Looking for some encouragement

[familykiss]

First of all, let me say that I have had two miscarriages. One very, very early one and another at 8 weeks, this was 3 months ago. I conceived very easily with my first son, in 3 weeks after I had thrown my pills out the window of our VW van, lol...
Anyway, since my last miscarriage I have been surprised at how I would just cry if someone looked at me the wrong way or asked me about my family. Though I believed I was not attached to the "outcome" I most definitely was.
For me there is a comfort, I have dreamt of my next child for a long time. She has come to me and my sister, and a very close friend. She has dark hair and wide brown eyes. She is so shy and hesitant to be here.....Recently I have felt a great peace and calm. Just a short time ago my dh and I got a positive ptest result. We were very happy and yet I find myself very anxious and fraught with worry over the possibility of losing another pregnancy. I am not a "worry, worry" type, I am usually very calm and optomistic. I got some homeopathic stuff today to calm my fears and anxiety, yet..... Well like I said I'm looking for reassurance. I have had no problems, but in the last couple days I have not "felt" pregnant, which is indication of nothing, but I still worry. Just hoping you might have some sage words for me - Peace and love me(28) dh(30) ds(3) growing one baby girl at 6wks.

[stormborn]

:hug No sage words, but I wanted to offer you my support...& tell you that I lost my first at 16 wks and yes, I was a basket case too at the beginning of the next pg. Completely lost it at the sight of a pg woman even mos after....I didn't even tell dh I was pg until I had passed 12 wks because he was so utterly torn apart when we lost the first.
The good news is it did get easier the further along I got-although every time they looked for the heartbeat MY heart would stop if it took longer than 2 seconds to find it.
I, dh & my best friend also dreamed of our baby girl too for a long time before she was born...a little girl with Daddy's blue eyes and my dark hair. And although we all saw a 2 or 3 yr old, dd at 8 mos already has the same look and soul we all met!

Blessings to you and yours......
let us know how you are.

[brett]

Gosh, the pregnancy after a miscarriage can be so hard. Even after the 12 th week, I still had so much fear about losing my daughter. Only when I finally held her did I feel settled. When I was around 10 and 11 weeks I had some light spotting, and I almost wonder if my fear somehow manifested it? It felt to me like I would never again have that innocence and trust that everything would be fine, mainly because I now knew that miscarriage is unfortunately a part of pregnancy. The only thing that somewhat helped was constantly telling myself that the baby was fine, that it was still in there, etc. every time I felt afraid.

[XM]

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[OceanMomma]

hang in there. 6 weeks is still very early to be having symptoms. I know a woman, who has other children, who found out she was pregnant at 5 months. So anything is possible. I know what you mean about the not being a worry wort type. I'm as far from that as possible. But, as XiolasMom says, once you've become a statistic so to speak & know it can happen & it can happen to you, it is sometimes difficult to have this wonderful, calm, serene, joyous pregnancy. I lost 2 babies within 6 months of each other - one was ectopic & one a death in utero at 16 weeks.

My following pregnancy I was a nervous wreck. I'd lived thru the just getting to this stage & it all being Ok only to have another disaster a few too many times to have any semblance of calm left in my life. Not to mention the interference of tactless people like f-i-l, for example, who used to ring up & ask if the baby was still moving.

I went to lots of acupuncture, tooks lots of homeopathic nervines, had the odd massage, lay in the bath a whole heap with calming smells around me. I felt a lot better once I started to feel her move. But then, that again, brought it's own stresses, coz no one source seems to agree on how often they should move etc. Of course, my baby had to have totally irregular movements. Like some days heaps & some days not that much with no pattern at all. I met a nother woman who'd got thru a pregnancy after a nasty loss & she told me that every day, when she got home from work, she used to drink a glass of iced water coz that apparently makes the baby move. I couldn't be that mean so I just used to lie down in a position where I could feel her better.

I am always saying this, but try to avoid any internet sites on pregnancy loss like the plague. It seemed everywhere I looked on the net, I co-incidentally managed to find some yucky story of some horrific pregnancy loss at the exact stage as I was at.

I know it is easy to say in restrospect ie it's not me being the pegnant one now, but basically if you cover your bases with good nutrition, avoid listeria, don't smoke or drink or take too much caffeine or any of the other things associated with miscarriage. You *should* be OK. The rest of the things that can go wrong are pretty much out of your control & will happen regardless of much or how little you worry.

Gosh that sounds so logical doesn't it ? This is coming for someone whose heart stopped for a few seconds every time I went for a scan, everytime they put the doppler on my tummy. Someone who still has nightmares about something happening to one of her kids now they're born & fine & healthy. I still check Saffron when I get into bed at night with her to make sure she's breathing & she's 16 months old!!! I even have the odd trip out moment where I look at her & she is so beautiful & so vibrant & so unreal that I start sort of fluttering in & out of reality & wonder if I'm not really in the nut house & haven't imagined it all.

There are no real magic answers here I think. But I think it is crucial to get a supportive midwife or whomever is going to deliver your baby. Someone who listens to your fears & hears them & that you can respect if they say to you everything is OK.

Here's wishing you a calm & peaceful & joyous pregnancy :love

PS try some yoga & gentle meditation somewhere to welcome the new babies spirit in. I'm sure it helps & it should help make you feel better.

[familykiss]

Hello and thanks for your supporting words. It is always a great comfort when others share your worries.
I have not felt the same kind of worry that I was earlier, I think the homeopathy really helped. My husband and I also went for a dating ultrasound the other day and were pleased to find a heartbeat. However, the tech said there was a small amount of blood at the implantation site which could indicate a miss or just a healthy developing placenta "hooking up". So naturally, I was worrying a little but felt relieved to know that there was a tiny beating heart.
I am experiencing more of the "quesies", which is also comforting to me - BRING IT ON BABY!!! The tech said I was at about 6 1/2 or 7 wks so if I can get past even the 8 wk mark I'll feel better. One thing I just noticed this evening was a very small amount of light brown/yellow discharge, so I dosed up on my homeopathy.....no worry, no worry. Not feeling any of the symptoms that I did with my last miscarriage, I had got that fluish, feverish thing so....cross fingers. I still feel "good" about this pregnancy. It just sucks that I can't enjoy it in the same way that I did with my first, this is so not like me. I have to practice living in the moment and not worrying until there is reason to.
I had a stressful couple of days because my son had to go under general anaesthetic for some dental work....this was freaky. I just felt a real sense of powerlessness over the situation. He was fabulous though and we did some healing touch on him in recovery and he came out smiling. Perhaps this stress just tipped me over the edge a little.....sigh. Well thanks again you guys, and I'll keep you posted:)

[lilyka]

I totally understand the worry thing. I have never lost a child but I still worry constantly about the child I carry. I had the slightest bit of brown discharge the other day and was in having an ultrasound within minutes. I totally feared the worst. And I too am usually a very optimistic person.

Good luck ot you and your baby.