saying good bye to my little brother

[fullcirclesb]

what can i say?
he was 11 months younger then I, lived on the edge. I wish that I could tell you how he died but nobody is talking to me about it. I know that it was in a car.....but beyond that I can't say. I have called my parents several times...I want to help with his funeral but I have not been included in any of the decisions. it seems so unfair!!!!! I love him too!
The funeral is tomorrow at a church that has a huge neon sign that screams "jesus lives" at passerbys. not his style at all.

so not only am I dealing with the loss of my brother but feelings of rejection from father and step mom are resurfacing and make me feel like a vulenerable 12 year old again.

I do not want to step foot in that church jaded and bitter. that's not what it suppose to be about, it is a way for people to say goodbye and mourn. I'm really angery at the whole situation and am having a have time putting it in perspective.

Please send peace my way, light a candle for my broken heart. I'm so overwhelmed with sadness

I need to figure out a way that i can say good bye to him.
Thank you
sarah

[hydrangea]

I am so sorry, Sarah. That sounds so hard.

:hug

[batty]

{{{HUGS}}} Sarah. I hope you find the peace you need.

:hug

[emmaline]

Dear Sarah

How terribly sad, and hard, for you - not only losing your brother but being unable to learn how he died, and feeling that his funeral is way out of touch with him as he was.

It will probably be difficult to grieve somewhere that seems unsuitable so, if it were me, I would have my own personal farewell, in away that honoured him as he was - maybe other family or friends would join you? at a favourite place or... I don't know, whatever seems right

When a close friend of my brother's died last year, the family totally presumed all rights with respect to the funeral and burial - in a way that was totally NOT how this guy had lived (eg he was a vegetarian for 25 yrs but relatives served sausage rolls at the wake....and.. they organised a catholic church when my bro's friend had not stepped into one for 25 yrs). None of the family seemed to care that they were disrespectful to everything bro's friend was

Do your grieving as you see fit, he was your brother

I can only hope that you will be given the info you need about how he died, there is obviously lots of family story coming between you and the rest of your family, hopefully this painful time will be a part of growing closer rather than further apart

going to light a candle now,
emmaline

[merpk]

:hug

No advice, just positive energy ...

- Amy

[festivus1]

Lots of love, peace, wisdom and support coming your way. I'm hoping maybe there will be a relative or a friend at the wedding who can be supportive and 'real' for you.

[Irishmommy]

((((Sarah))))) I'm sorry about the loss of your brother.

If your brother died in a car, there is an excellent chance the police were involved. Can you go to them for a police report? I would assume they are public property. Alternately, can you see the death certificate, that might tell you something.

[lisamarie]

Oh, I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your dear brother. You obviously have so many deep emotions going on right now. Grief is such a rollercoaster ride of emotions. It can be so difficult when families don't involve and support one another during a loss, it makes grieving IMHO, even more difficult and deep. After my dh died, his family planned his service, headstone, etc. His service isn't want he would have wanted, but I just try to remember that it was for them. Now I do things for my ds and I to remember him our own way.

I will be thinking of you and sending hugs, light, peace and healing to your heart and soul. Please, please feel free to come here to this forum to talk and write about your feelings of grief and your brother. Sometimes just writing can help get things off of our chest and heart.

Much Love~

Lisa:hug

[asherah]

I'm sorry. I have a little brother, too and I'd be wracked with sorrow to lose him.
No advice on how to grieve.. that's so personal. Do what feels best/truthful to you without worrying what others thing.

Just sending support...

[breathingmom]

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}
I am so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you as you work through your sorrow and anger.

~Jill

[Jish]

Please remember that funerals are for the living. Planning this funeral for your brother may be your father's way of finding closure. He may view it as the last thing he can do for his son. I know that this is such a tough situation for all of you involved. I hope that you can find a quiet place that your brother loved and go talk to him there. I did that after my grandma died and it made me feel so strong. Just talking out loud to her and telling her all my thoughts and feelings about everything was my way of getting closure -- the funeral was just a ceremony.

I'll be praying for you and your family.

[Piglet68]

Big hugs and deep sympathy from one who also lost her beloved younger brother (1.5 years apart) in an accident. I didn't have the issues you are with your family, but the loss itself I can totally relate to. I'm very, very sorry.....<<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>

[moondancer]

(((((((((sarah)))))))))

so sorry about your brother. I have lost a sister. Take care of yourself and grieve how you need to. How awful.

thoughts and healing prayers with you.

peace, moondancer who understands your grieving heart:crying

[Greaseball]

How horrible. I'm so sorry. Losing my brother was the worst thing ever.

I hope you can find a way to have your own service for him. It must really hurt being excluded, as if your connection to him wasn't as valid as your parents'.

[lorrielink]

i will light a candle for you tonight

[Luma]

so sorry to hear your news,
send you love and peace
:hug

[fullcirclesb]

thank you so much for all this love and support, I so need it right now.

the funeral was went okay, but it certainly was not what I needed to say good bye. I agree that funerals are for the living, this is what my dad and stepmom wanted. when the come to jesus talk started rolling off the platform I used my breathing to get through it, I wanted to walk out but that would cause more hurt than healing. A group of us are going to hike his ashes up to his favorite spot in the mountain on friday or saturday. I'm bringing sage and a drum, though my parents will be there, it will be my turn to say good bye, i hope that they will be able to respect it.
I want to find a good reading or poem, he was interested in native american spirituality.

thank you again for all of the wonderful vibes. you guysare the best!!!!
Sarah

[abimommy]

Hold on to what is good
Even if it is a handful of earth
Hold on to what you believe in
Even if it is a tree which stands by itself
Hold on to what you must do
Even if it is a long way from here
Hold on to life
Even if it is easier to let go
Hold on to my hand
Even when I have gone away

Pueblo Indian prayer

[Tanya L Day]

i don't know exactly how you feel but i have a good idea i lost my baby brother in June to a motor bike accident I'm having a very hard time excepting it and feeling very alone i don't have any words of advice but i was hoping maybe we could help each other just by talking and knowing that someone els is going threw something smiler.:crying :~bangel

[antannie]

I'm so sorry about your brother. I don't know if these ideas would help but in our family we always plant a tree for a loved one who dies and we pick something that has meaning to us. We planted an oak for my MIL who raised her two daughters on her own for eg. And when I lost a young nephew by choice to suicide I made a small pond where I go to think about him and it helps.

Sending love and healing thoughts

Annie

[Emilie]

So sorry for your loss Sarah.

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

my kids are 11 months apart. i see the deep closeness there and can only imagine your pain.
my best wishes to you right now.

[melanie83103]

:hug I'm sorry about your brother. I also lost a sibling (my older sister), and it's tough.

Melanie

[baileyandmikey]

((((HUGS)))) we just went thru a similar situation when my 29 yr old bil died unexpectanly. (((HUGS)))and good vibes coming your way.

[ollineeba]

:hug
Sarah, I'm so sorry for your loss :(

[goddessgold1]

:hug