ear piercing

[pina la nina]

We were at a party last night (this is an exhausting week - 2 weddings, 1 where dh was best man, a going away party for a good friend and oh, yeah Christmas! What a week!) and our dd was the only girl of any age without pierced ears. I'm talking babies here, a few months old. We have no intention of piercing dds ears, at least not until she really really wants them done. We were told "it's our culture" - which was? One family was Puerto Rican, one Ecuadorian, and then there's Italian. I'm wondering if this is popular where you are too, do you see it as cultural?

[dfoy]

I see this a lot around here, too! A friend of mine is Cuban and she says it is a cultural thing for them. I did not get my 17 yo dd's ears pierced as a baby and she still has never pierced them. I will not pierce my 5 mo. old dd's ears, either. I believe in personal choice.

[Sagesgirl]

Well, I don't see it a lot around here, but I saw it a lot back home. I'm in Portsmouth, Virginia right now. Most of the population is AfAm. I'm from San Antonio, Texas, where most of the population is Mexican. It is definitely a cultural thing as far as I can tell. It is so prevalent in SA, in fact, that it crosses racial boundaries. Well, San Antonio certainly has its own culture, one that is heavily influenced by the large Mexican population. My own ears were pierced at six weeks, and that is the main reason I want to have it done young if we have a girl. (Family history: both female cousins were denied permission, had a friend do it, and wound up with bad infections, another reason for us to do it when she's young). I don't know if it will be found odd whereever we wind up living (dh plans to retire from the Navy, so there's no telling where all we'll live). I grew up in SA though, so that's my culture too.

[Bella Babe]

Well, I remember when, at 4 yo, asking my mom to get mine done and I was sooo thrilled when she said yes. I am going to wait until dd asks me b/c at that young age their aren't a whole lot of "big girl" things I will be able to say yes to. I don't remember it hurting much and later had 2nd and 3rd holes put in. (Which I haven't used hardly at all since high school, but Oh well. ) I did have to wait until I was 18 to peirce my bellybutton. My mom wouldn't take me b/c she didn't want to see it. :eek:

[peacemama]

I also believe in waiting until a girl can make her own decision about pierced ears. Mine were pierced as an 11th birthday present. I have noticed that in certain cultures most baby girls have their ears pierced, particularly in Latin American cultures. I don't know where this tradition comes from; maybe a family member can explain it to you? I think a lot of people do it so that their neutral-looking baby is identifiable as a girl, but as someone who doesn't categorize children according to sex (I think of every person as an individual, and truly believe that there is just as much difference between a girl and another girl as there is between a girl and a boy), I don't relate to that idea.

That said, you didn't say that anyone in your family was telling you that you SHOULD pierce Ruthie's ears, so to each their own! :)

[stella]

i think it looks really cool when little babies have pierced ears, but i don't know if there is any danger in it -- like if the baby pulls on their ear or something. i grew up in brooklyn and most of my friends had had it done as infants. they were of many different cultures. my grandmother (nyc, jewish) had also had it done as an infant and said that is what was done at that time. however, my mother didn't have her's done -- it was out of style apparently when she was little. i begged to have my ears pierced for 5 years. finally when i was ten, my mom agreed, and we both went and got them done together, which was kind of cool. this old guy who had been piercing ears for 50yrs did it the old fashioned way with a needle and a cork! i have good memories of it -- picking out the earrings and all that.
i also like the idea bella babe has about being able to say yes to her daughter when she asks. my dd is 2, but when she asks, i think it would be a fun thing to say yes, as long as she understands it will hurt a litttle, and we will have to be careful and take care of them for a few weeks.

[Rainbow]

I agree, she can get them when *SHE* wants them... why should I poke her ears? I hate wearing earings, why would I make my girl wear them when she can't even tell me she dislikes it?
I was adopted, my adoptive parents are mexican. They are angry I'm not piercing her ears. They explained that in mexico the families with money are able to pierce them, and the poor are not. It's a status thing for them.
I told them it was a joke, they also think a man isn't a man until he has a male child. blachhhh! gag me, seriously... get over it. I get sick of hearing it, last time she asked when I was peircing her ears I told her "WHEN SHE ASKS, and I dont hear her talking yet" My mom sighed, as always... I simply told her that I have nothing to prove to her or any of her family in Mexico. My daughter has a loving family, and all she needs materially. My SIL had both her girls done before they were 2 months old :(

Aly

[Mami_Mala]

and I got a lot of heat for not piercing my dd's ears when she was a baby. Mine were done when I was a few eeks iwth a needle ,some thread and ice as were my sis's my cousins, my mom, my grandmom etc so yeah it is kind of culturla but I couldn't bear to do it to my baby. Over the summer when we were in Puerto Rico she asked me if she could get her easr pierced. She knew it would hurt but she still wanted it done.so I got them pierced. I've never heard of it being a calss thing..at leats in Puerto Rico its not.

Peace

[sleepies]

i think it looks cute

im sure it is painful

i wouldnt' do it because of infection, or the risk of the baby yanking it out and hurting self or choking

but. i dont mind if people do it

i think it is too risky

but then i am a worry wort.

[pina la nina]

hey Malia's - thanks for explaining that about Mexico - I've been trying to remember what I noticed while I was there and it seems like I didn't see much ear piercing so I was having trouble getting that to mesh with it being a Latin thing. Must be I just didn't know anybody who was "high class" - lol!

peacemama - We're actually the Italian's of the bunch, well dh is, I'm your basic Anglo mutt. Believe it or not, with my MIL, I actually haven't gotten any kid raising pressures one way or the other yet. I'm sure it will come, I think they just have all decided I'm weird and don't care what they think so they go off on other things. I'm lucky that Ruthie is such a beaut, because lord knows if she was at all cranky, sick, fill in the blanks, it would be because I'm such a big old vegetarian and my breastmilk is yucky! But you are right, I could have a mellow conversation about it with some of our friends (who are like family!)

To all - hope I didn't sound judgemental (just mental?) I think its really interesting, not my personal choice, I can't bear the thought of causing her pain. When I was in Africa I was in an area that had a a lot of facial scarification and it was explained to me that in the old way of thinking it was a way to claim a child as your own. If a child had no marks it meant they weren't wanted, homeless in a way. Its going out of style now, but interesting to understand the reasons behind it.

[kama'aina mama]

This issue really gets me hot under the collar so I am going to apologize in advance for the peopleI am bound to offend.

I will never understand how some people can look at a beautiful, perfect tiny little baby and thing "Now if she only had on a pair of fake gemstone earrings she would really be cute. Lets take her to the mall and give a teenage girl $5 to use a totally unsanitary device to force a chunk of metal through her flesh, crushing and bruising her tiny little ear lobes."

Most people on these boards are proud to defend a baby boys penis from non-consentual alterations for cosmetic and cultural reasons. I would love it if the same kind of feeling were applied to this issue as well. I understand that the degree of mutilation is different and earrings can be removed while foreskins, once cut are altered forever. Let's not subject our kids to painful procedures to suit our asthetics and lets try to discourage others from doing it as well.

[k'smami]

...whose ears were pierced as a wee babe. It was/is a matter of course. I had a son so I didn't think about it but my goddaughter got her ears pierced at 7 months when she went to D.R. for the summer. From my understanding, it is so that the girl doesn't get confused for a boy.

I agree that piercing and any other body altering procedures should be left up to the child and will do this when I have a daughter.

But I have to say, they do look cute. (all right flame away...;))

[Rainbow]

Mine were done when my parents adopted me, I was 4 and never wanted or liked them. It was a horrible experience, and I remember it well.
I don't know that universally it is a status thing, but for my family they relate it to their standing financially. But they also come from very low class in Mexico and probably couldn't afford it when others were able to. My mother has many material "hang ups" so it could just be her.
I personally don't think it looks cute at all... babies can't look any more perfect than they do in hteir natural state! :)

Aly

[Rainbow]

My husband has Puerta rican family, his grandfather came from PR but the rest have been in hawaii for some time. They suprised me by saying that they were proud of me for not doing it. :) I love DH's family, his dad's side at least!

Aly

[snugglemama]

I have a friend from Venezuela who said she was very suprised when she found out the nurses here didn't pierce all newborn girls ears before they went home from the hospital. She finally took her dd to the mall when she was a few weeks old.

I personally think jewelry looks silly on babies. (I don't like those bow elastic head band things, either!) But to my friend, her dd probably looked like a boy to her until she had the ears pierced, since all girls have them.

[Marlene]

Thanks, Pina La Nina for bringing this up
(personal note- my knickname in high school was pina because I loved all things with the pinal colada flavor) :)
OK- you great gals have really helped to solidify my decision. I always thought I'd pierce my baby girl's ears...until I had one. How could I cause her pain? I like the way earrings look and I expect she'll want them in the long run. I asked for them when I was 5 and I remember being shocked at how painful it was. I thought I'd pierce my baby's ears so she wouldn't remember the pain, but that way of thinking doesn't make sense. Whether or not she remembers it she still experiences it. And imagine how confused she'd be? My poor dd!
I'm glad you guys all posted because I probably would have gone ahead and did it, against my instincts.
I really like what everyone said about not choosing for her. And WOW, didn't kama'aina mama really tell it like it is!
Thanks ladies!
M and her un-jeweled cherub. :D

[valeria_vi]

one ofthe claims i have heard about piercing the ears early is not that it isn't painful for them, but that it heals faster when they are little. my niece had hers done when she was about 3.5 i had mine done when i was 10. on one hand it mightheal faster when you are an infant, but i think when you areolder you are able to deal with it better.

[robynberkley]

Had DD's done at 12 weeks. Personally I like the look of her ears pierced with little gold studs...personal choice though.

If you want to do it, it is better to do it when they are younger. The discomfort is short-lived, they don't play with them, as the caregiver you keep them clean while they are healing and they are less likely to develop an infection. The older kids/girls get, the more likely they are to play with them or not clean them properly.

She loves her earrings now at 4 1/2 and loves to share with Mommy. If she doesn't like them as she gets older, she can always let the holes close.

Cheers...Robyn

[Pom]

I'm hoping to keep my daughter's ears un-pierced until around 10-12 years old, in hopes that it can be used as some sort of ritual, acknowledgement of her becoming a young woman. My parents made me wait, and I felt like such a big girl when they finally consented!

I guess I feel girls are rushed into so many things so early, that the more I can hold on some things for DD (earings, make-up, dating(?)) the more she'll have to look forward to, and the longer she'll be able to enjoy being a little girl.

Of course, that's just my current theory -- we'l see how long it holds in the real world!

P.S. I think it is somewhat cultural, too. I grew up with a bunch of WASPs (although am not one) and it was very uncommon to pierce baby ears!

[Kiddoson]

I am with Pom on this one, I was made to wait as well & it was such a big deal to me. I also think it is their decision since it is their body.

[kama'aina mama]

Oh, one other thing as long as I am on my high horse :). If at all possible you should really bring your kids to a real piercing parlor and get the job done properly. The joints in the mall use that gun which is totally unsanitary. It is actually impossible to sterilize it. Also it doesn't so much pierce the ear as crush a hole with a piece of fast moving metal. The crushing and bruising is painful and takes a long time to heal. The nice 'freaks' at the piercing parlor will use a sterile, one use only hollow needle that is very sharp to cleanly cut a tiny hole in the ear. They usually have an autoclave on the premises and sterilize all their other tools between each use and are obsessive about washing and using latex gloves. The pain is much less and the healing time shorter.

[miasmom]

My mother's father was in the Air Force and they were staitioned in Turkey where ear piercing is done right after your baby is born. By the time she had me she still wanted to do that and peirced mine at 10 days old and i peirced my DD at 3 months. the only reason I waited is because of my DH. I would have done it sooner and if we have another girl I will do the same. She nor I have ever had any problems keeping up with her earings. I do however leave the studs in all the time. They are harder for babies to get off and help reduce an infection.

