Breastfeed that is?

The other posts got me thinking about this. Why do you think there are so many women who formula feed and think nothing about it?

Why do so many not even attempt to breastfeed?

I literally had one woman tell me that she refused to breastfeed because she'll be damned if her kid is going to ruin her boobs (I can't tell you how depressing it was to me to know that she gave birth to children in the first place)

I have no idea. I'll take a guess:
*they are going back to work, don't want to or know about pumping
*they want to share the responsibilities of feeding with other caretakers (and don't wnat to or know about pumping...)
*their mom ff
*peer pressure
*they don't want to ruin their breasts (newsflash: pregnancy ruins your breasts!)
*they don't want to be tied down to breastfeeding
*they want their child to be independent of them
?????

My reply is about women who just decide to ff - not about women who couldn't breastfeed but would have wanted to.

Of course, what do I know? I am bfing and never wanted to ff, so I really can't get that way of thinking into my head. I'm not intending to be judgemental here, just trying to imagine why someone would want to ff.

Just let her know that, if her boobs are going to be "ruined" by nursing, the damage has already been done by getting pregnant. Nursing doesn't ruin your boobs, pregnancy hormones do...

BUT, to you real question (I am the queen of the :OT ), that misconception is one reason. Also the belief that ff is "just as good", fear of not being able to provide enough, a desire to be "free" (able to go out and do as one pleases comforted in the knowledge that someone else will be able to meet the basic food needs of their child), misinformation of all sorts. I think it is a multilayered issue and that there isn't any "one" reason women refuse to provide thier babies with breastmilk.

Wow
Someone should tell her that chances are pregnancy will have taken a toll on her breast- not nessecarily the BF.
I think it is just easier for people to not accept responsibility for their actions in life. To neglect the fact that their actions do indeed have consequence- every single one. That mothering actually costs something. I mean- God Forbid- you might have to actually*GASPS*..... SACRIFICE!
It's also easier to be uneducated than to educate yourself on matters that pertain to you or your future children.
I think every child has a right to be breastfed. And I think it is entirely selfish to make the descision not to BF based solely on it being inconvienient or troubling somehow for the mother. There is just too much at stake. Why bring a child into the world only to deprive them of a proper start? Anyways- I could go on and on.....

I guess I would say "Ignorance is Bliss"

Leila

Mostly, I think it is social pressure. Same with circ'ing, but that's another rant all together, lol!
I think that many women are afraid of going against what is most widely accepted. "....what would mom think?.....would my friends be shocked?"

I also think that it is a lack of information and a butt-load of misinformation. They may not know that BF has SOOOOO many health benefits for both child and mom.

I think a lot of them just simply don't want to be "tied down" to a baby. It's really difficukt to go out and drink and party when you have to nurse a baby. It's so much easier to have someone ELSE feed thier baby. And pumping??? Jeeze, talk about an innconvenience! :irked:

You have to realize that many moms these days fall into two "at-risk-for-not-BFing" categories: 1. very young/teen moms, and 2. older, highly career-oriented moms.
Young teen moms (I am generalizing. There are, of coarse, exeptions.) may be resentful toward the baby's taking away thier freedom. And are likely to FF so that they can do "other things" like having a life.
And career moms are more likely to FF bc they know ahead of time that the baby will be in daycare from 6 weeks on. So, what is the point in even starting?


This was all said in a very sarcastic tone, and for that I appologize. I'm just very passionate about this. :)

I had one person say "eww, that's disgusting" when she found out that I bf. She said she didn't nurse her kids because she couldn't imagine some kid 'sucking on her boobs'. I know someone else who didn't bf because he dh refused to have sex with her if she did because he thought it was disgusting. I know someone else who refused because she didn't want to have to give up partying for some kid who was stuck to her all the time. I know a lot of women who didn't do it because they were never given enough information in the first place to make an educated decision and so they went with "what was easiest".

I think it's mostly misinformation. Most parents want the best for their children. They're led to believe that formula is just as good as bm.

I live in Israel and a few months ago there was a formula scare, because one of the companies didn't have an essential vitamin b in it and quite a few babes were hospitalized in intensive care and a few died :(

As soon as they found out the reason the lll hotline was bombarded with moms wanting to relactate...

So, the more moms realize that it's not the best for their children, I think more will nurse. If you add to that the poor support of bf in the hospitals and the bad advice of aunts and moms and mils, we have a lot of misinfo going around.

That's why whenever I'm aproached by a surprised mom I try my best not to judge her, assume that she's doing the best for her babe - as well as she knows and answer her questions with pure correct knowledge. You never know - maybe she'll be inspired to nurse her next one longer, or convince a friend, or even her own kids?!

I think there are many reasons. One is ignorance. I remember when I was pg with dd, my OB (huge on c-sections and ff'ing) told me formula was EVEN BETTER than breastmilk, and that his wife never b'fed and had incredible bonds with her children. Of course, I did not believe a word he said, but how about the other 10000 women at his practice? what about women who don't want to breastfeed in the first place, and are just waiting for someone to tell them it's not a bad thing to ff just to stop feeling guilty and think they are doing the right thing.
Some women don't breastfeed because it has to become part of your life. Like I have said in several other posts, I have noticed that -especially- in the United States, (and maybe why the bf'ing rates are so low) I've met TONS of moms that idealize motherhood in a way, that they are absolutely in love with baby bedding, having baby showers, picking out the perfect crib, taking the baby's picture at 1, 3, and 6 months (don't get me wrong I love taking pics, although I don't understand why it has to be at "certain months" so I just take pics when we feel like it, I don't do the pics because everybody else does) and then when it comes to breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and emotional well-being, these moms "want their life back".
It's not like this. It's not fair to the baby, to have him or her, then come home and go "baby, time to learn to sleep on your own and forget about sucking on these two, here you go, there's a bottle for ya"
This makes me upset, because children are not pets. They are not for decoration or to have the "perfect life". Children need to be cared for and loved and given 110% of you. I truly believe whoever is not willing to devote as much time as they can and have the best intentions to breastfeed and overcome all problems, and not force a little tiny baby to CIO just because you need to get your life back, they shouldn't have kids.

