hi all...i'm in the process of weaning my 22 month old, hope to be done by his 2nd birthday or thereabouts. he is my 2nd child and as of today, i've been either pregnant or nursing for 5 straight years! (i know there are mamas here who can beat that...) and i'm just really done & and also feeling really good about what i've given both of my kids in terms of nursing relationships.

i've been reading some of the posts in this forum and some of the ones in the older forums and was thinking it might be nice to have a thread to support those of us who are weaning (not child-led).

in any case, i know there are emotions and physical issues and lots of other stuff worth discussing.

PLEASE, if you are pro-CLW: I do not want this to be a place where pro-CLWers try to make non-CLWers feel guilty for mama-led weaning, or try to talk anyone into continuing to nurse. i mean for this to be a support thread for non CLWers. thanks.

My ds is 23 months, and I also feel like I'm at the end of my nursing career. My oldest, who is 12, nursed for 3.5 years, my second, who is 5, nursed for 4 years (tandem for a while with the youngest) - that's over 9 years of nursing of the past 12, and I'm just ready to have my body back. I just have such little idea how to actually wean - the two earlier weanings weren't willing on the part of the kids, and it wasn't easy. I'm at a loss with the third, but I just can't see continuing for another year or two.

I'll be anxious for the words of advice/support of other mamas in this thread.

I am weaning my 18 month old son. I decided this last night. I emotionally/physically cannot do it anymore. I am 28 weeks pregnant, and I will NOT be able to nurse both of them. I know it is time as I am really mad and resentful of our nursing relationship now. I hope to find some kind of support :)

hi opally! thanks for your reply...

there is a wonderful book put out by LLL, called "how weaning happens" i can't remember the author...but you could put the title in at amazon (or half.com, even better) and i'm sure it would come up. it helped me a lot when i was weaning my dd. i found with both of mine, that getting from unlimited nursing down to 3 times a day (morning, nap and before bedtime) was the hardest part. afer thatit becomes a little easier to drop one nursing at a time, slowly. this time, i started weaning ds about 2 months ago and we're now at 2 a day (nap and before bed), we'll drop the bedtime one in another 3 weeks or so, then naptime another 3 weeks after that. i find also that it's hardest in the first few days after dropping a nursing...you gotta have snacks and sippy cup of water ready and DON'T SIT DOWN, lol!

i'm really with you on feeling like i want my body back. my dh also would like to have more physical contact with my breasts, but after nursing ds, because he is so "touchy" (likes to pinch my back and fiddle with my belly, argh, and try to touch the other boobie) i always say to dh "DON'T touch my boobs" and that's hard on us both. i'm ready to reclaim (what's left of) my boobs in the name of sexuality! :D even at only 2 nursings a day, my boobs are touched out.

every time i have dropped a nursing, i can feel my body changing and coming back. i also joined curves (one of those 30 minute circuit training gyms) because nursing has been my main method of weight control for a loooong time, and i'm a little afraid of how much weight i could gain when we're totally done.

looking forward to hearing from more weaning mamas :D

hi nym, we posted at the same time....welcome!

i nursed dd for my first trimester of my pg with ds and it was awful. i agree that its so much better to wean them than to have a bad end to a beautiful nursing relationship when it gets filled with resentment and anger. in most cultures, women do wean immediately when they find they are pg with another. just getting enough nutrition when you're nursing and pg is a realy challenge.

i admire you for doing what you feel is best for you and your family. also, i think you (and all of us) should be really proud of nursing our children for as long as we have. 18 months is really a long time! it's nuch nuch longer than MOST children nurse. i think its great when the other mamas here who enjoy nursing continue longer, but i also think it can lead to some of us feeling bad because we don't choose to continue longer, or because longer term nursing is not for us. i admire mamas who take care of themselves and make decisions based on what is right for their particular situation.

I hope this thread continues to go well. I am night-weaning my ds at 1 y.o. due to factors beyond my control. Good luck to all of you mamas!

i dont know if this is the right place for me as i am not totally weaning, just starting the process. my dd is 16 months. for awhile now i have been nursing her to sleep and i cant put her down. it is very frustrating. i feel like i spend all day taking care of the three kids and at night i need me time. so the other night i decided that i cant do this anymore. i need my nights. so i nursed little one while we read and then when i turned the light off i explained to her that i was done, she fussed a bit but fell asleep, then my other daughter(31/2) was restless and after lying there for maybe a half hour i couldnt take it anymore. i explained to them that i was going to get up and put the food from dinner away, then i would be back to check on them. the girls put up quite a fuss but after me telling the older one to go back to bed and shut the door, they at least stayed in the room. after i put the food away(about 15minutes) i brushed my teeth and went to bed with them but i did not nurse. well we all finally fell asleep. i woke up when their dad called me(about 945) and was able to get up for awhile. that night she fussed a few times but i just held her and within a few minutes each time she fell back to sleep. in the morning she was really in a good mood and it lasted alot longer than usual. then yesterday i made it a point to sort of limit her nursing to specific times. we ended up nursing once in the morning, once for nap(around noon), once after nap?, once around dinner and once during the bedtime story. also i made it a point to lay down with her during naptime, and after lying there for awhile(good for me!!) i got up for about 20 minutes, then she woke up. this gave me time to put the groceries away, and clean up after lunch. yesterday i also made a point to keep us on a schedule, centered around meals and that went really well. it is amazing how much better things are with a schedule! so then last night it was the same i nursed her for storytime, and after the light went out she fussed for like five seconds and then she rolled over and fell asleep with her arms wrapped around my head. then within ten minutes she was sleeping so soundly that i was able to disengage myself from her and get up for a couple hours! i think maybe nursing so much at night kept her from sleeping soundly. anyways thats it for now but ill keep you all posted!wish me luck on my consistency :D

welcome racheepoo (that's what we call our god-daughter!) :D

hi hazeldust! and i'd say that if you wandered into this thread and took the time to post, you definitely belong here!

with both of my kids, 1 year was my limit for night nursing. we co-sleep, but i'm not one of those mamas who can nurse at night and not be disturbed by it. i have a bad back and side lying really made it worse, plus, lets just say i wasn't parenting optimally during the daylight hours when my sleep was being interrupted every 1-3 hours (never got more than 3 hours straight in the 1st year of either child's life). so i nightweaned both at 1 year usign the dr. jay gordon method, which worked great for us.

i know that a lot of mamas find that night weaning gives them the energy they need to continue the (daytime) nursing relationship longer.

good luck to you. consistency is certainly the hardest, but most important part. when we're not consistent, i think they get confused, KWIM?

HA! I'm so glad I found this thread!
DS is almost 22 months, and our nursing relationship is starting to... sour. He will just go back and forth, blowing raspberries and flinging his legs around by my head, digging his elbow into my tummy so he can "climb" and maneuver to the top of the couch (all 37lbs. of him)... while latched on. It's honestly driving me crazy. He always wants to hold the other one in a pincer grip, so I've gotten really tactile-defensive, if you will. At least once a day I have to end our nursing session because of *nibbling* and I just think he's playing more than anything else. Basically, it's not a nice bonding time for us anymore, and its definitely not about food. So we're trying to gradually distract and cut back. Now writing this I can really see how he needs some limits, but I've just always felt that limits didn't really apply to nursing. Something to think about, I guess!

Well, last night, I think was it.

About 2:30 I got up to go the bathroom and DS woke up. I got back into bed and he wanted to nurse. I gave him a bit and then I told him that the boobies are sleeping, and we have to go to sleep too. He cried, first it was a give me boobie cry, then a mad cry, then a sad cry, and then a goodbye cry. It lasted about 2 minutes. he turned over so I spooned him and while it took a bit for him to go back to sleep, he didn't touch them again. He didn't touch them when he woke a few hours later, he just wanted me to spoon him. He didn't even look at them this morning.

I'm sad :(

I'm glad to see this thread. I'm glad we have the Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy forum in addition to just Breastfeeding and CLW, since these threads weren't really welcomed in CLW before (obviously) and seemed out of place with all the newborn issues in Breastfeeding. My daughter is 18 months and I'm starting to get really resentful. She nursed almost constantly (literally) last night and I remember just sitting there saying "I hate this." That's not warm bonding time. And it's not always about food anymore, definitely. Sometimes, she just wants to nurse for about three seconds and I don't taking my shirt up and undoing my bra every few minutes. I'm sick of sleeping on a rumpled, half-up-my-back shirt, and of getting pinched, kicked and all that. Sure, we need limits, but she's having a hard time understanding and abiding by that. I just want to be done before getting pregnant again.

Ds will be weaned by his 1st birthday. I am not proud of that fact, but I am not ashamed, either.

Dh and I started TTC when he was 9 months old, figuring it would take awhile to get pg, and that if my milk dried up by my 2nd trimester, he would be a year old. I fully intended to nurse him throughout my pregnancy and tandem nurse.

To my surprise, about 1 week after I got my BFP, nursing became a nightmare for me. Just the barest touch on my breasts made my skin crawl. Nursing was even worse. It was the worst feeling ever. I had bad daydreams while nursing; e.g., a giant guillotine would come down and sever the connection between us at my breast. These thoughts and feelings really upset me, and I kept thinking that I could not continue this when it made me so angry at ds. Night was even worse - I would find myself hating him in my sleep, and being very angry when he woke me. I dreaded going to bed, and was so exhausted and nauseated all the time.

I first night-weaned him at 10.5 months. This was actually quite easy. Instead of instantly offering the boob when he woke, I just shushed and patted him, and he went right back to sleep. In the early morning, which was prime nursing hour, I just pulled him onto my chest to sleep, which worked like a charm. Since he night-weaned so easily, he must have been ready for it. He would only ever suck for a few seconds, anyway, before falling back to sleep.

Luckily for us, ds has been extremely interested in people food since 8 months. By the time I decided to begin weaning at 11 months, he was only eating about 4-6 times a day. I just stopped offering, and he didn't notice. He had been eating a lot more people food even before I got pg and decided to wean, so I think he was transitioning himself away from booby anyway. It has not been that difficult. For a few days it was tough if he wanted to nap on my lap and got into the nursing position - he would get excited to nurse, so I would let him for a few seconds, but the feeling was always too terrible, and he was leaving bite marks on my nipples. Now, 2 weeks away from his 1st birthday, we are almost done. He didn't nurse at all today and only once yesterday.

I am sad, of course, but also relieved; nursing was really making me feel bad and constantly having to pull him off my boob was making me feel terrible. It was really affecting our relationship, as I was resenting him. Now we are actually closer, b/c I have developed new ways to comfort him without simply flipping a boob. We snuggle more. I am sad at the end of this phase of our relationship; I try to remember how he acted when nursing, and all the nursing we did, but I know it will fade. It makes me cry. I wish I had videotaped him nursing; I wish we had more pictures of it. I think, though, that this is also tied in with realizing that every day is further away from my little newborn. The approach of his 1st birthday is really doing a number on my pregnant hormonal brain. I never mourned the passing of time before having him. Now it is a constant sadness.

I think I will write him a letter to put in his baby book about our nursing relationship.

whoopee! i'm so glad to have started this thread and to see so many mamas here.

nym, :Hug for you. how are you doing today? i remember feeling sad after dd weaned, and a little at a loss as to how to nurture her outside of nursing. she had been such a 24/7 nurser for 2 years. but ya know what? i never would have guessed that weaning her would bring such positive things with it. she almost immediately got closer with dh and allowed him to comfort her so much more. she also had a huge emotional/social growth spurt and became more independent in a really positive way. before weaning dd, i was a supporter of CLW, on my way to becoming a LLL leader and everything. after my positive experience with weaning her (and watching other nurslings i know who are CLW and those that are not) i totally changed my view on CLW and it's appropriateness for me.

anyway, what i'm trying to say is that you will develop new ways to nurture and be close with your ds. nursing is certainly not the only way to be close to our children. i have a few friends who never nursed (or nursed only for a very short time) and their children are really well attached and happy kids (not as healthy though, of course ;) )

morgansmom, i think it was dr. sears who talks about nursing being a mama's first chance at discipline (i.e. teaching). it is the perfect place to teach our children about repsecting other people (namely MAMA!!!) and also about physical boundaries, what's not acceptable (i.e. HURTING MAMA!! :irked: ) good luck. i have tried instituting nursing manners with both of my kids with some success, but i honestly don't know any mama who's nursed past 1 year who doesn't get pinched and poked and twiddled at least some of the time. it's sort of the dirty little secret of nursing past infancy.

bethwl, your post is exactly why i started this thread! i was saddened here when i read over and over barbs about "pre-maturely" weaning (i.e ANY form of mama-led weaning, it seems) or how a "good" AP mama would listen to her child's needs and continue to nurse because it's important to the child (regardless of how the mama is feeling). i don't feel bad at all about weaning my children at 2 years, even if they haven't been ready. I'M ready, and that's enough for me. it's my body and i've given freely of it for a total of 4 years (plus pregnancy, that's another 18 mos. LOL) which i'm really proud of. i don't have any desire to tandem nurse, or to nurse thru pregnancy or to nurse a child over 2. i totally support those who do choose those things, but i would never presume to judge anyone who weans on their own timetable, rather than their child's.

galatea, i think writing your ds a letter is a wonderful idea. do it soon, though, while the feelings are fresh in your head & heart. just writing it might also make you feel better.

Hooray for this thread!!

I am really needing some support right now. I have decided that I definitely intend to wean my twin nurslings (who will be two in 4 days!!!). When I got pregnant, my nursing goal was two years, but I have wavered over the past year about whether or not I would wean them or do CLW, or if I would wait until they were 3, or what. . . But, the truth is that I'm done. I'm really, really done. Lately, nursing has become the reason for all crying and hitting and whining and upset in our house. My boys want to nurse ALL THE TIME. I have tried cutting them back to just 4 or 5 nursings a day and we were all miserable. I honestly felt like it would be easier to not be nursing at all than to have some times when nursing was okay, and sometimes when it wasn't.

I nightweaned my boys at 18 months, and things were going well for a while with that. With winter and sickness, we slipped back into night nursing and I've realized that it really seems to be all or nothing with my boys. They so quickly (even when well) reverted to nursing continuously throughout the night. I thought maybe if we started night nursing again, they would just nurse once or twice, like their friends who are still nursing.

I am excited for the day when I can play with them and not have to get bombarded with "Please nurse! PLease nurse!" Also, since they are twins, we have other issues with jealousy. Nursing is the main reason for tension between them, unless I want to nurse them both at once. . . which I often do end up doing, but I really hate it.

Basically, I feel like I've done a great job of nursing them for two years, but that I'm really not enjoying it at all anymore, and I haven't been for quite some time. That doesn't mean that I'm not still grateful for nursing at times (when it immediately stops a tantrum, or when they've got fevers, or when I'm in the middle of an important phone call and they start screaming. . . ), but at this point I think FOR ME the benefits of weaning will outweigh the benefits of continuing to nurse.

The trouble is that I just have NO IDEA how to go about weaning them. I think I will do it somewhat gradually, but not as gradually as I would have liked. It was so hard before when we were just nursing around sleep times. I felt like it would just be easier to say that there was no more nursing ever than to say, "no more nursing right now, but in 20 minutes when I put you down for your nap you can nurse."

My new plan is to try ONLY nursing them in bed. I'm not sure how well it will work, but I've heard of people using this strategy before successfully. And my goal is for them to be completely weaned by my birthday. . . May 11. . . and if it seems like it can happen earlier than that GREAT.

I do have a fair amount of sadness about this. I can't honestly imagine a life without nursing them. And I feel somewhat guilty knowing that I am going to be taking away their most favorite thing in the world. Have any of you struggled with this?

I just have this feeling that we will all enjoy each other so much more when we don't have to be thinking about my breasts so much!

Thanks for starting this thread!

I'm needing some support in beginning to gently weaning my 21 (almost 22) month old.

I had hoped to start the process by now and be complete sometime around his 2nd birthday. Things have been hectic around here so I've waited a bit to begin.

I'm definitely nursed out like so many have you have described! I'm also turning 40 in August and we have 5 frozen embryos and are planning to do transfer(s) this year. So, I need to have him weaned sometime soon. I know there have been many conversations on these boards about weaning to ttc and such and that it's been looked at unfavorably. I understand all that but it's just a different situation for us...we are commited to giving the 5 frozen little ones a chance.

And given what we have gone through in our lives, I'm very aware that this may be the end of my nursing career and sure there is some sadness. The truth about that is that raising children is all about moving from one stage to another and there is often sadness mixed with joy. Sadness of what is being left behind and joy about the exciting new things that lie ahead.

I'm not really sure how to go about it all either. So many things out there say to drop one nursing at a time, but when your toddler doesn't have a routine in nursing and may be nursing non-stop around the clock it's a bit difficult to drop a specific nursing time.

With my oldest, I weaned him at 14 months with lots of help by those around me. It was due to circumstances in our lives at that time. With my 2nd weaning was around 25 months and it was a very slow gradual process with some distraction techniques. And it seemed different than so many describe on the boards. I remember night nursing as being the last nursings to go. I think it was easier to wean in the daytime first because it was easier to be busy and such during the day.

Anyway....I'm rambling (tired!). It's nice to have this thread! I've been feeling like most things out there are rather all or nothing. Either for weaning very early or CLW and I think lots of mama's out there fall somewhere inbetween :)

Oh Thank Goodness for this thread.

We are at the same place. My ds is almost 23 mos and I (not we) am ready to begin the weaning process. I would say at about 18 months, we started the gradual weaning process, getting down to nursing for sleep and maybe once during the day. I was hoping this would set the stage for weaning by 2, but it's just not working at all. He is still nursing the same amount or more, most days at least 5 times. But he asks at least 10 times a day and I just try to distract: "do you want some chocolate milk? do you want blueberries? Do you want a peanut butter sandwich? Let's play with trains! Let's draw! Let's play with playdoh!" Occasionally it works, most of the time it doesn't, and we end up in a big fight with eachother that my husband, if he's home, has to break up. When he asks and I refuse, he starts screaming at me, pulling at my clothes, pinching my breasts and arms and scratching at my face. I tell him that this is certainly not the way we get the things we want and that this is unkind to mama and it hurts a lot. He doesn't care.

Well, now I'm 8 weeks pregnant and although tandem nursing and CLW sounds romantic, it's just not something I want to do. I had a really difficult time keeping weight on nursing one and can see myself withering away to nothing nursing two. I got down to 91 lbs and looked just sickly. Plus, I just don't want to be nursing two, unless I've got twins (hi Lex!).

So, I'm glad to have found this thread, because there needs to be some support for moms who are ready to wean. And I need some ideas!

Arjun needs a nap! Time to go nurse....

Thanks very much for starting this thread. I am another mom who has personally chosen not to CLW, and I feel OK about that. I think it's great that all of the posts in this thread have been respectful - of the children, of the parents' boundaries, and of other people's choices.

I have worked full-time (first in an external office, then in a home office) from when each of my daughters turned 3 mos. old and pumped for a long time for each, which I find quite tiring. I have a computer-based job that requires a lot of concentration and attention to detail that I can't do effectively in a permanently sleep-deprived state. And I need to do it well - I am the sole freelance breadwinner, while my DH is a SAHD. I also just generally don't deal with sleep deprivation well. So those are my personal reasons for wanting to wean DD2, esp. at night.

Weaning DD1 was gradual, gentle and (I believe) mutual. She just dropped feedings until one day we didn't nurse anymore. She was just under 2. Even at that young age she would occasionally make "nursing jokes" - pretend to nurse and then stop just short and laugh. I feel very comfortable with how our nursing relationship went. I didn't even wean consciously; it just sort of happened.

My DD2 is now a little over 20 mos. old and I'm sort of half-heartedly weaning. What I mean is that I feel ready to wean, but I don't really have a "system" in place yet. I'm a bit at a loss, because with DD1 it was so easy. DD2 has always been an active nurser - the kind that pinches/twiddles, hits, twists around, etc. I call her the "baby goat" because she loves to nurse standing up. :eyesroll

I have basically started to try to distract her from nursing when I can with milk or a snack, have my DH make sure to feed her lots of snacks, and just this week started to try to pat her on the back at night instead of nursing, but if she is really upset, then I nurse. I am generally successful at putting her to bed w/out nursing now - her sister has bad teeth, and I am trying to prevent that any way I can with DD2. At night, we are at anywhere from 1-3x - we are also "weaning" from the family bed so that she can share a room with her sister, so it depends on where she is at night. She also nurses once (welcome-home nursing) when they get home from activities. Sometimes I nurse her a few times more during the day if she asks for "na na". So about 2-5 times per day total, and if she's sick I nurse on demand.

I'd appreciate any other tips you have. I have read Dr. Sears, but if someone could post links or something to the Dr. Jay Gordon method, that would be great.

ajsgirl: yikes. so sorry you're getting assaulted by your little one. that's no fun and such a sad way to end the nursing relationship. if i were in your shoes, i would do an abrupt weaning. just decide on a day, then tell arjun ONE DAY prior that tomorrow will be our last day nursing. be upbeat and happy (even if you feel sad, come on here and we'll support ya). i also wouldn't say anything about it being about his behavior around nursing, just that the milky is all gone, there's just not going to be any milky left in the boobies after that last day.

my bet is that you'll have maybe another 5-7 days of an unhappy, angry little guy (and just tell him when/if he asks that the milky is ALL GONE, there's no more left), but if you hold fast to no nursing, he'll forget about it in a week. i know that sounds impossible, but it's true. it's happened to so many mamas i know. even if they love nursing, they really do move on quickly. i'd suggest you plan outing every day the 1st week of no nursing, lots to do and snacks are good!

lex: has anyone given you a big hand for nursing twins for so long? :clap :clap :clap :bow :thumb i'm so impressed with any mama who can nurse twins (especially rowdy ones, LOL) past a year. and i remember reading waaay back that you had a challenging birth with them, too, so even more kudos to you. only nursing them in bed is a good idea (now of course they may ask to go to bed all day... ;) ) let us know how it goes.

also, i want to put in another plug for the book; HOW WEANING HAPPENS. i found it really helpful, and much better than "the nursing mother's guide to weaning." for those of y'all who need ideas, its a good place to start.

if someone could post links or something to the Dr. Jay Gordon method, that would be great.

ragana, if you do a search on "nightweaning" or "jay gordon" in this forum, i'm pretty sure you'll find all the threads that talk about it. the article itself is at www.drjaygordon.com ,l when you get there, do a search on "changing the pattern of sleep in the family bed" that's the name of the article.

Hi- I'm glad to see this thread. I have a 2 year old who I have successfully cut back to nursing just at bed and nap times. Now I'm really scared to cut out the bedtime nursings- I just don't know how to do it. For his morning nursing I put bandaids on my nipples and said" no more nursing in the morning- only nite nite". he was so interested in the bandaids he did not seem to mind. Now he actually eats breakfast! I'm worried about cutting out the naptime nursing- I'm afraid he just won't nap. and he REALLY needs a nap during the day. Well if anyone has any suggestions that would be great. I also feel guilty about taking this away from him.

is not going well, I dont know what to do. He never wanted to nurse in the morning hours, and now he does. So when I refuse because I am tired and he just wants to nurse and nurse, he starts crying instead. For a long time. Even though he is dead tire, rubbing his eyes, he won't sleep.. So now we get up very early. And Im tired and hate it.

is not going well, I dont know what to do. He never wanted to nurse in the morning hours, and now he does. So when I refuse because I am tired and he just wants to nurse and nurse, he starts crying instead. For a long time. Even though he is dead tire, rubbing his eyes, he won't sleep.. So now we get up very early. And Im tired and hate it.

Hugs, mama. We had a really hard night last night too. I felt like Jasper was screaming in my ear to nurse all night long, although in the morning Dw said it was only about 20 minutes around 11:30 and then again at 2:30. When my boys wake up earlier than I'd like to wake up, and I'm done with nursing, I often take them (or just one of them, if the other is sleeping) into the bath with me. That way I still get to be half-asleep, and it's a much less harsh reality to go from asleep in bed to soaking in a hot tub than it is to go from asleep to up and about playing. For my boys, the water is enough of a distraction that they no longer need to nurse, but I could see how it might not work for some kids (seeing as you'll be naked in the tub).

Today is our second day of no nursing after the initial wake-up until nap time. I got hit a few times, but was mostly able to distract them without too much upset. We were at the local Family Center, and a friend said that when she was weaning her son from the daytime nursings, she would just be really silly about it. Whenever he'd ask to nurse, she'd just keep it really funny and try to make a joke out of it. It seems to work for my boys too. When I get all serious and try to explain that we're not nursing right now, they protest it more. But if I smile and giggle and say, "how silly to nurse right now when we could play instead!" they are much more likely to go along happily.

Still feeling committed and determined, hoping to reach my initial goal of nursing 4x a day by the end of the week.

I'm trying to wean my 22 month old. I'm 8 weeks pregnant and nursing is driving me crazy. I want a little break before I have to start up all over again with number 2. I started by night weaning a couple weeks ago and it is going fairly well but now she wants to get up earlier which really sucks with how tired and sick I am. The "don't sit down" strategy is not very helpful. Everytime I move I have to throw up. Sometimes she even tries to nurse when I'm throwing up. Ugh.

Hi mamas! I have an 18M old and I'm sorta torn between CLW and MLW, depends on the day...
Thanks for this thread, it's nice to get some balance on this subject.

I have so wished for a sensitive weaning thread!!! Here's what's going on at our house:

My daughter will be 3 in May and is nursing 2-3 times a day, which I am usually fine with. I'm often at work during bedtime, so a midnight nursing checkin is understandable and usually welcomed by me. I also have problems with insomnia, and usually the nursing will help me sleep. Sometimes we nurse in the AM, especially if we sleep through the night. And sometimes we nurse if we fall off the bed or something like that. Of our circle of friends, I'm the last to still be nursing by 6-12 months. Sigh.

Meanwhile I have destabilized the ligaments in my pelvis from pregnancy, falling, yoga, and maybe nursing. Sometimes I can barely walk and I am often in a lot of pain. When I can't care for my child the way I want, I know that we can still lay down together and nurse. Sometimes she has actually nursed me down for a nap (for me) in the middle of the day and gone to play in her room for an hour (her idea). There is so much medical doctor / change / unknown in out life right now I don't want to stop until she's ready. And I don't think that now is the right time for her. But I also recognize that she's been really lucky and has gotten to nurse for a really long time.

I don't want to mess up our sleeping. I couldn't handle that right now. But at the same time, I am currently taking medication for my pelvis. Its all in the safest category of drugs and I don't detect any changes in her, but it can't be good for her.

And my (new and otherwise likeable) doctor wants me to wean, as its the only thing short of fusing my pelvis together that might help that I haven't tried yet. I want to be open to this suggestion, but I feel so trapped by the immediate needs of my child.

Please, please, please remind me that being able to carry and play with your child is MORE important that nursing.

Okay rant over... Good luck to you all!

Hooray for this! I thought this was one of those taboo subjects, esp after the CLW forum came into existence. There's almost no information "out there" on weaning an older child. It's like all or nothing. There's tons of stuff on weaning to a bottle or weaning to formula and a surprising amount on CLW if you look for it. But nothing middle of the road. A few times I've offered some advice along those lines, but it wasn't taken well here (I wouldn't say I was flamed, but there were plenty of counter arguments). So I'd just taken to telling people to PM me if they wanted advice.

I night weaned somewhere around 8-10 months. Working full-time I was exhausted and couldn't take it.

I'm nursing my almost 2 year old twice a day, but I plan on completely weaning this spring. I really started cutting nursing sessions out around 15-18 months. But I've always thought of it as very, very gradual. Not like the books where they tell you to cut out one session every 2-3 days. I was on the one session every 2-3 months plan.

