hi, i'm still around, just haven't been lurking for a while.

Joe (http://www.frogtown.com/baby/) turned 1 on Saturday. Wow (he can say that, such a linguist :) )

my depression is still hanging in there, but it changes all the time. i still attend my weekly support meetings and look forward to them. i switched thereapists, i felt i'd gotten what i could from the first one, and switched to one with a different techique. so far, i get something out of our appointments, we'll see how it goes. i think at this point i'm healing my soul, not just my ppd. i think i'm getting the value package out of this deal and i'm taking the opportunity to work them out. i think that this is time is a gift and it's best to take the time now and do the work and that it'll make me a better mom in the long run.

right now i'm feeling some relief from the crushing hopelessness i'd felt for so long. whew. i'm still taking Truehope (http://www.truehope.com) and i'm on a candida killing diet, taking some supplements to help with that, too, and i believe i'm getting positive results.

at this point i think i'm seeing some changes in my life-long depression symptoms, which is what truehope is intended to remedy. the longer you've been broken, and the sicker you are, the longer it takes to repair the damage. but, i'd much rather repair it than apply a splint and keep trying to hobble through life.

i think the outcome will be quite bright. but i still have a long way to go.

Joe is coming along. He's a little guy, but no long term problems from being premature. He's a very happy and personable and securely attached baby. he loves everyone, smiles at everyone, is very inquisitive and seems to be intereacting more and more with what's going on around him. he's not walking, but i think he's getting really close to it. We're going to visit our old stomping grounds in April, the SF Bay Area, shold be interesting, i haven't been back in years.

my husband is a wonderful guy. after all this - crud - over the last year, he told me that he was happy. Happy! can you believe it? and he's not delusional. i checked. he loves Joe, he loves me. I'm quite blessed. He took me away for valentines day weekend and my mom stayed with Joe. i paniced about asking her after he told me about the weekend, but he'd already made ALL the arrangements, i just had to show up :) and he's made plans for our wedding anniversary weekend, this will be year 7. wow, again.

the house is slowly taking shape, i'm able to do more and more and i'm actually considering hosting a moms and babies day at my house - but just considering it, i'm pretty freaked about them coming to my house and actually having to have it clean for other moms and babies. yeek.

i think i actually provided reasonable input to a new mom at our last group session.

i don't know what hte next year will hold, but i can almost definately say, with authority, "er, bring it". :thumb :nod

so, thanks for being there for me in the past and best wishes for the future, and if you're in the middle of the storm right now, don't worry, it'll pass. but maybe the boat will look a little beat up when you're done, but that just means you've been around the world :wink

:love

Lori

:hug

I saw that you were online... I have been thinking of you lately, and am so glad that you are feeling like things are coming together now. You deserve it.

:hug

thanks, sweetie (if you can tolerate me calling you that :wink, i just imagine that's not the type of endearment you aspire to. but you are dear to think of me.) blessings to Xiola Rose, where ever she may be. As well as to your family and especially your little bean-guy.

Thanks for letting us know how you are feeling these days. I'm glad things are looking more and more up. I hope that the sun coming out to warm our NW souls lately will help propel you into even cheerier days, as well.

You are awesome, mama!

Carol

I'm so glad to hear that you feel you're moving in the right direction, and all this "work" is working. Isn't it wonderful to have a supportive husband. I'm so happy for you, and Joe.

SOunds like things are moving along! I wish we all had a magic wand to make this go away overnight, but a year and starting to feel well again ain't bad. And yes, true love will stay with you no matter what! What a wonderful husband you have!!!

Thanks for the update. I wonder about you!

I was wondering how you were doing and did a search to find this. So glad you let us know where you're at. You're doing great. Hang in there! :love

I can't believe that Joe is a year old!!!:eek Where did the time go?

I'm glad to hear that you are well. I think of you often. This had been a hard year for you, but you have perservered(I know I really butchered that spelling) and moved forward. That's all that any of us can do.

Good luck with what the next year brings.:love