And this is why, IMO, some mothers choose not to BF. I got a little carried away... deep breath in, and out... lol

Most of the people I know BF, but a few who wanted to stopped because of bad info they were given by doctors. (Your milk is too thin, you can't nurse if you have ppd, you're baby isn't gaining fast enough, try supplementing, etc...)

However, the one person I know who wanted to FF is my SIL. She said "I'm just not comfortable with the idea of BFing." She is very obedient to my brother, who thinks bfing is disgusting. (Interesting, because he was BFed) I think if he had wanted her to BF, she would have, comfortable or not. But I think they also really liked buying all the perfect American baby products. Now that I have a baby and I bf, they act really uncomfortable around us.

From what I have learned...the #1 reason is lack of education coupled with no support and/or bad advice. :( There are also those moms that just don't want to invest that kind of time into it, and these are the same moms that have their kids living in their swing or pawned off on Grandma every other week for vacations or mommy time. :( Some do think it is "yucky" or will ruin their body, but I like to atleast hope there are not too many woman choosing not to do so for those reasons! :(

My sil bf's only because she can't afford formula. She hates nursing. Her reason is that she just doesn't like to be touched. She's not a cuddly, huggy person, and having to nurse just about puts her over the edge in this regard. Even the health benefits are not motivating enough for her; bf'ing is purely a financial necessity in her eyes.

I also think some women try, & just cannot get past the rough part, the learning curve, especially if they are not "into" breastfeeding... For exanple, my SIL always starts bf, but very quickly begins supplementing... one of her issues is she is a red-head, & seems to find bf very painful, even when the baby has a good latch. I think she just doesn't stick with it long enough to get better... And she IS very informed, knows the benefits, has friends who nurse. It's just "not her thing". :eyesroll :angry

Also, if you're nursing you can't leave your 3-month old with your dh & go away for the weekend to run in a race... :irked: at least, not easily w/out pumping a lot...

I have a good friend who FFed and I asked her, "Why didn't you try to BF?" (We're good friends, I can be blunt like that with her :D) Anyway, she said that no one in her family ever breastfed, her husband found it odd, and she wasn't comfortable with it at all. She is very large breasted and overweight and I think her general issues with her body added to her decision not to BF. I did get her to try BFing her second child, but she only managed 10 days. With her third child, she went right to the formula again :(.

So, in addition to the reasons listed above, I think some women FF because they have very little exposure to BFing in their lives. Babies eat from bottles, in their minds, and it's hard to change that misconception, especially in our "breast=sex" culture.

IT is really beyond me why anyone would "choose" an inferior form of nutrition for their baby. And I am just talking about women who never even try to breastfeed. Also it sounds very painful. I know 2 women who never brought thier babies to their breasts and when they talk about having to bind their breasts and how it felt no thanks.

However, I never did ask them why they did not breastfeed. I thought I would be prying too much. One thinks that Riley shouldn't be breastfed because she can ask for it now and the other wanted a c-section. They are very mainstream and still my friends and I didn't want to get into a breastfeeding debate with them anyway.

...You have to realize that many moms these days fall into two "at-risk-for-not-BFing" categories: 1. very young/teen moms, and 2. older, highly career-oriented moms.
Young teen moms (I am generalizing. There are, of coarse, exeptions.) may be resentful toward the baby's taking away thier freedom. And are likely to FF so that they can do "other things" like having a life.
And career moms are more likely to FF bc they know ahead of time that the baby will be in daycare from 6 weeks on. So, what is the point in even starting?...

Welcome, JillyKay. (I'm assuming you're pretty new due to your low post count. :) )

Just want to point out that in my totally anecdotal experience in the capital of high-powered career mothers -- New York City -- there are more pumping mothers of the professional classes than of the administrative slave classes. And most of the administrative slave classes that I know feel like they work because they have to so ends meet rather than out of any ambition to rise to the top of the heap in their profession.

All daycares I know of (maybe there are some that don't fit into this description) here are happy to give expressed breast milk to the babies.

When I was still pumping, I did my part to be a poster-girl for (extended) breast feeding....I quite publically pumped in the ladies room at my engineering firm for a year after my pixie was born. There was a perfect division of the women at the firm as far as the "ick" factor: All the secretaries and file clerks were shocked and embarrassed and many were also rather offended. All the engineers were thrilled and hung around in the "milking parlor" to chat, keep me company, and ask for lots of breastfeeding details.

Personally, I think why people choose not to is the "ick" factor. Too many Americans are just totally squeemish about such very basic things. :eyesroll

I know women who would never have considered using a diaphram because they didn't want to put their own hands "down there". All these same women also thought breastfeeding was gross. :eyesroll

Makes me wonder how they get through life. :scratch

edited to add: JayGee, the marketing gets them, too. You're right. I have a FIT everytime I try to find a babyshower card because nearly all have BOTTLES on them. :angry And there are BOTTLES all over the gift wrapping and gift bags, too! :irked: I have raised so many stinks in Hallmark and Carleton Card shops all over town that I think all the managers run and hide when they see me coming.

(BOTTLES! Like it is NORMAL or something!)

Mostly, I think it is social pressure. Same with circ'ing, but that's another rant all together, lol!
I think that many women are afraid of going against what is most widely accepted. "....what would mom think?.....would my friends be shocked?"