Please, please, please remind me that being able to carry and play with your child is MORE important that nursing.

chrysgee, it's not that cuddling, play, etc. is MORE important than nursing...it's JUST AS IMPORTANT but in a different way. i know that when you're nursing your first child and that's all she and you have known since birth as a way to feel close, nurture, heal hurts, fall asleep...etc etc ETC! it's really hard to even imagine what life would look like without nursing, or that ANYTHING you could substitute for nursing would be as good. but that's nnot true!

nursing is wonderful, and it serves lots of purposes, but we're not meant to nurse our babies forever (also, we're not meant to nurse our children while we're pregnant with another child, we're not meant to nurse more than one at a time unless it's twins or multiples, and we're not meant to nurse them past a certain age, but that's just my opinion). nursing is part of infancy and for some, early childhood, but then our babies grow up and the end of nursing is part of that. and THAT'S A GOOD & POSITIVE NATURAL THING!!!

in time, you and your child will find new behaviors and activities to replace nursing, and though they may certainly feel "less than" in the beginning, sooner than you think, these new things will be just as nursing was in your lives. it is in this way that we grow as parents, and our children make the natural transition from being solely mama-connected to being more connected with others in their world.

so, certainly we must allow ourselves to grieve the loss of the nursing relationship, but let's also spread out our arms and embrace the next stage of our relationship with our growing children!

hope this makes sense.

My dd self weaned at 16 months when I was pregnant. Now my son is 22 months and initially I thought that he is my last one so why not CLW. I go back and forth. He is big, heavy and squirmy and wants to nurse/snack often. I am getting tired of it and part of me just wants my body back.

Perfectly reasonable so why do I feel so guilty-nursing until two is pretty darn good. I guess because everyone around me is tandem nursing a preschooler and baby. I feel a bit like a bad mom for not just following his lead.

He gets so mad if I don't let him nurse. Seems that distracting isn't working so well. I tend to give in if he insists enough-not a good strategy. He is doing great at night finally-sleeping from 9 until 4or 5 but then he wants to nurse constantly from that point on. Literally hanging on for two hours.

I'm starting to wonder whether a "plan" will work at all, i.e., the drop-a-feeding-every-so-often plan, or whatever. Right now I have no set end goal for weaning, although by default that may be April 28 when I go away for a 3-day conference (I'm nervous! First time away that long!) What I am doing is just distracting and feeding snacks/milk when I can and then nursing if the protests are too great. I think nighttime/early morning will be last to go.

Anyway, just wanted to express my support to you all!

I'm also torn between MLW and CLW, depending on my energy level. Thanks for this thread. DS will be 22 months next week, and I still haven't managed to night-wean. During the day we're down to about 3 times. It's hard to stay hydrated at night with a night nurser, and that's exhausting.

Oh- I am so glad for this thread.
I am contemplating weaning my ds- or at least cutting back- alot. He is 20 months old and nurses- all of the time.
Sometimes it does not bother me- sometimes I like it- and other times- I just want to scream!
Thank you for the book reccomendations. I really need some support!
My main concern is that I have really reaped the benefits of a healthy child- will this stop once we wean all the way?
Emilie

I needed to find this thread. How do I go about weaning? My toddler is driving me :nuts. She wants to nurse something like 20-30 times per day, and if I don't nurse her she cries like I've done the worst thing possible to her. I'm also nursing a 7 month old, who I obviously DON'T want to wean, so the toddler will get all jealous, I'm guessing, cause the baby will still be nursing. AAAAAAAHHHHH... I don't have much time to type right now, but want to join this thread. It's not good when you have more resentment then lovey feelings when you nurse your kid.

Meanwhile I have destabilized the ligaments in my pelvis from pregnancy, falling, yoga, and maybe nursing.
And my (new and otherwise likeable) doctor wants me to wean, as its the only thing short of fusing my pelvis together that might help that I haven't tried yet.

Can I ask how the nursing contributes to your pelvic problems? Is it the way that you have to lie a bit contorted when nursing in bed? I wonder because sometimes I wake up in the morning and my lower back is killing me after she's nursed all night.

-Beth

well ya'll...as of now, we are down to once a day. tonight was the last night i will ever nurse a child at bedtime. starting tomorrow it's nap time only for maybe another month (we'll see how it goes).

i'm sad and happy. wanting to move on to a new phase in my life and my mothering, but also a little teary about my babies growin up.

Lexbeach:
Your boys sound like my boy, and they're very close in age (Julian 1/31/03). He nurses ALL THE TIME! Every 15-20 minutes at home, less often when we're out. I night-weaned him at 13 mos. due to a very bad back that was just killing me after nursing continuously for 8+ hours straight (if I tried to unlatch him he would wake up screaming). I do not want to wean but I definitely want to get down to only nursing once an hour. I have been thinking about setting our kitchen timer when he nurses and telling him he could nurse again when it goes off, but I feel like that's too arbitrary and I don't want to rely on this stupid timer for years to come. I also want to ban nursing in bed because for some reason it drives me especially nuts. He had stopped nursing to sleep but has started doing so again, and every morning it is "Mommy! Momeeee! Please nurse! Nurse Julian pleeeeeeeze!" I am also a single mom and my roommate is also nursing her 2 yr old and whenever J sees him nursing he has to nurse too. Ughh. It's not really that bad and I KNOW he is not ready to wean... I just had such different expectations. All the books said babies nurse once every 2-3 hours... I soon realized that wasn't true, yet kept hoping it was true when they said 2 yr olds only nurse a few times a day. Nope, not true either! My two year old nurses more than any newborn I've ever seen (excluding himself).

Oh Bunny's Mama thank you for this thread! That last post you wrote above brought tears to my eyes. I really, really needed to read that today. DD had a total meltdown and wanted to nurse. Nothing would distract her. I'd given in a few times during the day lately and now I feel she is asking more and more. This always happens when I give in and nurse during the day; she starts asking ALL the time. But when she is in total meltdown mode my heart breaks for her. I know nursing helps her get herself together. I try hugging her but she tries to squirm into a nursing position, yanks at my shirt, begging for "milkies! Milkies!!!". I need to hear that somehow she WILL find a way to calm down without nursing, and yet I feel like such a horrible mother for denying her like that.

Someone please tell me how you rationalize stopping nursing when Baby Brother nurses all the time? The whole 'milkies are broken' thing just ain't gonna fly. And I am also really uncomfortable with the whole "big kids don't need it' or "milkies are just for babies" stuff.

Anyways, I'll be following this thread with interest.

well, I can totally sympathize with piglets post... i'm in the same boat. Two babies nursing...

Well, I've decided to nurse Haeven 4 times per day. Once when she wakes up (8ish) once at lunch time (12ish), once in the afternoon(4ish), and once when she goes to bed (8ish). Hopefully this will work!

Oh, it is good to read this thread. I have been so fried with nursing lately. I have a 2.5 yo and a 9 mo, so I'm in the same boat with piglet and mamajaza and the others who are tandeming. I've been at a loss as well -- all the normal weaning advice (don't sit down, don't do things that remind your toddler of nursing etc) are pretty much impossible w/ a nursing baby around, yk?

But, I am getting very *angry* and resentful during nursing sessions, which is obviously not good. To nurse to him to sleep, I grit my teeth and count to 100, over and over again. :angry Right now, I'm working on getting him to go to sleep w/out nursing, and getting him to accept dh putting him to bed. Then we'll see.

I'm very conflicted about mlw vs clw, and have a lot of guilt about the idea of not clw. I also don't think i'm really totally done yet -- I still enjoy nursing a lot of the time. I think that if I didn't have to nurse him to sleep when I don't want to, and if I stop nursing them at the same time, I might feel better. So, I guess those are my goals for now!

well piglet, i was thinking of you in the shower this morning. it's where i do my best thinking these days ;) and i came up with a creative little story for your dd as to why baby bro can nurse and she can't:

when you pour the last cup of milk (or juice or water) from the container, make a point of showing emily "look, we drank all of the juice. now there's no more in the container, we did such a good job of drinking it all. YUM!" then later after she has nursed, you can say that you had a talk with the boobies and they said they are almost empty of emily's milk, just like the empty juice container this morning. shall we have a big party to celebrate you drinking all of your wonderful mama milky? we could bake a cake and drink lots of water or milk or juice in a cup, just like mama and papa do! won' that be fun?

"and why, mama, is there still milk in the boobies for baby brother?"
"well, because emily did such a good job of drinking all of her milky that she drank it all up, baby brother is still working on drinking up HIS milky. and one day he will drink his all up too, just like you did"

it's not entirely honest, but i like it because it CELEBRATES her moving on to a new phase of her life, and it also allows baby brother to drink "his" milk without making any specific judgements about babies nursing and big kids not nursing. plus, i think it would make sense to a child her age. if you want to wean her gradually, you might suggest she only nurse at nap time & bedtime (or whenever) so she can make her milky last longer, then you can every so often talk about how emily's milky is almost gone, soon it will be all gone, etc.

just a thought...

also for those who's children seem to grab and scream when you try to cut out certain nursing sessions, i think it has a lot to do with COMPLETE consistency. that is if you are committed to only nursing at bedtime and your child falls down and gets hurt, and you choose to nurse him/her then, you are actually confusing them by nursing then, IMO. it's a perfect opportunity to practice new parenting skills (those that don't involve nursing as The method of comfort), and if you are always consistent, your child will learn that nursing is something that is only done at certain times of the day. THIS IS NOT A TERRIBLE THING TO DO!!!! i don't know why we feel so guilty about it. i don't think for a second that any mama here would not be offerring comfort to a child who is hurt. there are so many other ways to offer comfort other than nursing! nursing may be the currently preferred way, and it may be the way you are used to, but if you gradually intorduce new ways, these will be just as accepted to yoru child. i know, i've BTDT with my 1st.

bunny'smama, thank you for thinking of me! and thanks for your wonderful suggestion.

I'm not going to do it. :)

but what was so nice is when I read it, I realized i'm not ready to wean completely. and that alone is a huge step for me in terms of getting me off the fence. so now i just have to figure out how i can apply limits that are fair to my daughter, and that i can live with too. thank you!

Hi Piglet :)

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this thread. I decided today as I was being accosted by (28 month old 46 lb!) ds 5 times in an hour that I was weaning. I'm not happy nursing him anymore and we are ttc so I think nursing is coming to an end. I will reread all the posts to get ideas and see waht might work with my little guy.

Keep posting ladies, I'll probably need lots of ideas :)

bunny'smamma... I agree that kids should be shown other ways to comfort other then BFing. Just today as I was on the couch with DD, she wanted to nurse, and I wasn't going to nurse her, because it wasn't time yet, but I noticed that she just wanted my attention. So instead, I tryed to tickle her and chase her around the house, and she laughs. All that she wanted was some mommy-time, and energy. I have been talking with her about it too, the fact that I'm only going to nurse her 4 times per day now. I'm hoping that she is understanding. When I'm not nursing her all the time, I find myself "playing" with her all the time... we draw pictures, go outside to sit in the grass and play with stuff, have a bath..... she's happy like that. :)

I'm not going to do it. :)


hee hee. :LOL well, maybe it might help someone else, so my creativity was not in vain. plus, i'm glad i could help you get some clarity. good luck with carrying out whatever you decide on. ;)

Oh wow!! I'm so excited to find this thread, it's very timely for me too!

Here's my deal:

DD (almost 21 months) started waking up at night and increased her day nursing in the past 2 months. Before that she was down to 2x a day and sleeping 10 hrs at night (but only for about 3 months). At one point back in early Dec she even went 48 hrs w/o nursing and I thought that was it! But, she went in the reverse direction. I have struggled with nursing the entire 20 months of her life, she's a high needs demanding type of nurser and never took a pacifier or bottle.

So, anyway, I'm committed to weaning completely after lots of thought about it. I know she is still benefitting from it, but since it's a 2 way relationship and I'm not happy with it, I'm going to stop. I have to stay away from being influenced the other direction, even if it's still good for her.

The hardest part is saying no to her, b/c then she cries. It's not the same as saying no to something that is bad or dangerous, which of course we all just deal with and accept that they are going to cry if we say no. But, now I'm going to have to look at nursing this way, and just accept that she going to cry a bit. I will comfort her every bit of the way through this. Yesterday, I was able to distract her and I have asked my family to help me and be around to distract her. She will be 21 months on the 12th and my goal is to completely stop by then.

We are on day 3 of weaning. I nursed DD only this morning at 6:30 when she woke up because it had been 24 hrs, and I knew I would start to get engorged AND because I wasn't going to go cold turkey. We will keep this feeding for the time being, until we battle the nights and daytime. I had several people around me yesterday afternoon to help out, but it was hard. She started asking at about 2pm, and between my husband, my aunt, myself and the little boy I babysit for it wasn't so hard to distract her. She did persist several times in the afternoon, but I kept explaining that milkies are gone for now and that she's a big girl now, etc. I also talk about her friends and how they all drink milk from a cup and don't drink mommy's milk anymore. The crying was not bad at all, but I had to be on my toes, carrying her a lot.

Then last night she had a stuffy nose, so DH got up with her at midnight and was able to and then at 3:30 I had to get up with her. I was so tempted to just nurse, being so tired, but I decided to do 5 minutes at a time of letting her fuss/cry in my arms and see if she accepts "no milkies". Well, geuss what, she did! I first held her standing up, b/c she was asking me to sit in the chair and nurse. Then when she was calm I asked her if she wanted to go to mommies bed and put her head on the pillow. I tucked in my shirt and we cuddled. She fussed on and off, and was restless but I patted and rubbed her back and gave her lots of kisses. She tried to pull my shirt up but really didn't make as big a deal as I thought she would. After almost an hour she fell asleep. I couldn't believe she accepted and didn't persist much. I never thought we'd get to this day. I have to be consistent now, I don't want to confuse her.

Thanks so much for this post and everyone's support!

We are having some success here! We are down to 2 nursings a day, down from 4 a few weeks ago. As long as I can find something more interesting or tasty (play-doh, chocolate silk, etc) he is easilry distractable. I've also sort of made it into a silly game where if he asks and is in a good mood, I can say "ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, no!" and he laughs. We go back and forth and he gets so silly he forgets what we were even talking about. I'm in no huge rush as I'm giving myself until the end of my second trimester (about 17 weeks away), but things are going well so far.

We nurse at about 5am (so we can both get a little more rest :wink ) and then again either at naptime or at about 5pm. Daddy is putting him to bed at night, so we don't even nurse before that.

Oh, he's awake from his nap...

hi all. so glad to hear some of y'all are having success with differring degrees of cutting back and/or total weaning. we are haveing success with just once a day nursing at naptime. at night, its been easy to slide ds right into big sister's nighttime routine (the one we started for her when she was weaning, LOL and have continued). on the very 1st night of no bedtime nursing, we just called it "big boy bedtime" and were really positive and excited about him getting to cuddle up in bed with sister for book and song time (and he got to pick his own book from the shelf to add to hers, so he was stoked). and he's actually been going to bed easier than he was when we were nursing then. hmmm...

at naptime, he smiles and asks for nu nu and seems really happy to just nurse for 15 minutes, then he's out, or he's still awake and he actually rolls over and falls asleep on his own (but i have to stay and lay next to him, which is fine for me).

mamajaza, what you said is so important. when i was nursing dd, i never thought i could find any way to comfort her without nursing. nursing felt like a parental "cheat" sometimes, ya know? what i mean is that unlike my non-nursing friends, i never really had to think about how i was gonna comfort or discipline or keep her occupied. nursing was the answer to all of the above and as a result i hadn't learned to be as creative as i could/should have. weaning her was so positive because it really expanded my parenting "tool box" plus, she was able to take comfort from people other than me (which she had not done while nursing). but i also think this part may be hard for some mamas, its a little sad to see your little baby who wants only mama start to branch out and grow up. but again, this is what we want our little ones to do ultimately, yes? so we deal with our own grief and sadness and whatever while helping them to move on how they need to.

and lyla's mom, yes it is hard to see them cry. but really, IMO, usually they are not crying out of sadness, but out of typical toddler frustration/anger that they are not getting just what they want when they want it. :eyesroll IMO, it's not my job to make sure my children never experience frustration and anger and sadness or whatever...i can validate their feelings and help them find something else that might satisfy them, but in the end, i think its important for them to have these feelings.

I am so happy to come across this thread! My little guy is 13 months and I am five months pregnant. I've been so torn about trying to wean him, not totally, but down to a few times a day. I'm just so tired and frankly, my boobs are sore. What with being pregnant and the fact that he's an aggressive nurser, more so when he's teething, some days I feel like if I don't cut back, my breasts are going to just get up and walk out on me in protest. I'd love to night wean and will be following this thread for ideas. It seems like he'd be happy nursing all night long, but it's killing me. I'm tired and fatigue turns me into me an ugly human being. Not to mention, I won't be able to maintain this frequency and nurse a newborn. I'll be a wreck within a week. I am all for on-demand nursing, but there is something to be said for easing babies into some sort of regular schedule, especially at night. I never thought I'd say that.

He has to nurse in order to fall asleep at night but, my dh and I did do something the other day that worked wonders. My dh and I took him outside to stomp around in the snow for a few minutes. The fresh air and exercise knocked him out faster than I've ever seen him fall asleep. I'm thinking that we might implement this into our routine then, as the weather warms, it might be a way to transition to my dh putting our ds to bed.
Thank you so much for starting this thread!

Christen

and lyla's mom, yes it is hard to see them cry. but really, IMO, usually they are not crying out of sadness, but out of typical toddler frustration/anger that they are not getting just what they want when they want it. :eyesroll IMO, it's not my job to make sure my children never experience frustration and anger and sadness or whatever...i can validate their feelings and help them find something else that might satisfy them, but in the end, i think its important for them to have these feelings.

bunny's mama - This is a really interesting point. I guess the focus is so much on never letting kids cry. Good points about consistency and expanding your parenting toolbox, too.

Well, this is a bitter-sweet time for me. DD made it for 8 days nursing 1x a day, the last couple of days she nursed at about 5:30 am and then we both went back to sleep until 8 or so (ahhhh!!). It was not easy to distract her during the day, but not as hard as I thought. She started sleeping better at night again, maybe it had to do with knowing that she wasn't going to be nursed if she came to my bed.

So, since she actually slept from 9 to 6:30am, I decided to get out of bed today and try dropping the last feeding. She didn't even ask! I thought I was going to have to be on my toes with cookies and TV, but she was not cranky (b/c she slept so much) and was just ready to play and drink "moo-moo" milk!! I'm sure she's going to ask again in the next few days, this is not child-led weaning at all, she still wanted to nurse, but I didn't.

I hope I don't get engorged, so far so good, I tried to do the weaning gradually and even the last couple of mornings I only nursed for a few minutes. I was so excited to get out my pretty bras, my nursing bras are looking quite ratty!

I tried to explain to DH that this is a sad time too, as much as I've been frustrated and complained about nursing on demand for 21 months, of course I'm going to miss the closeness and the way my little girl looks at me when she's nursing. I just can't believe this day has come!

Ok so I just posted in the Child led weaning about a situation and thought I was in the right place until another mama guided (gently) me to this forum so check out my thread...which way is ok? I'm so glad to see all these mamas here and supporting other weaning situations!!

I have a question, and am hoping this is the right place. I am sort of afraid to post it on the "main" part of the board, I admit. But I am hoping to find some BTDT mamas who might be able to shed a little light on this...

My daughter is 3 years old, and weaned, with "gentle encouragement" from me - at 28 months (about 10 months ago). I was REALLY ready, and it went quite easily, so I figured she was too. The 4 kids she sees most often (ages 22 months - 4 years) all still nurse.

Ever since weaning, she has been in love with my breasts, holding them for comfort - which is fine. But this past week, she has all the sudden (out of the BLUE) started saying things like "why don't you have milk in your breasts" and "i want milk in your breasts" -- she's a bit of a broken record at times. I tell her that it's not there anymore, that when she stoped dringin from my breasts they stopped making milk...and i'm sorry....but I really don;t know what else to say. Here questions seems to be intensifying in frequency, not going down. Suggestions?

Gotta run - she is waking up. Thanks for listening.

Just subscribing. I think this is where I am with my 28 month old ds. I'll be back after I read the whole thing.

Doublepost. Sorry.

thank you for starting this thread. we still nurse all the time, at night too. i am really wanting some sort of a break, but i don't know how to do that. i go to LLL toddler meetings, i went to my first one a couple weeks back. i got a book "mothering your nursing toddler" i feel wishy washy, some days i love it other days i really want my body back. my dd is 20 months, and my last child. i tried for & miscarried #4 when she was about 8 months old and still nursing. i just didn't want to do that again, my dh got a vasectomy. i just don't know how to go from "free" nursing to "limited" nursing. we family bed too so she always has access LOL
and she is *very* demanding of her booby time LOL aack...
sanQ

I've been contemplating this whole weaning thing for about 36 hours now adn I've come to the decision to night wean first. Part of that is that nursing at night is what I have always struggled with the most. And, at 28 months, ds woke 5 times to nurse last night, from 1:30 am to 6 am. Ridiculous. I've never done anythign to encourage him otherwise so I'll be looking everywhere for ideas. I hesitate to bite the bullet and do it because dh and I are so overtired and bummed and stressed about so much crap right now, (failing business, ttc, family stress, buying property...)but I know after a week or less we'd be in sleep heaven. Well, I hope, I would think that my son will transition ok since he can understand the whole concept.

I also expect that if I wean him during the day now he'd just pick up his night nursing to compensate. So, first things first.

I have loved reading all your experiences, keep them coming. HOpefully I'll have some successes to share as well.

It has been 11 days since we began night weaning my dd. She will be two next month. It has been good and bad. She has and always been a high needs nurser. And I am worn out physically and emotionally. I don't like how I feel when I am nursing her anymore, too much anger-frustration. This is the hardest thing I have had to decide being a mama. Night weaning has had it's ups and downs, and we are all a tired family! And my nerves are so off balance these days- it's been hard to nurse even the three times during the day, once in the am, once for nap, and then down for bedtime. Yesterday i nursed her for about 20 minutes then had a breakdown- my body and mind just were not in the best of spaces. So, no nap yesterday and then falling asleep by the car last night, she was able to sleep 1-2 hours before being up for another hour then struggling off and on all night to go to sleep without any mama's milk. Yesterday I was serousily thinking I can't do this anymore- so the milk bar's closed for good. But, now just nursed her to sleep this am for a much need nursing sleep. I want her to be able to go to sleep without my breasts but, she is fighting so much maybe it's just too much right now to end the nursing relationship completly. I am inspired by all the other mamas that are going thoruhg similar feelings/expierences. I feel so weak and quilty for not being able just to stick it out longer until she weans herself. i just don't know how much longer I can take of this. Any suggestions, advice of your own mama weaning stories are greatly appreciated.
Tired and frazzled mama.... :irked: :bag: :(

Hi Felix! Welcome to MDC!

I am in the process of mama-led weaning my 25-month-old twins. It is no fun at all for any of us, but we are trying to do things as gently as possible. I initially nightweaned my guys at 18 months. I was still cosleeping with them, and just wore a bra and a shirt to bed and when they woke to nurse, I would explain, "no more nursing until the morning, but we can snuggle instead." They cried, certainly, but not desperately, and it only took 3 nights before there was no more crying at all. They still woke 2-3 times a night, needing to be snuggled back to sleep. Sometimes they would even ask to nurse, but usually didn't protest when I refused them. After a few months, they started getting more upset about not being able to night nurse anymore (they'd been sick, and I'd nursed them through the night when they were sick. . . they got a taste of their old life and wanted it back!). Since they were older--close to two--it was harder to distract them. And they were better able to physically undress me--which they got pretty good at doing while I slept! So, shortly after they turned two, they got their own beds and a bedroom (which they share), and instead of bringing them into our bed when they wake in the night, now we go to them (and try not to fall asleep with them). After a few nights, Jasper was sleeping through the night. And Luke is only waking once. . . and it's getting later and later (4:30 a.m. last night), so I think it won't be long before he's sleeping through too (who knows, tonights could be the night!).

If I were you I would first concentrate on the nightweaning, and not try to wean your dd from her other nursings just yet. Once she is used to going back to sleep in the middle of the night without nursing, eliminating the before bedtime nursing will be easier. Then I would eliminate the before-nap nursing (and use whatever technique you are then using for bedtime to get her to sleep without nursing), and lastly the first thing in the morning nursing. I think the morning nursing is the hardest to get rid of for a lot of people. I know it is my boys' most necessary nursing at this moment, and they are still nursing 2-4 times a day. I'm not sure how we'll wean out of that one! But I think we will be down to just after-nap and first thing in the a.m. in a week or so.

Good luck!

Lex

An update, I just completely weaned my DD, who is 21 months. It was a VERY, VERY long road! She was a high needs nurser, demanded it a lot and even recently was nursing like a newborn. Weaning wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but it wasn't easy either, which is why I didn't do it earlier.

Here's is sequence of events.

-We stopped nursing down for naps around 1 year, it was last spring/summer, so we went in the car or stroller for naps. This past fall, when it started getting cold out, I just held her, swayed/walked her and would put her down. For the past few months, she does stay asleep for about 1 1/2, but like I said, it was a long road to get there. She used to do 30 min naps.

-We ferberized at 16 months, so got into a pretty strict and consistent bedtime routine and all of a sudden she was sleeping for 10 hour stretches. For about 3 months we were down to 2 nursings a day, once in the late afternoon and first thing in the morning.

-At 19 months, she decided to wake up at night again, so we were back to night nursing. We went with the flow for about 6-8 weeks until she settled down from whatever was bothering her.

-We didn't re-ferberize, but also didn't want to go backwards. We told her that we would sit in the chair in her room as long as she lies in her crib. She cried a little, but finally got it again. So, for the last month or so, she does go into her crib awake and we just sit in the chair in her room for a few minutes.

BUT, at this point she was still nursing a lot during the day, it was getting out of control for me. So for the complete weaning, I made my decision to do it and just went forward toward my goal. The turning point for me was that I was able to say no to her, just like I am to TV or junk food. That was the hardest part for me, that if it's good for her, how can I say no to nursing? But, I told myself to look at it as something that she will have to accept and that she will probably cry a little (just like she does when I turn the TV off).

-The first couple of nights I just did whatever it took but did not nurse. I took 5 minutes at a time and said let me just get through this. DH helped for one waking and the other, I just tucked in my shirt and brought her to my bed and comforted her through her crying (similar to Jay Gordon's method). She fell asleep with her hand down my shirt.

-I nursed her first thing in the morning, and then offered her snacks ALL DAY LONG!! I asked family members and friends for help, just for them to be around me so I had moral support, and distractions for her.

-"Gradual with Love" like LLL says. I gave her extra TLC, and LOTS of hugs and kisses all day. I held her whenever she wanted. I talked to her about it a lot. I kept telling her that her friends (all young toddlers) don't nurse any more and they drink milk from a cup. I think she really did understand this and accepted it. I also kept my week simple, didn't cook/clean too much so that I could rest and just "be" with her.

-After a couple of days she slept through the night again, however she would still wake up cranky, maybe not enough sleep since it was only 8 hours. She wakes up by 5:30am most mornings, so this is the time it is hardest to NOT nurse her. I was down to first thing in the morning for about 8 days.

-Then, on the 9th day, she woke up very happy and I was well rested too, so I decided to give it a try to distract her from nursing. She was very playful, didn't ask and then asked for "moo-moo" (cow's) milk and a cookie!

-The 10th day, she woke up upset and I was tempted to nurse, but I didn't. She cried a little, and I held her tight. To this day (8th day of completely weaned) she is still asking me at least 2x a day, but gets over it quickly when I distract her.

-So, I'm still getting used to having my breasts back and not wearing my ratty old nursing bras! I don't miss it as much as other moms told me they did. Maybe b/c I nursed so long! I am proud that I made it to 21 months. And, I don't think my DD will be traumatized that I weaned her. The most important thing for me is to have good memories of nursing and not resentment for when I have my next child.

Hi, well I am not sure which group I belong in...my almost 3 year old is STILL nursing. I am done with it as well and wish I could get her to wean. I dont want to force her to quit because she derives some comfort from it and loves to snuggle. But then again I feel if it were up to her she'd never wean! :) So I guess I am riding the fence but dont hold it against me! ;)

-So, I'm still getting used to having my breasts back and not wearing my ratty old nursing bras! I don't miss it as much as other moms told me they did. Maybe b/c I nursed so long! I am proud that I made it to 21 months. And, I don't think my DD will be traumatized that I weaned her. The most important thing for me is to have good memories of nursing and not resentment for when I have my next child.


Amen! I wish I could start wearing my sexy lingerie again!!! LOL :D

Hi! I'm here. Nursing or pregnant for 8 years and 9 months here. :) My youngest is 3 and a few months and I'm ready to be done. He rarely asks now, but I do feel like I am doing the leading in the weaning.

Hello BB!
I need to join this thread. 3 weeks ago I was happily nursing my 18-month-old like a newborn. Hoping to go until age 2. Then I became pregnant. This nursing while pg thing is so not for me. I'm tired, nauseous, and my nipples hurt. I feel like I am being sucked at from the inside out. (Poor dh, he ends up being the odd man out here...)
I can often distract him (ds, I mean) during the day (unless it's nap time), but nighttime is a disaster. He's always been a big nighttime nurser, and nothing else works (at least nothing else I can think of wanting to try at that time). He just screams when dh tries to hold him. At least at night I am laying down, so that helps. DS just lays there saying "sa-side"(other side) in his small pitiful voice. I am feeling sooo guilty!

When my youngest was close to 3 I became unexpectedly pregnant. I had a history of 3 confirmed and probably 3 other miscarriages (it wasn't as easy to get pregnancy tests in the old days). I decided to cut back on nursing and my son decided to sleep in bed with his brother and stopped nursing. I miscarried anyway and knew that it was probably my last chance at pregnancy. That was almost 15 years ago. There have been times that I have been sad that our nursing ended suddenly and when he was so young. But I knew if it was so easy for him to wean then he was ready.

I think I can say that we have officially nightweaned now. He's been nursing to sleep and then not until around 6 or so in the morning. He may wake up 1-2 times before that but he will either roll back over and go to sleep or he may say "nursey nursey" and I say....it's night time go back to sleep and he usually does. He may fuss for a few seconds and then snuggle up and go back to sleep.

He was then nursing non-stop in the day time and I wasn't doing too well with it. I read these things about toddlers that only nurse 3-4 times a day and I just couldn't figure out how that would work for people. Whenever we are really busy then he will cluster nurse when things are slower in the evening or the morning. So I decided that we had to do something and the first goal was to get him to 3-4 times a day. And I can say we are about there now. He will nurse upon waking in bed before getting up. Then sometime around midday or afternoon (sortof depends on how early he gets up and if he's tired one or two times in the day) and then for bed time. He will go back and forth switching sides a few times at times. There are times in the day when he might say - nursey nursey there (meaning in a specific place) and I will say... not right now, why don't we go play with your cars or whatever and it may take a few suggestions but then he's fine with it.

I've gotten him down to this number by doing all sorts of things. First I try to anticipate things and make sure I am giving him lots of snacks and drinks through the day. Also distraction and activity. But sometimes it's more a way of getting attention so if I slow things down and tune in better it works. It's just different things at different times.

I've noticed that I used to often just stick the breast in his mouth when he was fussy at all or out of sorts and maybe not really check in to see what was going on. Often I was using it as an easy answer. I've had to be more thoughtful and tuned in actually during this time of slow weaning.

I'm going to wait a week or so and then start trying to drop one nursing at a time.

Things are getting MUCH easier around here now! He's 23 months old....and I know that seems really young to some on here. I have another post on this thread in the beginning discussing our circumstances.

Oh so thanksful to see this thread. I am trying to wean my very 'nursing-centric' 24 month old (for a number of reasons.... but mainly because she really needs to eat more solid food and because I want to get pregnant again and haven't started ovulating again yet) and am having a hard time!
Any advice would be so appreciated.

Currently, I have two main questions:
1. Has anyone questioned whether it is best to just stop say 4 nursings a day altogether rather than cut them out one by one? I have been doing this gradually now for 2 months and am down to before and after sleeping. But I am wondering if it is almost harder to have the mixed message of sometimes yes and sometimes no.
2. My daughter nurses for about 2 hours every morning and I know that this will be a really hard one to stop. Any advice on how other moms have cut this one out would be really great.

Thanks everyone for you honesty and wisdom. It's so great to know that I'm not alone in this!

1. Has anyone questioned whether it is best to just stop say 4 nursings a day altogether rather than cut them out one by one? I have been doing this gradually now for 2 months and am down to before and after sleeping. But I am wondering if it is almost harder to have the mixed message of sometimes yes and sometimes no.

Currently wondering this, too. We are also down to 2 times per day - sometime early morning and usually once in the afternoon. Sometimes the early morning (while we are still in bed) ends up being 2-3x over a couple of hours (which is harder), although I try to limit it to one session. I do feel I'm sending a mixed message. I think that one will be the hardest to give up.

Sometimes I think that if I get that "completely done" feeling, I should try to cut it out completely one day, but I've been too chicken so far.

Sorry that I don't have any advice, just sympathy!

I'm sooo ready for this thread. I've been debating weaning DS for months now, I think I'm ready now. He (25mths)nurses more than DD (7mths)...I think he's ready to at least be cut back to four sessions a day (early morn, before nap, after nap and before bed). Hearing everine else's sucess (and trials) will help me, I hope. :shy
The hard thing is with "little sis" nursing I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him away... Esp scince he LOVES to nurse on the couch with me as soon as DD takes a nap. I don't think we'll be able to have "snuggle"/quiet time when she's napping because I'm sure all he'll want to do is nurse. He can't just sit next to me without asking to nurse.... :eyesroll
Anybody have a similar "nursing habit" ;) to "break" :p ?

Sorry for all the above typos....I admit it... I'm NAK :bag:
DD just went in for a nap and I don't want whining or crying to wake her... :o
...

WARNING: I ramble...

Hmmmmm,

I just did my best to read through all four pages of posts here and I really didn't see the kind of support I was looking for I guess. :(

There are a few moms here nursing 3 year olds...HI, me too.

I can relate to the "I'm DONE" sentiment. And I guess many moms here are trying to stay positive in lieu of thier situation, saying things are going well or tough but dont you have that " I wanna break down into tears" feeling of sorrow for your dc??? I really want more than anything for my dd to be weaned and I am definitely MLW but it is so emotionally tough for me! The other night I laid awake crying thinking about how much Ahslin loves her milk from me and how can I take that away from her??????????? Within 30 minutes of me pondering CLW vs. MLW in my state of despair Ashlin woke up begging for milk, and as soon as she uttered the words I was despising it all over again. How can I be so torn? I beleive whole heartedly in theoretical CLW so why cant I do it? Why does my body turn off the way it does when she nurses. Why do we clench our teeth or count to 100 as someone mentioned? I love my dd so much and I love giving her my breastmilk (until I actually have to do it.). I just wish she was done on her own you know.

I wanted to nurse her until she was 2 but at that stage she was like many of your dc, nursing like a newborn, every 1/2 hour all day, all night. She really was demanding and it was clear to me that she was no where near ready to wean so we worked hard at cutting down the number of nursings and that helped me cope alot. But now, a year later, she is nursing just at bedtime and morning and I wish there was a way to convince her she is done in a real positive way.

I dont know. We have lately been saying that she will have milk until Easter and after Easter there will be no more...maybe we will go out for dinner to celebrate but I am not sure either of us will feel like celebrating. Hmmmmmm. I am so sad about this and yet I feel I cant do it much longer.

Rosebuds- I so know what you are talking about! It is sad to take away something dc loves so well. Personally, I've weaned dd twice, for medical reasons. The second time was this past December, and she didn't nurse for a week while I recovered from surgery. I really hoped that the weaning would "take" but then she had a real melt down and I couldn't help but offer the breast. I've decided to make a goal of weaning her by her 3rd birthday, but I feel like that is such a crummy thing to do to a kid for her birthday! I've heard of mothers giving their children special weaning gifts, or even doing a weaning party with cake. We tried some of that with dd in December, but it just didn't feel right for me. I've read about some moms who give their dc a bead to put on a special necklace for each night they don't nurse, so the necklace is made and the child is weaned and the child has a special object to remember weaning by. In theory I think that sounds so beautiful, but I doubt my child would go for a pretty bead instead of her milk. I wish I had better insight to share.

I am glad to see this thread where we can share this.

Oh, as far as the discussion on cutting out "4 a day" for the nursing. I found for my child it worked better to first have the nursings be at a VERY specific time. Specific to the child that is. So there is the Wake up milk, Nap time milk, and bed time milk for example (no random mid morning ones, cut those first). So I had basically put her on a schedule where she got like 4 nursings a day, and then I cut those out one by one to quit. (This is all refering to when I weaned a few months ago, we are now back to being haphazard unfortunately). Hope that makes sense, I'm tired.

For the last month, my daughter and I's breastfeeding relationship has been a struggle! Though, know I finally realized what has been so weird about it, I am pregnant with our second child! I believe it is time to wean her though feel like it will be a long tough road, thanks for others here that are in the same boat. I tried to night wean a couple weeks ago for a week but, it was so intense for me and her, I just couldn't do it anymore, plus I felt like we were in a power struggle all the time over it. i think I may try another way, I read dr. Jay Gordon's way, has anyone tried it? Or have any suggestions?
Thanks! :o

Can I join in on the thank you's for starting this thread. I just posted about starting to wean and mourning the loss before I saw this thread.

I won't repost that but my question is about nightime weaning. We have successfully ended daytime nursing but still (and recently significantly increased) nightime feedings. I WOH 2 days a week and have to get up at 4am for a long commute. Sleep is so critical not only for my sanity for my safety (driving for one....I now drink coffee on those days although I am not a coffee drinker and it upsets my stomache for the rest of the day).

I have read here and in Dr. Sears to comfort instead of nursing but my DD (13 mos) just cries harder, angrier and becomes MORE awake if I don't nurse. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I'm not ready to give up the good night nursing but I am ready to give up the 10:30 pm, 2 am, 4am etc nursings......

I just happened upon this and wish I would of seen it sooner as I am now 9 days after having nursed my 21 month old for the last time....I am pregnant with #2 and as many letters say, I was just ready. Ds was down to once in the morning, once before nap, once before bed and then "all night" when we started in late Jan. I started with the Dr Jay Gordon "method" for night nursing and for us it worked really well. Given ds was annoyed those first few nights, but after probably 4 days he didn't even ask anymore and started sleeping from when we put him down at 7:30 to about 6am pretty much on his own. After that I next stopped morning feedings, then before nap, and lastly before bed...I went really slow, but it seemed to work well for both of us. I'd be happy to share more if anyone has questions. Good luck to you all.
maria

I know somewhere in the 4 pages of this thread someone had a link for the Dr Jay Gordon "method" for night nursing. Could I be lazy and ask someone to post it again or PM me with nore info?

here is the Dr jay Gordon "method" again....worked great for us!

http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/sleep.htm

Thank you SO much!!!! I'll let you know how it works.
-a very very sleep deprived Debora

I posted back on page 2 or so, but haven't had the chance to catch up on this thread. I only skimmed over page four, please forgive me, becuase my breasts started to feel engorged and hurt after beginning to read the thread. :LOL It's been about 60 hours since DD last nursed. :D :( I'll try to give my words of wisdom :eyesroll , if possible. :LOL

Currently, I have two main questions:
1. Has anyone questioned whether it is best to just stop say 4 nursings a day altogether rather than cut them out one by one? I have been doing this gradually now for 2 months and am down to before and after sleeping. But I am wondering if it is almost harder to have the mixed message of sometimes yes and sometimes no.
2. My daughter nurses for about 2 hours every morning and I know that this will be a really hard one to stop. Any advice on how other moms have cut this one out would be really great.

I found that my attempts to cut down rollercoastered. Our babes go through many different things - growing, learning discipline, change of seasons, emotional growth, so they may go up and down in their desire to nurse, depending on what they are dealing with at the time (imo). So, don't let that rollercoaster stress you out too much, making you think you're taking two steps forward to only take one back. Personally, I think that cutting one nursing at a time is the way to go. To up and refuse, suddenly, would be very confusing for your child and probably pretty emotionally upsetting.

I don't find that nursing limits is sending them mixed messages. It's just like anything else - you are communicating what is acceptable (my favorite Super Nanny word ;) ). Like with nightweaning, for example, when you communicate that they can nurse "when the sun comes up", they know that when it's dark they are not going to be allowed to nurse (though my DD will occasionally see what she can get away with - 1/2 the time it works for her).

We've been down to the exact same routine as youself, Kikimama, long morning nursing and then before and after naps. I didn't know how the heck I was going to get past these. Well, a couple of days ago, she woke up and didn't want to go into my bedroom to nurse, she wanted to stay up. So, I went with it and she did the same the next morning. I decided to seize the opportunity and made sure I was out of the house around naptime so she'd fall asleep in the car, instead of on the boob. She hasn't nursed for more than 2 days and hasn't asked. It came out of nowhere. Who knows if it will last? And, I have no idea how to address the naptime nursing, other than to drive around every day. :nut My advice with the morning nursing is to encourage her to stay up when she wakes (do you cosleep?), instead of going back to sleep nursing. I was lazy and would never do it. I'm exhausted. In fact, I'm going to bed right now. :p

Thanks for the suggestions and wisdom Momma to Baby Roni. We decided to go slow, really only makes sense for my girl, she co-sleeps and has never had to cry anything out... One week later we have cut out morning and after nap nursings!! It's working! The first three days were the hardest (just like they say), and we are still getting out of bed much earlier than usual (my husband and I switch off morning shifts with her out of bed). Althogh she is needing extra lovin from momma, she seems to really be adjusting well and we are all very pleased. My pediatrician (who is also a homeopath) suggested giving her a treatment of pulsatilla 30C mixed with water every 3-4 hours and I think that this has helped her transition. Also just substituting things that she loves to distract her (i.e. popsicles for breakfast - Sure!). I figure that anything goes right now, since I am taking away her favorite thing.

It is amazing though how I can already see changes in her... despite being clingier to me than usual at times, she is really proud of herself (and we keep reinforcing this by telling her how proud of her we are), and has a real sense of independence and pride that is beautiful to watch. I think we will wait a few weeks and next cut out naptime then the dreaded before bed. I am feeling very encouraged.

Also for mom2emerson, we tried the dr. j gordon's method, well, many times. I think it is a fantastic method - it makes a lot of sense. But the first 2 times we tried either she wasn't ready or the timing was off. My advice is to remain patient (as much as you can, of course) and don't get discouraged if you need to just do it all over again at another time. Good luck!!!

mom2emerson

Just thought I would take a moment to add that I think its important to remember baby will be "annoyed" especially those first couple nights. There were a few tears, but always in momma's arms, and with lots of reassurace that it was ok and he could nurse in the morning. Ds has never cried anything out, and although it was tough to hear him cry for a couple minutes I reminded myself that he was safe and in my arms, not alone in a dark room, very different.

To "end" morning feedings a couple weeks later, when he woke up in the morning we just got up and ate breakfast instead of nursing again. We now wake up anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30 am which has been the biggest change for dh and I, but I think for ds it was probably the easiest transition. We cosleep and now he will just wake and say "up mamma" or "up dadda" and thats our cue he is all ready to face the day.

For nap, I really thought it was going to be tough, but it was really actually pretty painless. The first day I just said "we're not going to "nurse (his word here)" today, just sleep" That day he cried for about 3-5 min MAX and I just kept holding him and rocking him and comforting him and he stopped crying and was asleep before I knew it. For the next couple days he would ask, I would say, "not now, before bed" and he would put his head down and I would rock him to sleep, no more tears after the first day.

Then for before bed, for about three nights I would just let him nurse for a few minutes, then say " ok, no more" and just continue rocking him to sleep. Then the fourth night I just said ok, were just sleeping tonight"...like nap, the first night was annoyed, but cried for maybe 1 min, then relaxed in my arms and eventually drifted off. He asked for maybe one or two nights after that, and that was it. Now instead on "nursing" I tell him a story (lights off) then rock him to sleep...anywhere from 10-30 min...

I should add that I waited like 7-10 days after I had ended one " session" before I took away another. Now a little after a week of no nursing I am very happy with how things went and don't see any negative effects on him or me, also I never got engorged at all, I think because I went so slow, or maybe b/c I'm also pregnant...

anyway, good luck to everyone!
Maria

Well, Easter came and went and Ashlin decided that it wasn't the time to wean. She had up until Easter said she wouldn't have milk after Easter but the realization came hard that night when we went to bed and I reminded her she wasn't having milk anymore. YEAH RIGHT! She cried and cried, my 5 yr. old dd was so distressed with me, she kept saying "It's ok mom, just give her booby milk" She was trying to be so helpful. Tonight my 5 y/o told me at dinner not to go on talking about it with Ashlin that if Ashlin wanted to nurse just let her until she says she doesnt want to anymore. Ugh. What to do. Even my 5 y/o seems more in tune with CLW than most.

I dont know what I will do. I even get nauseas sometimes when I am nursing her. All I can think about is how much I want to be done and Ashlin is nursing like every time is the last one. Poor kid. She knows I want to stop and she knows she doesnt want to. This really sucks.

I have also heard of the beaded necklace idea and it does sound nice but I know Ashlin will never choose a bead over booby milk (that is what she calls it).

It isnt just the crying that is tough when I say no more milk. It is her 3 year old body tearing at my clothes, feet digging into me. She physically fights it. (Not to mention how easy my 5 y/o makes it sound to just keep nursing her)

My pediatrician (who is also a homeopath) suggested giving her a treatment of pulsatilla 30C mixed with water every 3-4 hours and I think that this has helped her transition.
Kikimama, can you tell me exactly what this remedy is supposed to do?

Rosebuds- I know what you mean about the nausea. For me I have found that certain times of the month make it worse, being dehydrated, and being hungry. So I personally get more sick in the AM since she's nursed during the night and I haven't had food in hours. I used to have it a lot and often, then I put on some weight and started making it a point to drink lots more liquid, that helped. I have no clue what it must be like to deal with having a 5 y.o. tell you to do CLW, I'm sure it would make me nuts. I too, have a child who feels strongly about wanting to continue nursing. When things became really tense for us with weaning, I ended up backing down, much like you did. I put weaning on hold for a few weeks while dd chilled out. And then I started trying different tactics. The one I most like currently is that when she starts to nurse I count to 5, and when I get to 5 she has to stop nursing. She usually switches sides and has the other one for a count of 5 too. But I can control how quickly I count and it ended the super long sessions that were more likely to make me feel ill.

My personal weaning goal is July, btw. But I'm not telling dd that, I'm trying to make it something that just fades away.

Anyway, after she got used to the count to 5 thing, I started phasing out more nursing sessions, asking her to wait until bedtime or whatever. Its working. Slowly. Good luck to you!

Reading the last couple posts has me all the more anxious (probably not the right word) about wanting to wean off the night nursing pre-preg. Thanks to those of you who sent me the link on Dr. Jay Gordon. I printed the info off, read it a couple times and am trying to build up the courage (?)...resolve (?)... whatever...to give it a go. I know I have to be committed to it before starting.

I had actually cut all milk products (yogurt, cottage cheese, etc) out of her diet yesterday because I read somewhere to try that. It may have been a complete coincidence but last night was actually the first night in a while that we only had two wakings (10:30pm and 3:00ish am). I left for work at 5 am but my older DD who takes care of her the 2 days I WOH said she slept til 6:30!!! hmmmm...maybe baby DD is secretely sneaking onto the computer and reading these posting and thinking to herself "oh, I better stop waking Mommy up so much or she is going to cut me off!" :LOL No milk products again today and so far tonight DD still hasn't stirred.

I'll keep you all posted.

mom2emerson
For nap, I really thought it was going to be tough, but it was really actually pretty painless. The first day I just said "we're not going to "nurse (his word here)" today, just sleep" That day he cried for about 3-5 min MAX and I just kept holding him and rocking him and comforting him and he stopped crying and was asleep before I knew it. For the next couple days he would ask, I would say, "not now, before bed" and he would put his head down and I would rock him to sleep, no more tears after the first day.

Then for before bed, for about three nights I would just let him nurse for a few minutes, then say " ok, no more" and just continue rocking him to sleep. Then the fourth night I just said ok, were just sleeping tonight"...like nap, the first night was annoyed, but cried for maybe 1 min, then relaxed in my arms and eventually drifted off. He asked for maybe one or two nights after that, and that was it. Now instead on "nursing" I tell him a story (lights off) then rock him to sleep...anywhere from 10-30 min...

I should add that I waited like 7-10 days after I had ended one " session" before I took away another. Now a little after a week of no nursing I am very happy with how things went and don't see any negative effects on him or me, also I never got engorged at all, I think because I went so slow, or maybe b/c I'm also pregnant...

anyway, good luck to everyone!
Maria

It's great that things worked out for you, Maria. I wish that would work for ds. I've been going crazy wondering how to get ds to sleep without nursing. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and I can't stand nursing anymore. I have no milk and I just get so frustrated with nursing ds to sleep. Whenever I try to tell him we're not nursing now or try to comfort him in some other way he just cries and gets upset for long periods of time. We're mostly just down to nursing before bedtime. I tend to take him out before his afternoon nap and let him fall asleep in the car on the way home (sometimes I have to take the long way). My dad reads him books before naps on the three days that I work and mil was able to get him to sleep for a nap when she was visiting over the weekend. Unfortunately, he gets extremely upset when dh tries to get him to sleep and he will have nothing to do with anything but nursing when he's with me. We've just bought him a 'big boy' bed and as soon as we get new carpet in what will be his new room, I'd like to start a transition. I'm hoping having the new room and new bed will assist in having a new sleep routine. I know I need more than just that, though. Any ideas anyone?

Goodness...this is such a hard decision isn't it?

Rosebuds
I guess I would say just know that you are doing what is best for you and her, and mom's needs are important too. Also remember that the tearing at your clothes and feet digging into you are normal behaviors of a three year old that doesn't like something. That doesn't necessarily mean its wrong, just she doesn't like it, and it makes sense b/c its something she is so used to as part of her routine. If you know this is the right time for you, I would just press on and know that she will accept the change once she sees it is consistant and I bet she'll forget it sooner than you will...

hang in there...


maria

Marie...

my heart goes out to you! I know it was lucky in that ds didn't cry for long periods. I think the best advice I have is to be consistant. If you decide to stop one "session" and say that, then stick to it. I'm not sure how old your little one is, but pretty early they know when you are serious. For my son I know one reason it worked is that he knew crying wasn't going to change anything, but he is almost two and so developmentally that is something he understands. I think also just remember that nursing has up to now been such a big part of their routine, and so it will take a little time to replace the routine with something else, whether its driving home, or someone else putting them to sleep...just know eventually they will accept the change, and they will be ok. Routines are just so important to little ones, and so any changes, especially in such a "key" area, is going to be tough. And I feel for you, I agree that nursing into pregnancy is not fun. Some nights I could almost scream it hurt so bad, and thats why for me there were no questions it was time for us....

fyi-the first few times dh put ds down he really screamed and cried...but because we knew with a new baby coming we needed him to be able to fall asleep with someone else we pushed through, and I wore headphones...now he LOVES for daddy to put him to sleep....we started with nap, and now he has done bedtime twice....its a slow road, but it works out...

hope you find a way, I'll be thinking of you
Maria

Thanks for the reply, Maria. I'm thinking that once we have ds's new room set up, I'll get really serious about a new routine and really try to stick to it. Unfortunately, dh is often still at work when ds goes to bed, so it's hit or miss with that. So far when we have tried to have dh comfort ds in the night, I end up nursing him to sleep in the end. That's why I haven't persisted with trying to do that more. Someone mentioned not being in the house when dh tries to get ds to sleep and we may have to try that or at least pretend that that is the case.

I agree that consistency is extremely important when you are trying to make a change. I know that right now I lack that (consistency) for a couple of reasons...it is emotionally draining on me to deprive Ashlin of her milk, physically I am ready to stop, and about 60% emotionally ready to stop. So I feel so guilty when she wants milk and I dont give it to her and then start to question why I would not give it to her and then next thing you know I am giving it to her. Secondly it is hard for me to be consistent when 50% of the time I am on my own getting both kids to bed. Dh works evenings sometimes so bedtime needs to include both girls and they have a sibling bed so it is quite difficult to have Ashlin in such a state while the older sib has to go through the motions with us.

I guess right now things are on hold for us until it can be easier for Ashlin to let go or I can be more consistent. I will watch this thread closely and post anything interesting that comes up for us in the future.

subscribing...

too tired to post now, but will later. happy to have found the thread!

this- weaning- is on our horizon...

Something to think about...

A dear and wise friend recently phrased something to me that I will share with you all...

Perhaps the thought of weaning at this point is the toddler equivalent of wanting to formula feed infants when things get tough.

perhaps, still sucks tho.

I think it takes both consistancy and the child being willing. I also think it takes being really aware and on your toes. I've found that it definitely has taken thinking ahead on my part. I think you have to really be ready and that's when the consistency comes in.

We are down to morning and bedtime now. Alexander is now 23 months. I'm very consistent about it and he's typically willing to be distracted. It's very similar to how things went with my other children. We just stopped the nap time nursing last week and it wass the hardest....and we too have done the driving thing. While we are in the weaning process, I'm not willing to have him crying for nursing. If we go for a drive he goes to sleep and doesn't even ask about nursing.

There are other times that he may ask to nurse every so often. I usually find that if I either find him something to eat/drink or change tracks with him then he stops asking. Often times he asks when he really wants something else but may not know how to ask.

The plan is to then drop the morning nursing and then the bedtime last.

I think that if a child is not willing then it's a very difficult task and maybe it's best to wait and try a bit later. Sometimes just a couple of weeks can make a huge difference. I know for some this may not be possible...but it sounds like for many of us it would be.

Perhaps the thought of weaning at this point is the toddler equivalent of wanting to formula feed infants when things get tough.

sorry rosebuds, but i have to totally disagree with your friend here. i'm not weaning my ds simply because things are tough. things actually aren't tough for me at all, i'm just feeling like i'm done nursing and i'm ready to move onto the next phase of mothering my children without nursing.

IMO, wanting to quit nursing a baby before 12 months (i use this as my cut-off because before a year, they are not eating a lot of solids and you'd still need to give them formula to make up for nutrients) because things are tough, or because you're feeling done or whatever (barring medical needs of the mama) i think is not the same thing as giving a child 12 months or more of nursing and having a child who is eating a lot of solids, naturally gaining independence, etc. and then feeling for whatever reason that you, the mama, want to end the nursing relationship.

i've said this before on this thread, but i'll say it again. there should be no shame at all in a mama deciding to wean after 12 months or more or nursing. we should be proud of the beautiful gift we have given our children and ourselves. i HATE how it seems the pro-longerterm nursing culture that exists here at MDC can be so non-supportive and shaming of mamas who chose to wean on their own time table. we should be applauding mamas who make it to a year (heck, with the dismal nursing rate in the US, we should be applauding mamas who make it to 3 months! :eyesroll ) instead of calling weaning after 30 months "premature." sheesh...

