do you feel you've connected with your babe yet?

[rainbowmoon]

with ds I was immedietly connected to his spirit when I found out I was pg. this time around I feel so UNconnected though. not sure why? I don't even feel pg some of the time. how can I get more in tune with my baby?

[Kerrie]

I don't know how to tell you to get more in tune w/ your baby but I can tell you that I do not feel connected at all. It's because I'm kind of waiting to see what happens on monday w/ my u/s.

[Softmama]

:lurk:
I don't know, but I'd like to see what other say!

[Abylite]

Not yet, I'm "holding back" because I guess I'm fearful of another m/c. As I move further along, I'll be able to let myself go. I have a few pictures of newborns (from magazines) up and I try to say some positive affirmations about keeping this baby, etc. I did have a "boy" dream last night...maybe he wants me to be connected. I need to feel he or she is sticking around this time!!!

[Hey Mama!]

Hi, I'm lurking on this board because I am due at the end of July, so it may very well be an August babe :innocent

I do feel connected to this baby, i have even started calling it by name in my head. But, when I was pg with dd #2, I could not connect with her for the longest time. My pregnancy was somewhat scary and stressful, and I felt for sure I was going to lose her so I kind of kept myself distant to protect myself, kwim?

[ChiroWife]

I don't feel connected either. I think it is a number of things.

1. Had a miscarriage last year and don't want to get my hopes up.
2. I have a 3 year old and she takes up my time. Which means less time to sit and think about being PG. With DD I basically stayed home for the last 6 months.
3. With the holidays and everything else going on we have just been so busy. Not a lot of time to dwell.

[~Megan~]

I do feel a spiritual connection this time that I wasn't aware of last time. I won't say didn't have last time because I think its simply an awareness that was lacking last time.

[ktmama]

OMG! I feel SOOOO much better having read this thread and your really honest responses. I did not plan on getting pregnant and it has come at a really bad time. I'm really having trouble connecting to being pregnant and to the baby and I keep thinking, well....I don't know what I keep thinking, I'm just not very excited.

It was during my first pregnancy that I really realized my marraige was over and I want so much for this marraige to work, I think I'm just really afraid that having a baby (unplanned to boot) will really disrupt things are that tenuous. Our relationship is fine, but money and housing are tight.

I'm trying to get in the spirit, ladies. Maybe a little retail therapy?

[MamaRBH]

I am also relieved reading this thread as I have been feeling guilty about my lack of connection to this baby. There are a number of reasons why I am not attached.... the first being that I have an ultrasound tomorrow to be sure the baby is growing since last ultrasound showed a 5wk fetal pole that was expected to be an 8-12week bean with arms and legs. Next - this pregnancy is VERY unexpected...I have a 3 year old (who just turned three yesterday) and a 10 month old... three pregnancies in three years is more than I ever imagined... It took me quite a while to feel connected to my second DD...in fact, I think it wasn't until I was about 8 months pregnant and I could see her little feet kicking my belly that I felt connected to her....of course now she is my light and I cannot imagine my life without her. I try to remind myself of that this time, as well....and feel strong that I will connect with this baby when the time is right for me again. I know that if there is a little heartbeat in my ultrasound tomorrow....it will surely be the start to that connection. :shy

[mags]

Rainbow-

I kind of feel the same way too. Although, I think there are a few reasons why I feel this way.

1. I am scared of having another m/c, and am still not full blown celebrating my pregnancy yet, b/c of that looming fear.
2. I'm so busy with my 11 mo old, I can barely think
3. Last time, it took a LONG time and 2 m/c's and fertiltily tx before I got and stayed pg, so I was REALLY happy last time when I got pg, and was one of those women who thought about my pregnancy and the baby 24-7, I was totally consumed.
3. I hate to admit it, not that I am not happy to be pg again, but after being pregnant once and giving birth once, I think I'm just calmer in general about this pregnancy, b/c I have an idea of what to expect, so I haven't been daydreaming all day about this baby, like I did with my first one. Now, I keep daydreaming about how I am going to handle two babies 18 mo apart, and how impossible it will be to even get grocery shopping accomplished with two babies!

I think after I go in for my first appt and hear the hb and have the u/s, it will probably seem much more real to me. I AM excited about this baby, esp since I did not need any fertility meds this time AND I was BFing too! So, this baby is a blessing. I just don't think it has quite sunken in yet. My sil kind of felt the same way too about her 2nd pregnancy, saying most days she didn't even feel pregnant, but it's funny, b/c she actually feels closer to her 2nd baby more than her 1st baby, and she never thought that would be possible.