[Mom2Max]

Hi Pina - you and I sound alike -- my DH's family is from Italy and I am the anglo-mutt, vegetarian, breastfeeding, co-sleeping weirdo in the family.

They are all into the piercing and my niece has her ears pierced, had them done at the dr's office.

I wouldn't do it, though. I think, as with most aspects of parenting, it is all a matter of choice. But if I ever have a girl, she'll get her ears pierced if/when she requests it, not by default.

[TripkeHughes]

I didn't have a chance to read all the posts but I wanted to add a story a Ped. told me when ds was in the hospital.

He is from Porta Rico (okay, don't grill me, I can't for the life of me think of how to spell it correctly) and said that all daughters get their ears pierced in the HOSPITAL before they even leave. He said this was done for a long time without the parent concent (just assumed all daughters would get them), until there were a few issues. Now they ask first about circ and pierce. Funny to me!

[Alexander]

When dd was two, I found some ear rings that would have gone very well with her totally cool outfit.

DW said no. And quite right too.

1) There is no excuse for causing un-necessary pain on a child, no matter the age.

2) As far as possible, our children should be in charge of their own bodies, (gee, we take such liberties without even thinking about it!), and without their permision, it is an abuse of power.

So now, every month or so I show dd the ear-rings, but there is yet any interest!!!

a

[Jacque Savageau]

I'm really enjoying the hearing the cultural views on this.

When dd was a baby I had NO intention of piercing her ears. When she was 3 she started asking to have it done 'like mommy'. I skiped around it, then when she turned 4 she said "I'm 4 now and I don't drink milky anymore, I want my ears pierced. I know it hurts and that's ok" (did I mention she's actually 34 trapped in a 4 yro. body?)

Well, I told her that it will hurt and would that be ok? She said yes, and we hit the mall. I totally expected her to back out - but she didn't! Two women did it at the same time. She started to cry and I asked if she was ok. She stuck out her chest and said "I'm fine, I have sparkles in my ears now, can we go to the Hello Kitty store now?"

She LOVES her earrings and makes sure I clean them EVERY day and turn them. I'm still not sure it was thre right choice, but I feel that she made the decision and she's proud of it.

[Julie]

My DD is now 7 months old and I havnt had her ears done yet, Shes cute with out earings and would be cute with them but I just havnt had a chance to get to my favorite piercing place, but I am thinking of getting them done. I was about 3 when I had mine done, I knew it hurt cause i had seen my sister have hers done the week before but I wanted them, it pinched but didnt hurt. I've had my ears done (and re-done 3 times cause I let the grow over) and my nose pierced for almost 6 years now, I dont see it as a big deal, My main concern is that with the ear peircing gun you cant be a precise about the placement. Which is why When do get DD's ears done she will have it done at a professional piercers (If I trust the guy to put rings thru other body parts I definatly trust him to put them thru DD ears :))

[kibbles]

I would never put earrings on a child too young to speak up about it AND understand the pain.

I think it is cruel, and unnecessary. Stick a bow on your kid's head if you are worried about gender mix-ups.

I waited until my daughter was old enough to ask, I explained that it was like sticking a needle in your ear and leaving it in there, that it hurts for a while (I had mine done at 6, I remember), but if she wanted to, I would take her.

She decided against it. If she wants it, I will gladly take her.

I know someone who had her son done at under a year. That drove me nuts. That is DEFINATELY something that should be left up to the individual!

Oh yes, my holes are closed up now because I didnt get to wear them for a while, so now to get them fixed I have to go through scar tissue. A child isn't always responsible with earrings and the care needed. Plus when you first get them, you have to sleep with them, which is not comfortable, and I would think even more dangerous/painful on a small child, having a piece of metal poked into the back of their head/neck.

And I am Italian, in Brooklyn, so it *is* kind of common, but not as much as it used to be.