BTW, our update: ds will be 2 y.o. in 2 weeks, and each time we nurse, i'm counting down. only 14 more times and i'll be done nursing babies forever. what a thought! he is doing great with once a day, doesn't even ask in between. and i can see him growing closer to his papa, too, and more independent, too.

Thank you so much Bunny's Mama for saying exactly what I was thinking as I was reading that post. of course my brain just didn't put the words together as well as you did!!!!!

Hi

Poking my head in here, not sure if I belong here.. I have kind of been forced to wean my toddler by pregnancy I would not have if my milk had not dried up.. :irked: she will still nurse willingly but she bites me and she does acrobatics while latched on.. and since there is no milk this is unbeleivably painful! shes 16 months and I am 5 months pregnant now and weaning has just commenced this week. She eats lots of food of her own will in the last 2 months but is still demanding some kind of milk anyone else having this issue with a young toddler? I have resorted to giving her some bottles with goats milk and she seems happy about that.

I went through this with my son who is now almost 3 (june) when I was pregnant with her! he took up nursing again here and there after she was born. ( I was fine with that)

Anyhow thats where we are at.

I too agree with Bunny's Mama and am glad she had the time to give such a complete and well written response. I think the comparison to giving formula to an infant because things are "tough" to weaning children over a year is a bit offensive.

Bunny's Mama- I had a similer experience to yours and am not two weeks post my "last time" nursing ds. He too did great as it sounds like yours is. Good luck and thanks for the well written post.

Marsupialmama-I think if you are weaning and feel like this thread can help then why wouldn't you belong! I can relate to nursing while pregnant being just too painful to bear. I am not clear on you question about milk. Is the issue that cow's milk is not a choice and you are looking for other types of milk or the issue that she wants a bottle? Have you tried milk in a cup rather than a bottle? My son doesn't like milk unless its with cereal so I can't offer much help there. Good luck and I hope someone has some hints for you.

Maria

Oh I just mean in general "milk" whatever that means to you.. :LOL yes she won't touch anything that appears whitish out of a sippy cup.. she associates those with juice and water only! shes a very particular child.. :D I just hope I am not damaging her somehow buy not letting her nurse my barren breasts. :( I should also add I loathe the idea of being out somewhere with her and the looks she will get with a bottle KWIM? most nursing mamas are not too tolerant of that I find..and I just feel annoyed about it because I consider myself so militant about breastfeeding..

Marsupialmuma,

This may be against your beliefs, but have you considered changing the color of the stuff in the cup, to say, brown? The ONLY way my ds (almost 25 mos) will take any sort of milk is if it's chocolate flavored. I add a little bit of chocolate soy milk to regular cow's milk and he drinks it up. Sometimes he likes it warm. You could then gradually lessen the amount of chocolate in the mixture over time until there's none. The other ways I get milk into ds are in his cereal, oatmeal or fruit smoothies, so if you're against the chocolate idea, you could always try one of those. I'm sorry you're going through this. I think it must be tough, with no milk of your own to give, but that she won't drink any other milk on top of that.

I wanted to add that I NEVER thought I'd give my ds chocolate milk. But now I feel like, "whatever works for us", you know?

Also, can you get a sippy cup that's opaque instead of transparent, so she doesn't see the color of what's inside?

LOL actually I tried the chocolate trick and she just threw it across the room :LOL shes really smart, as for opaque cups I am really picky about what plastics I will use.. and currently I am using the Bfree system of bottles from the UK with her because they are Bisphenol free.. thats the crap in all the polycarbonate and #7 plastics that is so bad for us! The only other bottles we have are Adiri but shes not fond of them really and thinks they are more a toy. :eyesroll

Its a very difficult spot to be in...she definately still needs some kind of milk though and is now associating it with a bottle as opposed to the cup, oh man the best laid plans...lol I suppose I should not complain because a short while ago she would not drinik any milk period EVEN breastmilk in a cup!

Marsupialmuma: try giving it to her in a cup with a straw. My dd would only take water from a sippy cup, refused milk from it. It took a couple tries with the straw cup (one sip once, couple more the next time), but then she took to it like a pro!

hello, I just wanted to subscribe and offer my support to the mamas (and toddlers) who are going through weaning or considering it.
I nursed my first two children until 18 months and then weaned them, I don't remember it as being hard or difficult neither took a bottle and my oldest wasn't really a very good eater (well still isn't)
with my third I was going to nurse until he was two (clw was never really my goal, although wonderful for those that want to :) ) we started ttc when ds was 15 months, thinking it would take 6 months like it always did to get pg, well two weeks later I was pg with baby #4 (a little quick, but it was planned) I continued nursing (I worked out of the house two days a week) my little one still loved it so much but he was nursing continuously probably because there was less milk. I felt really guilty here at mdc knowing I was not going to continue much longer (its nice there is a support thread now) I wanted to wait until the stress of christmas had passed but I wanted to stop early enough that when the new baby was born ds wouldn't be jealous and want to start again. so I aimed for january, I cut down the nursing sessions to waking up, down for nap, up for nap and bedtime (although we often needed one around dinner) I made sure we were out doing things together for distraction and that I always had a shirt on. This transition went well and we kept it up for a month, in february I had dh get up in the morning and feed Lucas breakfast and give him a :bag: bottle, so when I got up he wasn't hungry, that's how we dropped the morning session then I dropped the after nap, and a week later the before nap.
I have to say he was a little sad, but the milk was really low and he didn't like dry nursing so it was probably a good time to quit, finally at the end of february we dropped night time nursing, dh put him to bed with a bottle. he wanted to nurse a few times after that (like in the tub) but he latched on and then let go and laughed because there was no milk. He hasn't tried to nurse in a month (yeah) I wish you all the best of luck on your weaning journey.
crystal

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You Bunny's Mama for starting this thread. :) You rock. This thread came at just the right time for me. I was also struggling with this whole MLW & CLW, until a few days ago when BAM it hit me.... "I don't want to do this anymore". I think I'd feel differently if i weren't pg but I am. We are down to just 2 nursings (nap & bedtime) despite my milk being dreid up. I'm trying to cut these 2 out gradually but ...ugh...it seems to be taking forever. my goal is to be done by the end of May. i sure hope this is realistic goal.

Hi all,

Just poking around and found this great thread :) after posting the the clw thread, which may be the wrong one for us. While I believe in this philosophy, I'd really love to be preg. again and have had constant pms for about 5 or 6 months now which is making me crazy because constant sore breasts without being pregnant sucks, and not being pregnant sucks. It happen the first month we tried for the first pregnancy and after 6 mo. of ttc, it gets a little hard sometimes.

Ds is almost 2 and would nurse everytime I sat down, I'm sure, but I've cut him back to 3x a day, which can mean a few times between 5am-8am, nap time and before bed. I still have no af, despite trying herbs, homeopathy and acupuncture. ug. I'm trying not to get frustruated with my body, and at times feel torn with ds' needs and the desire to have siblings close in age.

Hope to get to know you all better,
take care,
Jessica

at times feel torn with ds' needs and the desire to have siblings close in age.


I so feel you on this one!!! I feel guilty to be starting the weaning myself but also know I want my babies fairly close together (I am no spring chicken so that has to be taken into consideration!!!) sigh........ I was so glad to find this thread!

We can all get through this together! :Hug

Marsupialmama:

Just saw that its just no milk from a cup. My 22 month old still won't drink any kind of milk. I even tried offering it long before I started weaning. In the last couple weeks he has begun to have a little cow's milk with cereal and like that. I asked the ped about it at about 18 months and he said as long as he was getting calcium and protein from somewhere not to worry. I should add he will eat yogurt and cheese so he goes get some dairy. And I just make sure to give him other foods with those nutrients in them. I assume slowly he'll decide if he likes it or not. Right now he only drinks water or OJ. :)

good luck

Yay for this thread! I've been saying that I want to CLW with DD, who is 27 months, but now that I'm 6 months pregnant her nursing is really getting on my nerves (and she doesn't even do it that much -- mostly before nap and before bed). I've finally admitted to myself that CLW is not going to happen, and I'm so ready to be done (and my nipples would really appreciate it too!). So I've got to start cutting out the remaining nursings...

Good luck to you all!

Cathy

Something to think about...

A dear and wise friend recently phrased something to me that I will share with you all...

Perhaps the thought of weaning at this point is the toddler equivalent of wanting to formula feed infants when things get tough.

perhaps, still sucks tho.


I assumed I would take some slack for that comment and that is completely understandable. It was merely something to ponder. No offense meant to anyone, I dont intend to dismiss anyones feelings here at all...including my own...don't forget how intensely I am wanting to wean, I am with you guys!!!

May I carry on now?

How many moms are here wanting to wean dc who are 3+ ? Do we really have a choice at this point? Sometimes I feel like we have past the point of no return, she understands everything, I cant dupe her into beleiving she doesnt need booby milk anymore and distraction no longer seems an option for us at the age of 3years, 4 months. Especially considering my main nursing session that I want to drop is bedtime. (Although I suppose we could do the drive around everynight)

I will continue to frequent this thread, even tho I have decided that I am not actually MLW at this point but it is in the future for us. I would love to hear from other moms of older dc (3+) to see what is working for them.

My best to one and all...

I have been really struggling with it though. I REALLY wanted to CLW but, I just don't see that happening in reality. Some days I don't mind the nursing, but other days I am sour about it. I finally nightweaned about a month ago and that went so AMAZINGLY well I was completely surprised. We talked during nursing about how mommy likes to give her boobies, but that now that Kayla is getting older, it is time for mommy to sleep at night, Kayla to sleep at night, and boobies to sleep at night. We discussed for 2 or 3 days and then at our before bed nursing I said remember boobies are going night night too. When it is light outside you can nurse again. She woke up once or twice, I pointed to the window and said it was still dark, boobies in the morning. She was so fine with it. A bit of complaining the first night (10 sec. worth--no crying!) and we cuddled back to sleep. We don't co-sleep anymore, but I will lay with her in her bed for a bit.

She currently nurses around 6AM (and depending on the morning sometimes at 8AM too), before nap and before bed. I think the morning one has to stay for a while--after all I DO say she can nurse again when it is light again. I am scared that dropping the nap time session will result in dropping naps :eek so I am working up to dropping the night time one first.

My first dd weaned at 28 months (mother-led). I was 20 weeks pg and really didn't want dd to have a memory of mommy wincing during nursing. We had such a good nursing relationship. I guess I always felt a bit guilty about that. We started by nightweaning when I found out I was pg (she was 24 months) and then daddy started putting her to bed at night (lost the before bed one) I started napping with her and over a couple weeks we dropped that one. The last one was the morning nursing. My first dd never has liked milk (she is now 5) and other breakfast foods never were appealing to her. We still have a hard time with breakfast for her. Anyway, the nursing took care of it until she was ready for real food. Unfortunately, with pg my supply died and she kept trying and trying to get some breakfast from them. About 2 weeks after dropping it, she asked for boobies in the middle of the day. I asked if she really needed them and she nodded. I said sure, come on up for a little while, but the milk is all gone. She started laughing and never asked again. I guess that reassurance that I would still fill her needs helped her let it go completely. But I still feel bad about it.

Darn, this got really long. I am sorry. Anyways, thank you for the place to post all this. I will be lurking around.

Amy

I would love to hear from other moms of older dc (3+) to see what is working for them.

Not my own personal experience, but a friend of mine recently weaned her 40-month-old, so I will share her story with you. Her son was still asking to nurse fairly often during the day, and my friend was feeling really done. She had just asked to borrow the "nursing mother's guide to weaning," from me, and then when I saw her a week later (before lending her the book), she told me that her ds was weaned! How did it happen? They had a weaning party! They had talked about the concept of weaning for a long time, and then one day she just posed the question to him. . . "How would you feel about having a weaning party?" And he was on board, so they went with it, and had the party just a couple days later. He got to decide what kind of cake to have, and they baked it together and decorated it to look like breasts. My friend was willing to have the party not actually be the end of nursing if it seemed like her ds really still wanted to nurse afterwards, but he hasn't asked to nurse since!

I see that as being one of the benefits of waiting until your toddler is 3+ because they are more able to understand the concept of being weaned. My guys are 25+ months right now and still nursing 4 or 5 times a day (but no longer before bed or during the night). I've tried to talk about weaning with them, but they really don't seem to get it yet.

So, that's one idea: a weaning party!

(I think mothering magazine had an article about a weaning party not too long ago. . . and there is an essay in the current issue of New Beginnings that talks about a weaning party too).

Lex

Thanks for the reply lexbeach.

I do like the idea of a weaning party and have planned on doing something special for dd when we do wean. I have a fair number of friends nursing toddlers+ and have considered inviting them over for the party but wouldn't want to get the weaning process started for the guests too! We have discussed going out for dinner with dd when she weans and I suppose having a more intimate affair with family might be more appropriate.

Nursing dd down for bed tonight was excruciating. It wasn't painful but really annoying physically for me. It's like she flutters and it gets so icky for me. I often wonder how much milk she is actually taking in??? Sometimes she has such a strong suckle and other times it is just light and well annoying. I told her I was all done for the night and tried to get her to sleep w/o nursing but after about 45 min of her tossing around and playing I decided to suck it up and nurse her again to which she fell asleep within minutes. I think maybe aside from being torn about CLW and MLW I am probably also lazy!!!

Good night all and good luck to those in the throes of the weaning process!

I think maybe aside from being torn about CLW and MLW I am probably also lazy!!!


I hear you. That is part of my problem too. It is so easy to get dd down for a nap with nursing. Laziness is what made me procrastinate the night weaning too--just so easy to toss a boob in. But since nightweaning, everyone has been better rested, and I have been a better mom. I didn't realize how beneficial CONTINUOUS sleep was :) Sometimes I really think dd is ready to wean and is waiting for me to make a real decision.

Good luck to everyone!

Amy

I hear you. That is part of my problem too. It is so easy to get dd down for a nap with nursing. Laziness is what made me procrastinate the night weaning too--just so easy to toss a boob in. But since nightweaning, everyone has been better rested, and I have been a better mom. I didn't realize how beneficial CONTINUOUS sleep was :) Sometimes I really think dd is ready to wean and is waiting for me to make a real decision.


the thing is, once the weaning is over and done with, you WILL find new ways to get your child down for a nap. i never thought my dd would ever go to sleep w/o nursing, but a few months after she weaned, i was able to do the routine (book, song, etc.) kiss her goodnight (nap AND evenings) and she actually fell asleep on her own!! (i know, a minor miracle! and my dd was not a good sleeper when she was nursing).

(man, i know i may get flamed for the following): in some ways, i think nursing past a certain age actually stunts the blossoming independence of a child. i guess i believe this so strongly because my own dd just grew so much more independent directly after weaning. anyway, just my experience.

as far as night-weaning goes...i did that unapologetically at about 10 mos. with both of my kids because i can't stand the sleep deprivation, turns me into a zombie (i'm not one who can just fall back to sleep after the little one latches on, so it's horrible for me). everything i've read says that a baby doesn't NEED to nurse all night after about 6-9 mos. (altho of course they still WANT to, but i wonder if part of that is because they've been doing this lovely thing their entire lives, so they expect it to continue indefinitely). with dd i finally realized that her waking every 1-2 hours to nurse every night wasn;t just making me sleep deprived, it was also depriving HER of a full, untinerrupted night sleep. she was chronically sleep deprived, too! it took a few weeks before she was totally nightweaned, but ya know what? she slept all night long for the first time in her life, and her daytime demeanor changed for the better, too. interesting....

AAK, i totally agree with the last line of your post above. i think sometimes they are ready to wean, but they just have no idea how to stop this wonderful thing they have been doing since they were born. also, maybe they sense it is lovely and important to their mamas, too, and thus (unconsciously?) don't want to take nursing away from US (something to ponder, no?)

i don't agree with the basic premise of CLW, which is that children KNOW inherently when they are "ready" to be finished with nursing. i don't think they know. and i think sometimes they need a little help and guidance from us in ending this lovely relationship and moving on to a new and also lovely relationship without nursing.

I'm sitting here pondering that statement that children don't "know" when they are ready to wean and need a mother's guidance to help them along. I think assuming that goes for all kids might be going too far, but I agree that you are probably right that some kids need that. I think too that there seem to be times when children are more receptive to weaning than others. I attempted to wean my dd at 24 months due to a medical condition I had, she fought being weaned with everything she had. Luckily the issue resolved, and we continued to nurse. Then at 30 months I had to wean again for medical issues, this time we didn't nurse for a week. The second time it went SO much easier- I think because my dd was at a personal point where she could deal with it better. I ended up returning to nursing because we just didn't seem "done" and now dd nurses only a few times a day, but doesn't seem ready to quit. But, right now she is teething molars and I suspect that if she EVER gets done teething, that weaning will be easy. Though I am sure with her it will have to be MLW unless I want to nurse MUCH longer.

i don't agree with the basic premise of CLW, which is that children KNOW inherently when they are "ready" to be finished with nursing. i don't think they know. and i think sometimes they need a little help and guidance from us in ending this lovely relationship and moving on to a new and also lovely relationship without nursing.

(quoting myself HA!)
of course i didn't mean this to say that it's true for ALL children, but for the majority i've seen, it is.
and i don't think it's true just for nursing, i think young children don't really know what's best for them (certainly, my 4 year old would eat ice cream every single day for breakfast lunch & dinner if i let her), and my 2 year old would love to play with the shiny, pretty knife set :LOL ) IMO, it's part of our job as parents to see the "big picture," to take everything into account in a way that small children are not able (developmentally) to do. certainly, if a nursing child knew that nearly every time he latched on, his mother felt resentful and had her skin crawling, i doubt he'd want to continue this. they aren't able, at 5, 6, 7 years old and younger (and older, too) to see the bigger picture of how mama feels when nursing, they only see how much they love to nurse. IMO, continuing to nurse a child over 12 mos. when you're having negative feelings a lot of the time is not okay (and when you're pg, i think a lot of those negative feelings around nursing are a biological message that it's time to focus on nourishing the babe that is growing within you, and bring an end to nursing the older child who can survive without it).

certainly i think it's harder when the child is not ready, but i also believe, again IMO, that if you are feeling negative about nursing, it's time to wean despite how "ready" the child is. honestly, in so many cases, i think it's the mama that holds onto nursing more than the child. change is usually hard for most young children, but the vast majority do learn to accept and move on quickly.

Well I'm not going to get into a discussion about philosophy or child development, etc.

We are only nursing to go to bed at night now. The morning nursing was the next to go and it just sortof happened! One morning I wasn't feeling good and I had to get up early to get to the bathroom and ds ended up getting up and hanging out with dh while I tried to rest. The next morning we did the same routine and have just kept going with that.

I've been feeling the hormonal changes....some migraines, etc

Subscribing because I'd like to wean, but the girls aren't ready and I am dealing with a lot of guilt. I hate it! I am so tired of being groped and of two toddlers wanting to nurse every single time I sit down. I was in a totally different state up until the last month. I am just struggling with what to do at this point.

Well. Ds hasn't nursed in over four days now. I certainly wouldn't say he is weaned yet, but I have found other ways to get him to sleep. I started a new bedtime routine. We go up to my bed (he doesn't cosleep) and read books and then I cuddle with him until he falls asleep. I then transfer him to his crib. I'm looking forward to getting his new room set up so that I can lay with him in his twin bed and not have to transfer him. He doesn't ask to nurse (meh!) at bedtime, but has brought it up once or twice and been easily distracted. I guess it's all about consistency now. I've got to keep this up and hope it still works in his new room and somehow works out after the new baby is here. I don't know when I'll be able to say that he has actually weaned, though.

Subscribing because I'd like to wean, but the girls aren't ready and I am dealing with a lot of guilt. I hate it! I am so tired of being groped and of two toddlers wanting to nurse every single time I sit down. I was in a totally different state up until the last month. I am just struggling with what to do at this point.

I can definitely sympathize with your post, Lara! How often are your girls nursing these days?

We are very slowly working towards weaning, and at this point things feel really okay to me. And my boys seem pretty okay with things too. Once we started weaning, we pretty quickly got to a place where I feel like I don't need to be totally done anytime too soon. For now, the amount of nursing going on is manageable. My guys nurse when they wake up, and then 1-4 times throughout the morning, and usually once--sometimes twice--in the afternoon. They no longer nurse before bed or even after dinner, usually. I think getting rid of the bedtime nursing made the biggest difference for me because I just DREADED that drawn-out nursing, and would lie there feeling like I was going insane. And it took so long, and then I'd have to do it all over again with the other toddler, and it really ate up my whole evening. Now dw and I take turns putting the boys to bed, so I only have to do bedtime half the time. We read books, get into the boys' twin bed (they prefer to share, but they do both have their own), tell a story, sing a song, and then I lie with them until they fall asleep. It takes 15-30 minutes for the whole routine. And it really only took a few nights before they weren't even ASKING to nurse!

I think for us the first thing in the morning and post-nap nursings will be the hardest to wean from. But I'm hoping that by the time we get to the point of weaning them out, it won't be as big of a deal as it would be if I weaned them out, say, tomorrow.

Some days I do still feel like I really want to be totally done, but for the most part just cutting back some made a big difference. I don't know where you are in the process, but maybe just cutting out some of the nursings would be a good compromise for you guys too. My boys aren't at all ready to be weaned completely, and I do feel guilty when I fantasize about cutting them off from their most favorite activity. Now we've reached a point where I know that my guys will be fine without nursing if I'm not there, and that made me feel much less weighted down by my breasts.

HTH, and looking forward to travelling this road with another twin mama!

Lex

It does help. We were down to just a few nursies a day, some days only once in the morning and once at night, but after they got the stomach flu they went back to dozens of times a day. When we were down to just a few, I felt like I could do that forever, but now that it is back up I feel like I can't go on another minute.

I tell them that the nursies have gone to sleep after a few minutes at bedtime and we have some crying at times, but most of the time they understand. Yesterday at the grocery, dd said, "Nursies go to sleep" and put a newspaper over my chest and started making snoring noises. Pretty funny in the checkout lane.

hi,
i just found this thread while nusing my 16mo to sleep. I am looking forward to weaning by nov/dec when she will be 2. I nursed my oldest until 19 mo I was 7 mo preg with #2 and got crazy sensitive. Weaning went well as my DH took over bedtime. We still cuddled alot and he never asked for it again. I weaned #2 at 24 monthes when I was 3 mo preg with #3 for the same reason I got too sensitive. Now #3 is 16 mo and I have been preg or nursing for 6 years. I still enjoy nursing but would like to have my body back lose some weight and get lasik done before having another baby. When I weaned #2 I told her I had ouchey noni's and she was so kind and would pat them and give them kisses it was so cute. #2 was so verbal and #3 is not at all she only says a few words so I am not sure how this weaning will go. Anyway sorry this is so long and am grateful to have found this thread. Good luck to everyone in their individual journey's.

After throwing a minor fit of my own with DH this morning, I'm SO greatful to have found this thread! DS will be 2 in less than a month, and DH is ready for DS to wean. I've been resisting for months -- just get through one more flu season! -- and I hate to admit it, but I'm beginning to agree that it's time, too.

I'm still very ambivalent, though. I just want to do what's best for DS, and am terrified of screwing this up. Nursing was really painful for me in the beginning, and DS ate every 1/2 hour all day long, so I'm very proud that we stuck to it and here we are, 2 years later, still nursing. Also, I WOH P/T and had to supplement with formula, then milk when he turned 1, because pumping was unsuccessful. It's a testament to our tenacity that in spite of all the roadblocks we kept nursing.

But I'm ready to have my body back, for a little while at least, before we contemplate a little brother or sister for DS. DH keeps telling me, "You put in your time, you nursed him for 2 years, no one can ask you to do more than that." It's also made it practically impossible for DH & I to have a life outside the home, since DS has a hard time falling asleep without me (we co-sleep). I just want to make it as painless as possible -- for both of us.

I tried starting the Dr. Gordon night-weaning method last night -- but DS is pretty persistent and I eventually gave in to his demand for num-nums around 4 o'clock this morning. :eyesroll

I just wanted to say THANK YOU :grouphug to all of you for sharing your thoughts & advice here, because I really, really needed to hear it! Wish us luck tonight . . .

How long do you think it takes our bodies to adjust to dropping a feeding??

We are now down to only nursing at bedtime. I'm thinking that we will attempt to stop this very soon. It's been like a week and 1/2 since he dropped the morning nursing.

I was thinking of trying to stop the bedtime one starting tonight. I may have to drive around (don't laugh!) but then I will have more help from dh tomorrow night and on the weekend so I was thinking it may be best to try to stop it at this point in the week.

I want to make sure I give myself a good chance to adjust to the changes too. ds is doing really well with it all. He'll be 2 on the 22nd. I have my consult appointment with my RE on May 11th (YIKES!) to set up our frozen embryo transfer.

I want to say first of all that I'm glad this thread has been started. I was about to post a thread saying "I've decided to wean" but then saw this and decided to post here instead.

Ds will be 4 at the end of the month and is now not bfing much; in the a.m. upon waking and at night in bed just before sleeping mostly, with a little bit here and there--sometimes while watching a tape, sitting on the couch, his favorite place and situation for it. Much like a person watching TV with a beer. When he was between 2 1/2--3 I decided it had to change and gradually I refused to nurse him in public, when I didn't feel like it, etc., till it became only when I allowed it or if he was sick or hurt or very upset (other than the entrenched night and morning nurse). He gradually wanted to a lot less too so it was sort of simultaneous. I've dealt with a lot of expressed shock and horror (and even dismay) from people upon realizing that he was trying to nurse. You're not still nursing!!??! so I feel l've been through all that and it didn't bother me much and I'm not responding to any of that sort of pressure. I usully didn't feel like going to into an explanation of why, because people generally don't actually want to hear that because your child has special needs, you work full time, etc., etc., . . . the real reasons in fact. But now I feel that we've come to the point at which the annoyance and discomfort (mostly it's because he is a big child, more than 40 lbs now) outweighs the benefits. The main benefit I've felt was that it calmed him and allowed him to organize himself and now he has gotten so much better, in terms of his sensory integration problem, that it doesn't make the dramatic difference that it used to and also he is so easly distracted from nursing and sometimes forgets altogether about it. So as a major milestone comes up, his 4th birthhday, I've decided it's time. It's still going to be tough. I've been bringing it up lately, that we're not going to be doing it anymore. He hasn't commented yet. I feel strongly that being irritated with him when he tries to nurse is not good for either of us and I would like our relationship to not have this adversarial aspect. It's great to read all these posts, btw.

I want to say first of all that I'm glad this thread has been started. I was about to post a thread saying "I've decided to wean" but then saw this and decided to post here instead.

Me Too!!!

I am 13 weeks pg with #3 and I am sooo over nursing dd :( My boobs are SORE and I feel totally over-touched! I really feel that it is best for the both of us b/c I am so frustrated, resentful and angry with every nursing. I do it but I don't want to anymore. Not to mention that I will be nursing another babe in October-ish. I am not open to tandem nursing :o .

It is going to be a long haul I think, I don't really know where to start!

I nurse her before nap (to sleep), during nap, before bed (to sleep) and throughout the night. She wakes at least 5-7 times a night for nursing. I think the other night she was latched on for 4 hours!!! :irked:

When I tell her that nursies are sleeping (or resting or taking a break), she screams and kicks and won't quiet down...Does this stop?

I try to hold her. DH tries to hold her and she screams bloody murder.

She won't let me just cuddle with her to help her go back to sleep.

I can't sit down in my favorite chairs without her jumping on my lap.

We cosleep so ds and dh wake up all through the night :irked: .

HELP!! I sure you all are on the right track with exactly what to do...I have a headstrong little dd and don't know what to do with her!

