SamuraiEarthMama
03-16-2004, 09:46 PM
i posted the following in the august pregnancy thread, but it occurred to me that it might be more appropriate.... or at least better understood... in this forum:
last night i was talking with dh about feeling a little nervous about eschewing all the testing this time around. i certainly understand why people want to do it, but i also have heard sooo many stories from people with false positives, having such a rough few weeks in the middle of an otherwise uneventful pregnancy, feeling terrified or worried that they might be forced to consider termination or an otherwise difficult outcome.
well, i forgot that this is his first baby, and that we've already had two miscarriages, and that his specialty in the biological sciences is female nondisjunction (which means, he studies the genetics of why eggs sometimes get messed up)... while i was airing my worries and concerns, just getting them out of my system, poor dh was getting more and more upset until he had to just end the conversation.
you see, deep down, i really DO know that things are going to be OK... that there are a million and two things that we CAN'T test for, but that the numbers are on our side and that we don't need to subject our baby to the sometimes damaging side effects of testing... but he DOESN'T know that yet. he's really relying on my faith to carry us both through this pregnancy, and i just blew it by trying to process my niggling doubts by talking with him about it.
heck, that's what YOU guys are for! but he's just not there yet. i hope i haven't caused him permanent damage, or that he's secretly convinced something's terribly wrong with the baby, or ???. i can't believe i was this insensitive. i'm trying not to beat myself up too badly but now i'm wondering what i can do to get him back on track. i guess just be patient and let him watch how things go, and trust that my body and this baby will be just fine.
************
can any of you relate, or offer me any advice here? i feel like such a heel, but i also need support to get through those moments of "what if...?"
what if i have a down's baby? would we have terminated if we had found out?
what if there's some defect incompatible with life, and i could have ended the pregnancy much earlier when labor wouldn't have been as traumatic and expectations weren't as high?
what if i did find out there was something wrong, and dh wanted to terminate, but i just couldn't? would our marriage survive?
what if there's something wrong, and dh wants to give up the baby for adoption, won't help take care of it, and i'm forced to be the sole caregiver? or the otherway around.... i want to give it up, but dh refuses? (pony's story in particular has shaken me).
but then there's the other what if's... what if i get the amnio, and then we have that leaking-water thing that so few babies survive? what if we do the sonograms, and get some questionable result that causes us to loose sleep before we get the OK?
you can see how this is getting a little out of hand here! come on, ladies, bring me back down to earth...
katje
last night i was talking with dh about feeling a little nervous about eschewing all the testing this time around. i certainly understand why people want to do it, but i also have heard sooo many stories from people with false positives, having such a rough few weeks in the middle of an otherwise uneventful pregnancy, feeling terrified or worried that they might be forced to consider termination or an otherwise difficult outcome.
well, i forgot that this is his first baby, and that we've already had two miscarriages, and that his specialty in the biological sciences is female nondisjunction (which means, he studies the genetics of why eggs sometimes get messed up)... while i was airing my worries and concerns, just getting them out of my system, poor dh was getting more and more upset until he had to just end the conversation.
you see, deep down, i really DO know that things are going to be OK... that there are a million and two things that we CAN'T test for, but that the numbers are on our side and that we don't need to subject our baby to the sometimes damaging side effects of testing... but he DOESN'T know that yet. he's really relying on my faith to carry us both through this pregnancy, and i just blew it by trying to process my niggling doubts by talking with him about it.
heck, that's what YOU guys are for! but he's just not there yet. i hope i haven't caused him permanent damage, or that he's secretly convinced something's terribly wrong with the baby, or ???. i can't believe i was this insensitive. i'm trying not to beat myself up too badly but now i'm wondering what i can do to get him back on track. i guess just be patient and let him watch how things go, and trust that my body and this baby will be just fine.
************
can any of you relate, or offer me any advice here? i feel like such a heel, but i also need support to get through those moments of "what if...?"
what if i have a down's baby? would we have terminated if we had found out?
what if there's some defect incompatible with life, and i could have ended the pregnancy much earlier when labor wouldn't have been as traumatic and expectations weren't as high?
what if i did find out there was something wrong, and dh wanted to terminate, but i just couldn't? would our marriage survive?
what if there's something wrong, and dh wants to give up the baby for adoption, won't help take care of it, and i'm forced to be the sole caregiver? or the otherway around.... i want to give it up, but dh refuses? (pony's story in particular has shaken me).
but then there's the other what if's... what if i get the amnio, and then we have that leaking-water thing that so few babies survive? what if we do the sonograms, and get some questionable result that causes us to loose sleep before we get the OK?
you can see how this is getting a little out of hand here! come on, ladies, bring me back down to earth...
katje