secondary IF questions (mental not medical)

[cielle]

Hi all-

I haven't posted in a LONG time but I'm wondering whether we have many out there with secondary IF.

I'm feeling particularly yucky because I took my son to a playgroup yesterday at the home of a friend with a four week old. It was very difficult because the other friend who was there with me (not the newborn's mother) spent the whole time holding the baby and cooing over it. I know that is totally normal behavior but having to sit there and listen to it for two hours was excruciating.

I really left feeling like I'm never going to be able to go to a playgroup at this person's house again. Our group rotates houses so it's not like I'd be totally shut out of the group but I still feel bad.

When we got back from the group I was in a horrible mood and it really didn't break until around lunchtime today.

So questions - do you avoid situations like this playgroup? and do you have any faster methods of breaking out of the infertility mind funk?

[Benjismom]

Cielle:

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I don't, just commiseration! I struggled with secondary infertility, and it turned out that I was perimenopausal at 34 y.o. When I first found out (after trying to get pregnant with #2 for six months and having one m/c) I was a total wreck. I couldn't stand being around babies or pregnant women and I definitely couldn't have been around someone making a big deal over a new baby without wanting to gouge someone's eyes out. I just felt really really sorry for myself for quite a while and there was nothing I could do to snap out of it. It didn't help when people told me to be grateful that at least I was able to have one child. (Grr)

I will say that after living with it for a while I didn't obsess over it 24/7, and would occasionally realize that, "Wow, a few hours have gone by and I haven't thought about infertility." I also made a point to take good care of myself by eating right and exercising, on the theory that I should take advantage of not being pregnant.

I did end up eventually getting pregnant, having been told there was about a 5% chance without medical intervention. I still feel sad that I almost certainly won't be able to have any more biological children. And I look back on that period before Maggie was conceived as the "dark time."

Hugs--

Beth, Mom to Benji and Maggie

[cielle]

Thank you for the kind reply. I'm in the two week wait right now and if this cycle doesn't work out, I think we're going to take a nice big break from all this.