Facing a difficult time ahead

[USAmma]

I posted a few months ago about the murder of my 6 year old handicapped brother 19 years ago. The man was finally caught, my mom's xbf who was watching Adam at the time and beat him to death. She was also originally blamed but both were acquitted thanks to the screwed up legal system. 19 years later they have decided to take another go at this case and have the man behind bars. My mom got off because the statute of limitations has run out on failing to protect. She's not a nice person and we've been estranged for years.

I was planning on keeping a distance from the trial and trying to protect my new life and little family. This week I was informed that I would be called as a witness and it's terrifying me. I am afraid of being attacked by the defending laywers like I've seen on TV. I don't want to see the accused man but will have to face him in court.

Also my mom will probably be there. My mom is the kind of person who likes to be in the limelight and I'm sure she'll cause a scene in front of the media about her long lost daughter or some such nonsense. They had a news story on it a couple of months ago and they showed my photos on the air without my permission and mentioned my old name, and my mom played like she was the victim in all of this. My brother and I were the real victims. I can just see her on daytime talk shows getting money over my brother's death. She's not a nice person and it makes me angry that she's being portrayed as the innocent victim. She's so cruel and has been most of my life and it has nothing to do with Adam's death.

The trial is scheduled to being Sept. 30th but they said they would be delaying it 3-6 months to interview all the witnesses and gather the evidence. The only good thing is that hopefully the mystery of Adam's death will finally be solved and hopefully this man will be put away and do no more harm to other children.

I've lived for 19 years knowing my brother was murdered and not knowing what happened to him. I read the autopsy reports as a child and was horrified by how he died. The details would make you gag with rage. My mom plead the 5th at the time to the courts and her family and has only recently started talking, probably to save her own skin. I was taken away from my home by CPS at age 9 and placed in my father's care. He loved me but he was not meant to be a parent. He beat me and yelled at me and I left him with no self esteem. Then went back to my mom's for a year and the day I graduated from high school she said I was no longer her responsibility and asked me to leave that day. It's been a long, long road.

It has taken me years to rebuild my life and now it's all being torn up again, at least my feelings are all coming up again. I need lots of prayer for protection and strength and peace of mind. If you could just surround me with your prayers I know it would help me get through this. I'll keep you updated.

Thanks,
Darshani

PS The newspaper article is below, from several months ago.



Man held in connection with 20-year-old slaying
David Madrid
The Arizona Republic
March 27, 2002

Diligent detective work and the refusal of a Glendale police sergeant to let a case go led to the arrest last week of a murder suspect in a death that occurred almost 19 years ago.


Harley Spencer, 59, formerly known as Eugene Colomvaro, lives in Clinton, Utah, and was arrested by that city's police after Glendale police determined he was responsible for the death of a 6-year-old boy.

The death occurred Sept. 27, 1983, at a Glendale apartment complex. Police investigated a call that a child, Adam Clark, wasn't breathing. Adam had been left in the care of Spencer, a friend of Adam's mother's.

Additional evidence and new medical science allowed Glendale Detective Bruce Foremny to link Spencer to the homicide. Police would not give specifics about what evidence had changed to implicate Spender.

Adam was born with Cornelia de Lange Syndrome, which left him severely retarded. He faced numerous medical challenges and had a short life expectancy.

When he died, it was assumed the death was due to his illness, Detective Brian Wilkins of the Glendale police said.

In the past, he said, a lot of children's deaths were chalked up to reasons such as sudden infant death syndrome or natural causes, but now, with medical science improving all the time, those deaths are being looked at more closely.

Wilkins said Sgt. Mark Campbell, the first officer on the scene, didn't believe Adam's death was due to natural causes, and he never gave up on the case.

"He just had one of those feelings," Wilkins said. "Something just didn't seem right to him."

When detectives were looking over old, unsolved cases, Campbell suggested they look at this one again.

Foremny, who has extensive child-abuse investigative experience, followed through on the case and with the help of the medical examiner and new technology, police now believe Spencer was responsible for the death.

[ladylee]

Strength to you, dear one :hug.

[PumpkinSeeds]

Maybe this is one of those times in life when you get to really prove to yourself that you are a strong, capable and confident woman who can stand up and be seen and heard advocating for your dear brother who lost his life in such a horrible way.

Take a deep breath and consider how much your life has changed for the better. You are no longer their child who can be abused and neglected. You have your own life and you are now breaking the cycle with your own children. That takes strength, courage and determination all of which you have and you are!!