Just a quick update, for anyone who's interested. We started Dr. Gordon's method in earnest last night (Night #1), and to my surprise DS did really well. I was very impressed and proud of him. :love We had couple of tricky moments, but I followed Dr. Gordon's directions and snuggled him, spoke softly to him, rubbed his back or tummy, etc., after unlatching and he quieted down and went back to sleep.

Wish us luck for Night #2 . . . :1praying:

Hi Lovnbnhome,

I sympathize with your situation! I hate that resentful, overtouched feeling you get nursing while pregnant ... especially since I really really like(d) nursing DD.

Anyhow, I would definitely recommend nightweaning your DD first, like you are trying to do. There will definitely be screaming, tears etc. How long have you been trying? I think it would take an average of one week of consistent, "nursies are sleeping" before she gets used to it. You will have to deal with some sleepless nights but eventually she will be nightweaned. Hang in there!

Cathy

I'd like to join in please. I have a 26 mo old DD and I'm ready. Well, most of the time... Then I look at her and hear her beg to nurse and I just want to die because I'm saying no.

We night-weaned about 2 months ago, and it wasn't so bad. Maybe 3 nights of a lot of crying and then it was over. Now I'm working on "consolidating" random nursing during the day into 4 specific points: waking up, nap time or just before dinner and night time. The nap or before dinner depends on the day: I work 3 days a week and she doesn't nurse at daycare but is really, really insistant the minute we get home. The other days I nurse before nap. Luckily she doesn't fall asleep during nursing, so I think we're in good shape to end these eventually.

So now, here's my question. In 2 weeks I'm going on a 5 day business trip. Last year I thought this would lead to weaning, but she picked right up where we left off. Is there a way to use this trip to jump this hurdle all at once? Is it cruel to be away for a week and then not nurse when I get back? OK, its probably cruel to my mom who will have to do night time with her when I'm gone, but that's another question. Do you think it would be awful to say that there is no more milk when I get back? It may well be true, though it didn't happen last year. Opinions please?

Thanks Cathy~I have only been feeling like this since I got pg and I have only tried "nursies are sleeping" a couple of times b/c it is so much easier to plug her up than it is to hear her scream KWIM?? I try one night and then don't mention it for a couple of nights/week and then try it again. I guess I will be more consistent and just listen to her cries. :( I guess I am just getting a little anxious too about when #3 is born. She will need to fall asleep on her own...I better get started on this tonight as I have a long road ahead of me!

So now, here's my question. In 2 weeks I'm going on a 5 day business trip. Last year I thought this would lead to weaning, but she picked right up where we left off. Is there a way to use this trip to jump this hurdle all at once? Is it cruel to be away for a week and then not nurse when I get back? OK, its probably cruel to my mom who will have to do night time with her when I'm gone, but that's another question. Do you think it would be awful to say that there is no more milk when I get back? It may well be true, though it didn't happen last year. Opinions please?
Today 01:54 PM
I don't know how to help you. I went on a 6 day trip last Dec and thought "yay this will be it!" She did great while I was gone with dh and then as soon as I got in the house she was pulling at my shirt :( I would try to hug and love dd in other ways when you get back...but I don't know really...

Good luck Venice Mamacita!! :thumb

We made through one night :carrot . Dd woke up about 5 or 6 times and the first few times she awoke she wanted her nursies. She cried and squealed (about 15 seconds worth) while I said I could hold her. At the end of the night she was OK with me just holding her (is that called the cradle hold??). DH said "that wasn't too bad" I guess we were expecting it to be horrible and listen to her screaming for hours. It's still only the first night so tonight and the next to come may be real different. But I'm being consistent and I'm not going back :wink .

:Thanks Thanks to you guys and to this thread for giving me the push and motivation! I was beginning to think I was going to be the only one MLW and feeling lots of guilt for doing it!

In 2 weeks I'm going on a 5 day business trip. Last year I thought this would lead to weaning, but she picked right up where we left off. Is there a way to use this trip to jump this hurdle all at once? Is it cruel to be away for a week and then not nurse when I get back? OK, its probably cruel to my mom who will have to do night time with her when I'm gone, but that's another question. Do you think it would be awful to say that there is no more milk when I get back? It may well be true, though it didn't happen last year. Opinions please?

i think its fine to do this, but i'd just talk with her every time she nurses for about a 4 days before you go and let her know that when mama comes back the milky will be all gone. this way its not so abrupt, she has warning and time to say goodbye to nursie slowly. then you could even plan a party for when you return with all her favorite foods.

Hey lovnbnhome,

Glad you made it through the night! Hopefully your DD will get used to the routine after a few more nights. Let us know how it goes!

Cathy

lovnbnhome

congratulations....hope that the next few nights go as well. I know from experience even those 15 seconds of crying are hard, but if you are consistant my guess is in a week there won't even be anymore waking or asking. At least that is how it worked for us.

And in general, I hope as more people join this thread mama's can stop feeling so guilty for MLW, especially when most of the posts I've read are for little one's well over a year. The reality is you must do what is right for you and your family and CLW is not for everyone. I think too much time is spent feeling guilty when I'm pretty sure most everyone in this thread gives LOTS of love and nurturing in many other ways besides nursing. I think that I continue to linger here eventhough we are completely weaned, just b/c I want to reassure all those mama's that feel so bad....

Good luck to all.

Maria

Last night we went to bed without nursing! He asked and fussed some but then he had a banana and some water and sat up sortof falling asleep and pretty soon he laid on me and just went to sleep.

He'll be 2 on Friday and he's now weaned.

Background: DD (27 months) nurses 2x a day, once before nap and once before nighttime sleep. Both times very briefly (like a minute or two), and DD doesn't fall asleep at the boob.

So tonight I was gearing up to drop the evening nursing. I was nervous; I wasn't sure how DD would react. We lied in bed and after finishing reading her books DD asked for nursies. I said, "Nursies very very tired now. How about we do extra snuggles instead?" DD said, "OK." And that was it! No fussing or asking again. So I snuggled her until she fell asleep :love

We'll see how tomorrow goes!

Cathy

Well, dh and I have decided that 32 months is old enough to sleep through the night. We've been doing night weaning this week. Its been SO hard. I really thought that after about 3 nights she'd get the idea there was no milk at night, but last night was night 5 and she still got up twice, at 2:30 and at 4:30 screaming for milk. And I mean a good fifteen minutes at least, so that we were all wide awake before she'd go back to sleep. Dh is starting to look like a zombie, since he was used to sleeping all night while dd nursed. I pray she gives up and learns to sleep all night soon. I told dh the next babe is being night weaned at 10 months!
My goal is to have her completely weaned by her 3rd birthday in July. btw

Oh, and the worst part today is that she has regressed with the potty training. I hadn't changed a poo diaper in 6 months, (still has pee accidents often) and this morning she had a serious poo diaper after she got up. She wasn't upset, and seemed to find humor in me changing it. :irked:

We have gone 3 nights with just nursing to sleep at night :) Night #2 DD woke about 3 times and last night (#3) she woke 2-3 times. When she wakes she squeals and I cradle her in my arms...I think I will try other methods of calming her though because I don't want to be stuck in the cradle position ;) all night. I am beginning to think that DD was as ready for this as I was. I know I have a long haul ahead of me b/c we still have naps, and during naptime nursies, and nursing before bed to work with but I am happy that it is working out! :happyt:

DH is quite pleased with the turnout...I think he was bracing himself (as I was) for the worst screams ever and it really hasn't been that horrible.

Tonight I #4...I'm not turning back! :D I can't wait to wear a non-nursing bra full time for a couple of months (at least!) and feel myself again!

Oh, and the worst part today is that she has regressed with the potty training. I hadn't changed a poo diaper in 6 months, (still has pee accidents often) and this morning she had a serious poo diaper after she got up. She wasn't upset, and seemed to find humor in me changing it.
OTmomma~I am so sorry! I guess it is her way of taking control of the situation :( I hope things get better for you!

Thanks, lovnbnhome! Last night went a little better, she woke up, but didn't scream, and today she's also doing better. So maybe we will make it through this trasition, too. I'm glad things are good well for you!

well, this is the final update for us...

yesterday my little guy turned 2. we nursed at naptime, as we've been doing for the past month. i was laying there with him and trying to focus on what i was feeling. and i was so clear...i didn't feel sad at all, not one tiny bit. i was thinking back on 2 years of nursing dd and now the end of 2 years of nursing ds and i just felt so proud of myself, so good that i've given both of my children (what i think is) a long-term nursing relationship and all the benefits that go along with that.

i looked down at him sucking away and realized that i'll never nurse another baby again, and that felt really right to me. like i'm moving on to another phase of my life and another phase of mothering my little ones. :)

so that was it. we're done... :thumb

We extended Dr. Gordon's "First 3 Nights" because, honestly, Mommy just didn't have the heart to move on yet. :o We've been doing great with the night-waking & not allowing DS to fall back to sleep while nursing, and I want the transition to be smooth and painless as possible. We'll try "Second 3 Nights" soon (no nursing at all when DS wakes up in the night) . . . although we're not looking forward to it! :LOL

So great to read about everyone else's progress -- can't wait to hear more! :thumb

Congratulations Bunny's Mama! It's nice to hear the other end of it~while I am still starting out ;) You sound great too, so confident and happy with your decisions!

Good luck with the next 3 nights Venice Mamacita! You'll do great!

Glad to hear that things are going better for you OTMama!

I'll post an update a little later but I was wondering where I go after this? I don't have a plan :blush We are working on night weaning and I don't know which nursing to phase out next! Right now dd nurses before nap (to sleep) and maybe once during nap once, and before bed to sleep. Should I work on the going to sleep nurse or the nap nurse? or... Is there a certain order I need to be doing this in?

Thanks for all of your input!!!! :thumb

where I go after this? I don't have a plan :blush We are working on night weaning and I don't know which nursing to phase out next! Right now dd nurses before nap (to sleep) and maybe once during nap once, and before bed to sleep. Should I work on the going to sleep nurse or the nap nurse? or... Is there a certain order I need to be doing this in?

i think you should drop the nursing that will be easiest to replace with something else, or the one that seems less important to your child. we dropped nighttime before nap because ds has never nursed to sleep at night. since birth, i have nursed him before bed, then dh has put him down (patting and humming, etc.) which is just the way ds has always been, even as a newborn, he didn't like to fall asleep nursing at night. strange, i know. nap was a different story, he usually fell asleep nursing in the afternoon, so i know that one would be harder to drop. he has a pretty easy-going personality, so it was fairly easy for him to accept dropping nursings. he just kinda goes with the flow, that's him. :kewl

with dd, on the other hand, who always nursed to sleep, we initiated a really rigid pre-bedtime routine that at first included nursing. i think it went somethign like this: dinner, clean up toys, bath, potty, jammies, brush teeth, read story, sing song, NURSE, then kisses good night and bedtime. we did it the same order, at about the same time EVERY NIGHT with total consistency. i also stopped nursing her while laying down in bed with her and started nursing her in the rocking chair for 15 minutes then dh took her and put her to bed. so a few weeks later when we cut out the nursing, there were lots of things in the routine she loved, and she was also used to dh putting her to bed by then.

i should say that she was VERY unhappy about dh putting her to bed for about the first 5 or 6 nights, lots of screaming and crying. but i just knew in my heart that she was not crying because she was scared or even sad. she was pissed because she wasn;t getting what she wanted or what she was used to, and i'm okay with that (also she was 2, so you know how they get when things aren't going their way at that age :irked: :irked: ) anyway, in less than a week, she accepted it and it was all fine.

We dropped the nap nursing first. The first few days we drove around or even skipped the nap - which can make for a difficult day!

Then actually what happened was that we then moved into dropping the bed time nursing and he started to go to sleep without nursing and then a couple of days later he started to fall asleep for his nap without nursing.

So...while the nap nursing stopped a week or 2 before the bedtime nursing...he really didn't start napping without driving or whatever until after he learned to go to sleep on his own for bed time.

ok that sounds rather confusing!

We dropped the nap first, too. I still end up driving him to sleep for most naps, though. He hasn't nursed in two weeks now- I can't believe it! I lay down with him to get him to sleep at night and always fall asleep I'm doing it, though. I used to try and get stuff done after I got him to bed at night and now I'm not able. It's kind of driving me crazy.

I have lurked over here for a while, knowing that our nursing relationship was coming to a slow and gentle close. I nursed my child for 2 years 8 months and 10 days. Had I known it was my last time, I would have been a mess that day. But my son dropped his nap on his own, and his nursing at night was more silly than anything. So we substituted belly blows instead and he just laughs and laughs. I bought the book "Maggie's Weaning" for him through LLL and I highly recommmend it. He asked me to read it three times the day we got it then asked "where'd this book come from?".

We are having our Weaning Party next Friday with his playgroup pals. I am touched, proud and sooo sentimental. We even celebrated by getting a "big boy" bed today with a nice new quilt.

I love this thread! I introduced myself at the very beginning and have made some major changes since then. DS is 29 months and 3 weeks ago was nursing 3-20 times in 24 hours, including a lot at night. Well, for the last 2 1/2 weeks I've only nursed him upon waking, after lunch (that's naptime if he has one that day, otherwise, just a nurse), at bedtime and then whenever he wakes at night (2-6 times!). Limiting the day nursing has been wonderful and as long as I let him know when the next time he can nurse will be and offer snack/drink, he's really had no problem with it.

Last night was the 3rd night of no nightnursing. We went cold turkey "you can nurse when the sunshine is out". He has done great. The first 2 nights he cried and was pissed for about 30 min and then took another 15-30min to get to sleep (no longer upset, just needed songs and snuggles). Last night the first time he woke he asked for nursies, cried for 2 min when I said no and rolled over and went back to sleep! The second time he woke we were awake for 30 min total with very little crying, just help getting back to sleep. I can see the light! This is working. I feel like he is totally old enough to understand and even though he *LOVES* his nursies, he can handle being told "not right now."

For us, limiting daytime nursing first was key as I'd never refused him the boob before and this got him used to that concept before we took the nighttime plunge.

Thanks for all your stories, I'll keeping reading them it's been so helpful. I hope for him to be completely weaned by his 3rd birthday, maybe before if we can move quicker.

Hi Mamas . . . Just checkin' in again to say that I still haven't the heart to move on with Dr. Gordon's method. I think it's true that weaning DS will ultimately be harder on me than him! :bag: He continues to do very well with not falling asleep while nursing after 11 p.m. . . . and although he almost took a nap without nursing down yesterday, we're still a way off, I think. It's more complicated by the fact that I WOH P/T 4 days a week. He takes naps daily without me with no problem, but on the days when I'm home with him he wants to nurse to sleep. It's very difficult for me to deny him this, even though he doesn't nap as long or as well when I'm there. I remain ambivalent . . . .

How's everyone else doing?

We're doing well here! DS is down to nursing just once a day now, twice if he is having a bad day and needs some extra cuddles, which isn't often. His one nursing is first thing in the morning, which gives us both a little more sleep time, or just a chance to wake up slow and sweet.

The one problem that I am having, and it's going to sound really silly, is that he has found comfort elsewhere on my body: with my eyebrows. He's always loved eyebrows (it was one of his first words) and since we're not nursing as much, he likes to rub my eyebrows even more. They're like substitute boobs :LOL ! It's very cute, but occasionally, it really irritates me. Like right now, I'm battling this awful cold and am having enough trouble breathing, but when he rubs my eyebrows, he's constantly blocking my nose or sinuses. It's so hard to breathe when he does this and it makes my illness feel worse. It's ok that my eyebrows are his "pacifier" but I think I'd like him to find comfort in something else eventually, like his stuffed monkey. For now, I guess the eyebrows will be a transitional piece between nursing and not nursing.

I"ve been lurking here for a little bit, but i think now we are finally on the path. Dd is 22 months and I am hoping to wean her by the fall when we are hoping to get pregnant again. Well... I think I could probably do once or twice a day, but we'll see. a couple months ago we did the Dr. Gordon thing and it worked ok but we kept backsliding. Finally i realized that she needed to be in her own bed. So now she is just across the hall on a full size mattress on the floor. I would (until last night! :thumb ) nurse her down and then at her first waking, usually around midnight or 1 am, dh goes in and sleeps with her until 4 am. Then I go in and nurse her, which is practically non-stop until we're up at 6 am. Got to work on that one. We tried to get through the 4 am one before, but it was like hitting a major wall. If she doesn't nurse, then she's just up for the morning. I think if we were persistent then we might get through it, but I dont' have the energy for it yet.

Since dh can get her back to sleep at night and my mom has put her down when we go out, it seemed the easiest one to cut for now. So last night i nursed her for about 10 minutes in the living room then went downstairs to do some sewing. she played for about another 10 minutes, then dh took her in the bedroom. Minimal fussing, so I think we're good!!

How much time did you all give between dropping nursings? We nurse or drive for naps and I'd love to stop nursing for naps all together but i think it would entail driving all the time, I dont' know. I think mama=nursing when it comes to sleep. That might be one of the last to go.

Does anyone else's dc really have like, a serious love affair with your breasts? I mean, my dd *loves* them. We call nursing "deedees", but its also just the term for breasts (like Nana's deedees are sleeping. permanatly :LOL ). She likes to look at them, hold them, try and put them in her lap :LOL (esp. when the cat won't comply), waves to them when I'm getting dressed. It's funny, but giving them up for good is going to be very hard for her. I know that sometimes she asks for deedees just because she wants my attention and then if i sit down with her she says, "no, no deedees!" and lately she's into changing her mind every 3 seconds, so it goes back and forth.

happy for the thread and support though!

I'm glad I found this thread.

I'm feeling like monster mommy at the moment.

DS2 is 23 mo. At around 20 months, I chose to begin gently weaning him so that I could get my body back and go back on some meds. He had really slowed down on his own to about two nursings a day, so it seemed like a good time. For a couple of weeks he was nursing maybe three or four times a WEEK.

Then the poop hit the fan. Daddy took a contract in Virginia and he works there at least Mon- Fri of every week (often not coming home on the weekend for two weeks) so he went from being home ALL the time (he worked at home before taking this contract) to being GONE all the time.

DS2 started nursing every day again... partly asking, partly because it was the only way I could calm him down or get him to sleep.

Now, three months later, he is asking to nurse CONSTANTLY and I hate to tell him NO, but he will NOT be distracted. He will LITERALLY follow me around the house, crying and yelling "NUUUUU NUUUUUUUU!!!!!" for as long as I refuse. I can't stand that, so I give in and nurse and all I've taught him is that he just has to yell loud enough and long enough :( Not a lesson I wanted to teach.

So, what do I do? My first DS weaned at 15 months in a textbook manner. I decreased one feeding each week or ten days until he was weaned. No problem LOL... DS2 is a totally different child! LOLOL!!

Any BTDT advice? I really don't want to scar this child emotionally, but I also really need to stop nursing for my own sanity.

Thanks!

Hey Lolov,

If I could offer a suggestion: When I noticed DS was getting stressed out about dropping a nursing session, I just quit "trying" for a while (a few weeks), then once he relaxed we s l o w l y went back to cutting back. I really wish you luck. I would not have been able to handle having my child chase me around begging. It's tough though because it become a control thing for them. I sure you have a number of ways to comfort your child but since this is the one you are tapering off, he's pulling out all the stops.

Good luck!

Thanks for the support and advice. :)

The problem is that I haven't been "trying" to drop a feeding right now... he just keeps adding them... I'd be happy with not adding any more... especially since they last an hour now!! YIKES!!

I'm going to assume this is a phase and take advantage of dh being home this summer so I can focus on getting ds to learn to self soothe without my boob... I think that will go a long way towards weaning. If daddy is home, I think it will be easier on him.

:)

try the counting trick. I learned it here... somewhere. Anyway, once he's nursed about 10 min. or whatever you're comfortable with, you start counting to 10 and tell him that when you get to 10, nursing is all done. Make it fun- not like threatening counting. I do this with dd and she caught on quick. Sometimes she tries to get ot the other side after 10, and depending on my mood I let her and then count for that side and tell her deedees are all done right now. It even works great at night when she's asleep and i'm trying to delatch. The key is to make it playful, I think. It won't cut down the number of nursings, but it's a way to make them shorter and get away.

:hug lolov. I agree that the counting trick works someimtes. I've used it once or twice. You are probably right that it will be nice to have your dh around to tag team with you. Hang in there...

We are doing great here, moving right along with the nightweaning. Last night was night 5 and ds slept till 4:45 at which time he fussed for 2 minutes when I reminded him no nursing and rolled over and went back to sleep! He woke at 6 and I nursed him since the sun was up and then we both slept till 7:45! It feels so good to get decent sleep after 2 1/2 years of nightnursing!

Daytime we nurse at waking in the morning, naptime and at bedtime. He asks a lot but doesn't really care when I tell him we'll nurse at naptime (or whenever) but not right now.

Last night in the car he was saying "I want to nurse!" in a sing-songy way and after a few minutes DH says, "remember honey, you can nurse at bedtime but not right now." To which ds replies, "Daddy, I'm just singing about it!" Priceless!

Love all the stories and support here...hang in there mamas!

I am just about 18 weeks pregnant now, and finally I think I'm ready to wean 26 month ds. I've gone back and forth about it and finally decided it's time. I thought about continuing and then tandeming, but more I think about it the more I think it's not for me. I have read some of the previous posts and plan to read all of them. After I saw this thread last night I decided to go ahead and try to start the night weaning first. I was pleasantly surprised. I told ds that after he fell asleep milkie would fall asleep too and that he wouldn't get anymore until morning, and strangely he didn't wake up to nurse all night even when I came to bed at around midnite. He almost always wakes up at least 2-3 times a night to nurse, especially when I get to bed. But he just woke up probably just before sunrise and nursed a bit off and on until we got up at around 7:30am.
I also decided to cut out the snacking on me all day. My nipples are pretty sensitive at times now that I'm pregnant. Also I don't think there is all that much milk in there. My breasts definitely aren't as full as they were, and they are getting chapped and irritated. Anyhow, when ds has asked for milk I just tell him to wait until nap time. He was okay with alternatives of diluted juice and a hot carob drink so far today. And I'm making sure some favorite snacks are on hand and it's helping a lot. I did nurse him twice today, but it was the two times we tried to get him down for a nap. It looks like he is skipping his nap today....the 4th time this week. So we won't nurse again until bed time. For the first night/day working towards weaning I think we're doing good. Not as bad as I thought it'd be, so I'm thinking he really is ready for this and so am I.
Glad to find this thread. I'm be checking in here often. :)

Well, for the last 2 days I've kept ds occuppied during the day with snacks, activities, etc. He didn't have any "wake-up" milk, but had milk for his nap. Yesterday he had wake-up milk, no milk all day and no nap, and he was nursed to bed and then woke up once for milk. So I feel like we are making big progress. He is totally fine so far with other alternatives to mama's milk during the day. But nap and night-time sure is going to be a challenge.

hi mamas! thanks for being here and sharing the great ideas. how adorable that Bethkm's dc is singing about wanting to nurse! a love song, a ballad to boobs and a bit of the blues :happyt:

ds just turned 2! and we are still nursing a few times a day and 1-2 times at night. We are also working on shortening nursing sessions, and I wanted to add another suggestion to newmainer's "counting thing." Lately, I've been singing songs he knows well (some old favorites like Itsy Bitsy Spider, but also ones from his Signing Time videos and mother-goose type songs from his Wee Sing tapes) and then leaving out the last word or phrase at the end of a line, which I wait for him to fill in. FOr example, I'll sing, "I've been working on the ___" and he'll have to latch off to say "Railroad!" and we go back and forth like that for the rest of the song. Usually by the time we sing a few songs, he's totally into the singing and doesn't notice that he's no longer nursing...

I wanted to add that I'm in the same boat as VeniceMamacita about being PT WOHM so that he easily naps without me at "school" but it's much harder if he's at home and I'm not here. We're still working on that and would appreciate any advice.

I've also been trying lately to have him say "num nums" instead of "nurse" because somehow it seems more tactful in public settings. But he's quite attached to the word, "nurse." Our typical exchange is something like...
DS: Nurse! nurse!
Me: You mean, Num-nums?
Ds: Num-nums!
(then quietly, before latching, he whispers) *nurse*
Me: :eyesroll

The no nursing except for nap and bed has worked well for 2 days, but today I haven't done that great at being consistent. I wasn't fully dressed first thing today, so Jakob took advantage of that when I was trying to wake up sitting on the chair in just a blanket. Then I got dressed, but with no bra and Jakob was putting his face down the top of my dress :LOL . When I reminded him the next time he gets milk was naptime....he got so mad. He said, "I'm sad!" and walked away from me and kept saying, "I'm sad". :guilty I asked him to come back to my lap and tried to give him hugs and he just walked away again to a couple feet away and just kept saying how sad he was. So, I gave in. This is only day three so I think we are still doing pretty good. It was just so easy to distract him the last two days, that today I was kind of thrown for a loop when he kept insisting and was crying and mad. It makes me feel torn about wanting to wean, KWIM? We are still going to keep going, I just feel so bad about it right now :( .

Well, Lukas and Jasper are now solidly weaned for 12 hours of the day. . . from about 5:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. They are most attached to the first thing in the morning nursing and the post-nap nursing. They still ask to nurse several other times throughout the morning and afternoon (basically, whenever I sit down or talk on the phone), but it is possible to distract them most of the time.

OUR NEW FAVORTIE DISTRACTION:

Smoothie Popsicles!!

What would I do without them?!

I make them with plain whole milk organic yogurt, frozen strawberries, bananas, frozen peaches, frozen pineapple, and a little milk. I freeze them in the popsicle molds, and L and J love them! I think they are a pretty good substitution for nursing because they:

a) take a long time to eat
b) fill the need for something oral and sucking-ish to be going on
c) are basically totally healthy
d) if needed, the boys can eat them in my lap and still get snuggles

I am hoping that with the help of smoothie pops, we are going to be totally weaned by the end of the summer (notice how my deadline keeps getting pushed further and further away. . . ?). It's okay with me for them to just eat smoothie pops all day long, so it doesn't matter how many times the boys ask to nurse so long as we have enough pops in the freezer.

Sometimes I am still so grateful to be nursing that I wonder if I really do want to wean. . . It truly is "magic milk" in that it is always a sure ending to a tantrum or a quick fix to a "bad ow." Also, I've been toying with the idea of pumping and freezing some milk in preparation for the sickness season next fall. I just can't imagine not being able to offer breastmilk to my guys when they're sick.

But for the most part it is still nails on the chalkboard when nursing goes beyond one minute, and I am so done with all the fighting about when we can nurse and when we can't.

If anyone else has figured out any great distraction ideas, please share!

Lex

Great recipe! We'll have to try that... I didn't think about some kind of oral/sucking alternative....

I went to the city with my mom today for about 8 hours. Dd nursed briefly before I left and did great all day. Granted my in-laws are here and a great distraction- lots and lots of one on one playtime. She wanted dee-dees the minute I stepped in the door, but was happy to see me and seemed fine about my absence :thumb. She continues to let dh rock her to sleep, and that is incredibly smooth and often faster than when I would nurse her. I did manage to get her down once this week for a nap w/o nursing but I don't think that will work everyday. We'll see. Driving is so much easier... sigh.

We also do a once a week Waldorf Parent-Child class and she usually nurses a couple of times while we're there. This week I told her that dee-dees were sleeping at school. She never asked again. I think we're on the same page. It feels good, and it makes me appreciate the sweet nursing times we do have, knowing that it is (slowly) coming to a close.

Great to find this thread. Everything benefits from balance. I have nursed three children to about 27 months each, and nursed 3 months into each subsequent pregnancy. I will freely admit that I did reach the point of resentment before weaning my second child. It hurt so badly, I was so tired and she wanted to nurse constantly. We weaned eventually, but it was fairly traumatic for both of us. I wanted it to be different with my third child.