You have to realize that many moms these days fall into two "at-risk-for-not-BFing" categories: 1. very young/teen moms, and 2. older, highly career-oriented moms.
Young teen moms (I am generalizing. There are, of coarse, exeptions.) may be resentful toward the baby's taking away thier freedom. And are likely to FF so that they can do "other things" like having a life.
:)


I agree with the circ'ing part (I don't circ) but being a young mother myself, and having tons of young mom friends, I must disagree wholeheartedly with you. In fact, I think this may be the case in the united states, probably, if it is at all. Where I am from (chile) EVERYONE starts breastfeeding. Well, the stats are great there too, and well, there is not such thing as choosing not to bf. Sure, many give up, but not without trying. Even young moms. everyone tries, at least a couple months. ofcourse there are always problems and some moms decide they don't like it. But I really, honestly, never though women would actually make a choice like ff BEFORE having the baby. they don't even bf in the hospital? this is non-existant in other countries.

I understand your perspective, but I don't agree that you are "at risk" for not bf'ing your baby by being young. at least not in the places & cultures I have known.

Some moms honestly think formula and breastmilk are the same. That there is no difference between them and it's like choosing between Nike or Addidas.

Some moms honestly think formula and breastmilk are the same. That there is no difference between them and it's like choosing between Nike or Addidas.

I don't really think that comparing choosing Nikes to Adidas is a very good example because the obvious choice is Adidas!

:)

I had to giggle at the Nike/Adidas analogy. Of course, I don't want either slave made shoe, I'll take Birkenstocks. :mischief

All my playgroup friends bf. :love Some wean sooner than others, a couple practiced CLW. That's it. The rest of the people I know FF. My ds is the only baby/toddler not drinking formula/juice/koolaid out of a bottle at church. :crying I do have a friend who pumped for 6 months for her first (with a manual pump!) and 13 months for her second baby. She is not even TTC yet, but we've already arranged things- I'll be at her birth and staying with her until that baby is latched on and eating straight from the breast. :love

One girl I know was told by her (I think) middle aged coworkers that her breasts would sag if she bf. She quit at 6 weeks (and promptly gained 15lb). Another girl was encouraged to bf but wouldn't even go there. I think partially ick factor and partially because she drops her kids off at the IL's house for the whole weekend quite often so she can party. :(

And BTW, my breasts had stretch marks from pregnancy and got more when my milk came in. Milk comes in even if you don't bf at all from what I understand, so isn't the 'damage' :eyesroll done? And my boobs were back to their perky small size a few months after dd weaned even though I was several months pregnant.

Breastfeed that is?

I literally had one woman tell me that she refused to breastfeed because she'll be damned if her kid is going to ruin her boobs (I can't tell you how depressing it was to me to know that she gave birth to children in the first place)

:irked: That is so sad. Yep, them pg hormones are the culprit. Not only that, but why did she bother if she is more worried about her body. It most likely will also permanently widen her hips, enlarge her feet and she MAY never have a completely flat belly again, no matter how hard she tries. Boobs are not the only things that go when you have a baby.

I agree that it’s lack of support and awareness combined with societal “issues”/pressures and a ton misinformation. I think it is probably best take the “excuses” with a grain of salt because I suspect many of them are a very simplified version of what really went into the choice.

I have one friend who FF because of a breast reduction and because she knew she had to go back to work shortly after the baby came. I also suspect there were some breast image issues and some other factors that I’ll never know (and perhaps she isn’t even aware of). She wanted to BF her second child but she had absolutely no support ~ not even a hospital lactation consultant was available because her child was born in a huge snow storm.

She is the only person who I’ve spoken to about FF.

Oh, and skimming the other posts…How could I forget the underhanded manipulation from formula companies and pressure from stupid people in the medical profession. Oh, can you tell that I don’t blame the mothers?

Until slightly about 2 years ago I never realized breastfeeding was an option. :blush I'm the oldest of my cousins by 9 yrs (23 yrs older than the youngest), and nobody in my family ever breastfed or even considered it. I had never seen a woman nursing and none of my friends breastfed. The only way I became aware of it was through a secretary at my firm who was pumping after she returned to work. After talking about it with her (I wasn't ready for children yet at this point) I started reading about it online and saw the benefits and decided that breastfeeding was the best choice. My family doesn't understand why I'm choosing to bf and still wants me to stock up on formula "just in case". Then again, they also think I'm crazy for planning on CDing and not circ'ing.

If it hadn't been for that conversation with a coworker (whom I didn't even know, just ran into one day) then I would have ff just because I didn't know any better.

plain and simple: misinformation.

this is manifested in so many different ways. we are misinformed simply by seeing bottles as "normal", not being exposed to breastfeeding. therefore, women might think it's "gross" or "weird". doctors are misinformed, by their own personal experience and also from formula companies, and they pass this misinformation onto their patients by telling them they need to supplement, their baby is allergic to their milk, etc etc. most women really truly believe that formula is just as good as breastmilk, and that even if a baby is breastfeeding, that it is totally normal and expected that a baby drink from a bottle at least some of the time. there is just SO much misinformation in books, media, general society, the medical profession, that it's hard to wade through and find out the TRUTH. i have a hard time believing that any woman who knew the real truth about formula would not even give breastfeeding a serious try. i suppose there are some like that, but i can't begin to understand that mindset.

babies are supposed to be "convenient" in our society. therefore we formula-feed, CIO, leave on weekends, and our babies suffer the consequences. but so many people don't know that you can choose NOT to do what society tells us we should do "for our babies own good."