:hug

[charmarty]

I have no words.......just:hug

[seanjoshmom]

Oh, Darshani, you have come a long way. I am in tears just reading your story. I will pray for strength for you. Be still, be strong.

[peggy]

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Much peace and strength to you during this most difficult time.

peggy

[4cuddlebugs]

Perhaps this is a time for final healing and maybe a sense of solace on your part in the end?
I agree, you are no longer the child in this. You have grown to be a strong, loving mother-figure and maybe it is time that you get to show your mother just how strong you are in spite of all she put you through.
Breathe deeply and know that you will withstand this and move on- hopefully with a new sense of peace knowing that the truth has finally come out and that you had a chance to bring it forth.

Blessed be your family, your heart, and the road ahead.
Hug your children and be proud that you have broken the cycle of abuse and cruelty!
Power to you!

[USAmma]

Thanks SOOOO Much for all the hugs and prayers!! It's nice to know I'm not alone. I stayed up until 3 AM this morning with insomnia and woke up with a cold sore. Uh, I guess you could say I'm stressing over this. I'm going to try to get some counseling. I'm feeling a lot better though, after thinking about what you said and I know I can get through it. I just have to rehearse it in my mind before the actual event so I can be more prepared. That's how I used to win races when I was a runner. I think it's the fear of the unknown that is getting to me.

I may have to meet with the two attorneys next Wednesday. The victims advocate said she's try to get me copies of the interview notes from when I talked to the detective several months ago, so I can have my memory refreshed a bit. I can't always think well under stress. The trial has been pushed out to Nov. 9th but may move back further.

I just realized that it was 19 years ago today that Adam was killed . . . blessed be my dear little brother. Rest in peace.

Darshani

[simonee]

:hug :hug

my thoughts are with you, sending you strong healing vibes.

You are so strong, courageous, fair... I can't imagine you not coming out of this even a better person. Your heart will tell you what to do, and you seem very aware that the trial is for your brother not your mom. Let his spirit guide you. If you don't want to testify, for whatever reason, don't. Good luck.

[darlindeliasmom]

My prayers are with you, darshani. You can do this.

The past cannot touch you, and really , the state's attorneys WANT you to do well, so they will help you. Remember your dear innocent brother (my DD is almost 6; they are such babies anyway, and a delayed 6 -y-old even more so), and hold him in your heart while you speak.
I agree, his spirit will give you strength, as will your love.

[lisamarie]

Can the State (victims advocate's dept.) provide you with any counseling to help you through this difficult time? Please ask the attorney's and victims advocate dept. I know that some State's do provide this service. Its such a stressful, heartwrenching time, and I'm sure some additional support would be helpful to you during this time.

Thinking about your little brother today and sending you healing thoughts and hugs.

Much Love~

Lisa:hug

[emmaline]

Darshani I'm very sorry to hear about all the things you are dealing with now. Sending hugs and positive thoughts to you and your family and especially for your dear little brother.

[NewMa]

Oh Darshani, much love and strength to you in this trying time. :hug

[truly_sarah]

Be strong. Let the facts speak for themselves. Bring an entourage if you can muster up one to surround you for the day/days. If it helps, when I have to 'deal' with my past family, I can send my spirit to a safe place I know of that is protected by people I trust very much. Additionally, I envision blowing magic bubbles around the actual place I want to protect and somehow this has worked.

Sending you wings to fly your spirit to a safe place and a virtual bottle of magical "be gone dratted ex-relative" bubbles. Oh yes, and a large teapot filled with antistress tea. (Bring a real thermos of this with you.)

Hugs,
I've avoided this so far...but the thought of it becoming a possibility keeps creeping up every so often. Ugh is all I can say.
Time is on your side dear...the days will march by, what needs to be said and done will be said and done and the sun and moon will rise on the opposite end of it all.
Sarah

[rainsmom]

Darshani, today is the 30th and I just found this thread. Maybe after this everyone especially you can find some peace.

I will light a candle for you today!

[USAmma]

I have felt your strength and prayers since I posted that and you know, I feel a lot better. Thank you, thank you all so much. I was going through my music CD's and found this one that I had bought years ago for a different song. The song below just happened to be on it too and I play it sometimes when I feel the need to cry. This song helps me to do it.

Mostly now I try to remember the good things though.

Darshani

-------------------

Artist: Dar Williams
Album: Mortal City


You are my Family

Can you fix it? It's a broken heart.
It was fine, but it just fell apart.
It was mine, but now I give it to you,
'Cause you can fix it, you know what to do.

