What prepared you for fatherhood??

[familyman]

pwhat could have helped you prerare for fatherhood?
what support from other men did you get?
did you have a safe place to bring your fears without jugement?
what was your roll in the birth of your child?
what do you wish you had done different?
what strengths can you share with other men who are taking this journey as we speak?
there are a lot of questions here and maybe should be broken into several threads? my hope is that we can pool our knowledge and exper and help other men be as present as possible for this most incedable event.
for me i had almost nowhere to look for help. it was all about the mom 2b and the baby. every time i tried to look at my own needs i would feel guilty and dismiss my feelings. i also felt that i could not share my self doubts with my wife because she had a full plate with her own stuff. my blood father had physically checked out in utero and my step father was no help (my mom was the strong one, sd just did whatever he was told).i was the 1st of my friends to walk this path and was several years older than the men in our birth classes, so the men there looked to me and i had nothing. i was/am scared. i made a small mistake and killed a whole enviroment and its inhabitants ( i wiped out my fish when i set the heater too hot) how long will it take me to wipe out my kid? most of my fears could have been disolved by my not feeling alone. by another man telling me it is ok to have these fears. to check my ego at the door the midwife knows how to deliver babies, just be as "there" for dw as best you can. it does not hurt when you cut the cord, you dont have to cut the cord. you are an honored guest at the greatest gift women give to the world the brithing of a child, your child. you wont break the baby when you burp him.
the list goes on and on. but if we share our experiences with each other we may be able to help other men and our selves survive parenthood.

[Jish]

I'm not a father, but if no one minds, may I put in my 2 cents?

New moms don't know it all, even if it seems like we do. When I got pregnant I had more experience with babies and children than many parents of toddlers, but that still didn't mean that I knew everything. We were blessed with a colicky, high needs baby as our first and it was a very trying time for both of us. It was a new experience for me, I in no way knew it all, even if I came off that way.

Everything doesn't have to be done moms way. I was somewhat of a control freak with my first (Okay, I was a control freak - period) and my poor husband had to put up with me looking over his shoulder and jumping in to "help" him constantly. I wish he would have gently told me something to the effect of "how am I going to learn if I don't practice and be allowed to make mistakes?" That would have been a real eye opener for me. Here I thought I was helping, but what I was really doing was pushing my dh away and making more work for myself.

I wish my dh would have pushed me to get out of the house without the baby more. Since ds was so colicky I think dh was afraid to be alone with the baby, but I burned out really quickly and was met with real resistance when I said I wanted to get out for an hour alone. I don't think dh had any idea how trying being a sahm really is and sometimes a mom just needs a break.

My dh is a wonderful man and dad, but I wish he would talk to me more about his fears and concerns about his fathering and our life. He lets things get to him and I don't think he wants to burden me, but sometimes I would like to know what he is thinking. It's just not his personality and it frustrates me.

Lastly, I don't think there is any way to prepare for what your role during labor will be. I really thought that I would want dh there with me to comfort me. Two drug free births later, and I know that when I am in labor I just want to be left alone. If dh had come up to me and tried to do that Lamaze breathing with me, I would have smacked him. If a new dad wants to know what he can do for the laboring mom, just ask, and if she tells you "nothing" or "leave me alone" or something of the sort, don't feel bad and don't take it personally. For some of us anything is a distraction. You can prepare all you want for labor, but until it is upon you, your wife will not know what will comfort her.

I don't know if this helps at all, but I think this is a great topic.

[Dov]

What prepared me for fatherhood? Not much.

What helped? Dancing nekked in the woods and banging on drums with other men, and an ocassional howl at the moon.

Yammer said the rest.

[seriously, i'll think up something more relevant later but I have to go get some food ready]