... Like I have said in several other posts, I have noticed that -especially- in the United States, (and maybe why the bf'ing rates are so low) I've met TONS of moms that idealize motherhood in a way, that they are absolutely in love with baby bedding, having baby showers, picking out the perfect crib, taking the baby's picture at 1, 3, and 6 months (don't get me wrong I love taking pics, although I don't understand why it has to be at "certain months" so I just take pics when we feel like it, I don't do the pics because everybody else does) and then when it comes to breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and emotional well-being, these moms "want their life back".
It's not like this. It's not fair to the baby, to have him or her, then come home and go "baby, time to learn to sleep on your own and forget about sucking on these two, here you go, there's a bottle for ya"
This makes me upset, because children are not pets. They are not for decoration or to have the "perfect life". Children need to be cared for and loved and given 110% of you. I truly believe whoever is not willing to devote as much time as they can and have the best intentions to breastfeed and overcome all problems, and not force a little tiny baby to CIO just because you need to get your life back, they shouldn't have kids.

And this is why, IMO, some mothers choose not to BF. I got a little carried away... deep breath in, and out... lol


Yes, yes yes. This is what I see as well. "well it just didn't work out for us." and you can nail it down to "well it didn't work out for ME".. not us.. her, the mother. I saw this so much on my birth board (not here, another forum, mainstream). Are you getting the baby *insert unnecessary expensive item here* or even, what STYLE are you getting, the assumption, of course that you must of course have those things. As the mom of 3 already, I tried, really I did, tried gently, to educate that those things weren't necessary, or even recommended. On the positive side, most there bf, and are still bfing 7 months later.

Well i got off on a tangent too. I just wanted to respond because what you said resonated so strongly in me.

I understand your perspective, but I don't agree that you are "at risk" for not bf'ing your baby by being young.

That is just what *I* have seen. It seems to me that many of the young moms I have met, don't want to (or give up VERY quickly) BF bc it seems to demanding. I know it isn't always true though. I mean, I am a young mom too - 22yo with two kids.
No hard feelings? ;) I am just sharing what I, personally, have seen.

I've met TONS of moms that idealize motherhood in a way, that they are absolutely in love with baby bedding, having baby showers, picking out the perfect crib, taking the baby's picture at 1, 3, and 6 months (don't get me wrong I love taking pics, although I don't understand why it has to be at "certain months" so I just take pics when we feel like it, I don't do the pics because everybody else does) and then when it comes to breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and emotional well-being, these moms "want their life back".

Excellent, EXCELLENT point! This sums up a lot of what I'm seeing around me lately - media (celebs) and peer group both (obviously NOT celebs :D )

Some moms just don't want the inconveniences and sacrifices that mothering involves. That's why they ff and CIO, because for them it's easier that way. If you ff and CIO, then anyone can watch your baby. Your baby won't need you to feed him or help him get to sleep. You can go out to dinner with your dh. Hell, you can go on vacation and leave the baby with your mom.

I agree with a previous post about women who idealize motherhood. And about social pressure playing a part in the decisions moms make. Let's face it, it can be hard to be the only one who chooses to bf, nurse to sleep, etc. But we're talking about doing what is best for our children...

awww thank-you all for agreeing with me!
I got teary-eyed!! lol :hug's....

Jilly: no hard feelings. :hug's

I have a few very good friends, and i am the only one that nursed. They simply did not want to bf. One friend *hated* the thought of being "on call" 24/7. It was, dare i say, as simple as that. On the other side, none of them ever ever criticized my choice to bf. in fact, they supported my choice and never had a case of the ickies when i would nurse in front of them, including those first few fumbling days.

Now, many of my work friends, who are nurses, breast fed. and pumped at work. and stored the bottles of ebm in the fridge. sometimes (myself included) a desperate husband would bring the baby in for a snack of sorts. 12 hour shifts, which really mean closer to 15, is a long time for a baby to go without the boob!

My sil simply didn't want to do it, despite my brother asking her to at least try it. He feeling even one day is better than none, and watching me nurse his niece and nephews, he felt it completely "normal" to nurse.

Anna: What you said (about your nurse friends pumping and doing all sorts of efforts to nurse) makes me believe that, really, the more educated you are on the subject, the more chances you have of being successful at breastfeeding.

Anna: What you said (about your nurse friends pumping and doing all sorts of efforts to nurse) makes me believe that, really, the more educated you are on the subject, the more chances you have of being successful at breastfeeding.

Oh definately! I couldn't agree more!!!!!
We all need to make it a point to educate as many moms as we can. You know what they say...Knowledge is power.

I think there are a variety of reasons but the reason that they make those choices ultimately is that they think formula is fine and okay as a first choice.
The media and the medical institution at large is responsibile for that misconception.

Its like my OB said, "We'd prefer for you to breastfeed but formula is just fine." She should have dropped the last part and instead offered people that I could find help from should I have needed it.

I have a hard time trying to educate people unless they ask for help or advice--however, I'm working on the fifteen-year-old next door. My downstairs neighbor and I nurse in front of her all the time-outdoors, sometimes boobs showing if necessary. Anyhow, I figure if I have a chance of getting to anyone, maybe her being so young will help. Maybe someday, when she's pregnant, she'll remember us and how happy and healthy our babies are. She was formula-fed. Her mom said she tried to bf, but she didn't like her milk. OT, I know!

I have a hard time trying to educate people unless they ask for help or advice--however, I'm working on the fifteen-year-old next door.

I'm working on the 13 and 14 year olds nextdoor! They love to come over and play with DS and they have a million questions about breastfeeding. I'm more than happy to answer for them. Both of them were breastfed for only 3 months, then switched to formula, so they are very curious about "when I'm going to stop" :rolleyes. I had a good time explaining child-led weaning to them :D!

A friend of mine was "unsuccessful" at breastfeeding due to her dd's failure to thrive - she was told that she wasn't making enough milk by a doctor who encouraged her to schedule feed once every three hours or so... (anyway...)

So one day she and I were at lunch with our pre-one-year-old babies, and they each were in a highchair opposite each other with identical sippy cups (but one was blue and one was green). Her dd's cup had formula in it; my ds's cup had ebm in it.