Over a period of a couple of months we got down to about two nursings a day. He was reluctant to cut out the last two and I didn't want to get to the point of resentment again. So one morning I got the idea to apply a large dollop of particulary stinky mustard to each nipple. He took one look and that was it. He was fairly ticked off that his favorite food had suddenly become so repulsive, but after a few minutes of checking me out he hopped off my lap and went to play. He asked to nurse a few times after that and I had to do a few fast runs to the kitchen to apply my condiments, but it was almost as easy as that. I let him get close and smell, he pointed to my chest and said "stinky" and went about his business. I had to get my mind around the fact that my two objects of his desire were now objects of revulsion, but the pay off was worth it. In his mind, he was the one who made the decision to stop nursing, not me!

Don't use this trick with a young nurser of course. And it goes without saying to only use stuff that, should your little one decide to go in anyway, won't be harmful.

Now I fully understand that this might not be the most PC of suggestions to make on this particular website. But I did want to share because I know there's a Mom out there somewhere at the end of her rope and looking for an idea. I was there! Like all of you Mom's on this site, my kids come first. My "badge of honor" is that my first birth was a vaginal breech which I fought tooth and nail for because I knew it was the best option for my daughter. (Look, my inclusion of that fact shows that I'm feeling a bit defensive about posting this!).

Anyway, hope someone, somewhere benefits.

I just weaned my 27 1/2 month old, all night and nap nurser, cold turkey. The first night was rough, she cried for about 15 minutes (being held by me) but we decided to wean because she has two huge cavities and there is the possibility that the night nursing/pooling is enhancing her issues. Anyway, I blamed it on the dentist, and told her the dentist said no more. Very apologetic. "I'm sorry, Reilly, the dentist said no more nursies" and she accepted that. It was they day we went to the dentist, incidentally. The dentist also has said "no more lollipops" and when she goes to get her fillings I am sure she is going to be pissed at the dentist. LOL. But it worked to have a bad guy for us. I have tried to withold nursing from her about a million times and she beats the crap out of me. For some reason, the dentist thing made sense to her, and she cried a "resigned" cry but she never even attempted to nurse again. And if I may say, she is a fiesty, spit fire, breatholding, intense little beast. She's not a docile kid. We were, and remained, shocked. SHe has finally started sleeping with only one waking at about 3 am. Its been 9 days.

I did get her used to falling asleep without nursing though, (althought it didn't always work) and we do naps in the car driving. Just wanted to add this story for those who are afraid to try. Because of the way she always reacted we thought it would be just another failed attempt. So maybe try a "bad guy". HTH.

I wanted to let those out there know that it's entirely possible to do mother-led-weaning in a gentle manner without resulting to:

- letting the child cry
- bribing
- using an aversion technique
- lying
- creating a negative in the situation

I understand that people do what they do. I just know that it's possible to wean your child and stay in keeping with the guidelines of MDC. There have been several techniques now mentioned on this thread that really seem to go against MDC.

Yes it may take longer and may need to be a more gradual situation. But it's very possible to do things in a gentle manner that is respectful of all.

I realize that some will get upset for my saying this. I just cringe when I read some of the things and I want those out there reading it to know that just because someone chooses to do mother-led-weaning it does not mean that they are doing these things. I really don't see these techniques as being AP at all. I realize that women are offering up some of these suggestions for those who feel desperate and as sortof a last resort. There really are other ways though! I would just really like to see this thread stay more positive and offer more positive suggestions that are respectful to all.

CCM, I can totally understand your reaction: this thread is controversial enough on MDC.

But at the same time you have to have faith that members following this thread have enough intelligence and love for their children to do the right thing. A little free speech never hurt anyone: let writers leave their suggestions and let readers pick and choose what advice to take.

I don't think anything is to be gained by making Mom's, who are doing the best they can, feel bad about themselves. I'm sure that wasn't your intention.

CCM, I can totally understand your reaction: this thread is controversial enough on MDC.

But at the same time you have to have faith that members following this thread have enough intelligence and love for their children to do the right thing. A little free speech never hurt anyone: let writers leave their suggestions and let readers pick and choose what advice to take.

I don't think anything is to be gained by making Mom's, who are doing the best they can, feel bad about themselves. I'm sure that wasn't your intention.

Sorry - I can't make anyone feel anything.

Free speech goes both ways. Just as those may have a right to express the things that they have done that may not be keeping in the ideals of this site; so do those who wish to offer other suggestions that may be more in keeping with the ideals of this site.

In all areas on this site when people bring up things that are not in keeping with AP/NFL then it is discussed. There is nothing wrong with this. Remember there are many who are very new to this way of thinking. It's not a matter of feeling that they are not intelligent enough...it's a matter of pointing out that some things may not be in keeping with the ideals of AP/NFL...that's all.

Sorry I don't go along with your logic. So would it be ok to talk about CIO or spanking, etc as a valid alternative on Gentle Discipline or other areas of this site? It may be free speech but it certainly would not go along with the *rules* of this site.

And yes my intention was to offer other suggestions. It is entirely possible to do mother-led-weaning in a gentle respectful manner for all involved. I think it's important to know that there is a gray area between fully child led weaning and mother led weaning (in an abrupt, harsh way) And truth be told the majority of women will fall somewhere in-between. I *think* that this thread was meant to be a support thread for that majority.

CCM, I think you have made great contributions to this thread and I send you love and blessings.

Where are the rules of what constitutes keeping with the "AP", natural motheriong stereotype posted here on MDC ? Everyone is not an all or nothing AP'r. If Lexbeach, who has nursed twins for 26 or 27 months decidesto bribe them with a popsicle, she is suddenly not AP ENOUGH for MDC ? Or because I told my exclusively nursed until 12 months (including no solids), co-slept, baby-worn, no vaxxed 27 month old who up until that point was nursing as much as she wanted day or night, that the dentist said "no more nursies" and it worked (and indeed the dentist DID say that, not that I agreed 100%) - am I not AP enough for MDC ? Please. So if somebody is struggling with depression and wants to get back on meds, and they decide to wean vs. throttling their child, they are not AP enough because they aren't thinking gently enough for "some" people's tastes ? People are being honest and discussing what works for them and their families. I thought the main tenent of AP was following your instincts. My instincts told me what to do. Sorry if you don't agree with my, or anyone else's ideas. If you have a problem with what people are suggesting, say so and maybe offer a suggestion compatible with what you believe, don't "hide" behind MDC. This has really annoyed me and sorry if I sound harsh ... maybe its the weaning hormones, or maybe I'm just not AP enough. This website has been one of the most instrumentally helpful parts of my motherhood. It got me through my VBAC, through nursing difficulties, through post-partum depression, through cloth diapering, through the vax issue, through dental caries, and through weaning. It carried me through discipline issues, as well as through partner issues. When I spanked my son for the first and only time out of anger, who knows if somebody would have dissed me would I have become a child abuser, vs. telling me "I've been there too and this is what worked for me". I have a hard time with anybody telling anyone they are "going against the guidelines of MDC" without offering a solution/suggestion/reasoning behind.

Also, for the record, my daughter cries when the wind blows the wrong way, her hair is crooked, I wear shoes she doesn't like, and when her brother spells words. She was not crying hysterically, if I liked to hear her cry I would have weaned her 5 months ago when I was having resentful nursing feelings. BTW, resentful nursing feelings and other things, including, if I am not mistaken, bribery aka redirection, are indeed discussed in the LLL book "Mothering your Nursing Toddler" by Norma Baumgarten. :)

CCM...

You keep saying you want to offer other, gentler, solutions... and I'm all ears...

Start offering!!! I'm up for gentle techniques to MLW but I'm not getting a whole lot... anything you can suggest is totally welcome :)

Thanks!

CCM, I agree with you, this thread offers both gentle and not-so-gentle choices. I feel that reasoning with a 2 1/2 year old and offering other special treats (healthy popcicles for example) are gentle choices for MLW at this age. I feel confident in what my dh and I have done with ds up until now.

DS is adjusting well to no nighttime nursies. Usually waking once around 4:30 and goes back to sleep in minutes with no crying or nursing. He has had no daytime behaviour changes that make me feel we are moving to fast or doing the wrong thing with him. The last several days he hasn't asked to nurse at all, just doing it automatically at naptime and bedtime and that's it.

Like all advice and experiences I hear from others about parenting, I'm taking all this with a grain of salt. Some people have made suggestions or told of experiences that I wouldn't do, but I think that goes without saying and doesn't really matter. We all make our own choices. I'm still proud of what I/we are doing with DS in all areas and haven't compromised my AP values in any way. I hope you all feel the same about what you are doing!

Blessings!

lolov ~ if you read the posts that I made before today I have detailed what we did in the weaning process over the time. I gave updates as we went along.

There have been many gentle alternatives offered by myself and others. Sometimes some of us have said that maybe it's best to try to take it a bit slower or to wait and try again a few weeks/moths later too.

Some of the things that have been offered up are: distraction, change in "routine", offering healthful alternatives, talking with the child, nursing parties, getting help from other family members or friends, taking it slowly, etc.

I also believe that it often comes down to our mindset. So if we are trying to do it at a time when we are tense about the situation...it very well may not work. I'm not saying it's easy to step back and relax - I know it's not. I've gone through the weaning process with 3 children that have all been nurse-aholics who are not easily distracted. I've gone through the times of angst and frustration and wanting things to go a certain way and not having them go that way. For me, I've noticed that when things start working well in the weaning process has been when I shift my attitude about the whole situation. It's helped me to step back and look at the whole situation and then to approach it differently.

Some of the things that worked for us was that I really had to stay on my toes and offer him things to eat and drink before he would get to the point of asking to nurse. Same with activities. Changing my pattern also helped. Reasoning with him worked at times. For a couple of months it just didn't work for me to sit in certain areas that he associated with nursing. This will be different things for different people depending on what their "routines" might be. And at least for me, it's never been a matter of one thing...it's been a matter of lots of things. Different things work at different times.

To any others.....I think if you go back and re-read what I wrote you will notice that I did not name anyone or point any fingers. I'm sorry that some may feel defensive about what I wrote. I guess I would think that if you really felt confident and "OK" with your choices then you wouldn't really care what I or anyone else have to say about it. I've stated my intentions about those posts now several times. I think I wrote clearly enough.

The other thing is that I think about is the big picture. To me it seems to be inconsistent to go from creating a loving, responsive, nursing relationship with our children and then to have it end in an abrupt or harsh manner. I just wonder what messages we would be sending our children in doing so. I think that we all really would like to have things end in a positive way and for our children to think about nursing in a positive light.

I realize that there are those that need to wean quickly. But lets be honest...those true cases are far and few between. And as far as I know we haven't been discussing those that may need to quickly get on some sort of meds that would not be conducive to bfing. There is lots of information out there to be of help for those who need to quickly wean. I think it's much more difficult to find support for those that are wanting to wean in a gentle respectful manner.

Corkonian ~ Thank you for the love and blessings. I am not the one who started this thread...just one that's been involved with it since the beginning :)

Bethkm ~ I think what you've said is quite valuable! In my experience I've *known* that my kids are ready for the changes when it seems to go well. If it's a matter of it becoming a big struggle and very upsetting then maybe it's either not the "right" timing or maybe not in the best way. From what you have said...it sounds very similar to the way that weaning has gone for me with my children. It took some time and some steps along the way. But it's in a gentle respecful manner that we all can feel really good about :)

:innocent

Lex ~ I know you weren't posting to me directly. I just wanted to say for the record though that I didn't mean that the whole popsicle thing was a way of bribing. There have been other things mentioned along the way on threads that involved bribing.

I hope we all don't get into a debate about whether or not weaning our toddlers is AP or not. I think it's been established that there are those of us that feel that mother-led-weaning is ok. I think it's more about the way that we go about doing it.

Hi Mamas ~ Haven't checked in for a while. Exactly one week from DS' 2nd birthday and we're still in "Phase 1" of Dr. Gordon's plan. He continues to do great in this phase. Plus, I just realized that he's probably teething (he's got 4 more teeth to go for a complete set :D ), which explains why he's been fussier than usual, wanting to nurse more often, etc. So I think we'll stay in "Phase 1" until his teeth break through.

Oh, and I tried the counting thing with him over the weekend. Didn't work so well yet, but I'll keep trying. I really like the transitional aspect of it.

Hang in there, everyone! :Peace

I hope we all don't get into a debate about whether or not weaning our toddlers is AP or not. I think it's been established that there are those of us that feel that mother-led-weaning is ok. I think it's more about the way that we go about doing it.

But who are any of us to say that it's okay for other moms to wean their toddlers in some ways, but not in others? I think, so long as we are all listening to OUR OWN instincts, we'll all do okay by our toddlers. This thread can sort of have the same motto as La Leche League. . . "take what you want, and leave the rest." Some ideas may spring out at people, "oh, that sounds like something that would work with my toddler!" And, we may see some ideas and know immediately that it either wouldn't work with our toddler, or we wouldn't feel comfortable using that technique.

I know that it wouldn't work for us for me to try painting my breasts green or putting a stinky substance on them (my boys would probably be a little traumatized, and then tell me to wipe it off), and it wouldn't work for us to stop nursing cold-turkey either (I think my body would have a hard adjustment, and my boys would be really confused). But these are ideas that HAVE worked for some moms without causing trauma to their children or to them. Obviously, those moms are not parenting my toddlers. So, while I may choose other techniques myself, I'm not about to say that some methods of weaning are okay while some are not. I think we can all trust each other to make our own choices--hopefully based on what our own mothering instincts tell us--without the need for judgement.

Lex

It's getting a little heated in here these days! :( I hope it cools off soon :thumb

Anyway here's our update :D . DD has been doing great throughout the night :carrot . I haven't nursed her for several weeks in the night. I wondered about where to go from there but things have progressed to where she won't nurse (her decision) before going to sleep. Sometimes at nap she won't nurse to sleep. And if she wakes up during her nap a few times I have said "I'll be right in, I have to go potty first. Put your head down on the pillow until I come in" and she falls back to sleep! (Being pg I have to go often ;) ) I don't deny her if she asks for her nursies but I do try to distract her with something else :wink . sometimes that works and others it doesn't. But since Saturday, I think I have nursed her twice.

:bag: On a side note:
This has been a very helpful thread for those of us who are trying to guide our little ones to become independent and I hope that the harsh words said here (earlier) are done. It makes for an unhappy, uncomfortable setting. People can make people feel and the last few posts made me feel uncomfortable. Perhaps you could PM each other? :wink Parents who are a part of MDC are not ignorant and they do try to do the right things for their children, we do the best we can...nobody's perfect ;)

that's my 12 cents!

I am sorry if I have made anyone uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel that there are people here who are looked upon as "not enough". The vegans feel that someone who is eating dairy and eggs is not a "true" vegetarian. The women who've had the c-sections - bad. Women who have had an epidural or other medical birthing intervention, uneducated. Moms who work, doing a disservice to the family. Sending kids to public school should be homeschooling. Not using natural cleaning products and eating 100% organic, harming their families. Using discipline not gentle enough, jumped upon (I've seen threads where people are dressed down for using the word "no" or for not explaining a rationale to a screaming toddler who is endangering themselves. And no, it wasn't me). If you don't cloth diaper, you are lazy and not dedicated. There is a large subset who eschew anywone who is nightweaning their child. And on and on.

I have been here for over 5 years. I have changed as a mother and have had to adjust my parenting to work for my family. We are a we, not a me. I just feel that if I, veteran of the mommy wars, was feeling irritated by a post, that *I* needed to speak up because there are ALOT of people on this board who are not 100% Grade A granola, following every single tenet of the natural parenting and attached parenting philosophy, every letter of every chapter of Peggy's book, every single syllable of LLL, or what have you. *I* am not insecure about my parenting. But I used to be, when my son was 15 months old, and I had no idea that I was not the only person in the entire world who felt resentful when he was lying on top of me, nursing all night, every night, and having a hysterical fit if I even tried to move. From what I read here, I should be hearing Handel's Water Music and smelling rose petals, and I was selfish and not meeting his needs. Shame on me. I need to be the martyr. That is complete and utter b.s. I wandered onto a thread one day that was similar to what I described my feelings as, and OMG, it was as if the weight of the world was lifted. I was not the only one, and it was okay. IT WAS OKAY. This was a turning point in my mothering. It sounds strange, but I felt validated. And that was all I needed. I was going nutty inside, and just knowing I wasnt the only one, made the difference. I continued to nurse him for another year, and it was great. There are a million other examples of how MDC has benefited me.

I have met many many wonderful women on MDC who I look up to and strive to emulate in various areas of my mothering. Not all of them are perfect. Nor am I, and really, nor are anyone else. But there are alot of moms on here who are afraid to speak up, or speak truthfully about their situations, for fear that they are going to be gratutiously mocked or giving the cyber-eyebrow. And I vow to speak up. I have struggled and I want others to know that I have struggled and that it is okay to struggle, and okay to not feel 100% rosy-posy all the time, to want your child to get off of you, stop crying, and leave you alone sometimes. Its one thing to guide, another to judge. I am not saying anyone here WAS judgemental. I am explaining the reasoning for this post. I hardly post anymore, we are so busy, but I had to reply to this.

Again, I am sorry, back to regular programming. But I hope you see where this is coming from.

I'm unsubscribing to this thread.

I also felt the need to speak up. Because I felt that it was important to relay that it is very possible to do mother led weaning in a gentle respectful manner. And that there are alternatives to aversion techniques or abrupt, harsh weaning methods.

Since I've weaned my children (and joined this thread as I was in the weaning process with my youngest) I thought I may have some things to offer to support other moms.

I'm sorry if some may feel "not enough" on this site. But I'm not going to take on the responsibility for people feeling however they feel for things that have been said on many different forums. And no - no one can MAKE anyone feel anything. I think there were many things read into what was stated that simply were not stated.

There was no hiding behind anything. This site is a specific type of site. And to somehow act like it's just ok to do whatever would be a disservice to those who are reading.

Anyway....I'm done. I see that what I have to say is no longer (or maybe never was) a positive contribution so I would rather spend my energy elsewhere. And to those who have PM'd me in support - I appreciate it and wish you would all speak up on the thread.

I am sorry for the upset my post caused. It was not in the least the intention. I apologise for my ignorance in assuming that readers of the thread would automatically know me or that I would never to anything to traumatize my children, least of all suggest something that might do the same to yours. I truthfully thank you for making me realise my error - I should totally have elaborated on my original post to put the mustard idea into context.

Like I said in my first post, I did have my first child in an unmedicated vaginal breech birth. I thought that might give you an idea of me. I am a Montessori teacher (or at least was in my pre-child incarnation) and when pregnant with my first one of my Mom's gave me a copy of Mothering. I was immediately drawn to most (not all) of it's philosphies and ran to the nearest Birth Center. My relationship with my midwives there was what facilitated that amazing birth (it's very hard to find a Doc who will let a first-timer do a vaginal breech).

My babies have all been nursed on demand, day and night, worn in slings, co-slept, organically fed, stayed at home with and everything else I have thought necessary to their healthy and whole development. Like ZM, I don't do the whole she-bang. I admire and respect those who do, but it doesn't all work for me. I would never cast aspersions on anyone whose ideas differ from mine. Mothering and MDC are the forums which best suit my style of parenting. I have found them to be an oasis for me and loved the support and like-mindedness, on most matters, I have found here.

When I posted the mustard idea I should have stated more emphatically, that MLW of my son had begun months previous to the use of mustard (listen, I've had fillings without anesthesia to protect my nurslings - I would never to anything to hurt them). Like a previous post said, my second child would have wiped the stuff off in a heartbeat. My first child was too high needs for me to ever have thought of using mustard. My son was down to a "going to sleep nurse" and a "middle of the night" nurse and despite implementation of all the other wonderful ideas on this thread, was not giving them up. The mustard worked amazingly - I don't know where the idea came from, but it came. He looked at it, smelled it and that was it - he was done. He woke up that night at his usual time and asked for a cup of water! There was none of the resentment or broken-heartedness of weaning with him that there had been with my two daughters despite all my efforts towards a very gentle weaning with them. I lost no snuggle time - he was able to crawl in my lap and cuddle as early as the very next day without tearing at my shirt. Like I said, in his mind it was his idea! That was it - it was such a wonderful outcome, I decided to come out of the closet and share it. It worked for this baby at that time and I trust that readers of this thread will know themselves whether it is appropriate or not for them and their babies. For me, the most traumatic thing about this whole weaning has been the stir my sharing it has caused. Again, I'm sorry if sensibilities and theologies were offended. It was not the intention at all.

I think we do well to understand that even though MDC is an AP site, there is very little black and white in this world of parenting, and your idea of AP might not be mine and vice-versa. I hope that MDC would be a place of inclusion and support and that we would trust that the parents on this site are like minded at least, if not all doing exactly the same thing.

Blessings and peace to you all.

Well, I have just read this entire thread of 9 pages and found it very very helpful! I'd love to jump in if it is still open, I hope the above disagreements have been settled and it is ok to continue now.

My dd is 2 years 7 mos and only nurses 4 times a day, morning, before nap, after nap, and bedtime. I feel I need to wean her completely but don't want to go cold turkey. I came here for advice on MLW and would love to tell my story and get any additional help. I am 4 mos pregnant, have had hyperemesis and that is why I got her cut back on her feedings to this point. I have come to the conclusion that CLW is not for us and that tandem nursing is not either. I have had sore nipples a lot too and just want a break before the new baby comes. I would love any more specific advice from those of you who have completely weaned on how you cut out the last few nursings in a gentle way.

I too have guilt over stopping nursing, part of me wants to continue, but I really think I need to stop for my own well being. My dd is barely hanging on most of the time and doesn't argue much when I tell her she must wait until naptime or bedtime. I would like to share a little of how I cut down on her nursings for those of you still working on night weaning etc.

I started on night weaning first because I have trouble sleeping as it is and once awakened I can't get back to sleep sometimes. At around 2 I started using the "drinkies go night-night" and she took it pretty well. I would let her nurse to sleep while telling her when she was finished Mommy and the drinkies would go nite nite and not wake up till the sun comes out. She had a few bad moments over a few nights. Dh had to comfort her several times. But I was surprized at how quickly she got used to the idea and didn't argue with me anymore. She also started sleeping through the night (cosleeps) better until early am when sun came out. We did have setbacks during that winter because she was still teething and got sick some, but once each problem was over, I would go back to no more drinkies till the sun comes out.

This did increase daytime nursings at first, but I didn't mind at the time because I just wanted to get more sleep. Then I got pg and sick and sore nipples and just had to cut back on daytime nursings too. I found it easiest to carry over the night time limits to daytime. By telling her she could only have drinkies when she was going to sleep, I was able to gently cut way back on nursings. She had some rough times here too of course but it seemed easier because she had already experienced it at night and knew I was serious.

Which leads me to my most important discovery, which was, persistence, stick with your story. If you are able to say the same thing over and over each time they ask and stick with it even if they do occasionally throw a fit, it really is true that they take to it much easier. At least in my experience. I always say it is not naptime or bedtime so no drinkies yet. The after nap or bed nursing comes when she is still waking up and we don't talk about it. So I do wonder how I will cut that one later!

So that's my amount of helping and here's my bit of asking for help from others. How did you cut out your last few nursings gently? I am thinking of doing one nursing at a time starting with the after nap one, it seems to be least favorite.

And I am an emotional mess. I feel so torn and conflicted. This was not my plan, and I don't feel great about it at all. What happened is that I threw my back out badly sometime on Saturday (probably doing some contorted tandem nursing while climbing the stairs type of thing :eyesroll ). I woke up Sunday in a lot of pain. I spent the morning in bed, icing and heating, etc. and then decided to get up and about and see if some activity might help (plus, I wasn't about to miss out on our local glbt pride march and rally!). I don't know if the activity made it worse, or what, but I woke up monday unable to move. It was freaky. I nursed the boys when they woke up from 4:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m. and then dw entertained them until I could get to my body worker healer guy for some help. My back was in total spasm and there wasn't much he could do. He strongly suggested taking a muscle relaxer, and I finally agreed to. I just couldn't take the pain. But I knew that I wouldn't feel comfortable nursing with the meds in my milk. I figured that I would just nurse the boys inbetween meds, since they only last 12 hours.

That night I slept in our guest bed because it has a much firmer mattress (not generally a fan of firm, but I guess it is better for the back), and dw slept in our bed so she'd be able to hear the boys (guest room is in the basement, boys are on second floor). So in the morning, when the boys woke up, dw took care of them. She said they cried a little, but it wasn't hard to distract them from wondering where I was. They snuggled in bed with her and fell back asleep. When I woke up, I was still in excrutiating pain. The boys were so happy to see me, and loved me up, but didn't ask to nurse. Dw had told them that there was no nursing right now because mom had a "bad ow" (that's their word for "boo boo"). I took more meds, and spent another day lying flat on my back, no nursing. This morning we did the same thing (I'm still in the guest bed), and the boys were just as happy to see me in the morning, and didn't ask to nurse, although they did have some of their little animals nurse me.

It's strange because we'd reached this point in the weaning process where I just never offered to nurse them anymore. But last night I spent about 4 hours crying my eyes out, not being able to deal with the possibility of having my boys be totally weaned, wanting so badly to go to their room and offer them my breasts (which I'm sure they'd happily accept). I was planning to nurse them for four more months, and to have the ending be so gradual that we might not even notice it.

Instead, here we are. . . now it's been 58 hours since any nursing happened at all. It's so hard to think that we're done, but at the same time I feel like if we've gotten this far, we may as well be done. Jasper did ask to nurse a little this evening, and I rocked him in the chair instead, just checking to see if he would get hysterical or what. He just snuggled up with his hand on my breast, and within a minute or so was chipper again. He was pretty edgy all day, though. Very quick to tears (as was I). Luke has seemed totally great.

Oh, I just feel so conflicted. I didn't want it to be like this. I feel so weird, like I don't know who I am as a mother anymore. Nursing was such a HUGE part of it. They were still nursing for at least 2 hours out of every day. . . and now. . . nothing. My breasts are full, but not painfully so, and haven't been leaking or anything like that. No plugged ducts. It's so weird to think of them as non-nursing breasts now. I am no longer a nursing mother. It is very hard to wrap my head around.

Part of me does feel this little bit of relief. And I feel like already my boys are paying so much more attention to ME instead of just my boobs. They've been giving me so many hugs and kisses and we've been doing lots of snuggling. I realized that I never really got to just hold them and hug them, they were always just wanting to nurse (and if I didn't want to nurse, then it was a fight, not a nice snuggle moment), or not wanting to be in my arms at all.

What would you do in my situation? Should I just be strong and be done? I honestly feel like I'm having a much harder time of it than Luke and Jaz are, which is unexpected but maybe reassuring too? I mean, it does seem like they were ready, certainly more ready than I thought they were at this point.

I also had all these fantasies about what the "last nursing" would be like. Instead, I barely remember it since I was half-asleep. I did get a couple of good one-on-one nursing sessions in the day before, so I may just choose to remember those as the "last nursings." But then part of me thinks maybe there could be just one MORE last nursing, where I talk to the boys about it before hand, and I realize it as the last nursing while it's happening. Do you think this would be too confusing to the boys? I mean, I realize that it is entirely for my benefit since I don't know how much of the "last time" concept they understand at this point (27 months old). Dw thinks it's a really bad idea because then it would just be like starting all over again, that they would ask to nurse more than ever after having had this time without and then getting a taste for it again.

But the thought of never nursing them again is just so sad. I just never thought I'd be feeling so sad at this point. I don't want it to end this way.

Any advice warmly welcomed.

Thanks (and sorry to have rambled so extensively),

Lex

p.s. my back is feeling pretty okay at this point, no more meds, and I'm up and about.