Let your love cover me,
Like a pair of angel wings,
You are my family,
You are my family.

We stood outside in the summer rain,
Different people with a common pain.
A simple box in that hard red clay,
Where we left him to always remain.

Let your love cover me,
Like a pair of angel wings,
You are my family,
You are my family.

The child who played with the moon and stars
Waves a snatch of hay in a common barn,
In the lonely house of Adam's fall
Lies a child, just a child that's all, crying

"Let your love cover me,
Like a pair of angel wings,
You are my family,
You are my family."

[hahamommy]

:hugs to you Darshani!
and :thumb to the powers-that-be for not letting this go unpunished!

What a beautiful song! I would say more, but I'm still crying from the amazing words of comfort...

[merpk]

Finding this thread a little late, but wishing you strength and light and more strength ...

:hug

- Amy

[USAmma]

Thanks so much again for your support and strength and prayers. I will be talking to both laywers next Friday about the case and they will see if they can still use me as a witness. Wish me luck!

Darshani

[emmaline]

darshani I have read dozens of your posts and you always speak the truth simply and clearly, I'm sure this will be the only requirement should you be needed as a witness

:hug e

[USAmma]

edited to take out some details just in case any jurors would be reading this. ;-)

Darshani

[susan61]

Darshani, emmaline is right, you communicate so clearly with such truth. I have no doubt you will be able to get through it all. I have a feeling your health concerns will clear up after this is all done with, too. Light and love to you;)

[lisamarie]

Darshani~

Thanks for keeping us posted on things. It really sounds like your body, mind and spirit is really being tried right now. Please continue to keep us posted.

Healing Hugs~

Lisa:grouphug

[NewMa]

:hug Darshani- I am so glad that you have this advocate. Sending you healing energy.

[rainsmom]

Darshani,

I really wish I knew you enough to come down to Phoenix and help you,comfort you, whatever.........But I am here in spirit sending you light energy and healing!

[USAmma]

edited to delete info before the trial.

[4cuddlebugs]

I don't really know what to say, but I certainly hope that your mother's games do not keep you from speaking up for your brother's life, stolen so early.
I can't imagine the frustration and emotional upheavel you must be going through!
I wish you strength and wisdom, and peace.
I will hope for your presence in that courtroom!

[hahamommy]

:hug Darshani :love
Icky, icky, icky, icky, icky ~ there are no winners in a situation like this. Sending lots of love and light your way ~ and the strength to endure being in the same room with that *woman* :hug
you are amazing!!

P.S. I'm sending some peace your mom's way too, it would sure be nice for everyone if she would calm down and remember this is Adam's day in court. :hippie

[simonee]

:grouphug

wishing you strength, darshani. you're an awesome woman. if Adam is somewhere, in some form, he'll feel your love.

[Ms. Mom]

Darshani, just want you to know I'm thinking of you and praying. Let us knnow what happens.

[USAmma]

My advocate just called and said I can attend every single day of the
trial. Also they have reserved the front row of seats for the
victim's family. My mom will also be sitting there most likely, but
my advocate is sending several law students to sit around me and
buffer me from my mom. Bless her heart!!

I don't have to do the interview with both lawyers today after
all. I was nervous about it and turns out it's not required, but no
one told me until my advocate did this morning. I was kinda nervous
so glad I got out of it.

Thanks for your prayers and good thoughts. Someone must be hearing them!

Darshani

[abimommy]

You are being very brave. I hope you get your chance to tell the truth. It must be awful having to watch your mother play the greiving mother after what has happened.

((((((((((Darshani)))))))

[Jish]

I just stumbled upon this thread today and WOW! I can't believe the whole situation. How awful for you -- both the fact that your brother's life was taken 19 years ago, and that you have to endure this now. It's like "Law and Order" in real life.

I wish you the best in all of this and I'll be praying for you. We're going to mass tonight at 5:30 -- feel my prayers.

[rainsmom]

I hope you got someone to watch Abi...........Im up in Prescott, probably too far......I wish I were closer, I would gladly watch her!

Keep us posted on the outcome....

[USAmma]

Thanks for your continued prayers! We worked out a deal with dh's workplace where he work from 6-noon (he usually works 6-4:30) and then I'll pick him up, he'll drop me at court and then take Abi home. He works right by the courthouse. There's one day where dh may have to attend an all day conference and I'm considering putting Abi in KinderKare for the afternoon, let's see. I'm going to take her there next week and check it out with her. My dad is going all day every day so he can take notes for me and so can the law students.

