I don't use no with my 13 mos old daughter...she understands it and all but I never use the word...we do "not for sophia" and redirect...she is very clever and doesn't tantrum out too much at this point unless she is very tired.

Anyway we were visiting friends yesterday and she said "no" to her and sophia was upset...I said "we don't say "No" to her" and she said you have to say no you can't let her do what she wants.

So then I explained that we don't let her do what she wants we just say "no" in gentler ways and redirect her.

She was amazed...the concept had never been introduced to her and she thought it was brilliant...she used to feel so bad about saying no so much to her kids when they were little...everything was "no"

She was also kinda sad she hadn't learned a better way before her kids were grown (10 and 18 now) and she said maybe they wouldn't have said "no" back to her as much if they didn't hear it as much :thumb

Sometimes it's a matter of education isn't it? I know I used it with my first for a while because I didn't know and when her behaviour got a little crazy I went and borrowed library books and fortunately discovered gd.

I think we all have a responsibility to explain our parenting to other parents in a gentle, non judgemental way...

:thumb

I think we all have a responsibility to explain our parenting to other parents in a gentle, non judgemental way...


I agree with this if they have been so brazen as to feel the need to "correct" how I'm doing it. No one wants to feel corrected by someone else and it sounds like you did an awesome job of giving her information without coming across as judgemental about her methods. Far more people will pay attention to the ideas of gentle discipline when presented in a manner similar to the way you did, rather than being told they are terrible parents and they need to do it our way.

I think this stands true for a lot of the words/phrases used to discipline children. My brother tells his 2 1/2 yr old to watch her attitude. She, of course, tells him the same thing, which she then gets in trouble for. Doesn't make sense to me, either. What it tells me is that 1) she's good at imitating (completely developmentally appropriate) and 2) she has no clue what "Watch you attitude" actually means (attitude is a tough concept for a 2 1/2 yr old, don't ya think?).

I have also tried very hard to use words other than no with my dd, with the wonderful result that it is not one of her favorite words. Actually, she uses it fairly approriately. She does now say "please" when I'm trying to get her to give up something she shouldn't have because she's heard me be respectful of her and use the same manners I would use for any other human being.

Good job, mama!