All of a sudden, my ds' cup was in her dd's hands, and in like 10 seconds she drained it of all the breastmilk! My friend laughed and said something like "she just got some of your golden super milk; you should pump more for her" or something - I can't remember. It was just so funny how much her dd enjoyed my milk.

But now I am sad bc since she bottlefed w/formula her dd#1, I'm afraid she won't even try to breastfeed her dc#2 due this fall. She and her dh are very routine oriented, and probably just want to stick with what they know. :(

You know it makes me wonder that if more women were informed that you don't have to feed every 2 hours just to feed when baby is hungry that more women wouldn't be convinced that "they didn't have enough milk" because their babies wanted to eat more often than every 2 hours.

I think it's mostly misinformation. Most parents want the best for their children. They're led to believe that formula is just as good as bm.

I completely agree with Elana's take on this. The formula makers bombard the airwaves with their message, and it seems perfectly normal and healthy to many to FF as a result. They just don't know any better.

(Which is yet another reason that ad campaign is so desperately needed!)

That's why whenever I'm aproached by a surprised mom I try my best not to judge her, assume that she's doing the best for her babe - as well as she knows and answer her questions with pure correct knowledge. You never know - maybe she'll be inspired to nurse her next one longer, or convince a friend, or even her own kids?!

I want to tell you, Elana, that this entiment is beautiful. You have a marvelous attitude, and I'm sure you have - knowingly or unknowingly - helped many a mama out as a result. Keep it up!

I FF my first two children - by choice. I was younger and dumber then... the primary reason was that I really had a mental aversion to bf'ing - I felt that breasts were sexual - point blank. Other factors that influenced me were that my mother had FF me and my brother and she seemed to be anti-bf'ing. My doctor told me it was a personal choice and that formula was just as healthy as bf'ing. So in my case anyways it really was all about mis-information.

With my third I was older, read a lot more information and there was no question - I was going to breastfeed. I'm a huge advocate for it now and would never look back. I do however have friends that have chosen to FF and the reasons they normally cite have nothing to do with the above (with the exception of one person that does seem to have a sexual issue with bf'ing). In most cases there is an assumption that FFing is somehow eaiser and that they want to be able to go out more and leave baby with a bottle and a sitter - or a bottle and DH. Edited to add that I do agree though that in most cases these women do believe they are doing the best for their baby. There is still the belief out there that formula is just as healthy as breast milk and therefore that it is a personal lifestyle choice. This is the reason I am so fond of the hard hitting ad campaigns as well.

In my case, it was lack of education with my 1st child. I thought bf was going to be instinctual where the baby just knew how to latch on, and basically all I would have to do was sit there. My start was really rough with him. I didn't get to try to bf him the first day he was born. He had to stay in the nursery at the hospital b/c he was having difficult breathing. On top of that he had a tongue tie which was making it more difficult for him to stay latched. I did try, but I gave up because ff just seemed easier. Now, years later I know better with his sister. With everything I have learned I do regret my decision, but it really was lack of education.

Mona
Mama to Chase 4yo and Haley 10mo

I know no one had ever mentioned anything to me about brestfeeding when I was preganat with my oldest. ALl I knew about was formula, I had not c clue less a 10 minute dsicussion at an OB class. I think you need morethan that during a 9 month period to leave a lasting impression.

Interesting topic. I think women choose not to bfeed cuz they are not supported enough. IMO the message is out there that bfeeding is best for your baby, even formula makers admit this. I read somewhere that bfeeding is increasing but most moms give up within a couple of months. I think women feel "shamed" by their families/society especially about NIP and since so few women bfeed, that when they have problems they don't know where to turn. My own GYN couldn't help me with plugged ducts, I had to turn to the internet! I encourage my friends to nurse and sit with them while they NIP to encourage them. "20/20" recently had a story on how some PSAs are trying to encourage more women to bfeed and that made me happy. I'm an optimist so I think little by little we are making steps in the right direction

IMO, the reason some moms don't ever attempt to or consider BFing is because the message is NOT out there that "breast is best". I see such a parallel with the formula industry and the tobacco industry. Phillip Morris puts out commercials now that are not advertising cigarettes, but rather telling you NOT to smoke and where to go for help, telling you all the diseases you can get from smoking, etc. The reason they can do this is because they are so confident in the saturation of their product into the American consciousness that it DOES NOT MATTER what they say, people are still smoking. It's the same with formula. They say "breast is best" because they are obligated to, and because they know that it ISN'T WORKING. If they thought for one second it would hurt their profits they damn well wouldn't say it. They say "breast is best" but then they make the "choice" between formula and BM like choosing between $1,000,000 and $999,999.99. As if you are "choosing" between two (implied: very nearly) equivalent options. They are marketing it as a "choice" - "well, if the whole breast-is-best thing doesn't work out for you, then we have some nice comfort proteins for ya." And so I believe that ALL other excuses/reasons stem from this fact: medical professionals, advertisers, EVERYONE is saying that breast is best, but it is lip service. Mothers are told they should do something and then given very little/incorrect support and information as to how to actually do it. They are given the impression that if they try and it isn't a walk in the park, it's fine to quit and say it "didn't work out" because there is a substitute that is "just as good". If women try to breastfeed and it is difficult, as God knows it often is, at least in the beginning, why on EARTH should they continue to try if they believe there is an alternative that is equally as good? OF COURSE they formula feed! None of the other reasons (convenience, body image, etc) would be issues if formula was not presented and perceived as an EQUIVALENT substitute. This, my friends, is the problem. I just get so angry about this, I could spit.

:clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap :clap

Amen, sister.

I got into a huge argument with someone because I used the tobacco analogy - but IMHO it's the best one there is. I hope that in twenty years our children will look back and say, "But didn't they *know* how bad formula was? Why would anyone choose to give their child artificial baby milk?"

Of course, just now in my head, I started taking the whole analogy even further, and actually caught myself thinking, Maybe they'd make a movie like The Insider someday about the formula companies, with Russell Crowe and all! The entire mental sequence which then followed sent me into a fit of giggles.

Of course, that may only be funny to me, because I'm running on waaaaay too little sleep thank to my insomniac child.

:nut

Mrs. Dimples: :clap

rupiezum: :LOL

Well, shoot, maybe if Russell Crowe were to appear in a movie about breastfeeding, people would take it seriously! :laugh Does anyone have his agent's phone number?

I think people have this idealistic cutesy image of parenthood that is with them from childhood.

Do you remember those little baby bottles that looked like they really had milk and/or juice? I'm a total militant breastfeeding-anti formula fanatic. But I still get a warm fuzzy feeling when I remember playing with those bottles.

I think we just all grow up with this adorable images of cribs, musical mobiles, bottles, pacifiers, etc. Breastfeeding is for those primitive people on natural geographic. Real moms decorate their nurseries with Winnie the Pooh and buy formula.

When my cousin was pregnant last year, no one in my family seemed to care much that she didn't even want to try breastfeeding (she has reduction surgery, so she did sort of have a good excuse, but she could have tried at least....) But my mom and sister were totally up in arms because my cousin didn't want to decorate the baby's room with child-like stuff. They decided to buy a crib and buy regular adult furniture to match the crib. That way the child could grow into it and have the furniture for life. Then they had regular neutral wallpaper. I personally thought it was brilliant and wished I had done the same. Uh, not the crib, but skipping all the needless baby furniture. Anyway, my parents and sister were constantly calling me and talking about how horrible my cousin was for not making a baby nursery. To them, that made her a bad parent.

And well...despite the lack of breastfeeding and the lack of a true baby nursery, I don't think she's doing that bad of a job.

I think the best we can do is just be good parents, breastfeed in public, and try to get more positive images of breastfeeding in media aimed at children and teenagers.

Dina

Breastfeed that is?

I literally had one woman tell me that she refused to breastfeed because she'll be damned if her kid is going to ruin her boobs

I exclusively pump and I can say that I would prefer to be pregnant and lactating for the next ten years because I really like the jump from a 34B to a 36DD....lol. And maybe in the future, I will be successful at bf.

I think since we are bfing or eping moms, we may not really understand why a woman chooses not to do it because for us it was just a natural step from pregnancy, labor/ delivery to bf as being the primary source of nutrition. My mother formula fed my sibilings and I and has always regreted it. She was over seas and did not have the support needed to allow her to continue to bf. Formula at the time was advertised as an equal replacement. Thankfully we have always been healthy, but my mother always believed that my brothers severe asthma could have been less severe or even non existant if she had only bf. (Apparently she bf my sister and I for a few days)

So I think misinformation and lack of support are the major reasons as to why a woman chooses to strictly formula feed. Based on information provided to them by friends and family, they may feel that FF is the best route so others can help care for the baby. These same mothers may not even be considering cosleeping as an option, which would make bf easier at night, because the incorrect info they may have been provided about that.

Obviously, it is a personal choice and they should not be judged or criticized, even if you have been judged or criticized for bf. You know what you are doing is the best for you and your baby.

"How to Make Breastfeeding Difficult" by Linda J. Smith IBCLC
http://www.bflrc.com/ljs/myths/glct_dum.htm

"If Breastfeeding is so Great, Why are the Rates So Low?
http://www.promom.org/bf_info/why_low.htm

"So I think misinformation and lack of support are the major reasons as to why a woman chooses to strictly formula feed."

Yup. My mother FF my older sister (born in 1964, when my mum was 19), me (born in 1971), and BF my brother (born 1976). What changed? Primarily the support - she became best friends with a woman who was a LLL Leader and who was pregnant at the same time. Without her friend's support, my mum says she never could have done it. Adn at that time, there wasn't anything even approaching the research we have now regarding the dangers of FF, so that wasn't as strong a factor in the decision.

Statements like "Obviously, it is a personal choice and they should not be judged or criticized, even if you have been judged or criticized for bf. You know what you are doing is the best for you and your baby," are tricky though - because they can easily be turned around to support the argument for FF. I would argue that it's less a personal choice than it is an *informed* choice that makes the difference there.

That is just what *I* have seen. It seems to me that many of the young moms I have met, don't want to (or give up VERY quickly) BF bc it seems to demanding. I know it isn't always true though. I mean, I am a young mom too - 22yo with two kids.
No hard feelings? ;) I am just sharing what I, personally, have seen.

I don't know if this is why, but statistically, younger moms (20 and under) are the least likely of any age group to breastfeed. At my last job I wrote grant proposals for a parenting program for young moms that advocated breastfeeding. Young moms can breastfeed if they know about it, our program got a lot of young women breastfeeding and even breastfeeding longer than their dopey pediatricians thought was necessary. (Nothing like having a strong, supportive home visitor who hugs you and tells you, "Honey, you are right and he is wrong. Keep nursing." Man I loved those home visitors!)

Also at my last job, I met someone who helped me understand why she didn't breastfeed. She said that she tried it after she came home from the hospital with each child "and he didn't like it." Now why, when everyone else on her floor in the hospital was breastfeeding, would she wait until she got home to try it out? I realized that she was probably embarassed to have her breasts out in front of other people, so she waited to "try" it until she got home and could be alone. Of course by then her babies had had three or four days of bottles and couldn't latch on. :(. I really didn't understand why she said she was uncomfortable until I heard the whole thing.

And she was devoted to her children, really devoted. She was childcare worker who went to college to train in early childhood because she knew that she loved children and wanted to work with them. So this is not some lady who wanted to leave her babies in a swing and drink diet soda and vodka. You know?

I think you have to have seen a lot of women nursing babies and also be willing to step outside of your comfort zone about exposing a part of the body that we think of as "naked." So yes, support and information, but also exposure to it helps.

