Post birth anxieties keeping me up at night!

[miamommy]

I am due early June and I am have been having trouble sleeping lately because I keep having panic attacks about how I will care for dd (5 years old) and a newborn. I am so afraid because things are so different this time around. DH will most likely only have a few days off of work and he works very long hours. dd is very "high-spirited" or "high-needs." She had a gigantic tantrum this morning and I just kept thinking OMG if I had the baby right now - it would have woken up screaming, and I would have been trying to get dd ready for school, make her breakfast and lunch with a hysterical 5 year old and a hysterical infant. How do you handle more than one child??? I know it can be done, obviously, but I am soooo scared!

I also feel really isolated here. We moved from a medium sized town to Los Angeles and most of my friends and family are at least 2-3 hours a way in the best traffic conditions. I have no idea who will be able to help me out in the first few weeks. I had mild PPD with dd, crying for no reason and this over all feeling of sadness and I felt lonely. But, weith dd, I had good friends that came to visit frequently and went for walks with me and my parents came to visit almost everyday. There is no way that will happen this time around. I only have one friend in this city and she is the kind of person who is always too busy with her own life and her kid is just way to crazy to have around. My closest friend lives in TN, she is recently divorced and has rediscovered the dating scene. I only hear from her a few times a week and we used to talk everyday. I have tried to re-establish contact with some old friends from our old town, but distance and differences in lives make it hard to rebond with them. My sister just graduated law school and is working as an attorney and I doubt that I will see her much. I am terrified of this isolation. I remember those days when I couldn't even take a shower - how will I get to dd's school to pick her up everyday?

These feelings are manifesting at night - I wake up to use the bathroom and then I can't get back to sleep. I start having panic attacks. I had thought about staying at my parents house like 1 week on and 1 week off, but I don't have any friends in that town either and would be almost as lonely though I would be getting some help but then dh would be missing out on so much. What do I do???

Please tell me how you manage with more than one child, anyone...

[mmgarda]

Ok, first of all - you're right, it can be done. I'm sure that doesn't help, but I'm reinforcing what you already said. :thumb

Living in LA is difficult, I know. it's not easy to get around and no one wants to be on the road. That being said, I know from personal experience that you CAN make connections here. I live in Reseda (west Valley), so if that helps, PM me and maybe we can get together. I have a fabulous network here of friends who are all like-minded parents and it has made all the difference. I found them all by joining a ton of message boards and posting, posting, posting until I found the people I felt comfy with. Then I started scheduling get togethers. It definitely took effort, but now I have a great network. Also, check out the LA Mamas board in the Finding Your Tribe forum. It's been a bit inactive lately due to holidays and weather, but it's a great forum.

In the short term - can you hire a post-partum doula or nanny to help you through the first few weeks of getting into a rhythm? Could any family members maybe come visit for a few days? If you can stagger it, you might be able to get a few weeks worth of help out of that. Also, I don't know your DH's situation, but he should be eligible for FMLA. While that's unpaid leave, he doesn't have to take it all at once. That is, he can take a few hours a day, every day, until it adds up to the full 12 weeks. That's probably more than he can accomodate, but if you knew he was going to be home at 4 every day instead of 7 for a few weeks, that might help ease your stress?

Finally - you are not alone!! I highly recommend you check out local resources for support groups. Again, not sure what part of town you're in, but I always like to recommend A Mother's Haven in Encino (www.amothers-haven.com, 818-380-3111). It's a store and classroom and they have tons of support groups and classes. If you have the ability to do something like enroll your DD in a music class, that would both get you out of the house and provide an activity for her that might buy you a 1/2 hour of rest.

Seriously, PM me if I can help you in any way. It is REALLY hard to make connections in this town so I understand your pain. If I can bring you into my fold, so to speak, maybe that will help you. :D

[Debstmomy]

miamommy hugs: to you. It can be very overwhelming to be a parent of a high needs child & then to be expecting another one. Let alone, in a new unfamilar place. I second mmgarda's idea about seeking like minded mommies in your area. I know LA seems so large but I know that there are MANY lll groups that would welcome you. If you want to PM me I can send you a list of groups in your area. Good Luck. YOu will be alright, and keep in mind MDC is here for you too!