:hug Lex~I don't know what advice to say...I (personally) would stay strong but I am in a different 'state of mind' when it comes to my nursing right now, so I might not be the best to offer advise. I do wonder though if dc did ask to nurse, would you? That is something I have thought of often b/c dd is addicted to nursing. So far she hasn't asked for it when we aren't going to sleep...I might try to distract her to see if I could get her thinking about something else. Good luck in your adventures after nursing!

Well, I broke down and nursed them this morning. It had been 72 hours. I tried to think like, "this could be the last time. . . " and get better prepared for possible weaning. My nipples got pretty sore after just a couple minutes--there didn't seem to be much milk. I didn't think my supply would have dropped off so quickly.

They were both asking to nurse, and crying, and seeming really out of sorts. When I said that they could, they were so happy and excited. I'm thinking that I may try only nursing them first thing in the morning, and then gradually making those sessions shorter and shorter until they naturally disappear, like over the course of a month.

We'll see how it goes. . .

Lex

Well, I just had this long, thoughtful reply typed out and my grandparents computer locked up and I lost it. Anyway, here's an abridged version:

Lex, I love nursing just once a day. It's like having the best of both worlds since I still have a nursing relationship with Arjun, but I also feel like my body is free again. And I get so many more hugs and kisses during the day! I just love the whole situation.

What would you say about setting a date, together, for a weaning party? Big boobie cake, breast invitations, milk balloon tossing, pin the milk dribble on the nipple, etc... ok maybe just the cake. I'll email or talk to you more about it. And if one of us ever wants to bail, no problem. I'm in Florida now, but we'll talk next week.

Hi, I just wanted to pop in and say Hi. I am considering going the mlw route, at least to some extent. I plan to go back and read this thread, but I just wanted to post.
DD1 is 2 1/2 and dd2 is almost 4 months. I haven't liked tandem nursing, so I'm considering trying to gently encourage dd1 to cut down her nursings. I may wait till the Fall, when she's 3 yrs, and dd2 is 9 months...

Hi All!
I'm in the beginning stages of weaning my son and so glad I found this thread. I want to thank bunny's mama for starting this discussion and hope to speak with some of you soon!

Also, I was wondering if any mamas out there are having weight issues associated with extended nursing & subsequent weaning? If so, please discuss.

Thanks!
mama_kmb

Lex,

Your thread hit so close to home. We have been in the throes of an awful thrush infection for over a month now. I have tried everything (including a 10 day difulcan) and the nursing was just too painful for me. :( I would try to let dd nurse and would have to ask her to unlatch because it hurt so much I had tears streaming down my face. I slept in the guest room for a few nights to get some rest and because I had a term paper due a week ago that I basically wrote in 3 72-hour sessions while dh was home.

I am using gentian violet right now and dd hates it! I can actually stand to nurse again, but I think shes ready to move on. Plus, my nipples are so cracked and dry that she is not really interested. Last night she asked to nurse and after a minute she unlatached and touched my nipple and said "owies - icky " and then asked for some water.

This is not want I intended, either. But its how it happened. The past month has been so traumatic for all of us (including dh who one night had to console both me and dd as we were crying)

:hug I know how you feel

Well, I'm not sure what's going to happen now because it seems like I am not making milk suddenly today. This happened earlier in this pregnancy too but then a little seemed to come back. Not much, but enough. But my right nipple (ds's favorite side) is really dry and cracked. Ds has been totally fine with waiting to nurse at nap and bed. I have been nursing him if he wakes up too. We tried one nite to skip his middle of the night nursing and he just wasn't going for it. So I figure we'll work on that later. Tonite he skipped his bedtime nursing though because my nipples were so sore. I just told him, "Not right now honey, my nipples hurt and there isn't any milk in there right now". He said, "Squeeze it" cause sometimes I squirt milk at him to be funny...and not a single drip would come. He let out literally a 2 second cry and we hugged and cuddled. He then asked for "milk a farm" (some really yummy raw milk from an Amish farm in Pennsylvania). So he sipped a cup of milk and we cuddled and he fell asleep after a while. If my milk really is completely gone, ds may just completely wean soon. I'm a little bit sad about that if that's the case. I kind of like the slow approach we've been taking. I guess we'll see in the next few days.

I think nursing once a day sounds good too. We've been skipping naptime mostly and it is going well, she mostly falls asleep in the car or at nana's house. Bedtime and morning are left and I wouldn't mind keeping just the morning one for a while. Bedtime may be hard to get rid of though because it helps her getting to sleep. Daddy may have to do that. :) Has anyone tried tandem nursing with just one morning nursing for the older child? I wonder if it would just make her want more and I should stick with my plan to wean before baby comes in october. Any thoughts?

Well, Luke and Jaz aren't nursing at all anymore. . . not sure which smilie is appropriate there. . . I hesitate to say they are weaned since they are still asking to nurse with some frequency. But it is not at all hard to say no anymore. They are very quickly comforted just by my arms and seem to understand that we are all done with nursing. As much as I would've liked to continue nursing them just in the mornings, it wasn't working at all. My nipples would get sore after just a couple minutes of nursing (I suppose due to the lack of milk), and then it was a huge fight (involving the boys totally beating me up, bonking me, pulling my hair, biting me!!) to get them to pop off. Things are much smoother without any nursing at all. I always sort of suspected that my guys would be the "all or nothing" type, and "nothing" works much better for them than "some."

I am still coming to terms with my new status as non-nursing mother, and do feel some regret about not having nursed the boys longer or done a more gradual weaning. But there is also a feeling of relief and renewal. I already think I have more energy than I did, and I'm enjoying getting to snuggle up with my boys without having to nurse or fight about nursing.

The boys themselves are doing really great. They are eating a LOT more food, but otherwise seem pretty much unchanged. Today we have our first Music Together class, and I'm really curious to see how they do without nursing (we used to basically nurse through the ENTIRE 45-minute class). I skipped it last week because I didn't think we were ready, but I'm hopeful that it'll be okay today.

Thanks for all the support!

Lex

I am so glad that I have found this thread. I haven't read the whole thing, but I was looking for advice on how to wean my 15 month old. He is acting like several of the others on here - crawling while nursing, nipping, playing etc. I am 9 weeks pregnate, sick and just not wanting to nurse anymore. I am begining to resent it. Ideas and suggestions on how to do this and how to start would be great for me. I don't have time to read all the old post. I would really like to wean him from night nursing and teach him to sleep in his own bed. Any ideas on that?

Aggie

Lex- I am so glad things are going so well for you!
Aggie- There is a book "Good Nights" by Jay Gordon, M.D. that is about cosleeping and has a setion in it about night weaning and also ideas about how to help your baby leave your bed. I think there is a website, but I don't know it this moment. There are a couple of different ways to go about night weaning. You can gradually shorten each night nursing until you give them up. Or you can drop one night nursing at a time, at 3 day intervals. If your baby nurses at 12, 2, 4, and 6, you would first drop the 12, then the 2, then 4, etc. You can offer water and cuddles during the dropped nursing. I would attempt to skim read this thread for links to help also. Good luck.

We are finally doing better. We took a family vacation and for some reason that really helped dd break her nursing habits, and it seems to have carried over to our return home. I'm feeling weird hormonally from the change. But it is wonderful to be able to hold and cuddle dd without her begging for milk.

What do you guys think: is it unfair to say "no more milkies till the sun comes up" to dd1 then turn around and nirse dd2? I mean, I *know* they have different needs, but how can my 2 1/2yr old understand that?

Hi Ladies....I'm also new to this thread, and I am so glad it is here. I am beginning to start thinking about weaning dd (13months) becuase I have to go back to work full-time in Sept. I wish I didn't have to, but it is a fact. I think I can drop her mid-morning and mid-afternoon nursings over the next two months, but I was wondering if anyone has advice on how to get her to nap without the boob? Dh thinks that she may hold out until she is at daycare, and then just see that the other kids are napping. I think this is totally unfair, and that I have to at least try and prepare her (although I may agree that as long as I am the one putting her down for a nap, she may hold out for the boob). Just looking for some words of wisdom!
TIA

Pam- I don't think there is anything wrong with doing that, but I think it would take a lot of talking about how dd1 is ready to sleep all night, but the baby isn't. And I would try to make sure I was very physically available for snuggles.

leafwood- If you are worried about your dd learning to nap without mamamilk, I would have your dh put her down for naps on the weekend. I know with my child, she would sleep for my mom and dh without milk, but if I were trying to put her down, she knew I had the milk, and she felt I was only being cruel holding out on her. I think it is totally a reasonable plan to start cutting out some of your day time nursings if that is what you want, but I do know there are a lot of working moms who nurse when they are with their toddlers and don't worry about it. My best friend was nursing her 11 month old pretty often when she went back to work, and though adjusting to day care was hard for him, mama milk was never an issue. He nursed when he was with her in the evenings, mornings, and weekends, and he ate food with the other toddlers at daycare. He even naped at daycare with no problem, he eventually weaned with just a little coaxing when she got pregnant with #2. Try not to feel like you have to make an all or nothing decision.

Welcome to the new readers of this thread! :bgbounce

I was so worried about mlw & how it might work/not work for us. I started out leading DD (2yo) and trying to get her focused on something else, but DD has gradually taken over and doesn't ask as often, or gets distracted by her brother and forgets. She was nursing 8+ times a night and now doesn't even wake up all night for even a little cuddle (she knows I'm right there next to her though!) Truly, in our case, there was very little crying-maybe 5 minutes total throughout this past month/weeks. She is so satisfied with cozying up on my lap/chest and falling asleep. When before I would cringe when I would try to sit down (bc she'd want to nurse) now I can finally sit on the comfy couch :) I am thankful for this thread and people in it...it is a great source of not feeling alone :thumb (hope that made sense) So DD nurses every other to 3rd day now. I'm very happy :D (my nips were getting really sore)

That's it for now!

AHHHHHH.....

I tried last night to just tell Ds no to the first nursing after he went to sleep (10 pm). It was horrible he cried for 30 minutes before I gave in and let him nurse I know that is bad for me to do but I was tired and he was crying so much. After that every time I would try to unlatch him he would scream and hold onto me like I was trying to drop him off a cliff. Needless to say we got less sleep last night then usual. What did I do wrong. The others said they just got to say no then snuggled and the babes went to sleep. I really really want to wean him now not later. It hurts when he nurses, and I don't get any sleep. Any Ideas ?????


Aggie :(

Aggie, I know when my DS was that young he would have reacted the same way to being told no nursies at nighttime. I just encourage you to work with him to find a time when he is ready to handle it. It sounds like right now he is still really needing his nighttime nursies. I found at that age I got more sleep if I just let him nurse when he wanted to and tried to keep my perspective. Time goes so fast, he'll be ready one of these days!

HTH

Aggie- I think the pp may be right. But if you want to try something... I would try getting your dc used to you ending your nursing sessions. You could do this during the day at first, so its not such a shock at night. I would probably just work on that, you being able to end a nursing session during the day for a week. Then you can move toward shortening your night time nursing sessions. OH, my dd was the same way at that age, very reluctant to reduce her nursing, so don't feel like you are alone. Just take it slow.

Has anyone been losing weight during their (gentle) weaning transition?

mama_kmb

:grouphug

Also, I was wondering if any mamas out there are having weight issues associated with extended nursing & subsequent weaning? If so, please discuss.

I've been unable to lose the last 15 pounds of my "baby weight," even while working out 3 times a week and eating very well. I've been assured by many that as soon as DS is weaned, those last pounds will come off. But I've also heard of other moms who use nursing as a way to keep weight off, so I'm not sure what to believe. :eyesroll Can anyone else weigh in (no pun intended!)?

LEXBEACH: :Hug Your PP re: your non-nursing mama identity brought tears to my eyes. I'm so glad you're feeling better now. It's hard for me to envision DS wanting ME without my BOOBIES, KWIM? I really appreciate you sharing, your stories have given me something to look forward to.

As for us, sheer laziness -- and being overwhelmed w/Mother's Day AND DS' 2nd birthday plans -- has continued to prevent us from moving on with Dr. Gordon's method, so we're still in Phase I. :LOL My ambivalence about weaning remains, but now that DS has officially turned 2, I think I'm ready to move forward. Is anyone else utilizing Dr. Gordon's plan, or have suggestions about it?

:rainbow

AHHHHHH.....

I tried last night to just tell Ds no to the first nursing after he went to sleep (10 pm). It was horrible he cried for 30 minutes before I gave in and let him nurse I know that is bad for me to do but I was tired and he was crying so much. After that every time I would try to unlatch him he would scream and hold onto me like I was trying to drop him off a cliff. Needless to say we got less sleep last night then usual. What did I do wrong. The others said they just got to say no then snuggled and the babes went to sleep. I really really want to wean him now not later. It hurts when he nurses, and I don't get any sleep. Any Ideas ?????


Aggie :(

Well I am just talking about my experience but when my DD was 15mos she would've screamed bloody murder and clung to me like I was dropping her off a cliff too... I had good luck with my DD but I think that's b/c she may have been ready to wean and just needed a little push and encouragement from me. I *know* that she wasn't ready earlier b/c I had tried and couldn't handle the screaming and woke this household of people....eventually leading me to give in for a few more months. When I found this thread I was so *over* nursing, sore, upset, resentful...and also about 8 weeks pg! I think it really matters that you be consistent but be willing to back off and put it off for a week or more and then try again. I know how sore you are!!! Believe me...I still am! :hug to you mama! hth!

A week ago today my 21 month old became violently ill at 4 am. She proceeded to vomit for another 8 hours, every half hour or so. It was a virus that was sweeping her daycare center, and she couldn't keep water down for more than 3 minutes.
Her weaning was so abrupt because of that, that I definitely wasn't ready. I wanted her process to be gradual, but my husband was pushing for weaning by the time she was 26 months. Ironically, I had just been online on Tuesday night before she got sick, searching the forums here for some support and validation about her wanting to stay latched on all night. I was at my wit's end, needed rest, and wanted to night-wean her in the worst way.
When she got sick, my nurturing side really wanted to kick in and just feed her something, hoping it would stay down, but my husband persisted and reminded me that it was too rich for her at the moment and she needed her stomach to rest. I agreed, intellectually, and decided to do as we had agreed to. She started to turn around, and I fed her other things, crackers, etc., but still no milk.
One more day of no feedings, and I was in miserable shape! I'd not been aware that my production was still so high. Her grandparents had cared for her all day Friday while I worked, and they had gone off of our very careful diet. They fed her some lunch meat and cheese, but she seemed to respond okay to that too. And then at bedtime I gave her just a spurt of nursing. She was so eager for it! She slept for an hour, and then began vomiting again. I felt terrible for making her go through that again. I resigned myself that I wouldn't feed her again until she got better and had kept down food for a whole 24 hours.
Anticipating another very uncomfortable day, I awoke to find I didn't have any supply left. I was surprised by that, but took it as a sign that that part of my baby girl's life was now a chapter in our past.
We still cuddle a lot, but she's already sleeping longer and more soundly. She's asked a couple of times, once after daycare the other day, and once at night. It breaks my heart that she didn't persist, and yet I am overjoyed at how relatively easy it has been to tell her no, "it's all gone."

Well we had a few nights of some success. A few nursings ds went back to sleep without crying for an hour. I now offically have dr's orders that I need to wean him. I have lost 5 pounds in two weeks (I am already considered under weight for my height, and have terrible morning sickness) . I don't have enough energy to do anything. Dh is slinging him down right now. The plan is that he will get him to sleep then I will cuddle him later with very little nursings. This weekend it will be all Daddy time at night. I wish that we could do it easier, but I don't see another way. I feel like the baby is going to suffer if we don't do something now. Dr. told me he was going to put me in the hosptial on an IV if I lost more weight.

Aggie :(

OTMomma- Thank you so much for your advice. I will start having Dh try and put dd down for her nap, and I was also thinking that we could try driving in the car for nap if necessary when it gets closer to starting daycare (in an effort to try and regulate my supply). I am very committed to continue nursing her as long as I can when we are together. I will be overjoyed if I can still nurse her before and after daycare, to sleep, and during the night. I also hope it will help her get through all the illnesses I'm sure she'll get from the daycare situation.
She is sick this week, so we have been nursing much more, but she is eating better today, so that's good. Thanks again for your support!

How do mamas handle when your child is asking to nurse on average every hour? i swear, it seems like that much unless we are out at the playground or doing something totally consuming. We are night-weaned until 5:30 am or so, she doesn't nurse to sleep, but does nurse right before then dh takes her in the other room and rocks her, which is fine, she likes it. During the day, I always offer snacks, water, or other activities first. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I'm beginning ot think I just need to keep us super, super busy. I'm going away for 2 nights in 2 weeks... my guess is that it won't make difference tho, she will pick right up where we left off!

my overall timeline is fully weaned by Sept or October... maybe i'm hoping for too much...

Leafwood- Happy to help :)

Aggie- I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is very hard to have your nursing relationship taken out of your control. I have weaned my dd twice due to medical reasons. Each time I took about a week to do it and if you want details of what i did, let me know. In the mean time, I highly recommned drinking plenty of water and eating icecream. I didn't gain weight with my first dd like the dr wanted (I was not nursing then though), so I started eating icecream after dinner each night, and that solved the problem. I am sure there are healthier ways to get the results, but I reallyed enjoyed my icecream diet. :)

Newmainer- My technique for dealing with the constant nursing was to put dd on a schedule. I didn't see how old your dc is, so I'm not sure if this is appropriate, but I think I did it at first when dd was about 18 months. Anyway, I created my own schedule of when we would nurse and structured it around times of the day dd would understand like bed time, wake up time, nap time, after lunch, etc. I my first plan was to nurse before breakfast, once between breakfast and lunch, once after lunch, at nap, and once after dinner before bed, then at bed time. So it was still a lot of nursing but it wasn't every hour, and I could say- we just had milk, we can have milk again after lunch. You can of course talor this to however many time you feel is right. I eventually dropped a few of those, but I feel like dd has really fluxuated up and down on the nursing for a very long time. Until she finally started to loose interest in nursing and quit asking so much. Hope this helps.

Hello Ladies,

OTMom- I would be very intrested in how you weaned in a week.

Last night Dh put ds to sleep by telling him ok it is time to go ni-night now. Ds just layed his head down and conked out at 8pm. I was like wow that is so wonderful. This is going to be easy. WRONG.. He woke up at 11:30 and screamed until almost 1. He wouldn't nurse, he didn't want to be rocked, patted, touched, or anything. He didn't want me or dh. It was horrible. I have no idea why he was like that, usually if he is crying you can offer a boob and he nurses then conks out. Finally we turned on a tape that he listened to in the car when he was an infant, and he calmed down enough to nurse. Then he went to dh and went to sleep. After that about every hour he would wake up and scream for about 2 minutes and then go back to sleep. :(

I don't know if it is just bad timing with an illness, teething or he is just mad about the whole weaning process. We haven't even started trying to wean during the day.


Aggie

Aggie, I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Weaning is really hard. So here's my story:

OK, now I feel I must say that my dd was 23 months when I did this, and it was due to a medical issue, I would not advise anyone to wean this way unless they had to. I just felt I needed to make a discliamer since this is pretty harsh.

My technique was to first make a list of the nursings that were most important to dd, for her the most important were bed time, wake up time and nap time. She still nursed a lot during the night, but I didn't feel they were as important as that going to sleep one. And she nursed more during the day.
So day one I nursed through the day as usual. I nursed dd at bed time and told her my boobies were sick and they had to sleep all night and she could have mama milk when the sun came up, but not before then. So we nursed to sleep. She woke up about 4 hours later and was VERY upset about no milk. She didn't want anything to do with me, so dh held her and rocked her and she slept. Oh, we also offered a cup of water, but she didn't want it, though I've heard other kids like that. I think we went through this 2-3 times the first night with a lot of crying.
Day 2 I put her on a day time schedule. We nursed at first light, stayed very busy with outings and such and nursed again at nap time and when she woke. We again nursed to sleep at night. That night dd woke and cried some again, but went back to sleep easier.
Day 3 I nursed at sunrise. Before nap and as soon as dd got up from her nap I had her in the high chair with a cup of milk. Again we stayed very busy and out of the house to break the habit of nursing in her favorite chair etc. That night she slept much better with only waking once near morning and letting me hold her while she went back to sleep.

Over the next few days I dropped the other feedings. First the early morning one was dropped, I got out of bed before dd woke and had her breakfast, with a cup of milk (we do soy milk,btw) ready for her when she woke. Dropping the nap time one meant either letting her skip her nap or planning for her to fall asleep in the car for a long time. Dropping that last one at bed time was the hardest and we did it with having dh involved with the bedtime routine and just totally changing our bedtime routine so that milk wasn't part of it.

Aggie, I hope this helps you get some ideas. Be warned that I did become engorged doing this and I was very uncomfortable for a number of days. One of the things that helped me when working on weaning was to take a vacation- stay with a family member or friend and do lots of things to help your dc be too distracted to want to nurse. I guess that is part of my dd's personality that that helped, but it made a big difference for us.

If this doesn't make sense, or you have questions let me know. I feel like I sometimes leave things out when I'm typing.

Peace,
Laura

Thanks so much for posting your experiance. We are doing the night time weaning and after that will give ds some time and then work on the day time. I am hopeing during all of this with me being pregnate that my milk supply will cut back also and help discurage ds from nursing so much. Ds is like your dd and doesn't nurse while we are doing stuff such as outings and things. On days when we are in town all day he will only nurse in the morning after waking up and before bed.

Dh is trying to put ds to sleep right now, so I will let you know on monday how the rest of the weekend goes. Keep your fingers crossed.

Aggie

72 hours of no nursies (or as I call them in front of the kiddos, Pamela Andersons- loooong story). I'm pleasantly surprised with how this is going- they seem to not care so much about their nursies as much as their lost pacies. It is awesome to snuggle to sleep without getting back cramps from trying to accomodate two toddler nursers. Am I past the point where I would get engorged? I got an unpleasant full feeling today but it is gone tonight. I guess we are done. I feel a little sad, but I don't want to undo it either. What is ticking me off though is how everyone compares my story of weaning 30mo twins to their story of weaning their 9mo or 12mo. Not the same.

Laralou- Congratulations, I'm glad things have gone so well for you! And yes, you are past the point of having to worry about engorgement. From what I understand, you may have a little milk for weeks or more, but you shouldn't become engorged. I do know what you mean about how different it is to wean a 30 month old vs. a 12 month old. It isn't the same. But try to remember that the people talking about it to you have NO CLUE what its like to nurse a toddler. I'm sure they don't mean to annoy you, they are just trying to relate from their own experiences.

Aggie- I hope your weekend went well. I think your plan to night wean first then work on day time is a good one.

Update on me- dd seems to finally be taking to weaning. Week before last we went on vacation and she was too distracted to ask to nurse much. We had already night weaned and I then started working on only letting her nurse while I count to 5. She gets each side until I reach 5, so its less than 2 minutes of nursing total each time, and we're down to just about 2x/day of this. I am so ready to wean, and glad that my dd seems to be comfortable with the change. Looks like we will be weaned by age 3 in July.

I do know what you mean about how different it is to wean a 30 month old vs. a 12 month old. It isn't the same. But try to remember that the people talking about it to you have NO CLUE what its like to nurse a toddler. I'm sure they don't mean to annoy you, they are just trying to relate from their own experiences.

I know what you mean, it is just hard for me when someone tries to imply that their child was "ready" at 12 months (and I don't mean people whose children really did wean that early on their own- I mean people who wean because "you are supposed to"). I know my girls would have liked to continue for awhile, but it obviously wasn't that important to them at this point because they haven't cried or pitched a fit and they haven't asked even once a day since our last one. If they had cried or had a fit, I would have known they weren't ready. But we have been distracting and cutting down for months now, I just was scared to try to give up nursing them to sleep.

Part of me does feel this little bit of relief. And I feel like already my boys are paying so much more attention to ME instead of just my boobs. They've been giving me so many hugs and kisses and we've been doing lots of snuggling. I realized that I never really got to just hold them and hug them, they were always just wanting to nurse (and if I didn't want to nurse, then it was a fight, not a nice snuggle moment), or not wanting to be in my arms at all. .

This struck me. I often feel like I am just a set of boobs to my DD. I would say at least 75% of the time she seeks out affection from me it is followed up by a request to nurse (this percentage gets higher when she's cutting a tooth). DH gets a lot of hugs and kisses and snuggles but DD rarely lets me just cuddle her without then turning around and demanding nay-nay.

I was wondering if anyone else feels this way, and if weaning helped.

So I have been following this thread for a while...originally out of a need to night wean which I was lucky enough to not have to implement since literally the week before we were going to start "the process", my sweet angel starting sleeping through the night....

there are several other topics within Momma Led Weaning which come up and are important to me and I would assume others....feelings of guilt, best ways to handle it, wanting support of other moms, and the many other valuable and valid topics so many of you have brought to this thread....

So with 211 or so postings on this thread, why can't this thread become it's own Topic area???? Who are the powers that be who can do this? or has this been attempted and is it just too "unacceptable" a topic to give it's own area????

Excuse me if my rant is unwarranted....I've just been thinking about it alot and thought I'd get that off my (still milk producing) chest. :o

So with 211 or so postings on this thread, why can't this thread become it's own Topic area???? Who are the powers that be who can do this? or has this been attempted and is it just too "unacceptable" a topic to give it's own area????


I can tell you as both a poster to this thread and as a unpowerful part of the "powers that be" it won't be a subforum. Mothering stands for child-led weaning, just as it does for breastfeeding. There won't be a mama-led weaning forum, just as there won't be a "had to ff" forum. Not because there aren't legitimate reasons for doing either one, but Mothering doesn't try to be all things to all people. We won't have our thread shut down (as long as it remains civil), but a sub-forum would seem like advocacy.

That said, that is just my take. You are welcome to ask Cynthia by starting a thread in Q&S, but I am putting my money on no as the answer.

Hello:) I would like to subscribe to this thread, please! I'm beginning the process of a very slow, hopefully gentle weaning process for my almost 2 year old, but even setting any kind of limits with him is proving to be very difficult for both of us. So I'll be eager to hear how you mommas are doing!

I often feel like I am just a set of boobs to my DD.
...... DH gets a lot of hugs and kisses and snuggles but DD rarely lets me just cuddle her without then turning around and demanding nay-nay.

I was wondering if anyone else feels this way, and if weaning helped.

I definitely felt this way, too. My DD was 22 months when she weaned, I was in the process of gently cutting back on nursing sessions when I got pregnant and she spontaneously quit nursing.

I used to get somewhat jealous of DH for getting to cuddle with her. Sometimes you just want to snuggle with your little one, you know? Now, instead of nursing to sleepiness before bed, she cuddles with me on the couch for a bit. It is wonderful! (Nursing was wonderful too, but I'll freely admit that I was ready to be done with it, especially in light of trying to get pregnant.) So in our case, yes, it helped, and I honestly think she enjoys our cuddles now as much as she enjoyed nursing.

I can tell you as both a poster to this thread and as a unpowerful part of the "powers that be" it won't be a subforum. Mothering stands for child-led weaning, just as it does for breastfeeding. There won't be a mama-led weaning forum, just as there won't be a "had to ff" forum. Not because there aren't legitimate reasons for doing either one, but Mothering doesn't try to be all things to all people. We won't have our thread shut down (as long as it remains civil), but a sub-forum would seem like advocacy.

thanks for the answer. It does make sense. I just get frustrated when I read other threads on this subforum asking for advice on mama led weaning and people reply with negativity as opposed to praising these women for breast feeding for as long as they did. I applaude anyone who breast feeds for one, four, eight, twelve, etc months.
Thanks. I'll get off my soap box now. :o

The time is right and I'm moving on....

