Grieving And Work

[clarks]

HI EVERYONE

IAM A RESONABLY NEW MEMBER, I HAVE USED OTHER THREADS.
I HAVE RECENTLY EXPERIENCED THE LOSS OF MY SON "CAMERON" ON 21ST DECEMBER 2004.
I AM STILL HURTING VERY BADLY, WHY THIS HAPPENED (STILL WAITING ON BLOOD RESULTS).(STILLBORN AT 41WEEKS) .
MANY PEOPLE ARE TELLING ME TO GO BACK TO WORK TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY!! I AM VERY UNSURED OF THIS AND WONDERED IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE WHO CAN HELP ME WITH THEIR EXPERIENCES AND THOUGHTS???
PLEASE HELP ME, THANK YOU

I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE FOUND YOU ALL AND SEND MY LOVE AND THOUGHTS TO ALL WHO HAS SUFFERED THE LOSS OF A BABY

:angel CAMERON FOREVER IN MY HEART X X X

[berkeleyp]

I think you have to do what is right for you. Don't forget that even though you don't have your son in your arms, you did just give birth and your body needs time to heal. Besides that, it is really hard to get back into a "normal" routine. I don't know what is right for you but i can tell you that i definetely didn't want to go back to work. THis was easy for me since i had been working as a long term substitute teacher and by the time 6 weeks had passed, it was summer and there was no school. I guess it would have been different if i had a different job but i am so glad that had the whole summer to focus on my grief. I did go back to substitute teaching when school started back up in late August and i thought it was really hard at first.
As for the reasons to go back to work, keeping busy is probably not the best one. I think that it's really important to keep yourself busy grieving for as long as you need to. Grief is hard work and the more time you can devote to it, the less it will eat away at you forever I think.

The bottom line is that you should do what feels right for you. If you don't want to go back and you can afford not to then don't.

By the way, I think you meant to post this on the main Pregnancy loss forum, not the archive. You might want to try to move it or just cut and paste your post on a new thread in the main section.

[ssrmeeky]

I am very sorry to hear about your loss and I wish you nothing but happiness. I know thats hard to hear at a time like this. But I know what you are feeling I lost my son the 2nd of last month from a preterm labor he was born alive and passed away 37 minutes later. I think at this point you have to look at yourself and ask yourself are you ready to get back to the everyday life. I think you should take the full 6 weeks to heal and grieve for your son. I took the full 6 weeks and I am glad even though I stayed home most of the time. I dont think I was mental ready to face the world and all the questions about what happen. But as time heal I can answer the question with out breaking down and crying. All i can do with the pass is think about my son and wonder what if. But I cant live with the what if's for all my life. But I can think about him with out crying now and I can talk to him as if he was in my stomach(that might sound crazy but it helps). Take the time off and you will feel alot better.

I wish you well
Meeky

[KDWill]

Clarks, I'm so sorry. There's nothing I can say to make this any easier for you but just to remember that you are not alone. It will be a tough road ahead and we just have to take it one day at a time. I lost my son Christopher on the same day, Dec. 21, 2004, 20 weeks into my pregnancy. For me, the devastation and grief has turned from something overwhelming and all-consuming to a dull ache and sadness that I live with every day. I often still have a hard time believing/accepting that this happened. I still feel devastated at times. But I'm also starting to have a few good days here and there too.

To your work question, I actually went to work two weeks after I delivered Christopher, on Jan. 3. In hindsight, it was a little too soon. I wish I had taken just one more week off. The reality was, I felt physically fine and everyone else around me was getting back to their normal routine after the holdiays. I just did what I knew to do, and that was to go back to work with everyone else. I think everyone is different though. For me, work did serve as a bit of a distraction and some sense of normalcy again. Granted, that first week back was really hard with all the well-meaning coworkers stopping by with condolences. But after that I was glad to be back to work. I think if I had just stayed home I would have sat around the house by myself feeling absolutely miserable every waking hour. I needed to get out and I didn't want to be by myself. That said, I can't say I've been the most productive employee at work either. I probably spend some time every day just staring off into space, thinking about Christopher. Fortunately, my boss has been great.

Just do what you're ready for regardless of what others are telling you. Take the time you need; don't short yourself, especially if you're not ready to be back at work again. But we have to continue living our lives at some point too.

Just remember you're not alone. Take care of yourself and give yourself the time you need.