mother in law vent

[kiwimutti]

hello mamas, just wanted to share how my preg anouncement to my mother in law went...her responce (makes my hands shake now) was "have you thought about an abortion?" !!!!!!! i dont know how im ment to even have a relationship with her. i feel better now that she knows but i cant believe she said that! its because (by her standards) we are financially un stable right now.
my husband and i had a fight the other night because he wants her to be at the birth because it will be a new experience for her...(when i showed her my birth album of our first daughter...beautiful home birth... her comment was "you have a pouty look on your face") !...i dont want her anywhere near us for at least a week after the birth...and it made me upset that my husband would vouch for her instead of me. aarrgh!
appart from that i feel good, this is my 12th week.

[momsmyjob]

How awful that she would say something like that. I don't blame your for not wanting her there.

[scheelimama]

I'm so sorry! My MIL said something like "oh dear, well I guess it will all work out." Which I wasn't too pleased about, but I would have been horrified if she had said something like your MIL. I'm so sorry for you. I hope you and your dh can work this out quickly. I'm sure he will come around once he understands where you are coming from. I wouldn't want her there either.

[mamasboys4me]

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr What a piece of work! I hate it when family thinks they have a say in what goes on in our lives. My dh and I are the only people that care for and provide for our children, so it burns me up when "they" (my mother) says negative type of stuff like it will actually affect her!

I'm thinking you need to get some things straight with your dh too. One thing I love about my dh so much, is that he will stand up to his mother for me quicker than a heartbeat. My MIL is difficult sometimes, but he is right there telling her what WE want and OUR views. I have several friends where it isn't like that, and it really can make problems later on.

As for your MIL, I'm afraid I would have said some rather not so nice things. lol If you don't stand up for yourself now, she'll only continue to drive you nuts with her mouth. You don't have to be rude, you can just tell her if she isn't happy for you all then she doesn't have to be involved. Tell her you don't appreciate her comments.

:grouphug Big hugs sweetie!!!!

[heatherevond]

:soapbox

I too have MIL issues. I try to make DH do most of the rehashing when I am burnt about comments she has made. DH does not like to hear me complain about his mother but I feel I have make him understand how I was hurt. Many times he will just block out what she says out of habit. I have made it my duty to tell him when she has made unwelcome statements. I also made it clear that they would not be accepted around or about my children.

I hope you can find a way to help your DH understand where you are coming from. If your DH still wants her to experience the birth he can set up a camera. She can watch the video in her home where you won't have to hear the comments.

:ignore Please ignore this if it makes no sense. These hormones have made my brain very mushy. :)

[BabyOsMommy]

I can't resist this one... probably because we're supposed to go there today, and I'm trying to get dh to go without me...

I have in-law problems also, and I'm sorry she said something like that to you when you're so happy. I know how incredibly hurtful/aggravating it is for someone to take something so important and make it about their preferences. I also know how hard it is to get dh to take your side over his mother's/familiy's. Happens with us all the time. We'll discuss something at home and he's on board with me, and then they say something and he clams up, and I get left trying to be diplomatic when all I want to do is tell them to jump off a bridge. And then I'm the b*tch because I'm turning their son away from their religious ideals. Get bent, really is how I feel about that.

About your birth? I would in no uncertain terms lay it out with dh how you feel. It's not about his mother experiencing "something different". It's about you bringing your new son/daughter into this world in a calm and peaceful manner so that you can meet her/him with love. Not anxiety because you're not sure what your MIL will say to you, you have to make sure you're not pouting, etc. Then lay it out for her if you have to. Gently, but firmly. Tell her how welcome she is to meet her new grandchild, but you'll need x amount of time to settle in.

Alright so I feel strongly about this one. I wish you luck, and peace trying to cope with dh's family. She really just sounds oblivious to me.... it's your dh who needs a reality check in being supportive to you first. When I figure out how to do it with mine, I'll let you know.

:hugs

[kiwimutti]

wow~ thankyou all for your thoughts! i feel supported :) for a while i have tried to have a good relationship with the inlaws, i do care about what they think of me and try not to offend them the way they offend me~ they are good people and mean the world to dh ( he's used to them and their negativity) but when mil said that, something in me snapped on, like a strength lightbulb and left a strong determination in me about not questioning my own parenting instincts. if that makes sense. thanks again, and do keep me posted if you work out any magic cures for the mil battle :fence:

[momto l&a]

hello mamas, just wanted to share how my preg anouncement to my mother in law went...her responce (makes my hands shake now) was "have you thought about an abortion?" !!!!!!! ...

(when i showed her my birth album of our first daughter...beautiful home birth... her comment was "you have a pouty look on your face") .

I wouldnt want that woman anywhere near come birth time or any other time for that matter!

:hug to you

[Seeking Refuge]

You do not need that kind of negativity surrounding your birth. I love my MIL but she is very opinionated and opposed to us having another child. We are afraid to tell her. DH is not very good at standing up to her but I completely understand why. It is impossible to argue with her because she thinks that she is right about everything and seriously it gets ugly when you try to disagree with her. Thank goodness she lives 5 hours away.

Good luck to you and stick to your guns.

[Soontobe3]

I'm sorry that she has been so negative about it.



I dearly love my MIL... and her response to our news was to tell dh "Now that you KNOW how this happens, what means are YOU going to take to insure that it doesn't happen again?" :angry


If she was financially supporting us, i could understand this comment (maybe) - but she is NOT! I was pissed. I am grateful she is in Florida and we are in the North!!

[beaconlighthero]

:splat That is awful. How dare she suggest that you get an abortion but then expect to be there when the baby is born! grrrr..... She sounds like my mil when I told her I was expecting ds she said ''don't be surprised if you miscarry, I had 5 miscarriages before I had my first'' no congratulations, no i'm happy, just that. What made matter worse is my son went into NICU 24 hours after he was born and they were not sure if he was going to live or die. I just don't understand why people have to be that way. It is comforting that i'm not the only one with a mil like that, but still. :angry

[momsgotmilk4two]

I'm so sorry sweetie! Your mil's comment was obviously not the supportive comment you wanted to hear:hug We had ds #2 when we were financially unstable and everything turned out just fine. At least you have all the baby stuff, right?:) I can't believe dh would want his mom at the birth after the abortion comment. I firmly believe that a woman shouldn't have anyone at her birth that she is not comfortable with. I think I lucked out because none of the family has any desire to be at my birth, they just want to hang out in the waiting room.

[beaconlighthero]

:lurk: