Will it be wierd with my SIL?

[dddD]

I feel like I'm entering a very delicate situation and would love some advice.

We are going to visit Dh's family in a couple of weeks. Dh's sister has been TTC for ten years, has had one miscarriage and that's it, no children yet. If she is pregnant right now she hasn't mentioned it. Dh and I have been married two years and have dd, four months old.

I know SIL is very sensitive about conceiving, and she isn't at peace with the fact that we have a child and she does not. How should I handle the situation, I feel like if I cover dd in kisses it's rubbing it in that she can't do the same thing. I don't want unkowingly to hurt her, so is there something I should or should not do?

TIA:)

[truly_sarah]

When I get in those situations, I usually share my feelings right out. If she knows you are behind her 100% in her efforts to TTC then that helps a lot, and you could actually state that support right out. What else could you possibly do? You should not have to hide your joy...there are many rooms in a house and if she can't handle a situation emotionally then it's her responsibility to help to manage the situation by a discussion or by leaving the room. If she's been trying to TTC for 10 years I'm assuming she's at least in her late 20's...this is old enough to be a 'big girl' and to realize the world isn't going to stop on her account.

I hope you have a nice visit.

I too end up in situations like this when I am with women who don't have a decent man in their lives...or someone who doesn't have a decent job, or someone who has a weight problem...it's always something! But it's not a crime to be happy, it's our natural state.

Sarah

[Jacque Savageau]

sarah, what lovely thoughts, thank you.

I think what was hardest for me after I lost my daugher was when someone either tried to hide things from me (like sis-in-law being pregnant and not telling me untill she was 8 months), or someone throwing it at me "hold the baby, oh, you'll have one one day too".

Both of thes situations are not 'normal'. Be yourself, enjoy the companionship of family, share your beautiful dd and the joys that you have.

She probuly is a bit jelous. I know it hurt me so bad when I saw women who conceived easily when I had miscarriages and 4 yrs. of infertility treatements. But, I realized that it's not their 'fault'. We all have things in our life that we have to struggle with - mine was getting pregnant and having a healthy baby.

Like Sarah said, you have a right to your happiness. Don't feel guilty, but, you can also be sesative to her needs too. If you get some time alone with her, you many want to ask her how she feels and what feels right to her.

Your so kind to care so deeply for her and her feelings. This alone will make the visit special because you'll bring that warmth with you.

[dddD]

Thank you Sarah and Ms. Mom for your replies and advice. I just don't want to step on anyone's feelings kwim? Like you say, the best thing is to share my joy naturally, and I am sure we will have private bonding time, so we can discuss the issue.

Thanks :)