Homebirth after a loss

[girlfromthefuture]

Hello,

I'm a new poster here at mothering.com. Our son Noah Jude was born via emergency c-section following a Cytotec induction, 8/17/01. Our daughter Emerson Lily was born beautifully at home 8/3/03. She was unexpectly stillborn - it's been determined that she died approximately 10 minutes before birth.

I'm currently 15 weeks pregnant and planning another homebirth. Has anyone had a baby die and then go on to have a homebirth? There seem to be so few resources for me. I guess I'm really just looking for some support. So many are disapproving of our choice - it's difficult to be grieving, excited about a new baby, and receiving such negative energy from many around us.

Any advice would be gratefully accepted and appreciated.

Warmly,
Mary Karl-Gruswitz

[HaveWool~Will Felt]

There is very little resources out there for homebirth mamas that have endured this kind of loss...like you and I.
I would check out the homebirth threads and post there.
Also...I would start having the midwives you are working with put out "feelers" to the other midwives in your area about this.
I happen to be the first mama to have this kind of loss with the midwives I used... and will use again when I get pg again...which is hopefully in September.

Much love to you Noah & Emerson's Mama.. :hug

[girlfromthefuture]

Thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter. So many girls....I, too, was the first mama to have this kind of loss for our three midwives. I've met two other woman with uncannily similar stories - both had the same midwife group - the three of us lost our daughters within 11 months. The CT birthing community is really rocked by the girls' deaths, as there has been nothing like this reported as happening at home - ever. I've definitely put the feelers out via our midwives and doula, but most women they know who've had a loss, went on to have their next baby in a hospital.

Thinking of you,
Mary

[painted horse]

Mary -

Hello and welcome. I too, have such an "eerie" tale to tell: my daughter Sophia, my 2nd child, was born at home just this past Feb, unexpectedly stillborn. As with your sweet Emma, we think it must have happened about 10 minutes or so before she was born - a freak cord accident of some kind, perhaps.

Although I am not pregnant yet (not even ttc at this point) I have given lots of thought to where I'd want to have my next baby. The experience of laboring and birthing at home was incredible, albeit the ending was tragic. My feeling right now is that Sophia would probably have died at the hospital as well - so all things being equal, I will probably have my next baby at home. I know there are many people out there in my commmunity who think that Sophie died because we had her at home......after all, we all know that babies just don't die in hospitals, do they.....?........malarkey!..... :irked: So I suspect that in order to keep from dealing with alot of BS from people, we will probably keep the place of birth quiet, should we make the final decision to homebirth again. I may lie upfront and tell people that I will birth in a hospital, but heaven only knows what kind of commentary that will open me up too........we'll have to wait and see, I guess. :eyesroll I do know that I will most likely use the same midwifery team as I did with Sophie - they were an excellent bunch!

Good luck in your search for resourses and support. I suspect that you will find alot here at MDC, for one thing or another! I wish for you what I would wish for myself if I were pregnant again right now: a peaceful pregnancy, and easy labor and birthing, with a healthy, living, breathing baby at the end of it!!

May you in Blessing give Birth,
May you easily give Birth.

Jen

[Kerry]

I appologize that I only have a minute to post so I have to make it very quick.

Our first born, Matthew David (hospital birth) died when he was 5 months old. We went on to have one more in the hospital and two at home with a midwife.

Then, this last pregnancy we could not find an option we felt good about. Took us the entire pregnancy for me to realize that I wanted to be home, alone with my family.

What was freaky for me was that we planned on naming this baby after Matthew David, and then having an unattended birth I kept fearing two dead babies with the same name. (that sounds so morbid now)!

Anyway, we went on to have a beautiful birth. We did have to work through alot of emotions though.

My friend (who happens to be a homebirthing pediatrician) told me that the safest place to birth is where ever you feel safest.

I would encourage you to do whatever you feel good about.

Blessings to you in your proccess. SO sorry for you loss.

Kerry

[leavesarebrown]

I had two miscarriages, a home birth, another miscarriage, another home birth w/ hospitalization afterwards (but she's fine now). I would do home birth again also. I chose home birth in part because of my experiences w/ the miscarriages.

[Clarity]

I haven't had my homebirth yet, but I want to encourage you. All the medical techonology in the world couldn't save my ds, and the dc of all the parents in my loss support groups. Where you are, in many cases, does not change the outcome. I know it's hard to believe that in our hearts when we wonder if we might have done something differently. Even with all the electronic fetal monitoring happening in all those hospitals, there are still "cord accidents". So I think hospitals are for when you or the baby are sick. If you're healthy, be at home.

[leavesarebrown]

That's not to mention the risks of hospital birth, which are seldom mentioned. What if something goes wrong during transport (while you're driving to the hospital) or something is wrong with the monitor (a frequent problem). What about agressive medical practices that cause harm? What about restrictions on movement that cause problems? What about the dangers of medications commonly used? What about the separation of mother and baby? (a crime in my mind) What about the risks of infection for both mother and baby? What about the deceptive propoganda of formula manufacturers who erroneously put for the idea that there are no risks to formula feeding? What about having a bunch of strangers at your birth instead of people you know well? No one talks about the way these hospital practices increase the risks of maternal and infant injury and death.

[berkeleyp]

So I came back to mothering after a long time away and I come to this forum and who do i find. Hi Mary! Guess What? I was gonna tell you on email but i'll tell you here instead - i just found out that i'm pg too - due in May OMG! This thread is exactly what's on my mind already.

"I know there are many people out there in my commmunity who think that Sophie died because we had her at home......after all, we all know that babies just don't die in hospitals, do they.....?........"

Exactly. What are we to do? I really feel like I want to be at home again - i loved my labor but dh is much more skeptical. Its such a crappy spot to be in. I know that HB is no less safe because i had a stillbirth. the stats are still in favor of hb but i'm sure we've all thought this - would it have been dif. in a hosp.? I'm glad i still have a long time to decide. Right now i'm just hoping that i'll get through the first trimester. I'm really scared of a m/c.

Mary - i'm really glad that you've decided to plan another hb. You'll get nothing but support from me.

[Moooommy]

My first son was a 'normal' (for a hospital) hospital birth, my daughter was a planned homeborth, but stillborn at hospital, and my youngest, a boy, was born at home in a beautiful swirl of water. It was the most difficult pregnancy emotionally, and the easiest birth physically. (There were also two miscarriages in there, like small fruit fallen from the tree.)

Inform yourself, find your comfort level. For us, it meant weekly midwife appointments through the entire pregnancy. This was preferable--for us--to the highly medicalized route.

No regrets. Even with the pain of loss, I feel I am so fortunate to have been able to experience the full range of emotions--the joy is sweeter for the pain, and I am stronger for it.

If you want it, you can do it. Look in your heart. :love

Moooomy
Marcus 11/5/94, Audrey :angel 9/1/99, Danny 3/5/01

[2devils_1angel]

we only have 2 doula/midwives in our county (one of which was not here when i had ds3.
dh and i talked about hb with ds3 and we decided not to just because ds2 fetal demise cause, we wanted extra monitiring. So niw with #4 I dont fee; so defied by my body that i felt even stronger to have a hb, but the 3 md/doula i called were quite frankly rude and uncaring.
I wish you all the luck in finding a great md/doula.
I incourage you to follow your heart if you can. :thumb