramping and sharp pains) a week or more after m/c? It made me think I may have a cyst there or maybe I even had a tubal pg (instead of a m/c) and not even know it yet. Or something wrong with my ovary that made me m/c?! I am becoming such a worry-wart, worse than before...but I can't seem to help it.
Anyhow, I hope this all gets better. Thanks Shannon and everyone else for taking the time to write and offer your support. This forum is awesome! :thumb
Thanks again -

[abimommy]

That does sound like an awsome OB. I would definately keep him in mind for the future.

:hug

I am so sorry about your loss. It is a very painful experience and one a large number of women go through. I really wish they would spend more into researching it. When I see so much being spent on things like blowing people up, it really infuriates me when a woman has to hear that they have no idea why she miscarried. :(

That is sad about your ds, I hope he is satisfied with your answers, some things can be so hard to explain to children. :(

:hug

[sebrinaw]

I'm so sorry for your loss.