Was your mom a SAHM and how does she feel about you being a SAHM?

[mags]

I am just curious about this and thought it would be an interesting topic.

My mom was a SAHM, but I always got the feeling it was not by choice, it was b/c my dad wanted her to SAH. She seemed really uphappy with the situation and tried several times to go back to the workforce, but was not able to do so, b/c my dad made it as difficult on her as possible. She also made a HUGE deal about consistently telling me as a child that no matter what, when I had my own kids, I MUST at least keep a part time job, so I am not financially dependent on my husband.

Well, fast forward to present day, I'm in my early 30's and I am now a SAHM to a 15 mo old with another baby on the way. I was an RN when I was working, and if I had a job that I actually liked before my son came along, I probably would have at least tried to continue working there PT or per diem. However, I hated my job, and DH and I agreed it would be best for me to be a SAHM, b/c we don't know or trust anyone else to take care of our kids (we've lived here for roughly 2 yrs and still know very few ppl). For the most part, ppl do not hassle me about being a SAHM, although there are occasions with DH and I will get into a argument about things (mostly housecleaning... he says he helps too much), that he thinks should be more of my responsibility. A few random acquaintances make the, "oh" comment when I tell them I am a SAHM now, but I try not to let them bug me.

It turns out the person who seems the most displeased about me being a SAHM is my own MOTHER!!!! I could not believe it! I think she feels I am wasting my education (I have two BS degrees), and she constantly says things that get on my nerves. Keep in mind, I went through infertility issues before having my first son, so being a mom to ME is one of the best things that has ever happened, while some ppl may take it for granted. She says things like, "what are you going to do with your life?" "Do you continue to study on your own?" Whatever that means. "Are you going to go back to school?" Which I DO want to go back to get my MSN to become a NP, but the closest programs are 1.5 hrs drive EACH way, I am not willing to leave my children for that long. If a local program opened up, I would definitely be interested. Last wknd she asked me, "do you still read?" WTH???? Does she think that b/c I am a SAHM, I have suddenly become illiterate and, "forgot" how to read??? It just really bothers me that she constantly makes these little digs and when I tell her to leave me alone, she gives me a guilt trip about how she only says these things, "b/c I care about you." UGH! I never expected this from her, I thought that as a SAHM herself that she would be a little more supportive, instead of being a SAHM boo'er.

I do plan on returning to work when the kids are older, since my DH and I agreed that while we are financially ok now, I will need to return to work so we can pay for our kids' college costs and to save for our retirement. I'm ok with that, but it irks me that my mom acts like I'm just throwing my life away being a SAHM. I have my good and bad days about being a SAHM, but at least I know that *I* am the primary caretaker for my own kids, not someone else and that is what's most important to my DH and I right now.

Anyway, just curious what your experiences have been.

As for my mil, I usually don't get along with her, BUT this is one decision that I made that she doesn't seem to have problems with, and she has been both a SAHM (when her boys were little) and WOHM. Actually, she has more of a problem with the idea of me pursuing my master's degree, but that's a different story for a different day.

[muttix2]

My mom was a SAHM so I don't have much trouble with her. It's my dad that doesn't approve. I think he feels like I'm wasting my intelligence by staying at home. If I say something about dh going back to school, he mentions that I should go. He always references "when you're working again". It really pisses me off and I've told him so. I LOVE being home with my kids and as long as I can manage it w/out living on the street I'm going to do it. Dh and I both agree that its the best thing for them. Of course, that doesn't stop it from embarrassing me when people treat me like I'm stupid for staying home. My dad has actually gotten better about it since I said something about how much I love being home. Maybe you can say something along the lines of you realize that she wasn't as happy as you are about being a SAHM but that doesn't mean that she shouldn't support you in your decision. Tell her that it hurts your feelings when she devalues what you do. Hopefully that will make her stop with the comments.

[mykidsmama]

My mom was not a SAHM but my sister & I both are.
She was surprised at first but is getting used to it.