[USAmma]

We are a Hindu family and ear piercing is a very traditional thing that is done for both boys and girls at the age of 1 year. It is supposed to be an acupuncture point. Gold has a special quality that when put at this point and the blood of the body flows around it, is supposed to be good for health. We are going to have dd's ears done in about 2-3 weeks. Although it's traditional to have them done with a thorn we are going the more modern route of a piercing gun with numbing cream applied first. When I had my nose done at this same shop it didn't hurt at all. I also observed a boy getting his ears done and he actually slept through the first side and awoke to the sound of the gun on the second ear!

Darshani

[Teresa]

I wasn't allowed to have my ears pierced until I was a teenager. It was a sort of coming-of-age ritual and that's what we will do with my daughter--if she chooses to. I know that a lot of cultures do this to determine gender and to indicate a family's economic status, but I don't mind when my daughter is mistaken for a little boy (I avoid pink & frills) and if someone wants to determine our economic status they can always look at our car, LOL! I'm afraid, though (and this is not intended to offend) that I really don't think pierced ears on a child are any more attractive than a circumcised penis. They are both cosmetic procedures and parents can justify them or not based on what they think is attractive & appropriate for their family. Right now our son and daughter are both whole and I'm not going to choose to alter that for either of them.
Although. . . my husband & I do know someone who has had (of all things) his foreskin pierced! I can't imagine how that . . . um . . . ah . . . how that effects his 'functioning' though! On reconsideration, I guess that the difference is that at least a piercing can close back up given time, right?

[lilyka]

I want my dd to feel the excitement and anticipation i did when I got mine pierced. I still remember it as one of the few nice things my mom did for me.

I also heard a Dr. say once "If I have to pry one more ear ring loose from a baby's throat i am giong to scream" she then went on to deescribe how not only is it a choking hazard, but once they are swallowed they can pierce the throat and are really hard to extract (not to mention leave you eith a very sore throat.

That pretty much settled it for me.

[Kat20]

Teresa,
Actually, the holes will never close back up. A plastic surgeon told me this. He said, "Once skin is apart, it will never grow back together. For example, if you take two fingers and tape them together, they will not grow together."

I had my ears pierced when I was nine, in 3rd grade. At the time(1989), there were not very many girls my age who had their ears pierced. It seems like more girls got their ears pierced in 5th-7th grade back then.

[Ilaria]

I am from Italy and only in Southern Italy it is customary to pierce little girls' years when they are young. In the North it is very rare.
I am from Milan and i begged my parents for years to let me get my pierced.
I did when I was 12.5 years old.

I do not have a girl (yet) but would never pierce a baby's years! I thin they (my own future daughters) should be at least 10.

[AmaLari]

We are Hindu and it is common in our culture to pierce, but my 19 month old DD's ears are intact. I explained to my ILs that we were going to wait until she asked to have them pierced and everyone seemed to think that was a sensible approach. We've certainly not gotten any negative comments about it. We've received several pairs of 24k gold earrings as gifts for her to wear once she's been pierced, and I have tucked them away in her special jewelry box.

If/when she does decide to get her ears pierced, we will have it done by a piercer rather than a shop that uses guns.

Larissa
ama to Pravin (3 years) and Priya (19 months)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"When you're doing it right, your needs are the same as the child's and you don't have to choose between them." - Jean Liedloff

[Beth]

I like the coming-of-age ritual idea. My parents didn't let me get my ears pierced until I was 7 yo. There were other things that had to wait, too, like wearing pantyhose, high-heels, and make-up. I grew up in the 80's GLAM era. And I always wanted to grow up too quickly, I think b/c I have a sister 2 years older and I wanted to be like her. I ended up with 5 holes in one ear and 4 holes in the other. Never pierced anything else.

Anyway, I don't mind telling people that my babies are girls not boys. And I don't get offended when others think they are boys. Sometimes it is actually kind of funny. So piercing for gender i.d. is not something I worry about.

I live in Utah and my girls' 3 girl cousins all had their ears pierced as babies. I don't know if it is a cultural thing here or just our extended families' preference.

I will have my girls wait til a certain age if they want it done. I would prefer them not get them at all.