Spinoff on cosleeping w/ 4 in a bed....

[jingwen]

Okay mamas, here's the spinoff....

I'm pregnant with #2 and #1 ds is 22 mos old and still nightwakes and nurses to go back to sleep.

I'm not sure how i'm going to be able to handle ds nightwakes/nursing and then the new baby's needs all in one bed.

Do you think i would need to wean ds first before #2 comes? I can't even think of putting ds in a seperate bed because of his constant nightwakings.

Please help! thanks.

[twinkletoes]

well, i'm not too sure how i'm handling it...

my son was 21 months when my daughter (now 4 months) was born. and an avid dry-sucker all through my pregnancy ARGGGHH. the first month was hard, mainly just recovering from birth, so dh helped a lot. but nature blessed me with a very mellow girl, just nurses 2-3 times and still sleeps ~12hours. most unlike her older brother. he nurses before bed but stories are playing an increasingly larger role. we have a "it's sleepy time, no nursing til morning here have a bottle full of everything healthy mom can think of (last night oat milk, flax oil, probiotics, spirulina & he actually drank it all!!) routine thats finally running pretty smoothly but its trauma if he can't nurse around 5-6 am.

a king size bed is essential. i am wedged between two squishy precious babes but miss touching my man at night... oh well, effective birth control!! i would weep if another came anytime soon.

is that any help :love . i can't imagine much.. my suggestion would be to really start emphasizing the daddy story times, and try a bottle at night for one feeding for your older on. by 3am i am not a generous and loving mother in the nursing my toddler dept. as for logistics, it's one kid per boob per night& i try to switch sides every night. who knows, good luck. here i am lurking on this board for advice too...

[onlyboys]

We are co-sleeping with our 26 month old and our 4.5 month old. Asher (the older) nursed throughout the whole pregnancy (very uncomfortable) and then nursed like a newborn when Atticus was born. Asher has never slept well from day 1. He's been very needy and still is and none of this changed with the birth of a new baby. Only now will he occasionally sleep more than 4 hours without waking. Atticus sleeps all night long and wakes up to nurse and go right back to sleep once.

Nature blessed me also with a very mellow baby, happy and just generally sweet. Hum. Maybe there's a pattern and you'll have a good-natured baby as well.

Let's see. If I had it all to do over again, I'd not change the spacing between them or wean my older child. He really needs to nurse. But, I would start nightweaning slowly and with lots of cuddling and love earlier than I have. As it is now, I've pretty much nightweaned Asher, but he still gets up for reassurance that we *will* be nursing in the morning. And we do.

We do a lot of tandem nursing. The latest position favorite is me on my back with a trillion pillows supporting them nursing. We all three fell asleep for a nice nap the other afternoon like this.

If I were you, I'd not move your son, he seems like mine--a little needy. I'd also not wean totally, although I can vividly remember screaming at my husband that SOMETHING has got to change. Those moments were not fun, but they involved pregnancy hormones and fatigue as well.

HTH!
Amanda

[jingwen]

Thank you twinkletoes and onlyboys so much for your replys.

It just feels better knowing that there is someone who can relate.

My DS is definately very needy and does seem to respond (of course with protest) with a sippy cup of water when i tell him no nursings. So maybe i'm on the right track. The funny thing is my DS has a much stronger will than i do, especially at 2 am and next thing i know i didn't know i even nursed him!

LOL. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a mellow #2, it seems that is the saving grace for both your families.

This morning DS and i had a blowout at 4 am! I did the whole no nursing thing and offered water but he got mad and dropped his whole body, head first into my belly! I freaked out because i started cramping after but goodness that boy is determined to get his fix! We'll see how tonight goes.

Thanks again mamas. :love

[yequanamama]

I can share my experience and my friend's - they're very different.

First, my friend's: hers are 27 months apart (youngest is now 10 months old) and she didn't feel she could do even partial weaning of the older, so when #2 came, #1 became a newborn nurser. I did not envy her! Nights were the worst. But she is remarkably giving, the kind that will ask if she can drop by your house and return your library books for you because she's going to be in the neighborhood. She didn't like a lot of things about the situation with tandem nursing, but she was committed and handled it fairly well.

I, on the other hand, knew my limits were not as amazing as hers, so we did night-wean (mine are 29 months apart, youngest now 4 months). I was helped out by pregnancy milk-loss, as #1 night-weaned herself when my milk went away. But when it came back and she started asking to nurse at night again, I chose to offer other things - cups of water, soy milk, snuggles. She a had a few rough moments, but it wasn't very bad at all, and I knew how it important it would be to my sanity to not have two nursing all night!

So #1 is still in our bed, only nursing for a few minutes before she
falls asleep. And baby is on the other side, getting my full attention (as far as that goes) at night. I didn't want to wean, but I didn't want to be nursing two at night. That was my limit.

I'd say, you've got to figure out your limits, and set up the situation for success. What your babies need most of all is a healthy mother!

[twinkletoes]

omg it's good not to be alone in this! i can also vividly recall (a few times) saying that something had GOT to change!!!

but to pick up what yequanamama said, it's important (and really hard sometimes) to firmly figure out what you can handle and stick to it. our baby mindreaders can smell indecision sharply and i think it unsettles them. once i really decided that i couldn't do the 3am nursing for my toddler, and didn't feel guilty about it, he was so much calmer with the situation. also, once i wasn't so worried about him kicking/diving/etc into my stomach (because she was born!) he stopped entirely. ? . i'm hoping that if i can be less concerned about him not wanting to consume anything but breastmilk he might actually start eating real food... too complicated!

:D my little girl had her first real belly laugh the other night! at her big brother of course, who was bouncing around and hooting.