Okay, every time I have to deal with my SIL or I know we'll be seeing them, I feel like I'm on the rocks. I am irritable, nothing makes me happy, I take those online tests and I'm borderline for postpartum depression. But the day after Easter, I was so happy again I felt guilty. Now they want to get together again, and I just feel like I want to hide in a cave and die. I'm irritable, I feel like crying, I have all the same symptoms I had when I was treated for depression back when I was in college.

My SIL is just so stupid. They don't have kids yet because "they can't afford them." But I swear they spent more on their dog last year than we did on our ds. They drive new vehicles and have digital cable, for pete's sake. We drive old cars and have rabbit ears on our tv's. So we always have to hear about how they can't afford kids when we're around them.

Now she is complaining that they're "burned out" on driving an hour to attend family gatherings here (MIL lives very close to us). It's like she has no clue how much trouble it is to take a baby to a new place where you have to be on edge all the time because you don't know what they'll get into or if they'll break something or hurt themselves, you don't have a good place for them to sleep so they get grumpy, and you have to count how many diapers to bring and worry about where to change the baby since you don't have your changing table with everything there. Since I'm the mother and I am nursing, it's always my problem to make ds happy, even though dh helps as much as he can. She's just so petty and selfish. Before I had kids, when I got together with my friends who had kids, I ALWAYS went to their house. I didn't have anything at my house for their kids to do, and we could visit while the kids played and I didn't have to worry about teaching them the house rules. My parents have friends who have a toddler, and even if my mom is cooking the entire meal, they go over to their friends house because it's easier for them.

Then the thing that just really gets my goat is that we named ds Benjamin Thomas and we call him Ben. Well, after he was born, SIL announced that she would call him "Benjamin." I mean, who the --- is she? I had back labor for 30 hours to give birth to him, and I named him Ben. She's his aunt, not his mother! I swear, when they have kids, I'm calling them by their middle names just to annoy her. I have a whole list of things I'm going to do and caddy remarks I'm going to make just to irritate her once they finally have kids.

Everytime I have to deal with her, I just get depressed. Now they want to get together (at their house) for Memorial Day. I can't be irritable and depressed and treat dh like crap for three weeks. I just want to tell SIL where to take it! She's just so completely stupid. They came down last weekend to celebrate Mother's Day with MIL (unbeknownst to us) so I feel like telling her we can't make it because we're celebrating Memorial Day on the 23rd.

I feel like I have PPD because no one understands. DH tries to help, but when you're a nursing mom, everything falls on your shoulders. If the baby doesn't sleep well at night because they got off schedule during the day, I'm the one who has to lose sleep over it. I'm the one who has to nurse him to soothe him when he cries (definitely the lesser evil of having to listen to him cry). Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, and SIL is just so naive. Am I just loosing my sanity here or do I need to tell SIL exactly what I think?

HUGS!! Dont ever let anyone make you feel bad, I would tell them you dont want to get together or find a way to tell her that she is making you upset with her comments. (she may not know how stupid they are)

I have a friend who was my best friends since kindergarten but when I had kids I hated being around her. She thought it was easy to just pack them up and do something or get a babysitter. When I was having problems getting my youngest to latch (I pumped exclusively for 4 months) she told me "I dont know how it can be that hard. So and so just puts her baby right on." or when my 3 yr old would start having sensory melt downs she would comment on how she'd never ever seen a child so bad and he is just awful. Hes a kid for cryin out loud (not to mention he has sensory integration disorder ya know?). But it really knocked out friendship down a few notches and we rarely see each other now. I just refuse to put myself into situtaions where I know I'm going to feel bad about myself.

Anyways I know these situations arent totally avoidable but some people just dont 'get it' and until they have kids probably wont. I can name several things that I had misconceptions on before I became a parent. Hang in there and just remember you are teh parent and YOU (and your DS) are the people that really matter. I know its hard but you are a great parent and even if she doesnt get it, it doesnt change the fact you are. :-)

You need to make things clear to SIL.

My BIL did the same crap about Goo's name. We didn't tell ANYONE her name before birth. Then, when we did we said her name is "blahblah" but we are planing to call her "Blah". (sorry I am so protective of her)

He had a bad experience with someone named "blah" so he actually asked us to change her name! We said, SURE, we'll call her Petunia then! He was very upset and we said, we are not changing our child's name for YOU. So then he called her by the full name and I was annoyed by that, but we decided that she could call him by HIS full name if he kept it up. Over time, he has changed and calls her by her nickname just like everyone else.

I often get situational depression. Mom and Dad are in town right now and I am close to losing it! DH is making sure I have plenty of time away from them and that I am careful to not get too worked up.... It's hard and I can tell mom point blank not to do something, but she doesn't get it....

In your case, your SIL needs a reality check. You are going to live YOUR life YOUR way and the way that is BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY. If this means leaving at such and such a time so you can bf, do it!


Also, see if you can take breaks. After you feed Ben, can your DH snuggle and put him down? Being the breastfeeder doesn't mean you have to do everything. You should be able to take breaks for you. Parenting involves both parents and you can work together with your DH to do this.

hugs...sounds like you need some today

Unfortunately, your SIL is going to be ignorant until she has kids of her own. If you're lucky she'll wise up once she has children. Not all people do. I have a relative who still thinks she's the center of the universe even though she has a child now. Thank goodness the kid is the easiest temperament of any child I've ever encountered, so mommy isn't inconvenienced. :Puke At any rate, try to get some sick glee out of imagining in advance what a shock the reality of mothering will be to her.

If she says something to you about your parenting, I think you have every right to respond with a statement about how that hurts your feelings and why, and to request calmly that she try to not comment on your parenting again.

I get irritated beyond belief by people's opinions of what you should or shouldn't name/call your child. My theory is that if I birth a baby, then I can name it Snuffenhorter or call it Gooseygirl if I so choose. It's MY BABY and I will pick the name, the nickname, and my parenting style, and everyone else should just shut up and have their own kids to name if they want to have a say! I really don't understand. I am sure that I made dumb comments about parenting a time or two, but I NEVER EVER told anyone that they should name their baby something else! I have a friend who chose names I really dislike for her kids, but I would never tell her that. I told her they were beautiful names, because obviously she loved them, and so to her they ARE beautiful.

Sorry it's such a bummer dealing with your SIL. Try to pace yourself on the frequency of get-togethers, maybe find a "good excuse" to skip the next one. Or just smile and say, "Gosh I'm sorry, but it's too inconvenient for us to go to your house. We won't be able to come. Have a great time, though!"

Carol