"Statements like "Obviously, it is a personal choice and they should not be judged or criticized, even if you have been judged or criticized for bf. You know what you are doing is the best for you and your baby," are tricky though - because they can easily be turned around to support the argument for FF. I would argue that it's less a personal choice than it is an *informed* choice that makes the difference there.

That is a very good point.

Statements like "Obviously, it is a personal choice and they should not be judged or criticized, even if you have been judged or criticized for bf. You know what you are doing is the best for you and your baby," are tricky though - because they can easily be turned around to support the argument for FF. I would argue that it's less a personal choice than it is an *informed* choice that makes the difference there.

I agree. If you want to get technical, spanking and circ'ing are personal choices and yet most will openly speak against both of those. Withholding the benefits of breastmilk can be harmful. My brother maintains that waiting to introduce solids until after six months makes no difference because my mom's milk dried up when he was a few months old and he refused bottles/cups/formula. He started eating things like beef stew and table food really early. He thinks because he is the healthiest 16yo he knows, that no damage was caused. Well, I do think we have healthy genes as both my parents are very healthy and we rarely get sick. He's very smart... perhaps he'd be a genius if he could have received breastmilk longer. :LOL However, how can you draw the conclusion that formula didn't affect you when you're only 16, 20, and 40 years old? And perhaps some of the effects don't jump out at you as being caused by formula use? I love it when the baby boomer generation uses the "I was formula fed and I'm healthy"... when many of their counterparts are stricken with diabetes and huge numbers of various cancers. Maybe it wasn't the formula, but I won't take that chance with my kid's lives. :shrug That's my informed choice.

I think people have this idealistic cutesy image of parenthood that is with them from childhood.

Do you remember those little baby bottles that looked like they really had milk and/or juice? I'm a total militant breastfeeding-anti formula fanatic. But I still get a warm fuzzy feeling when I remember playing with those bottles.




I have to go OT here for a moment. We don't have any bottles for any of dd1's dolls, but she found one at a friend's house. She loved seeing the milk disappear. She brought it to me and said, "Look, Mama! Breastmilk!" :love

At least she's growing up knowing that her little sister is getting the good stuff!


Bec

edited bcuz my post fits better in than "why are alternatives easier?" thread!!

I just had a conversation yesterday with a FF friend about why she chose to FF feed from day one. She said that breastfeeding wasn't for her and that to her breasts are sexual. But amazingly out of all of my friends she is the most supportive of my breastfeeding and child led weaning.

To someone's point earlier about career moms, I hear "I had to go back to work, so I weaned" more than I want to say.

I work. I spend 3 hours in the car each day commuting and another 8 hours billing my client so I need to get to work 1/2 hour early to have the time to pump twice a day. It takes a lot of effort yes! And there's a room to pump but no water source so I'm constantly washing out pump parts in the communal kitchen sink while my male coworkers eye me suspiciously :LOL But it's best for DD and best for me so I'm willing to put in the effort.

I'd like to point out to some of these back to work weaners that bf is not an all or nothing thing. Even if you're using formula during work hours because you can't pump enough milk or have a job that doesn't allow flexibility for pumping schedules, you can bf when you're home and on weekends. I try not to get in people's faces about this... really. But there's a difference between "I had to wean" and "I chose not to make the effort to continue breastfeeding"

Well, I do think we have healthy genes as both my parents are very healthy and we rarely get sick. He's very smart... perhaps he'd be a genius if he could have received breastmilk longer. :LOL However, how can you draw the conclusion that formula didn't affect you when you're only 16, 20, and 40 years old? And perhaps some of the effects don't jump out at you as being caused by formula use? I love it when the baby boomer generation uses the "I was formula fed and I'm healthy"... when many of their counterparts are stricken with diabetes and huge numbers of various cancers. Maybe it wasn't the formula, but I won't take that chance with my kid's lives. :shrug That's my informed choice.

I agree, I won't take that chance either w/ my kids. I was FF and I may or may not live a long healthy life, BUT if one of my children develop a condition, I can confidently say that I did everything in my power to prevent it through bf, healthy diet, not circ. my boy, etc. I will not live w/ the guilt my mother has w/ not bf my brother who had a severe, even life threatening case of asthma.

Also, we may never know all the benefits of breastmilk and bf. For instance, my DH's family (almost all FF) re prone to cancer and many have passed away from it. What if they discovered 20 yrs from now that being bf for 1-2 yrs decreased your chances by 50%. So why not just give the very best for your baby.

:bf :toddler: Oh I love this thread!
I have an idea why moms choose not to give their child the best...

Marketing Marketing Marketing

:soapbox
Formula companies are everywhere. They are subliminal and predatory. I also use the comparsion of tobacco companies. If they really cared about you getting cancer form their product, they would not make it for you.

If formula companies really agree that Breast is Best, would they be sending Bfeeding moms (myself incld) cases and cases of formula? Give those awful bags to carry around and advertise their products when you leave the hospital, Dr, even OB's office? They even send out pamplets every few months that send a message NOT to breastfeed and wean.

A lot of woman have told me also:

I dont make enough milk for him/her

I HAD to supplement, she wanted to be fed almost every hour!

My mom didn't breastfeed

My friend/sil/mom/neighbor/ any other female had a bad time and failed.

Its gross (huh?)

Its not natural (huh? again)

ONe of my friends sisters said she liked her perky boobs and wouldnt lose them just to bf. How vain do you have to be to even say that? "Sorry kid your not worth saggy boobs." :irked: That really irks me. If you can't give your baby the best then why have one. How will she sacrifice other things for the baby too? I feel very bad for some babies that have to be "squeezed" into the mommy's schedule.

The same friends other friend tried to breastfeed one time in the hospital and said it hurt too bad. There are lots of things that hurt the first time but you keep doing it and it gets better.