I really think it's because of all the prayers that things are going to smoothly and that I've found a great advocate, and can go to most of the trial. I truly feel stronger inside and ready to face everything.

Thanks so much!

Darshani

[4cuddlebugs]

Yeah! Good news.
I know that you will hold your head up high and be proud to speak for your brother.
Hoping that everything works out so that you can get some peace in all of this!
Good luck and peace to your family.

[kerc]

i've been thinking about you and your family.....and hoping that things are going as well as possible for you.

[anythingelse]

We will keep your intentions in our family's prayers. I was so sorry to read of your loss and hope that this can all come to some resolution soon, that you will find peace.:hug
Mary

[USAmma]

On Friday afternoon they reversed their decision to let me be in court. Sigh. I don't understand WHY they are doing this!! The only official victim right now is my mom. That is SO unfair. I am so tried of being scr@#ed by the system.

My advocate referred me to another lawyer who is the former Asst. Attorney General of our state and the founder of the non-profit victims advocate group I'm with. He's going to fight for my rights to be there. If I still can't go at least I can still make an impact statement and it's going to be a big one, esp. if I can't attend the trial. My dad wants me to go to the media if I'm not allowed in but I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

Darshani

[rainsmom]

Id be REALLY thinking about what you want to say in your statement......think hard and ask for assistance and guidance from the universe tonight beforeyou go to bed. It might come to just that. And if it doesnt, at least you will have a clearer mind for being in court.....

good luck!

[Ms. Mom]

Darshani, going to the media is a big decision. You're opening yourself up in many ways. However, it would also be a good way to fight the injustice.

I wish I had the right answer for you. However, you're going to have to reach deep inside of yourself and weigh it all out. I know you'll make the right decision for you and your family.

Know that we're all thinking of you and your brother and sending gentle vibes.

[dlb]

Darshani--


I have always been impressed, when reading your posts, by your sensitivity and intelligence. You can make use of both of those when you decide whether or not to involve the media. Please take care of yourself, let us know what you decide and what happens.


take care,

dlb

[USAmma]

I was just frustrated- I'm not going to the media because I've seen how they can manipulate and mislead at times. My new laywer (pro bono) is a good one. Yesterday he won the right for me to not have to talk to the defendant's layer in a pre trial interview, which should hopefully pave the way for me to be recognized as a victim and be able to attend the trial. If not, I've had the weekend to be surrounded by love and support from my on-line friends and my IRL friends and families. My dad expressed his love for me, which he has never done before, ever. My dh has been a real gem too.

Overall I feel so blessed and if I can't attend the trial after all this, so be it. My being there or not will not change the jury's decision or anything else. The lead detective said he's provide me with his entire report and talk to me about it after the trial if I wanted. I can feel Adam there supporting his big sister and that's also a blessing that I'm gaining through this trial.

I am starting to be reminded of what's really important in life, and it's not in a courtroom. In fact when this is all over dh and I hope to bring another child into our family! :-) We made that decision this weekend. I'll survive this and find the hidden blessings. Thanks for helping me to put those blessing-finding glasses on when I forget to put them on.

HUGS to all of you for all your hugs and prayers.

The trial starts tomorrow with jury selection. I'll keep you posted and post URLS to any newspaper coverage.

Darshani

[emmaline]

you've got such a healthy attitude darshani

:love :love :love :hug :hug :hug

[Ms. Mom]

darshani, I'm glad you've decided not to let this take over your life. You have so much to give.:love

[Chi-Chi Mama]

Darshani,

I just came upon this thread yesterday and couldn't stop thinking about you last night. What a tough situation. You are such a strong and amazing person!!

I just wanted to give you a :hug

It's great that you are looking at the good things in all of this. please keep us updated and all the best to you and your family!!

:grouphug

[rainsmom]

Im sure Adam knows he has your full support! Let me know when the trial starts so I can light a candle for you!

[DreamWeaver]

Darshani,

warm thoughts and wishes to you and your family.
If at anytime you feel the need to be alone to sort things out, or just for a short break, I will be happy to look after Abi for you, just let me know.
Take care!

Janis

[USAmma]

Victory!!!!!

My laywer just called and said I can attend the whole thing. However the prosecutor is very upset about it and said she fears that I'll have an emotional outburst when my mom testifies. Oh brother! I have a feeling my mom's been feeding her some stuff about me that is simply not true. They never even bothered to call me personally to talk to me about this and didn't return my messages when I tried to talk to them. Well anyway, I may not gain any friends from this but at least I can attend. Hope that in the future other victims in my situation can have a smoother time of it.

