I don't want to be paranoid through this whole pregnancy

[lillaurensmomma]

Does it get any better? I miscarried in March at only 6 weeks. We had tried for a few months and I was sooo happy to be pregnant and devastated to lose my baby. Now I'm only about 4.5weeks (just found out) and while I'm happy and excited, I'm scared to death. Every little twinge, every little cramp, it's awful. And I swear I'm afraid to go to the bathroom for fear that I'll be spotting or something. I just want to be happy but I don't know how. Anyone think I'll be better once I hear a heartbeat?


j

[Mom2baldie]

It will get better, I promise. You may feel better when you are 6.5 weeks since you will have passed the point where you previously miscarried or it may take until you hear the heartbeat or feel the baby move.

I had a miscarriage at 12.5 weeks last Sept, but the baby died at 9 weeks. With this pregnancy, I was a NERVOUS WRECK until I had a sonogram at 10 weeks. (I had also been bleeding a lot with this one). When the sonogram showed a living baby I was relieved, but still nervous for several more weeks until I got to the 12.5 mark of when I had previously miscarried. After that, it seemed that I became magically positive about this pregnancy.

Its so different and hard to be pregnant again after a miscarriage. I will keep you and your baby in my thoughts.

[Colorful~Mama]

i just wanted to say congratulations on your pregnancy J.
I have thought of you often and I'm truly happy for you. Will keep you and your babe in our prayers.

[lillaurensmomma]

Thanks for the support, that makes me feel better!!

Thanks for the prayers, Barb. Hope your surgery went okay (and makes life all better for you!!! Marinara here you come :D



j

[ameliabedelia]

I was really paranoid at the beginning of this pregnacy. I had had a m/c at 6 1/2 weeks, about 6 weeks before I got pregnant again, and for the entire first 14 weeks I was very nervous. We didn't even tell anyone untill I was 11 weeks and heard a hearbeat. Everytime I went to the bathroom, I would check for blood, and I have lots of vaginal discharge during pregnancy (sorry TMI), so I was constantly running to bathroom to make sure it was mucous and not blood. However, I know feel really positive about this pregnancy. I can feel the baby move, I have heard the heartbeat a few times now, my uterus is expanding, I am looking pregant. I am not paranoid anymore, I am able to relax and enjoy the pregnancy, but it took getting through the first trimester to reach that point.

:sticky :sticky :sticky

[lillaurensmomma]

I'm so with you on the discharge thing, Amelia...it's driving me crazy:) DH thinks I'm a nut, but he's a guy...just doesnt get it!

I'm glad to hear that it does get better with time. I was hoping that would be the case. I think I'll be okay once I start feeling pg (even if that means M/S you know?) I soooo want to hear the baby's heartbeat or see the little one on the ultrasound as I didn't get to do either with my last pg.

Thanks again for the reassurance!

j

[thedevinemissm]

:bag: Not to be the Devil's Advocate here: but it would be perfectly normal if you didn't calm down. Sometimes you just have to take it day by day. Milestone by milestone.

I too, run to the bathroom everytime I feel the slightest twinge, moistness, etc. I swear w/DS I would go to the restroom to check for blood once an hour for 12 weeks. I freaked b/c I didn't have any m/s. If I didn't feel tired or didn't have any other pg symptoms one day I was sure that it was a bad sign.

I know I'm a little different b/c I had 4 m/c before becoming pg w/DS. While I became a bit more confident with each passing milestone (heartbeat on u/s, passing the mark of previous m/c's, making it past 12 weeks, heartbeat w/doptone, 20wk u/s, feeling first movement) there was still a big part of me that feared that I would never hold a living baby in my arms. :guilty

It really kept me from enjoying my pg. I was hand making the birth announcements & I had to stop because I kept having thoughts that the baby would die & I wouldn't be able to send them out.

Thank the LORD I was able to relax during labor & had a wonderful natural birth @ a birth center. :Bow

Though, I would encourage that if you do continue to have "dreadful" thoughts that you seek counseling. I strongly believe that b/c I was SO STRESSED during pg, that my DS was stressed for the first several weeks of his life. (commonly referred to as colic! :rolleyes ) I've heard similar stories from women who went thru traumatic events during their pregnancy.

Good luck w/your pregnancy!

[LizD]

I hope you do feel better and more relaxed, but I will tell you I did not feel totally better until this baby was born healthy five weeks ago. Even now I am a bit more worried about him than is my nature- I am a pretty nonchalant and AP type person. Also in the mix for me was my husband not wanting any more kids- this was an accident and to me, a great gift. But I couldn't help but think this was it, last chance. I have been stuck right back there two years ago ever since my loss and I haven't been 100% healed until I had this baby boy. And I even suspect if this baby had been a girl I wouldn't have been totally refreshed (my lost one was a boy). I don't feel for sure this is the same child or anything like that, but I was very nervous and worried the whole time. Every gush of CM or just warmth had me running to look. I didn't feel the baby move once and called the midwife. My voice was shaking. How long is normal? I asked. How long has it been? said she. Oh, an hour, said I, but I just wanted to know how much longer is ok. :eyesroll I mean, I was silly. I am a doula! Totally committed to natural everything. Had no prenatal tests due to those principles and I'm glad, but I really was worried. And the people who wanted me to have prenatal tests made me crazy too, and anyone who talked about the peace of mind such tests brought....I felt they were all going to be proven right if I lost this baby or there was something wrong with him. I really paid super close attention to the whole pregnancy. I also kept all this fear and anxiety to myself, working on it only in my journal and not usually even then, out of superstition.

That said, I also made real efforts to enjoy and appreciate the whole pregnancy and birth and these weeks. I tried really hard to be unattached to having more children but it was having this baby, and maybe even the worrying, that made me feel released from all that suffering and grief and able finally to let go. In the last few weeks I have had some sadness over that other baby, and felt some rushes of grief and revisited some of the awful images of that time, but it really is mostly gone now.

Just want to say try to relax and let it go, this pregnancy is not the other one, but I think secret horrible fears are a normal part of every pg, and heightened sensitivity is only to be expected after a loss. I do know some women who after loss had frequent sonograms and said that helped tremendously, so do carefully consider what is likely to bring you comfort or worry you more.

[lillaurensmomma]

Thanks for helping me feel "normal" for having all these crazy thoughts :D I'm 11 weeks now and got to hear the heartbeat last week at my first ob appointment. I feel soooo much more confident now. I'm still on edge with every little twinge and stretch, but I'm much more at peace after talking to my doctor and hearing that tiny little heartbeat :love Part of me is upset that I spent a quarter of this pregnancy trying not to get attached to this baby...but I do know that I have a long time left and it certainly doesn't take long to fall in love with a baby...even if you've never seen the baby!


j

[shannon0218]

J, I'm glad you got to hear the heartbeat. I'm at almost 10 weeks now and just starting to feel a little more comfortable.
I would like to invite you to join the Feb due date thread, there are actually a bunch of us there who have miscarried in the past, so we're pretty supportive of each other.
Hope to see you there,
Shannon