doll question

[irishgreengables]

Hi all,

I am 7 months pregnant and 3 (4 in May) y.o. dd is "pregnant" right along side me. The baby kicks me...and her baby kicks. SHe will have me shhhh so that her baby can sleep. SHe talks about her baby eating from her breasts when she comes. etc. It is pretty cute. SO DH and I are going to get her a few baby items as items come in for us (i.e. clothes, a doll sling, stroller, etc.) and then plan of giving her a new doll when she comes to the hospital to meet her sister. My question is this, dd is African-Carribean (from Haiti), but her new sister will be white. DD has several black dolls, but we are confused as to which color we should make this one. Should it be black like her? Or white like her new sister will be?

Peace,

[Diane B]

This might help - I recently attended a workshop on racial
identity development in children. The presenters pointed
out that before age 6 or so, kids really don't get that
racial differences are inherited. In other words, your
daughter is old enough to know that her skin color is
different than yours (or her new sister's), but she will
probably not understand that you and your (presumably)
white husband can only have a white baby. She might
be expecting a black sister, for example.

This doesn't exactly answer your question, but you might
have some interesting conversations with your daughter!

-Diane

[Leatherette]

You could just let her pick the doll.......

[irishgreengables]

"You could just let her pick the doll......."

We were hoping to have the doll waiting for her at the hospital when she comes to meet her sister, so this wouldn't work. Thanks for the idea, though.

Peace,

[Leatherette]

Ahh,

Well, in that case, maybe go with a Caucasian baby doll. My son is 3 and a half, and he recognizes African American babies and dolls as looking like his sister.

L.

[T. Elena]

This doesn't help with your immediate question, but you might really enjoy reading _I'm Chocolate, You're Vanilla: Raising Healthy Black and Biracial Children in a Race-Conscious World_ by Marguerite A. Wright. It includes an excellent discussion of how and when children develop awareness and understanding of physical differences (e.g., skin color) and, later, racial categories.

I think your little girl will enjoy whatever doll you give her! Congratulations!

[pugmadmama]

Pact (http://www.pactadopt.org), An Adoption Alliance, is a wonderful resource for families with transracially adopted children. They even have a hoteline you can call, TAPS (http://pact.best.vwh.net/membership/taps.html) (Transracial Adoption Parent Support):

TAPS serves the needs of adoptive parents of children of color by providing an avenue to explore issues and new options. Breaking through isolation and discussing parenting responsibilities with an understanding peer can be a great relief.

Would you like to speak to an experienced adoptive parent about any questions coming up in your family? Trained volunteers will be happy to take your calls.

Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!