My aunt told me that she didnt think breastmilk was any better than formula. :jaw Excuse me. Wrong person to say that too. So needless to say I told her all about the benefits of breastfeeding.

So those are reasons I have been given.

Michele

My aunt told me that she didnt think breastmilk was any better than formula. :jaw Excuse me. Wrong person to say that too. So needless to say I told her all about the benefits of breastfeeding.

I disagree... sounds like you were the RIGHT person to say that too because now she knows the benefits! :)

I think a lack of information about the benefits over FF is the primary reason for not BFing.

I disagree... sounds like you were the RIGHT person to say that too because now she knows the benefits! :)

I think a lack of information about the benefits over FF is the primary reason for not BFing.


Very true. :)

Also, we may never know all the benefits of breastmilk and bf. For instance, my DH's family (almost all FF) re prone to cancer and many have passed away from it. What if they discovered 20 yrs from now that being bf for 1-2 yrs decreased your chances by 50%. So why not just give the very best for your baby.


Exactly! My dh's family is the same way. Only two of his five siblings are alive today, the other three died of various things ( 16yo epileptic was hit by a car, his medication did not mix with beer very well :(), a 21yo brother who died of an anuyrusm (sp?) and his sister died of heart disease at age 50. They all have other health problems before dying. I don't think she really nursed any of her babies except her first baby... when she went in for her dd's wellness check at a couple weeks old, she left the exam room to go to the bathroom and while she was gone her MIL had the dr. write a prescription for formula. Apparently, my MIL didn't plan to wean so soon... but since she had the prescription and her MIL's urging she switched. Her dd was the sickest of all, always vomiting as an infant and ended up having surgery as a young adult. :(

That's why I'm pretty strict about breastmilk only for at least six months for my kids... and breastmilk as long as they're willing to nurse. Those stomach problems run in dh's family. :(

I am new here and have read this thread and agree with many of the reasons. I am a first time mother to a wonderful 4 month old child. I decided to breastfeed from the start...my family, nurses etc. thought diff. They kept telling me he needed to sleep through the night and if I'd only give him formula then I would not be so tired. I told them to stop tempting me with sleep!!! Finally I never told anyone how many hours I got of sleep and they stoped telling me to formula feed him at night. We just went for my son's 4 month check up and I told of doc he slept more than he did jsut to keep him from telling me how much my son needed forumla or cereal.

short story..I think young moms are tempted with sleep! But I can't sleep knowing my son is sleeping longer only because his stomach can't digest the food I gave him. How horrible does that sound?

My sister is 16, and she had never seen a single person bf until I had dd. Last year we were a the beach and I was NIP (which she hates, but too bad!), and she said to my mom "I'm so glad you didn't do that to me!" :jaw

At the hospital, I was having a bit of trouble getting dd latched, and my mother thought I was crazy because I didn't "just give her a bottle" :eyesroll

Thankfully, I have always questioned everything, and sought out the truth for myself. It could very easily have gone the other way.

My sister is 16, and she had never seen a single person bf until I had dd. Last year we were a the beach and I was NIP (which she hates, but too bad!), and she said to my mom "I'm so glad you didn't do that to me!" :jaw


how SAD IS THAT?!

My sister is 16, and she had never seen a single person bf until I had dd. Last year we were a the beach and I was NIP (which she hates, but too bad!), and she said to my mom "I'm so glad you didn't do that to me!" :jaw



Well, she's still young. You have time to educate by example. ;)

I knew I was breastfed for almost a year, but had never seen a baby nursing until my SIL had her first (I was 24)! I was already pro BF in general, so it was more exciting to me to finally see it done!

Other than my mother, I think my family was pretty ambivalent to BF before I got pregnant the first time. They were vaguely pro-BF, and I don't think my brother even thought about it. It just didn't cross his radar, if you kwim?

They are now all very aware, educated and supportive. I've never been given an ounce of grief about it, or about still nursing my 3yo. They see how sweet, healthy and wonderful she is. I also think they are a little frightened of what I would say to them if they ever did say something. :LOL

The one I am most proud of, however, is my 14 yo bil. He was 11 when Katie was born, and was just starting to understand that women even had breasts! He now just assumes that women should breastfeed, and is quite the little lactivist when I tell him about anti-breastfeeding policies that stores/restaurants or other people have.

I really love educating and widening the horizons of those near me.



Bec

nak

Having just come home from the hospital after having my son, I can totally understand why people formula feed. By the time Ian was born via unplanned Cesarean after a looooong labor, I hadn't slept in about 36 hours. If I had let the nurses bottle feed him, I could have had a six- or eight-hour stretch of sleep to help wih my recovery and my sanity. But since I'm bfing, he stayed in my room and I dealt with the stress and physical pain of learning to bf while totally sleep deprived and in major post-surgery pain. Meanwhile, the nurses kept telling me it was okay to "just let him have one bottle, it won't hurt him and you can get some sleep." They weren't trying to undermine nursing . . . they were just more concerned with my immediate well-being than Ian's long-term well-being. That was their job -- to attend to my immediate well-being. My job was to worry about my son. So I did it the hard way and breastfed. I'm glad I did. But I can totally understand why a mom in my position wouldn't -- that first night was HARD.

bec - I know, I have to keep telling myself "she just doesn't know, it's my job to teach her" over and over to keep from screaming!

honeymoonbaby - I felt exactly the same way. It didn't help that the put me in a room with an experienced mother who was ff. It seemed so much easier for her! Of course, once we got it down I felt sorry for that woman, having to walk down to the kitchen and make bottles in the middle of the night!

ETA Congratulations on your brand new baby!

HoneymoonBaby, congratulations!!! And I'm very impressed by the strength of your conviction to bf, given the tremendous hurdles you met on the very first day!