Lousli
08-13-2004, 11:11 AM
Hi ladies,
I didn't want to the one thread to be all about me, so I'm posting this here. I am really freaking out this week. I think it is because I'm so exhausted trying to take care of dd while dh is out of town. I just feel like I need some adults around me. I teach 9 and 10 year-olds all day, then go home to a 2 and a half year old all night. I know some people do this alone every day, so I feel like i shouldn't complain.
The work load is so overwhelming right now until dh and my parents come home. But mostly it is just the worry now that my amnio is getting so close. I try to think positively, and most of the time I'm fine, but being alone with my thoughts has really brought out the worrier in me. I keep waking up in the night to pee, and then can't fall asleep because I'm thinking too much.
I know people tell you that you will find the strength to handle whatever comes your way, but honestly, I feel like if something bad happens to this baby, I'm going to lose it. Several people in my family are prone to depression, and I have been situationally depressed before. I didn't eat for almost 3 weeks. I just don't know how I could keep going on, come back to work, finish school. I need to be able to do those things to take care of the family I have, since I'm the "breadwinner."
I know I'm putting the cart before the horse, since I haven't even had the test yet, and I hope I'm just overreacting. I just really wish i had someone who could hang out with me tonight and maybe have dinner with us. There isn't anyone. I have seriously called every person I know that lives in town, and they all are gone or have other plans. There is a slight chance that one woman can squeeze me in, but she is almost as overwhelmingly busy as I am. I also don't want to spend time with just anyone, but someone that cares for me and my daughter.
Okay, this sounds super pathetic, so I'm going to go. Plus, I'm at work, and it is time to actually do some work.
I didn't want to the one thread to be all about me, so I'm posting this here. I am really freaking out this week. I think it is because I'm so exhausted trying to take care of dd while dh is out of town. I just feel like I need some adults around me. I teach 9 and 10 year-olds all day, then go home to a 2 and a half year old all night. I know some people do this alone every day, so I feel like i shouldn't complain.
The work load is so overwhelming right now until dh and my parents come home. But mostly it is just the worry now that my amnio is getting so close. I try to think positively, and most of the time I'm fine, but being alone with my thoughts has really brought out the worrier in me. I keep waking up in the night to pee, and then can't fall asleep because I'm thinking too much.
I know people tell you that you will find the strength to handle whatever comes your way, but honestly, I feel like if something bad happens to this baby, I'm going to lose it. Several people in my family are prone to depression, and I have been situationally depressed before. I didn't eat for almost 3 weeks. I just don't know how I could keep going on, come back to work, finish school. I need to be able to do those things to take care of the family I have, since I'm the "breadwinner."
I know I'm putting the cart before the horse, since I haven't even had the test yet, and I hope I'm just overreacting. I just really wish i had someone who could hang out with me tonight and maybe have dinner with us. There isn't anyone. I have seriously called every person I know that lives in town, and they all are gone or have other plans. There is a slight chance that one woman can squeeze me in, but she is almost as overwhelmingly busy as I am. I also don't want to spend time with just anyone, but someone that cares for me and my daughter.
Okay, this sounds super pathetic, so I'm going to go. Plus, I'm at work, and it is time to actually do some work.