Not sure where else to post...

[cjinaz]

I'm not sure where to post this, I hope it's okay that I've come here.

We have a one year old daughter, and have just come to the realization that we will not be able to have any more children. My situation is different though. We are amazingly blessed with a healthy, happy little girl who can fill our home with enough love and joy that it's almost overflowing.

After my daughter was born I had peripartum cardiomyopathy. Basically heart failure, and nearly lost my life. I am very lucky in that at my six month follow up with my cardiologist, my heart has recovered.

Now that we've made it through the first year, we wanted to start thinking about having a second. Well, after talking with some doctors, and doing some research, we've realized that we really can't. There's a chance we could have a child and I'd be fine. But there's more than a 50% chance that I wouldn't, and a 5-10% death rate. There would be a chance of permanent heart damage, possibly to the point of needing a transplant.

I don't know that it's all really hit me quite yet. It's a situation where there's not really any hope. No special procedures, or possibilities. It's also so uncommon that nobody's out there doing research or working to come up with a medical intervention. My husband feels that there is no way on earth we could risk my life to have another child (also risking that child's life). He, and the doctors, have all said it's more important my daughter have a mother than a sibling. So even though I'd like to have another, I have to make the decision not to, and that's just a strange dynamic.

I'm sad to think that my daughter won't have a sibling. I have a feeling that as years go by, this may be harder. Right now she's little and my hands are so full.

Thanks for letting me post, I hope it's okay, as I know my situation is different than that of many here.

Best of luck to all of you!
CJ

[DesireeH]

Awww, I am sorry. That is a hard situation! I have a friend whose situation sounds very similiar to yours, I will give her this link, I know she has been researching this.

It is wonderful that you have a healthy baby girl!

:love

[pugmadmama]

Originally posted by cjinaz
...I'm sad to think that my daughter won't have a sibling. I have a feeling that as years go by, this may be harder. Right now she's little and my hands are so full...
CJ

I also have an only child. I had several miscarriages before having my son 11 years ago. I've not concieved again since his birth and we are unable to adopt.

My husband and I both have siblings we are close to, it's still difficult sometimes for me to accept that my son is an only child.

However, there are undeniable benefits to having an only child. For example, he is so close to both me and his father. He has closer relationships with his cousins than he would have if he siblings and so on.

A book that helped me a great deal is Maybe One: A Case for Smaller Families (http://www.powells.com/cgi-bin/biblio?inkey=1-0452280923-4) by Bill Mckibben. The book is aimed at people who have choosen or who are considering choosing having one child, but it's a good book for those of us who wound up with only children by default also.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I hope that you find peace with your situation.

[sleeping queen]

CJ, :wave My first dd was an only child for 10 years till we had twins via ivf. There are many good things about having an only. Dd and I developed a really close loving relationship. I almost died after having my twins and it was really scary. I agree taking the risk of almost dying and not being around to raise your first dd would not be worth it.


In the future, if you and dh want to add to your family there is adoption or surrogate mothers. We went through the adoption process between our first dd and the twins.

I loved it when my babies hit 1 years old. They start getting so fun:D

[gavinsmomma1012]

:wave

Hi there!

I don't post here very often but I wanted you to know you are not alone!!

I also have PPCM, my son is 18 months. I would be glad to talk to you about this disease. I know firsthand what a struggle it is to deal with and I too have struggled with the choice to risk my health during another pregnancy.

Please contact me and can direct you to a great web board for moms with PPCM, where you will find tons of info and several PPCM moms who are sucessfully attempting another pregnancy! There is also a dr. there who is a member and is currently doing a great deal of PPCM research.

It is wonderful that your heart is recovered, regardless of whether you choose to have another baby, but the more recent studies have shown more favorable statistics for fully recovered patients in a subsequent pregnancy. See the following article:

http://www.scienceblog.com/community/older/2001/E/200115631.html

My husband and I will be TTC in the next couple of months.

My email is becki_giles@hotmail.com, also on MSN messenger and my AIM id is gavinsmom1012.

Best regards to you!

[cjinaz]

gavinsmomma - thanks so much for you post! I think I've found the board you are talking about for PPCM. Awesome group of ladies. It's nice to find others out there who've been through this (not that I'd wish it upon anyone). It's a pretty unique thing that nobody even knows about.

I've very excited for you that you guys will be trying to concieve. I wish you all the very best. Well, I hear my little one waking up from her nap, but I wanted to thank you for your post.
;) CJ

[Suzetta]

It must be very difficult to have the choice of whether or not to have another child ripped away from you.

I wonder...is it genetics that matter, carrying the baby yourself, or just having another child in the house. If genetic matter, have you considered a gestational surrogate? You could still implant your eggs with dh's sperm. If that sounds too strange, adoption?

Again...It is unfair to have the choice taken away, and I do not mean to undermine your pain with my suggestions.

Best wishes