How do you justify AP? Suggestions needed PLEASE! :)

[littlecurvieme]

Hey there guys....

I would really love to get the male opinion and reaction to this post. Please check it out....

http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=26970

TIA!!!

Angela :love

[papabliss]

I love my children.

I live for my children.

I do not compete with my children,
nor do I ever feel jealous of them.

I want my children to feel safe.

I want my children to feel happy.

I want my children to explore, to travel, to question, to grow with wisdom and self-confidence. I want to give my children the best entrance to life that I can.

AP is more than a list. It is more than a lifestyle. AP is a human bond between parent and child where the needs of the child come before the comfort of the parent. Children who grow up with that bond are not dependent, but loving. They are not vulnerable, they are compassionate. They are not vindictive, instead they are merciful.

I parent in a form most would call AP. I love the family bed, and I prefer to hold my children. I want to comfort them any and every time they are in pain, scared, distraught, or unsure. There will be too many times I will be unable to be with them so I cannot overdo it now.

I will spend my life making my children’s lives as wonderful as possible. And in the end, I know they will do the same for me.

People have children for all kinds of reasons. My reason was to have children.

pb

[Dov]

I wanna be papabliss when I grow up ;)

Yeah, he nailed it. We just left a synagogue because of the anti-AP element that got the Rabbi's support. We tried for three months to weather it and ignore it and finally bagged it.

I read the thread with the mamas that replied to your original post. Not sure I have anything from a male POV to add because they nailed it too...

I agree with them that you don't have to justify, but I understand and empathize with your need to be known and your choice respected if not honored by your friend. But be prepared if your choices are not respected or honored.... that just becomes a boundary threshold to be aware of in your friendship with that person I guess. That's kind of how it's flying with us at the moment.... our closer friends who just refuse to allow us the freedom to be us (AP parents using gentle discipline instead of threats, coercion, and whackin'), just don't come around anymore and that's fine by us... we don't want to be in codependent relationships anyway. It's a bummer but we're not raising our two boogers like everyone else... we're doing things the way they need it and learning how to adapt ourselves to that. best wishes...

[punkys_daddy]

Hello!

I've been lurking for awhile - but wanted to jump in on this one...

My wife took a class at the local community college and they introduced her to Mothering magazine and the whole AP model... and it scared me to death.

She read the books by Dr. Sears and his wife... jumped online and found this discussion group, and became convinced that this was the way we were going to raise our newborn baby.

I wasn't so easily convinced. Why NOT raise our child the way I was raised? I turned out OK. I was raised in a "good christian home" that taught me "to spare the rod is to spoil the child"... but after reading some of the stuff that EZZO has put out... I'm pretty put off by that whole philosphy of parenting.

Parenting the AP way is much more loving and personal. A true relationship is forged between you and the child. Family has tried to dissuade us from continuing on in the AP way. They want us to "put her in her place" so she doesn't thing that she's the boss.

I don't think that this is the way it should be done.

When my baby is hurt, I am hurt.
When my baby is happy, I am happy.
If my baby cries, she must need something that I can provide her
- love
- comfort
- food
- attention
- someone to cuddle

She doesn't need to 'just cry it out'
She doesn't need to be ignored so that mommy and daddy can put her in her place as some would say.

We are AP parents - because we love our child and want her to experience it... not just be told.