I can't talk about the trial until it's over in a couple of weeks. I'll send URLs to articles in our local paper if I find them online, since that's public info.

They are choosing jury today and the opening statements will be tomorrow. Janis thanks for your offer! I probably will be okay but I'll keep your kind offer in mind.

Darshani

[rainsmom]

Great! Im so happy for you!!!!! I was keeping my fingers crossed that something like this would happen!:thumb

[hahamommy]

I have a feeling that :angel Adam is watching over his big sister and is very very proud!! :love

May Justice and Peace prevail :hug

[USAmma]

and I'm still alive! Whew! It was tough to be there in the same room with my mom (right behind her) but she never made eye contact even when I was generous enough to try to smile at her and be civil. But that's okay. They showed some autopsey photos that were very graphic. Luckily I didn't see them very well. They may show more tomorrow and I don't want to see them so I'll probably avert my eyes. They showed some of Adam's things and that made me cry silently a little.

Anyway, I made it. I think each day will be easier. I learned more today about the circumstances surrounding Adam's death than I have in the last 19 years. That was both disturbing and healing. I need to know so I don't have any more questions in my mind.

The media was not present, as requested by the parties involved. They may be present towards the end of the trial but no cameras, thank goodness! No mention in the paper yet either. That was also on purpose, as the lawyers don't want this to be a trial by media.

Thanks for your prayers.

Darshani

[Ms. Mom]

I'm thinking of you and drawing from your strength. I know this is difficult on you. Please make sure you're taking good care of yourself during this.

Gently with love,

Jacque

[DaryLLL]

Good luck, blessings and strength to you Darshani. OOOMMM...I know your little bro is watching and loving you!

[Aurora]

Darshani,

I just wanted to send you some more strength and love. :hug

[Sahara]

Darshani,
I've always felt some connection to you, I guess it started with our mutual interest in EC ;) I hadn't known about your brother until tonight. You are in my thoughts tonight, stay strong.
Steph

[carlsmama]

Darshani,

I am so sorry for you and so sorry that I have just come across this thread - I wish I could have been there earlier for you. I am glad to see you have had so much support though here on-line. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you and your family.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you now. Please PM me if there is anything we can do,

Take care,

Nancy

[USAmma]

I honestly feel that it has been the prayers and support of people who don't even know me well, but are loving enough to pray for me, that has given me the courage to attend this trial.

Yesterday was tough. They showed the autopsey photos and the coroner described them. I didn't see them (looked away) but the expressions on the faces of the jurors were ones of horror and shock. A couple of them even cried. The detective said that this was Adam's testimony of what happened to him, Adam's chance to tell his story through his poor little body. The details were gruesome. Poor, poor baby boy. The jury asked some very good questions and hopefully removed all doubt that the injuries could have come from anything else (in our state they are allowed to submit written questions).

The state rested its case yesterday and next Monday the defense will call its only witnesss- the defendant. After that it's up to the jury. I'll be camping out at the courthouse next week with a book and some cross stitch because there's not much notice given after the foreman of the jury tells the judge that they've come up with the verdict. I want to be there, and am praying that they find this man guilty. The evidence is pretty good so I'm hopeful, but you never know. It's a huge burden on their shoulders and I'm praying for them. I hope they are not haunted by those photos the way my imagination has been all these years.

I'm keeping a journal of the trail and will share the URL when I put it on the web after the verdict.

Darshani

[Chi-Chi Mama]

oh hugs to you and yours!!! :hug

Adam is so lucky to have a sister like you here on earth!

[Sahara]

Oh Darshani, you are a strong woman. I admire you for handling this with such grace.
Steph

[applejuice]

I am alittle late to this thread, but someone mentioned having the State of Arizona can give you help and advocacy in this time of trial and tribulation. Something about victims rights and help.

Aren't they they ones who screwed up in the first place?

I have been the victim of a screwed up legal system more than once or twice. I totally empathize w/ you and pray for you to receive some solace and comfort from putting this monster behind bars and finally putting the whole thing behind you.

G-d Bless.

[Jish]

Any new news???

[pioneermama]

Blessings to you, Darshani.

[MirandaW]

{{{{Darshani}}}}

I just found this and I will keep you in my prayers. You are an amazing woman!

Lots of Love!
Miranda

[USAmma]

Thanks so much for your support! The verdict is in! See the other thread with that name on it. :-)

Darshani