Any other special needs mamas due in April?

[Sleepymama]

How are you handling things? How are your kids dealing? Partners?

I have a 20 month DS who has a severe congential heart defect (severe form of tetralogy of fallot) which wasn't diangosed until a few hours after his birth. We had a rough birth due to my being sick with the flu and his posterior position, and even rougher first few weeks and first year. He had two surgeries, at 2 weeks and 3 months and is doing fine heart-wise now, and has grown a lot and is pretty healthy and full of energy. I battled severe PPD, almost hospitalized but got it under control, and am now taking zoloft which I intend to keep taking through this pregnancy. And in therapy with a great therapist who hasn't said that she thinks getting pregnant again is a bad idea, but I'm sensing she might think so.

We saw a genetic counselor before we TTC and she told us that since we have no family history we only have a 3-4% chance of having another heart defect. We felt like the odds were pretty much in our favor but I've been having a lot of renewed anxiety about DS's birth, especially since I've been talking about his birth a lot to midwives and doctors trying to choose the best care & birth this time. I have been having horrible vivid anxiety dreams again and some renewed PTSD which i thought I had gotten over. And I am crying a lot more.

We have decided after talking with lots of people that we are going to have a homebirth with a very experienced and highly recommended licensed midwife but will have some prenatal testing--level II u/s and fetal echocardiogram--to rule out a defect. If these tests show something, I'll have to go to a hospital, but my midwife will come as my labor support :) We feel pretty comfortable with this decision, mostly because we are in love with our midwife and from the stories she has told us (and a video of a difficult birth with infant distress which she delivered with a good outcome) we feel really comfortable with doing a homebirth with her, and I am desperate to have those first few hours after the birth without anyone whisking the baby off for testing.

So...who else is dealing with these kinds of feelings? How do you cope?

DS has NO CLUE what's going on, but he's only 20 months. I think he senses I'm more emotional because he's been very sweet and full of hugs and kisses lately, sweet boy. DH is anxious too, but he is much more internal about these things.

[littlebeagle]

Sleepymama,
Wow, your story really touched my heart. I can't imagine having the flu while giving birth. :( That must have been awful. And then throw in the other htings. Whew, what a story. I hope that things will go much better for you this time. :)

I don't know what your beliefs are, and if I offend you in anyway due to contrary beliefs, I sincerely apologize... When I was going through my first miscarriage in 1998, I didn't know what to think, what to do. I had always believed in God, but never really read the Bible or much else. Maybe a prayer here and there. A close friend of mine shared a verse with me that really spoke to me. It says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7.
I read that verse a few times to grasp the meaning of it, and that is when I realized that we are so alone in this world --unless we depend on the Lord for support. When we truly put our worries into His hands and truly Trust in Him, will know His peace. Sure there will be times when we worry; what mother wouldn't, but developing a relationship with the Lord helps so much in dealing with things. That day, I began a deeper relationship with the Lord and it was so amazing because other people in my life were more upset about my miscarriage than I was! He is always there for us; He just waits patiently for us to go to Him with all of our needs.

I think you made a good decision with the midwife; she sounds good to me. :) I personally am giving birth at the hospital, but my experiences there have been pretty good and I LOVE my OB. :love He's really great and quite witty. Although I will say that he thought I was a kook when I didn't want meds with baby#1.... the thought of a "Bradley" type patient scared him (He had a bad experience with one before).... but I showed him that not all Bradley-type folks are kooks. Heehee. He delivered baby#1, baby#2, and when I went back for my 1st OB appt for this baby#3, he gave me a hug :love . I was sooo shocked and touched by that. I am so thankful to have found him as an OB. I'm so glad you have found someone you really like, as well. I hope your tests go well, too.

:)

[LiminalOne]

I guess that I qualify. My 3 yo has epilepsy. We've thought it was the basic benign form where inheritance in a sibling would just be 3%, but now (after I'm pregnant of all things) we're thinking that the type he has is not so benign :(. I'm trying to do as much research as I can to find out the possibilities, some of which are inherited recessively, but a few of the really nasty options are inherited dominantly.

In fact, I just called the genetic counselor who we've been waiting to see for almost 6 months and we're scheduled to see in November. I was upset on the phone and they are able to get me in much sooner. At least a little peace of mind that I can pick her brain sooner and make a decision (no flames please).

I'm kind of still reeling from this possibility, so it really hasn't sunk in yet, but maybe you feel less alone.

In know in general, that my perspective on the resilience of humanity is challenged, even though I try to fight the sense that we are all very vulnerable creatures.

Blessings in your pregnancy

[littlebeagle]

I hope that things go okay for both of you this time. I can't say I've been in your shoes, but I did have a glimpse of it with baby#2. During a sono, they thought they saw cysts in her kidneys. I read how if she had this disease (can't remember now what it's called), that these babies are either stillborn or only live a few days after birth, up to 2 yrs. I was so terrified to think of losing my baby in that way. They scheduled additional sonos; it turned out to be nothing... but it would have definitely take some major strength to handle such a situation had it turned out badly. You are in my prayers, and I hope things turn out great for both of you.