Co-Parenting with fags

[thismama]

Hi -

Any queer women co-parenting with fags? I am a queer mama of a 4 month old girl, and am co-parenting with a gay man. I know lots of lesbian couples with kids, but no-one in our situation. I am interested in chatting with other folks about the unique challenges.

[madison]

Hi Ali,

Welcome to the boards and congratulations on your daughter!

I'm all for "reclaiming" language - and the gay community has been generally pretty successful in changing the connotation of "queer" to a positive thing - but I personally don't think the term "fag" will ever be reclaimed. I find it to be a highly derogatory term and have never met a gay man who thought it a good thing to be called a fag.

I think you might find more people would respond to this post if you used a more positive wording for your co-parenting family composition. Just a thought.

madison

:hippie

[thismama]

Thanx for your opinion about terminology. The fag about whom I am speaking prefers that term to 'gay man' (yawn) as do I. I also feel that I get enough flak about queer mothering/our family choices without defending my choice of terminology to other queers (I assume you are queer).

That said... anyone else coparenting with a fag? Gay man? Bi guy? Male of the queer persuasion? I am interested in dialogue about the unique issues that have come up for us so far... such as being perceived as straight, the ultra-queerness of intentionally creating family outside a romantic partnership, how to share parenting when practicing bf/ap and not living together, etc., and also hearing about what else has come up for folks.

[chfriend]

I'm not co-parenting with a man, but some of the pioneering family builders in my area are a lesbian couple who parent with a gay man. I don't know them well, but from the outside, it looks like they make it work by lots of solid communication.

Welcome to Mothering!

[max_4477]

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[thismama]

Thanx for replies. I appreciate them. I had no idea when we started out how 'unique' our arrangement would be. I haven't found anyone else in a similar coparenting situation.

[midtowngym]

who's still looking to co-parent, so I find your story interesting. I think we're in the forefront--it may take society (and the gay community) years to catch up with the idea of gay co-parenting.


www.co-parentsearch.com

[pdxmomazon]

who's still looking to co-parent, so I find your story interesting. I think we're in the forefront--it may take society (and the gay community) years to catch up with the idea of gay co-parenting.


www.co-parentsearch.com

The link in your signature doesn't work.

[FtMPapa]

Holy moley, old post resurrection, batman!

It as my preferred mode of parenting, but it didn't take me long to figure out that I'm way too much of a control freak, way too independent, and as a grad student, I can't commit to any geographic area for the long term.

Finally, the power differentials around $$$ were too big for me.

That is, all of the above for the way of co-parenting I would have wanted to do - like living in a duplex and having the kid trot back and forth at will, or living communally.

[mama2rey]

We are not co-parenting per say. However, we used a known donor-and he is involved in my son's life. He is not legally a parent as my partner did a second parent adoption.

[thismama]

omg yeah wow i think this is like my first post on mdc. lol!