I've been thinking about this more and more as my pregnancy progresses. Ds is 27 months now and will be 31 months when baby #2 arrives. I have had quite a few people tell me that I should be preparing ds for baby's arrival by distancing myself from him right now so that it isn't a huge shock when the baby arrives. By distancing myself I mean stuff like not picking ds up as much, getting him to fall asleep by himself instead of laying down with him, asking him to play by himself more often, etc... My SIL told me that once she found out she was pregnant with their second child she automatically started making changes and everything she did throughout the day she would wonder how it work with her holding the baby and if it wouldn't she would do things differently.

I just don't think I need to do this. Am I being naive in thinking that things will all work out when the baby arrives? Am I setting myself and ds up for a huge shock? I do lay down with him at bedtime but it only takes about 15-20 minutes and I figure dh can hold the baby or I can nurse baby at the same time and dh can even put ds to sleep some nights. I still pick ds up when he wants but he's usually pretty good if I am carrying something and will just hold my hand.

I plan on preparing ds only by discussing the baby and what will happen when the baby arrives such as me holding the baby a lot, nursing, etc.... And I also figure that 4 months is still a lot of time for ds to grow and change on his own. I'm sure things won't be the same as at this moment and he may not even want to be picked up in 4 months.

How did you prepare your older children in terms of their independence? Or did you just let things work out? Any regrets or wishes that you had done something differently?

Karen, I think you're right on track!!
I'm gonna take a wild guess to say that the people who are giving you these suggestions are probably the same people who have given you other "advise" about what do do with your ds that you have probably not taken?
You are not being naive at all. This baby will be an addition to your family, not a replacement for ds1. Why in the world would you need to "distance yourself" from him? Why shouldn't you still pick him up or lay with him at bed time? It seems as though you've already thought very much about those things and I have no doubt you'll find a way that works for your family when the time comes.
I think talking to him about the baby a bit is definately a good idea. This way when changes start to happen they won't be a total shock. Things like knowing that Mommy will have to be sitting down nursing a lot..when things get closer, you and ds can come up with ideas for what you're going to do when you are sitting so much..special books, toys etc... You can let him know that you'll be having to hold the baby a lot, because the baby can't walk like he can...but no need to stop carrying him now. Your ideas about what do at bedtime are great, and very doable.
I have 3 kids that are 2 years apart each. We had to make all of these adjustments upon the arrival of siblings. I still managed to be able to lay with each of them at bedtime (I still do), they still each had thier time in arms, NONE of them ever had any kind of baby jealosy, because the baby was a happy addition, not something that was taking from them, but someone else that we all loved.
Wishing you happy days with your babes!

That's ridiculous (the distancing advice). I think one of the most helpful things for dd (then 2.5) was to read books about kids getting new brothers and sisters. Our local library actually had a whole listing put together for books about this topic. We found a few that dd really liked and read them a million times before ds was born. Her two favorite books did a good job of conveying how much time and attention babies need, but that she had a special role as a big sister, that she was still special and loved herself, etc. etc.