[bri276]

My mom is a pediatrician who was in her residency when I was born and continued to work throughout my whole life.

She is.....displeased with my choice, though she doesn't come right out and say it. Like most people, she assumes I sit on my butt eating bonbons all day. She'll ask me for numerous favors all the time. She tells me about little jobs she comes across here and there (um, I have an education, I *can* get a great job!)

Her side of the family is this way, they're the type of people who don't have anything to talk about except school and work. Life, anyone? whatever.

[thoesly]

My mom was a SAHM until I was in junior high. She is also the hardest working person I have ever known. I put myself through a 4-year college in 3 years while waitressing 40+ hours a week to pay for it. My mom works harder than that. So no one in my near family has any bon-bon illusions about the life of a SAHM. Mom and I don't agree on everything, but this is one decision she does support. And anyone who has ever made snide little "wasting your education" comments has simply stopped being a part of my life.

[Greaseball]

My mom had always wanted to be a SAHM and farmer, and she did that until I was three and then got divorced. So I think she secretly resents me for getting to do what she wanted to do...I have a husband and kids and a chicken! And I get to stay home all day in this nice house, while she lives in a little trailer and works at a minimum-wage job.

She's always saying things like "Someday you're going to have to put the girls in daycare and you aren't going to like it." Well, maybe I won't have to...she also looks down on my homeschooling plans.

[Elphaba]

...

[karlin]

My mom was a SAHM my whole life (she had severe rheumatoid arthritis and couldn't have worked after we were in school anyway). She passed away nearly 3 years ago, but I know she'd be proud of me and my decision. She never really seemed displeased about any of my choices as an adult....she was a very supportive person. My father, on the other hand, can be a bit weird, but I think he's mostly happy I'm at home. I do think he thinks I'm wasting my education too, but when I told him I was going to homeschool, he seemed more pleased.

My mil is very supportive, which helps a lot. :)

[Bethla]

My Mom went back to work when I was 6 wks. old. I think she was only working part-time. I can still remember coming home with her and watching General Hospital. After my brother was born she went back to school and got her teaching credential.

My Mom always spoke poorly about SAHM's. I grew up with the idea that they were lazy. But when I had my first son I knew I would never leave him in a daycare or with a babysitter. Yet I still thought I should be working... I felt pressure to try and do everything work, school, baby.

Why did I do that to myself? My dh and I worked opposite hours so the kids could be home with a parent. Then in the evenings I had classes and my parents would watch the kids. I was miserable stressed out and tired all the time. When I had my third son I said, no more!

I just figure no matter what I do SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE will be thinking I'm not doing ehough. I don't care anymore!

[Village Mama]

My mom stayed at home until I was 6. She doesnt like that I am a stay at home mom, nor does she like the fact that I had kids at a young age. Most everyone in my family thinks that it is a waste of my potential.(!) We plan to homeschool as well... so everyone is pretty much baffled, and not the least bit supportive. Everyone else seems to know what is best for me and what I really want! :eyesroll

[Red Sonja]

I was worried that I would get comments from my family. Like Elphaba, I'm considered the liberal, feminist, "smart" one. I was an engineer before I stopped working.

To my surprise, I have gotten nothing but support from my family. :love My parents are divorced so my mother was always a WOHM. Both she and my grandmother have said how happy they are that I am able to stay home with DS. I feel very, very lucky to be able to stay home with him. :)

[meowee]

oh, what an EXCELLENT question.

My mom was a career woman. She rose to the top of her profession and was very good and what she did (I'm using the past tense not because she is dead, but because she's retired). However, when she walked in the door to come home, she was completely lost. She didn't like being a mother and has even said so.

She has little respect for the fact that I SAH and has absolutely no idea how hard it is. Her cluelessness is a lot like what I see in threads that complain about DHs being clueless.

She never cleaned or did child care stuff either when I was young, she had other people do that stuff. I have no memory of her cleaning or interacting with us beyond the "get ready we're leaving in ten minutes" type of interaction.