I am subscribing as I think I need to start at least night weaning my 14 month old. I am getting tired and he is just too rough on me. I weaned without really knowing any better with my first two. I supplimented which kind of weakened my nursing relationship. Then with #2, I used a nuk... also decreasing nursing. Then at 10 months I night weaned with hopes of improving his sleep which quickly led to full weaning and still getting up a lot with him at night. So I don't want to mess up nursing #3 who has been my booby monster. He has been the best nurser. I am just afraid his new teeth seem to have razor edges and I am starting to hate nursing. I also nurse every two hours at night and that is just too much. So, in chosing to start night nursing, I understand that it might just mean that I lose the whole thing. I think I would have night weaned him already but I know he is my last baby and soon I won't be nursing ever again. I know in my head that I will never give birth again but boy does my heart hurt about it. So nursing is just hanging onto my reproductive youth.

MsMoMpls,


I am almost in your same shoes. I am night weaning ds (15 months) because I am pregnate. I would like to more then two, but that is the limit dh has set, or we have agreeed on he didn't want any to begin with. But that makes me sad, to wean because I know I will never have that again with ds.

I also have become resentful of the nursing, his teeth hurt, I get so uncomfortable at night trying to sleep with a 20lbs weight floping all over me.

Night weaning hasn't been super easy for me, but ds does great when dh puts him to sleep.

Aggie

Updated from this weekend (I know its wed, but I had a busy weekend) :wink


Dh put ds to sleep a few times, it is crazy I can agrue and fuss trying to nurse him to sleep and he just won't give in. Dh picks him up tells him it is time for night night, then ds lays his head on dh's shoulder and conks out in like 2 minutes. Not fair at all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ds is still asking to nurse 3 times a night if i sleep with him. If dh is the only one there, then he will fuss just a second then go back to sleep. I wish dh didn't have to go to work at 3am so he could do this all week. But for now I only get his help on the weekend.

I have been busy and exhausted the last couple of days, so I have given in and let ds nurse a little bit, then pulling him off and singing him to sleep. I hope this doesn't set us to far back.


Aggie

wow I am relieved to know there are other moms here who are guiding their child's weaning. I am currently tandeming a 25 month old and 10 week old and I am not enjoying my toddler any more and considering weaning him completely. :guilty

We had been nursing 3 times a day since before baby and got back to that shortly after dd came. My son does not ask other than that. 2weeks ago I started getting up before him and found that he doesn't ask to nurse in the am anymore. So now it is just 2 times a day, nap and bedtime. I still really don't like the nursing though so I guess I should wean b/c I feel like it is affecting our relationship negatively. I feel bad about my son missing out on all the amazing benefits though and I don't want nursing to end on a ad note though.

Mama2n&h--I was afraid that if I didn't end it now it would end in a very bad note. I don't think that if you wean now your toddler will even think anything about it.
There are several other women on here who have weaned and not even had to much fussing over it.

WE had a wonderful night last night. Ds slept from 8pm until 3am without asking to nurse or anything. I was so excited, I am still in the pattern where I woke up to nurse him, then realized he was still sleeping. I hope he continues to do that. Dh is going to take over nighttime again for the weekend starting tonight. I am hopeing this will be the last push to finally wean night nursing. Ds is cutting back on daytime nursing on his own. My milk supply is going way down and I think that has alot to do with it.

I am having a much better relationship with ds now. I don't just think about pain and soreness when he wants me. I wish that I would have weaned him earlier.

Aggie

my son is almost 17m and has never slept through the night.
not once.

i dont know why andi dont know what i should do?
if he goes to bed at 8 it isnt uncommon for him to wake 2 or three times before i go to bed at 12 or so.
its nuts!
then once im in bed he will wake at least 2 more times.
I have always nursed him back to sleep but i dont know if i should continue to do this.
i dont really want to anymore.
so last night, upon wake 2 i decided i would try and go without it.
well he fussed a bit and i ended up dancing around to some music and he fell asleep. Wake3 was not so good.
he cried and cried and cried...
i tried to say boo was sleeping, mumm will pat your bumm, abcs, i tried everything but he just wasnt having it.
and so on he cried and im thinking, the walls in this apartment are so thin the neighbours are probably getting upset or thinking some crazy stuff.
i'd say he carried on for at least 10 minutes like this.
and me trying to sooth him.
i guess i wasnt prepared to duke it out like that cuz i gave in and decided that it had been a bad idea.

so girls what is up?
why doesnt my son just sleep through the night like so many other babies his age and so much younger than him even?
should i cut out the night nursing? And how the heck do i do it. im reading a doctor sears book and he seems to be against early weaning due to its supposed impact on the childs emotional health.
so
its like what the heck do i do here.
surely waking this many times isnt necessary isit?

There are several other women on here who have weaned and not even had to much fussing over it.

This was how it went for us. We'll be at a week tomorrow. I don't think it would have gone as smoothly 6 months ago because the girls were still big into their nursies. Like I said before, they haven't even cried once and almost never ask- even when I bathed with them and my boobies were right there!

Wholewheat Buns ---
The is exactly where we were a few weeks ago. Ds, 15months, had never slept thought the night, and always woke up several times a night. Pretty much just like you said.

I think it was the right thing to do to wean. It only was getting worse I resented going to bed. I didn't want to even think about it. I tried like you did to just say no, and ds argued then just cried, so I gave in. I came here and found out about Dr. Gordons' book ( I am not sure where but somebody else posted the link when I started about a week ago) And I also reread Dr. sears link on night weaning.

We started again with slowly letting ds nurse for just a minute then telling him that it was night time and he just needed to go to sleep. He cried sometimes a little sometimes a bunch. But we didn't give in. That was like two days. Then we let dh put him to sleep by walking and singing to him. I got to sleep by myself. It was the first time in over a year I got 8 hours of uninterruped sleep. Boy was it worth it. Dh did that last weekend. (fri, sat, and sun) Then this last week I just would tell him no, if he fussed I would let him just nurse for a second then he would go back to sleep. Last night he slept from 8pm to 3am without waking up.

Our plans are that we will wean him, then move him to his own bed. We are so excited. Don't be distressed your son will not be harmed by weaning, he will get more sleep and so will you. It will make you not resent him. That is one of the first things Dr. Sears always says if you resent it change it.
PM me if you need some encouragement.

Aggie

I am worried about weaning being hard for him, especially with a new sibling but it seems like that is where we are headed, it is mostly me b/c I don't like nursing him very well, I am sure he can sense my anxiety and tension when he does nurse. On the other hand, he does seem to be taking it pretty well though, we dropped that am feeding really easily, a few months ago he would cry to nurse in the am. That makes me feel like maybe he is kind of ready to give up nursing too. Last night dad got him all ready for bed and I went in later and he didn't even ask to nurse :dropjaw We just snuggled, it was really nice.

However, there are signs of some tension I don't know what is nursing related, sibling related or 2 year old related but he has his hands in his mouth a lot (new thing), meltsdown easily at times, doesn't want dad (this concerns me and depresses dh) and is sleeping more.

mama to n&h, this sounds like teething to me. If I had to guess, I'd say your little one is getting his 2 year molars- hands in mouth, feeling cranky and sleepine more all went with that at our house. I would guess it has nothing to do with any of the other stuff going on, just try to be extra patient with him. I also found dd really liked soft foods and cold things to eat to help with the teething pain. It sounds like your little one is ready to wean since he isn't too upset about the nursing getting cut. Isn't it so nice to be able to cuddle them? :)

On a personal note, my dd is doing Great at weaning. She isn't nursing to sleep, isn't waking at night and only asks occasionally. I don't feel like its anything special I have suddenly done, I think its just all these months of working slowly to this, and that she is ready to let it go. Though I think if I hadn't encouraged her to cut back, she wouldn't have done it on her own at this point. Its wild, this week she has also started using the potty really well and is acting so much more grown up. She's almost 3, and its like I went to bed one night with a toddler and woke up with a preschooler.

Well we had another weekend. The plan was to let dh put ds to sleep. That didnt happen at all. For some reason ds has decided that dh is not so good anymore. He own't let him hold him or anything like that, when he is tired. I think he is scared that I will leave and not come back. I don't know. Other then that we are doing great. He is sleeping about 6 hours a night. Then just asking and I say no then he falls back to sleep. He is cutting back on daytime nursing on his own. I think he is playing more by himself and just gets to busy. My little guy is growing up.

Aggie

Wanted to add, we aren't totally cold turkey. We have nursed 3x for one and 2x for the other in the last 11 days. My rule is if they cry they get it. But if I can distract without trauma I do.

Amazingly after 7 days I still had plenty of milk. I think nursing twins for 2.5 years can create such a reslilient milk supply, it will be a long time before I think dh can be free of worry that he will get shot in the eye accidently if he makes a grab.

my son is almost 17m and has never slept through the night.
not once.

i dont know why andi dont know what i should do?
if he goes to bed at 8 it isnt uncommon for him to wake 2 or three times before i go to bed at 12 or so.
its nuts!
then once im in bed he will wake at least 2 more times.
I have always nursed him back to sleep but i dont know if i should continue to do this.
i dont really want to anymore.
so last night, upon wake 2 i decided i would try and go without it.
well he fussed a bit and i ended up dancing around to some music and he fell asleep. Wake3 was not so good.
he cried and cried and cried...
i tried to say boo was sleeping, mumm will pat your bumm, abcs, i tried everything but he just wasnt having it.
and so on he cried and im thinking, the walls in this apartment are so thin the neighbours are probably getting upset or thinking some crazy stuff.
i'd say he carried on for at least 10 minutes like this.
and me trying to sooth him.
i guess i wasnt prepared to duke it out like that cuz i gave in and decided that it had been a bad idea.

so girls what is up?
why doesnt my son just sleep through the night like so many other babies his age and so much younger than him even?
should i cut out the night nursing? And how the heck do i do it. im reading a doctor sears book and he seems to be against early weaning due to its supposed impact on the childs emotional health.
so
its like what the heck do i do here.
surely waking this many times isnt necessary isit?
I don't think there is a "normal" or necessary... it varies by child. Certainly, it isn't nutritionally necessary for him to night nurse so many times... but you are meeting an emotional need. Would he accept something else as a comfort? Perhaps you being to introduce sometime soft and cuddly for him to hold during these nursing sessions that he would begin to associate with comfort. I did this with my DD when we nightweaned. I was in the same place you were, desperately in need of more sleep. She has a bear who she cuddles now when she wakes and is able to get back to sleep by stroking him.

Another thought... could you talk with him about why he is waking? I began talking to my DD about nighttime and how we all sleep when it is dark. And its okay to call for mommy and daddy if she is scared, but that it is okay for her to go back to sleep on her own, too. I found that talking with her about why she was crying at night helped.

Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning process was a big help to us.

Hi :)

My DDs both were weaned with a little prompting around 27-28 mos.

With #1, I made it through my PG with #2, and for another couple of months, but she started doing the fly-by thing *all* *the* *time* and it just drove me nuts. So with a little distraction, a lot of avoidance, and some tears, she eventually gave it up.

With #2, the fly-by behavior got to me again, and since I didn't have a little one that still needed feeding, I did the bandaids on the nipples thing, and told her my breasts were broken.

I'm not really thrilled with the idea there, but it worked.

If i have to do it tht way again, I'll probably start wearing cabbage leaves in my bra. Between the taste of cabbage and the supply reduction, hopefully it won't get any worse. I'd *like* to do CLW, and will try for that for the next child, but with these two, I just hit a wall there and really couldn't continue.

Amazingly after 7 days I still had plenty of milk. I think nursing twins for 2.5 years can create such a reslilient milk supply, it will be a long time before I think dh can be free of worry that he will get shot in the eye accidently if he makes a grab.
:LOL :LOL :LOL

Hi :)

I did the bandaids on the nipples thing, and told her my breasts were broken.

I'm not really thrilled with the idea there, but it worked.

If i have to do it tht way again, I'll probably start wearing cabbage leaves in my bra. Between the taste of cabbage and the supply reduction, hopefully it won't get any worse. .


:LOL :LOL hehe I will have to try the bandaides with dh !!! I wonder if it would work. He likes cabbage so that wouldnt' work. hehehehe TMI I am sure but pretty funny.

Aggie

I am so glad that there is this thread. I decided yesterday that I just couldn't take it anymore. He nursed for the last time yesterday. I tried recently to limit nursing and that just made him really angry.

My 17mo has never slept thru the night either. Last night was rough. ( we co-sleep) and DH took most of the hit. I slept in the other room to try to get the smell of milk away from him. Dh rocked him and sang to him. And cuddled him. I explained that nursies were all gone, but that just amde him really angry.

He was getting to where he wanted to nurse all the time. Like hours of my day were spent on the couch nursing. And switching sides incessantly. I just cound't take it.

Thanks for the support mamas. :(

Hi gals. I've been lurking on this thread for a while. My dd is 22 months old, and until recently nursed every 2 hours day and night. I've been encouraging a frequency reduction. Mostly I'm using distraction and substitution during the day, but a couple of times at night I've refused and she gets very upset. It broke my heart at the time, and now she has spoken harshly to me for the first time ever ("No nurse right now!" with a little finger waggle- not sure where she got that!). It's making me question whether this is the right thing. I mean, I've had patience for this long, why am I pulling the plug now? I don't feel that nursing a 3 year old is right for me, but there has to be a more gentle way. I'm reading about a lot of tears and upset little ones on this thread, and I'm more torn than ever. It seems so inconsistent with Attachment Parenting, but yet at what age can I reclaim just a little bit of selfishness?

Is there an equivallent of distraction or substitution for nighttime? I tried reasoning / bargaining with her at 18 months, but she was just too young to understand the "later" concept so we postponed until a couple of monts ago. She understands better now, and sometimes it works. We use "let's sleep now and nurse again when the sun comes up". Sometimes she whimpers a bit and goes to sleep (sad), and other times she insists "need nurse right now!" The couple of times I've said no when she insists have been heartwrenching and I don't think I can do that again. The whimpers aren't too bad when they only last a minute or so, although I do still question it sometimes. Rarely she goes back to sleep with no fuss at all, and then I feel like I'm making progress. I guess maybe I should keep a sleep log. I just ordered the "No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers" because it says it discusses night weaning. Has anyone read it? Is anyone else as conflicted about this as me? Has anyone been able to do this with no tears?

On the positive side- she slept 6 hours straight last night (snuggled up next to me!). A personal record!

There have been some moms who posted here that they night weaned without tears. I think it has to do with the individual child's readiness- not really something that the mom exactly did. Some kids are happy to have a back rub or drink of water at night instead of nursing. Personally, there was lots of crying when I night weaned dd, but I waited until dh and I were so tired that we couldnt' stand it. I do think I could have been more gentle if I had taken a lot more time to do it, but my dd was 33 months, and not having slept all night in 3 years had taken its toll. I was one grouchy mama.

I see your dd is 22 months, my dd was a VERY attached nurser at that age. She was getting her 2 year molars and seemed to need a lot of comfort that she got from nursing. I understand not wanting to nurse a 3 year old, I don't either, but I feel an urge to remind you that that is over a year away for you. If you are feeling a lot of conflict about weaning, it might mean that you are pushing it faster than you and your dd are ready for. I suggest trying to define for yourself what your perfect nursing relationship would be right now, and for the next few months- then you can work towards that specific schedule or number. After you attain that goal for a while, you can decrease from there.

I hope some of this helps.
peace,
Laura

Thank you, Laura. You are absolutely right. I typed that message in a flurry while my daughter was self-entertained (rare and fleeting moments!), so it was just pretty much an outpouring of emotion without any "thinking" getting in the way, if you know what I mean. I re-read it last night, and I got the same impression as you did. The lightbulb went off! Plus I checked her mouth and sure enough- molars coming through! So thank you for the reality check, I truly appreciate it! Maybe I should start keeping a journal- the kind where you just commit to write constantly for 3 minutes every night to see what comes out. That has helped me stay in touch in the past- even if I did burn the pages every few days. Who wants somebody else reading that stuff??? :LOL

Anyway, I feel much better now. I had pretty much backed off the past several days to only very gentle encouragement, and I'm sticking with that. No tears. I have plenty of time, and I bet when it finally warms up outside distraction is going to happen naturally- with all those parks and swingsets to explore! As for night, she seems to be in a pattern lately of at least one stretch of 5+ hours, and that's good for now. Heck, after 2 years of no more than 2 hours, 5 feels like a Godsend! Look at me now- up at 6:30 am wide awake while she is still sleeping!

Thank you again! I feel like my old happy Mommy self again! :love

I am so glad that there is this thread. I decided yesterday that I just couldn't take it anymore. He nursed for the last time yesterday. I tried recently to limit nursing and that just made him really angry.

My 17mo has never slept thru the night either. Last night was rough. ( we co-sleep) and DH took most of the hit. I slept in the other room to try to get the smell of milk away from him. Dh rocked him and sang to him. And cuddled him. I explained that nursies were all gone, but that just amde him really angry.

He was getting to where he wanted to nurse all the time. Like hours of my day were spent on the couch nursing. And switching sides incessantly. I just cound't take it.

Thanks for the support mamas. :(


I totally understand your feelings and your 17mo is one of the few lucky kids. Most don't even get to nurse and then the few that do is just for 6 weeks or so. It is harder in the beginning, but I would say that once you start weaning don't stop then try again. For us that made it much worse on ds. He just didn't know when he was going to get nurse and when I was going to say no.
What you are doing is really ok, and Dr. Sears always says if you resent it change it. You will have a better relationship in the end with you child. ;)



Also wanted to add that first night where you get like 6 hours of sleep in a row. Is so great. I thought that I had died and gone to heaven. I didn't realize how tired I really was.

Aggie

Hi Mamas....I posted earlier about cutting back on my dd's daytime nursing in preparation for full time daycare in August (she'll be 16 months). We were doing 3 daily nursings plus bedtime and on demand overnight (2-4) times. Yesterday, I decided to try and drop the mid morning nurse. It was fine. She never asked and ate a bunch of lunch.....then, to my suprise, she never asked for her mid-afternoon nurse. I was trying to distract her, and she ate and drank some water with her snack. Bedtime was rough......she was very active and couldn't settle down no matter how much I nursed her. It took a while, but she eventually nursed to sleep and it was one of her best nights of sleep yet!

Today, she never asked for the two nursings she missed yesterday. She is really over it. She is still really restless tonight, but I think it may be due to longer days.....she dosen't know it's nighttime!

My question is, could I be going too fast? Could this be making her restless even thought she isn't asking to nurse?

Also, have any Mommies found that this was harder on them than on their babies? I am so emotional it is out of control! I started crying when I heard a song tonight, and was teary just watching her play (no, I'm not pg :LOL )

Anyway, sorry for the long post....just wondering if this is normal!

HEHE....I was going to ask if you were pg, I am very emotional about weaning ds. But hey I cry at the stop light, the store, in the shower. I hate pg hormones.


Anyways I think we are almost completely night weaned. It has taken a little longer then we planned, but that is because I started then stopped. Ds was confused on when he could and couldn't. I would suggest to anyone to make a plan and stick to it. No matter what. No changing midway. I think the whole experiance has helped me to become more attentive and not just offer a boob. I play more with ds, then in the past, and he wants to play more instead of only comming to me to nurse. I am glad that we night weaned, we will daytime wean in a few weeks.

Aggie

Also, have any Mommies found that this was harder on them than on their babies? I am so emotional it is out of control! I started crying when I heard a song tonight, and was teary just watching her play (no, I'm not pg :LOL )

Absolutely! That was me a month ago. (Although this has been difficult for my DS as well, which makes me question why we're doing it in the first place until I realize that I haven't slept through the night myself in 3 years . . . it's a vicious cycle :o.) Dr. Jay Gordon's method is extremely helpful for nightweaning, and we've adapted it to fit us by extending the time frame, which helped me feel better about the whole process. Also, counting down before unlatching has worked amazingly well, both during the day and at night.

We went for DS' 24-month check-up and his pediatrician is totally on board with weaning from both the bottle & the breast now. He'd like DS off the bottle completely by 27 months. But here's the dilemma -- when DS unlatches from the breast during the night, he reaches for his bottle instead. The bedtime bottle of milk is the only one he gets now, and DS is very particular -- he'll drink water & herb tea only out of a cup, and milk only out of a bottle. Does anyone have any ideas to encourage him to drink milk from a cup? I've tried everything I can think of!

So . . . I keep reminding myself (and everyone else!) that weaning is a process and doesn't happen overnight. I don't want DS to experience it as rejection, so I'm being very cautious and moving forward slowly.

what a great thread! i've scanned through several pages, though, and it seems most of the MLW children were young. my 3yo "self-weaned" for 2 weeks, but for the last 2 years has wanted to nurse again. it's a terrible "tug-of-war" and i have just had it. i feel so guilty for just cutting him off, yet so tired of feeling so guilty for feeling so resentful of his continuous demand to nurse. i have an 18mo now who is nursing well and i'm prepared to go another year or so with him. but i think it's the strong physical need / sucking need of my older child that has worn me out. i feel so torn up about it. now i notice that he seems just physically needy with other kids, as if he knows no boundaries and he's just always doing weird mouth things with his brother that really bother me. so i worry that i'm the cause of it all b/c i've decided not to nurse anymore.

oh, the angst.....

am i in the right place, mommas?

loftmama, of course you're welcome here. if you feel you belong, then no one is gonna tell you otherwise! :) ihonestly, i don't think your ds#1 is having oral "issues" because you decided not to nurse anymore. i think he's probably dealing with the feelings that go along with any big transition, but relax, mama...i'm pretty sure you can't traumatize your child for life by weaning him (at any age, really) :wink

We went for DS' 24-month check-up and his pediatrician is totally on board with weaning from both the bottle & the breast now. He'd like DS off the bottle completely by 27 months. But here's the dilemma -- when DS unlatches from the breast during the night, he reaches for his bottle instead. The bedtime bottle of milk is the only one he gets now, and DS is very particular -- he'll drink water & herb tea only out of a cup, and milk only out of a bottle. Does anyone have any ideas to encourage him to drink milk from a cup? I've tried everything I can think of!

venice mamacita, question: does he absolutely have to drink milk? is he eating other sources of calcium? i.e. cheese, yogurt, nuts, leafy greens, etc? if so, i'd just not worry about whether or not he drinks milk at all. neither of my kids have ever drank milk (cow or soy) and they are totally healthy (they eat a ton of cheese, cottage cheese & yogurt for calcium)

if you really want him to drink milk out of a cup, what i would do is just tell him all the bottles will be going bye bye in 3 sleeps (or whenever your goal date is), then REALLY MAKE THEM ALL DISAPPEAR, get them all out of your house to that there are no bottles. honestly, if he wants milk bad enough he'll eventually drink it out of a cup if there are no other options.

my kids both sleep with a sippy cup full of water. even i get thirsty in the night...so i understand wanting to have something there to drink (dh likes a sippy with water at night, too :LOL :LOL :LOL ) IMO, if you make changes, it can be hard in the transition, but kids are so adaptable... they will make do with the new situation, even if it;s not what they want at first.

Bunny's mama, thank you!

Originally Posted by Venice Mamacita
We went for DS' 24-month check-up and his pediatrician is totally on board with weaning from both the bottle & the breast now. He'd like DS off the bottle completely by 27 months. But here's the dilemma -- when DS unlatches from the breast during the night, he reaches for his bottle instead. The bedtime bottle of milk is the only one he gets now, and DS is very particular -- he'll drink water & herb tea only out of a cup, and milk only out of a bottle. Does anyone have any ideas to encourage him to drink milk from a cup? I've tried everything I can think of!

have you tried straws? there are curly ones, funky ones, & colorful ones to make it fun.

Hi everyone- glad to see this long thread too!

My ds is almost 14 months old and while I'm not ready to wean him just yet, I really do feel like 18 months is when I'd like to start and have him weaned before he's 2. That's just where my comfort level is at.

My only issue with bfing right now is those nights when he wakes up 4 times a night and needs to nurse everytime for a long time. I'm exhausted, touched out, nothing about it feels good at all anymore and by the 4th one my skin is crawling. Like another pp as well, when I'm nursing, my boobs are a no-fly zone for my dh - I can't stand them being touched at all - also makes my skin crawl!

I would love to have ds night-weaned at the very least (we don't cosleep) but not finding that going so well at all. As it is he's only nursing about 3x/day during the day. It's the night ones that are killing me!

Hi pippet! I am the last person to give advice, but I will talk a little bit about my experience night-weaning my now 4yo son. I worked on it between 18 months and 2 years and found that as long as he woke up teething, it backfired on me. He had all his teeth at around 2 and was only nursing twice a night. At about 18 months, I started talking about the sun and the moon. Then once he understood that, I told him that mama's milk goes night-night with the sun and wakes up with the son. He fussed only a little bit for a few nights and that was pretty much it! Phew! I'm ready to start this again with ds2. They are totally different children so I have no idea if it will be so easy this time!

Now, my question for the pros here: My ds1 (4yo, 5yo next month) isn't nursing anymroe since I pretty much had it and cut him off (it was only a few seconds a day. I know; you'd think I could stand it, but with a nursing baby, I was too resentful and it was affecting our relationship negatively.) Anyway, he seems to be very, very orally fixated, constantly mouthing stuff and licking people and objects. Weird and it grosses me out. I'm really bothered by it and wonder if it's ALL MY FAULT (sob) since I force-weaned him. He never mouthed anything as a child. I have a cousin who said her teenager still has an oral fixation and she force-weaned him at 4, too. Her older kids self-weaned at around 4 and 5. Soooo, do some 4yo/5yo boys develop an oral fixation or is this due to my weaning and should I let him nurse again? Oh, the agony! Oh, the inconsistency! But, oh the love!

I just wanted to pop in and say that my dd & I began weaning when she was 14 months old (when I found out I was pg with #2) and she was completely done nursing for night time and everything at 16 months. I'm proud of my decision and I know that I did a very great thing for my dd by nursing for the period of time that I did. I personally couldn't handle the sleep deprivedness and the exhaustion nursing while pg. Now that I have a 2 yo and a 6wko I am glad that I chose to wean her. I am so tired from nursing the infant and from caring for the 2 yo that I don't see how I could emotionally, physcially or mentally tandem nurse.

have you tried straws? there are curly ones, funky ones, & colorful ones to make it fun.

Yes, we've got straws, regular sippy cups, etc. -- it's the sucking that seems to be his dilemma. He seems to associate sucking with milk -- both breast & cow's. He won't drink anything else out of a bottle other than milk, and the only bottle he gets at all is at bedtime. As I said, I've been using it as a substitute for when "num-nums go night-night." I'll have to come up with another plan . . .

venice mamacita, question: does he absolutely have to drink milk? is he eating other sources of calcium? i.e. cheese, yogurt, nuts, leafy greens, etc? if so, i'd just not worry about whether or not he drinks milk at all. neither of my kids have ever drank milk (cow or soy) and they are totally healthy (they eat a ton of cheese, cottage cheese & yogurt for calcium)

if you really want him to drink milk out of a cup, what i would do is just tell him all the bottles will be going bye bye in 3 sleeps (or whenever your goal date is), then REALLY MAKE THEM ALL DISAPPEAR, get them all out of your house to that there are no bottles. honestly, if he wants milk bad enough he'll eventually drink it out of a cup if there are no other options.

Thank you for this suggestion, Bunny's Mama! DS isn't fond of yogurt anymore, but he does eat nuts, lots of vegetables, and string cheese. I don't think he has to drink milk for nutritional reasons, but I think it's a comfort thing for him. When I went back to work p/t, he used to drink both breast & cow's milk from a bottle during the day, then exclusively nurse when I came home. So we've used the bottle as a transitional object in some ways, especially when we started to try night-weaning.

Wish me luck with your suggestion, I'm trying it tonight! :wink