I have two kids, a girl 2 1/2 and boy 4 months. Fiona was a very fussy baby, and would often cry hard for long periods of time (sometimes 2 hours) I couldn't handle it, I would get so angry and would throw and break things. I didn't feel depressed, and when F was happy, I was happy. I loved her and wanted her but couldn't stand how helpless I was when she cried. my doctor said I had PPD and gave me some Adavan 0.5 mg to take as needed. Now I have a usually happy 4 month old boy, but he cries hard when he's tired and i s very difficult to calm. When I'm alone and overtired, all the same anger (at myself, the situation) comes back and I want to hurt things again. I have had urges to shake him and throw him, but i know I never would. When I feel like that I put him down and go outside or go chop wood to keep myself from hurting anything else. After that I end up crying, hugging my babies who are also crying. I feel so awful. I feel like I'm ruining their lives. This doesn't happen often. Most days are wonderful, and I love being with these two beautiful little people. my doctor says I don't have PPD, that what I'm going through is normal, and I just need to adjust. Sometimes I think he's right, but when I'm in the middle of my anger and helplessness, I know somethings wrong with me. Does anybody else get this? is this just a part of motherhood that nobody wants to talk about, or am I really depressed? My DH is awesome and totally understanding and supportive, but works a lot. I've had my son totally checked by a pediatrician, even taken him to a chiropractor, and he is totally fine. Please, am I alone?

you are not alone. i dealt with anger when my kids were younger. i havent really felt it real bad with this baby, im hoping i dont. you are not a horrible mother for having these feelings and thoughts imo. there were several times i locked myslf in the bathroom and cried because i was so overwhelmedand scared by my thoughts. the fact that your dh is supportive is wonderful. is there a way that after he got home from work or something that you had say an hour or so to maybe take a bath, read a book, take a walk, etc? thats something that i think would have helped, at least in my case, something to look forward to, especially during those really tough times.
:hug to you. im sorry i dont have much else in way of suggestions. but you are not alone.

No, not alone at all. And just because it's normal doesn't mean it isn't very difficult to deal with.

I don't know what the percentage of new mothers that deal with serious depression is. But my own anecdotal evidence suggests that it's high, at least a large minority. I would guess that most mothers deal with serious unhappiness and irritability for at least a short time.

It's like a secret, this huge unhappiness and anger after a baby is born.

I was my worst enemy in this regard. It wasn't my doc telling me it was normal and that I would adjust, it was me. I kept telling myself that what I was experiencing wasn't "real" ppd or "real" depression, that I was just being selfish and self centered (my own specific problems, I didn't particularly want to be a mom when baby #1 came along.), and therefore I didn't need therapy or meds. That's for other moms who truely need it, not me.

Well, my depression did improve quite a bit over about 3 years. Enough that I felt comfortable having another child. But post baby #2 the depression came back, and this time it got so bad, I couldn't lift my head off the couch, couldn't get out of bed sometimes, felt like I was dying. When it got to the point where, the only thing keeping me alive was the fact that we didn't have a gun handy (even knowing it would ruin my family's life), I finally got myself to the doc. She prescribed an antidepressant, and within a week I felt better than I had since before baby #1 came along. I WISH I HADN'T PUT IT OFF SO LONG!!

Go back to your doc and tell him straight up you need help, this is more than you can handle, that normal or not, you don't want to live this way anymore.

We humans are too smart for our own good. New mothers go through hell, sometimes, that our animal sisters don't. We might as well use some of that superior intelligence to make life a little easier, i.e., use the meds, that's what they're for!

:hug Best of luck to you. It's tough, really tough. But you're going to make it.

IF you aren't seeing a psychiatrist, I would ask for a referal to one. Most family docs, GPs, or even internists aren't versed enough in depression/ppd to always be of help. For some people depression manifests in rage/anger. Depression isn't always "depression." During a panic attack when I thought I was having a heart attack, the ER doctor was wonderful. He was the first doc who actually looked at my symptoms as a whole and cared enough to look beyond the obvious, "it's all just normal." He told me about his experience with depression -- his manifested in anger and rage. He told me that there were times that he knew he was out of control. He would get so angry that he would have these terrible impulses to grab/hit/throw his children. He said that he went on Zoloft (ssri) and it was a world of difference. He was able to get back to normal and not feel those ovewhelming rages. Seretonin imbalances leading to depression don't always have the same symptoms for everyone, and speaking with a psychiatrist is the best way to get a correct diagnosis.

Additionally, if you haven't had your thyroid checked lately, I would do that also. A friend was having symptoms like you described and it turns out that her thyroid is out of whack and once she got it back on track, the anger issues were no more.

Good luck! :love

It is reallly hard after you have a baby to discern what is normal and what is abnormal because having a baby gives you such a wide range of emotions.


Are you getting enough rest? sometimes not enough rest can make me really irritable.

To me it does sound like you have some PPD. I am on Zoloft currently and I have had depression on/off for quite some time. About 5 or 6 months after I had my baby (who is almost 9 mos. old) I got really moody. I would have mood swings from one extreme to the other. I would find myself losing patience w/my son. Also, I could be really mean to my husband, say terrible things and these mood swings would come/go. Sometimes I might feel okay and then two hours later would be in the worst mood. I blamed it on fatigue. It wasn't that at all. I think I was depressed. Now I am on a higher dose of Zoloft (was on a really low dose during pregnancy) and my doctor just added in Wellbutrin. I do feel more rounded out, not so up/down like I was. I still have my moments, but it's better.

Also, make sure you get some time away from your kids. It's good for mom too and if moms happy then so is everyone else. I was really bad at neglecting my own needs.

I hope you feel better real soon!