bridesmaid dilema -- advice requested

[PicnicBear]

I'm planning on being a bridesmaid in my good friends wedding Oct. 1st. I'm "due" Nov. 10th with my first. The wedding is out of town (NY and I am in Chicago). I agreed before I was pregnant. I just told her the good news by email and wanted to let her know if there was any reason that she wasn't comfortable with me doing it I wouldn't be hurt. Maybe the dress wouldn't work or I was thinking it could be distracting to have a very pregnant woman there and you don't want to detract from the bride and groom in anyway -- although they are such a great-looking, charming couple I don't think that's possible.

She is totally cool with the situation and says it's up to me. She said that that a friend she know who was a bridesmaid when she was very preg. didn't enjoy it, said she felt "fat and miserable" and my friend has offered for me to do a reading instead if that's what I prefer.

So, I don't think I would have any problem making a decision, except that I honestly have no idea whatsoever how I will feel Oct. 1st, having never been pregnant before. When I mentioned the situation to my mom a while ago she didn't see any problem with it, and I hadn't thought of it being a problem. I will be presenting at an academic conference just a few weeks before.

Any advice from moms who have been there? I want to tell her soon so she can get on with her plans.

Thanks!

[shelbean91]

I wouldn't, but all of my kids were born 5 weeks early. I was in a wedding the week before ds1 was born and it was fine. My dress was a bit altered, b/c it had a plunging back that the skinny girls could wear w/o a bra, but I couldn't. I wore lower heels than the other girls, too.

[canadiangranola]

I'd say do what makes you comfortable...prob easier to be a pregnant bridesmaid than a nursing one :) (nursing in a bridesmaid dress is not fun, I've done it).

How has your pregnancy been so far? Are you having any complications? YOu might want to check out air travel in the third trimester....I'm not sure if airlines like it...or if it is advised, although such a short flight should be okay.
Also, I wouldn't plan to drive... I think a long drive at that point would be very uncomfortable for you.

Finally...itr might be nice to have a distraction at that time, as by then you'll be starting to feel impatient for the baby...it might be a great chance at fun before baby takes over your life, kwim?...but you should also plan for rest...being in a wedding is tiring at the best of times, with pics, makeup, late nights, etc...so just be realitstic about what your body will need to stay healthy.

Goof luck, its a tough decision, you're lucky to have a friend who is so open wither way.

[Tanibani]

I wouldn't do it... too many variables...

[BensMom]

I'm in the same boat. My BF is getting married on Oct 18th and I am due around Nov 15-20th. I was induced a couple days before my EDD with DS, so I dont think I will go early. And most airlines are ok with travel at 36w with a note from your provider, but I am in GA and she is in CA. That's a long flight. Well, 4.5 hrs direct, but still. And travelling with 4yo DS is stressful when I am not hugely pregnant. But I do want to go. We'll just be playing it by ear.

The bummer is that she is getting married on a cruise ship, so even if I make it for the wedding, I wont be able to go on the cruise. Their cutoff is 30 weeks, I think.

[brandybehr]

If I was you I would plan to be there. It is still a bit before you are due and I think it would be fun.

Good luck with your decision!

[Queen of Cups]

This isn't really helpful, but I thought you ladies would enjoy hearing it... At my wedding the minister was hugely pregnant! Everyone was shocked that the officiant was (a) an ordained Baptist minister who was a woman and (b) 7 months pregnant! I should clarify, everyone was shocked but thought it was wonderful! She was absolutely glowing and beautiful, and it just made the event even more special... I would totally be in a wedding when 8 months pregnant!

[flapjack]

I wouldn't do it- I'd feel a little uncomfortable about it, plus there are so many variables. I think the reading seems like the best compromise and your friend rocks for thinking of it and offering it as a possibility. At 34 weeks, assuming I could find ANY way of getting there, there's no way I'd consider missing the wedding full stop except on doctors orders but that would mean figuring out transport.
HTH

[MilkyMcGee]

How long is the flight?

I probably wouldn't have done it. When I was 36wks, Dh and I were invited to stand on the steps of the state capitol in Sac. to see Gov. Schwarzenegger sworn in; and I totally passed. I was worried about being far from home, so late in pregnancy.
I didn't end up delivering for another 6 weeks, but I still think I made the right decision. It's a 90 minute flight, but a 10 hr drive! What if I had gone into labor there? They certainly wouldn't have let me back on a plane, and dh and I would have had to drive hours back home.

If it were me, I think that I would skip the wedding all together. I'm too chicken to be away from home during the end of a pregnancy!

[PicnicBear]

Thanks so much for all the great advice! I am leaning towards not being a bridesmaid. I spoke with my friend last night and there is a relative who she would feel totally comfortable asking to take my place (i.e. it wouldn't be awkward that she was "asked late" or whatever. She said that she was having a hard time with the b-maid dresses (doesn't everyone) and that one dress saleswoman said it could cost another $175 on top of the dress to put a "panel" in to make it maternity. Yikes! Doesn't sound too flattering either.

If I just plan for the reading, I can get my own maternity dress, which I can spurgle a little on since I won't be buying the other dress -- and that would be fun, I think.

Plus, as I mentioned, I have a presentation a few weeks before, which will keep me busy/stressed and it might be tiring to have to get all worked up for another "performance." If I do have to back out at the last minute, getting another person to do my reading shouldn't be any problem at all.

That's my thinking -- yes, my friend is awesome. I really hope I don't have to miss the wedding since due to geography and my being so busy with grad school over the last several years I have missed many weddings of friends and I now feel pretty sad about it. Oh, and this friend came all the way from China to be in my wedding, so I owe her and don't want to let her down!

Thanks again -- you all are awesome :)

[shelbean91]

I think a reading is a nice compromise- if anything happens and you need to back out last minute, it will be MUCH easier to replace you as a reader.