I hate to clean and I worry I got this from her. OR, maybe I just saw how mistreated the people who DID clean were, so I'm afraid to go there...

anyway, a sad answer but I love being a SAHM.

[sunnmama]

My mom was a SAHM for 30 years.....
I always knew I would SAH with small children, but was sure I would work once the kiddos were in school. I could never imagine staying home all those years. Well, dd is now 4, and we have decided to homeschool....so it looks like I'll be home for quite a while longer! :LOL

My mom is very supportive of my decision to SAH, but not as supportive of my homeschooling plans.

[psyche]

My parents divorced before I was two. Before that, my mother stayed with me. After that, she had to work very hard with the support of her parents. Then they both died a couple years later and she had to work even harder (putting herself through nursing school while working crappy jobs).

So, basically, my being a SAHM bugs her more than a little... especially when she did me the favor of putting me through college.

[sparkprincess]

My mom stayed home as much as she could. She was basically a SAHM with the first 4 (out of 7) kids. Then she and my step dad divorced and she had to work. So for the last 3 she's been a WOHM. She hates it. She's so happy and proud that I stay home with ds. She tells me so all the time. I'm glad I have her support, but would do it anyway.

Luckily, mil is very supportive also. She stayed home while her boys were little and then worked full time once they started school.

[~Jenna~]

My mom was a SAHM before my parents got divorced. She is very, very supportive and happy that I am a SAHM. She is actually disappointed that my SIL is a WOHM.

[slightly crunchy]

My mom was a SAHM for over 10 years, until the youngest of us started school. After that, she worked part time hours and was always home for us after school. The reason she went back to work was to pay for us to go to better schools, and then to help with college costs; it wasn't something she especially wanted to do.

Even after paying a large portion of our education costs, she has been nothing but supportive of my sister and I being SAHMs. She really believes it is the best thing to do, although I never felt like she expected me to or anything. In fact, I never planned to until ds was born and I just didn't want to leave him.

MIL is also supportive. She went back to school and work only after getting divorced, and before that was a SAHM. She told me she thinks what I am doing is wonderful, and that she would have done it longer if she could have.

[mags]

It's been so interesting reading about everyone's different situations. I think the part about many of your fathers being the one upset about your decision to be a SAHM, is esp interesting. My own father was the type who REALLY pushed my brothers and I academically. I didn't go to harvard or anything (my dad is still hung up on the fact that his kids are failures b/c we did not go to harvard... I am NOT kidding, he actually goes around telling ppl his children are failures b/c they didn't go to ivy league colleges.), and he's never had anything good to say about my education (he has a very low opinion of nurses and dietitians, my own mom used to be a nurse). Maybe, if I had gone to an ivy league school he would be throwing a bigger fit about me wasting away my life. However, when it comes down to it, he's still very much a male chauvanist (sp), and I think that is part of the reason why he hasn't said anything negative about me being a SAHM, b/c that is what he seems to expect women to do. It's like a double std though, which REALLY bugs me. My brother is a physician, his gf is also a physician. The comment my dad (who is himself a physician) said after mtg my brother's gf for the first time was, "do you know that A does NOT cook, C actually cooks more than SHE does????" I thought that was a really rude and sexist comment. So, he is impressed that my brother's gf is a doctor (in fact he is happier about my brother's gf's specializiation than he is about my brother's specialization), but then he's upset that she isn't a happy homemaker type too??? I didn't even bother arguing with him, he's hopeless and always thinks he is right, it's not worth my effort to get all wound up over it.