[lisarussell]

Oh I can so relate to this one. With my baby #2 I felt horribly unconnected. I was afraid she would ruin the fun I was having with baby #1. I was afraid I didn't have neough love in my heart for another one. I was afraid that I wouldn't have TIME for another one. I realized- like in month SIX- that I had no awareness ofthis child's soul. NOTHING. Now that she's here (and 8 years old) I can see that her soul was with me. Example, I've never been too interestede in horses and yet while I was preg wiht her I was DRAWN to them magnetically, it was wierd. Foods that she loves and I don't were a BIG part of my preg diet.

Your little one is with you and connected with you in ways you cannot comprehend.

I think I was "blocking" her with my fear.

Since then, I have made an effort to "stay connected" with my babies. Whenever I lie in bed to nap or at night, I hold my hands over my uterus and feel the warmth of my skin, knowing that in that warm place the body of my child is being nurtured.

There's a book- I wish I remember what it's called, but someone MUST speak up, it's like "spirit child" or something????

Basically, two souls are attempting to share one space right now, YOUR BODY. No wonder we have mood swings. Allow it, give in to the flood of new sensations and ideas, be creative and let your child express himself through you. Writing, painting, drawing, sculpting, WHATEVER creative outlet you can find will connect you with your baby. SImply planning for their arrival can connect you also. At this point, the space the baby's soul "owns" his own body is so very small that it isn't wrong or uncommon NOT to feel a connection, but as the baby grows inside of you he will make his presence knows, physically and spiritually.

Enjoy every minute of it, please.

[Mama Coltrane]

Yes and NO.
Sometimes I feel connected, but I am also busy with my 18 month old so it is different.
I have heard the heartbeat so that has helped and when the babe starts moving I will be psyched.
I truly believe the personality of the baby can come through you while in utero. While pregnant with Coltrane I had this really strange laugh- it just wasn't mine. People commented on it all of the time. Well, it is his laugh now.
With this baby I am waiting to see if anything like that happens. I have had really cool dreams and I am way more emotional that I was with Coltrane. Maybe this is a very sensitive one that is coming??

[ChildoftheMoon]

Interesting that the majority of us who do not feel a connection have experienced loss. I felt very blissful and connected to my first two daughters. With my third dd, who was stillborn, I strived to feel her, but never felt that connection. I often wonder if it was because her soul was never fully connected to her or if it was due to my grief with losing my mil (she passed away the same month dd3 was conceived) or both.
I am timid with connecting with the wee one. I do feel a difference from with my last dd, but still not very connected. I make a conscious effort to direct my attention to this babe and make s/he feel welcome and wanted. I feel I am holding back a bit until I feel s/he move. I so want to feel this baby kick and stretch, dd 3 hardly moved.
Wishing us all peace and bonding with our growing blessings!
Brandi :love

[henhao]

I didn't feel connected until my prenatal yoga class. The teacher had us do a meditation and place one hand on our heart and one on our belly. That was the first and only time I felt a connection. I haven't taken the time, I guess. I'm still at the stage where I am more concerend with my emotional state.

[Kseabose]

I haven't ever felt connected until I feel the baby kick the petunias out of me. I've had three babies who are "big" girls now (13, 11, &7) and all were NICU babies... I'm trying really hard not to feel too attached but be nurturing because I do so want this baby, though it was a GREAT surprise for my husband and I.

With my first I gained about 67 pounds... in about the first three minutes of being pregnant. I guess I took the laying around with bon bons thing a bit too literally -- she was 5 weeks early and only weighed 5# 4 oz... That just doesn't seem right.. However, with the other two... I gained the "normal weight" went early. and they weighed abotu the same... Now... where was I and my pregnant mind going with this thread?

Hmm... connection... I dont' ahve a direct connection... I do lie in bed and think about how really amazing it will be when the baby does move... and it's just he/she and I .... until the birth... I've even seen the heartbeat 3 times already... but it still looks like a peanut with a worm inside... so attachment was still hard.

I'm supposed to have a 2nd level U/S at 12 weeks to rule out Trisomy 18 and other genetic disorders... I'm a bit nervous about that ... I'm okay with Down Syndrome... as I've worked with people with Downs for years. but the other syndromes that theya re looking for my OB classifies as "incapatabile 9sop?) with life...)

Sorry for the ramble...
Kathie