Anyway, it's good to see that so many of you are pleased with your decision to be a SAHM and that many of you DO get support from your families. That is great! :)

[scrapadoozer]

My mom was (and still is) a SAHM. She was very happy with my decision. I also self-schooled through high school so she is fine with our plans to homeschool dd. I am sorry that some of your families give you grief about your decision. :hug

[minasmom]

My mom was a SAHM until my sister and I were in high school. I think it was her choice, she was working as a baby nurse and i think she was sick of it [she didn't go back ti nursing after]. I think she liked being home, and I know I did ... just knowing she was there when i needed her was great. I think she is a little surprised that I've chosen to stay home with Mina, but I know she has expressed how important it is to have a parent at home, especially in the younger years. I think she would have gone back to work earlier, but for some reason decided not to. I like being a SAHM, except for the fact that we are broke. :eyesroll

--Angela

[Beverly]

My mom was a SAHM until I was 10 (when my youngest brother went to school full-time), and she is 100% supportive of my being a SAHM as well. As a matter of fact, I know I'd get an earful from her if I decided I wanted to put my little ones in daycare and go back to work.

[Bleu]

My mom is very supportive of me being a SAHM. So much so that it makes me a little uncomfortable, because I know she disapproves of women who go back to work unless they are like homeless and in line at a soup kitchen. She also was very interested in going back to work once I was in school all day; my dad opposed it. She liked being a SAHM, but not a housewife, kwim? So, with her mom's help (my grandmother paid for a lot of my mom's tuition out of her secretary paycheck), she went to college, graduated and then returned to the paid workforce.

I believe in staying home with my baby because I believe a young child's are non-negotiable and staying home with a parent is one of the best ways to meet those needs. But I find it really hard to stay away from essentialism and the "mommy wars," which unfortunately, I think my mom buys into. She also felt (was?) neglected, herself, because my grandmother was divorced and had to work. My mom, growing up in the fifties, felt like a total freak because all the other kids had SAHMs. People, including the teachers in her parochial school, were openly snide and disapporoving of my mom and grandmother.

To the posters who wrote that their mothers "were and still are SAHMs," do you mean because your mothers are still actively raising dependent children? Or that your mothers, though empty nesters now, have remained outside the labor market? :confused

[Cranberry]

My mom was a SAHM and is happy that I am one, too. :D

[rainbowmoon]

my mom wasn't technically a SAHM though she was home during the day (she works nights still to this day and now takes care of my nephew) she thinks it's great I'm a SAHM. :thumb I get lots of support for it from everyone in the family though.

[~Quse~]

My mom stayed at home until I was in high school and she still works part-time now. I guess she did it to help with college costs for three children. My youngest sister is the only one left in school now but I think my mom enjoys working. I think she plans on working until my dad retires.

I found out I was pregnant a few days after I graduated college. At first my parents sounded disapproving, but that lasted one phone call. They really like my husband and of course they adore their grand-daughter. My dad has made comments about me working or looking into certain fields but I always say I'm not interested. I know they are still glad they sent me to college. I don't think they're too excited that I plan to homeschool, although my mom may becoming more impressed after talking to a neighbor who homeschools her children.

[mandib50]

well, my mom wasn't a stay at home mom. she went back to work full time when i was 3 weeks old and has said she wasn't ready to be a mom at that time and i don't know that she ever really enjoyed it. that's okay, i know she did her best. anyway, i've been at home for 12 years, i homeschool my kids, attachment parent etc and shockingly my mom is so in favor of everything i do. it's nice. i have 4 kids and i love being at home with them and my current husband is so supportive of me, it's great.

strangely, my ex husband has a sahm and he was adamant i go to work ( you know, i was wasting my degree, he's still onto that one!) and couldn't handle that i stayed at home and ate bonbons all day (which of course is what he told everyone and we all know how true that is! sheesh).

mandi

[cresorchid]

Well, my mom was a SAHM until I turned 12 because she had no choice in the matter. My father refused to even consider this–and I'm old enough to have been born before the women's movement existed. I was also a goof which didn't help matters. Of course, my mother had her way around things. She would volunteer for umpteen things and I was always either with a babysitter back then or being dragged to meetings and stuff. It's funny, because I don't think they even had day care way back when, just preschool if you were interested.

I have been in and out of the workforce many times. I stayed home until he was 3 1/2 and then went back to work until he was about 8, then stayed home a couple of years, then went back to school for a graduate degree, worked for a couple of years, and began staying home again. This last time, I am homeschooling my son who is a teen. I'm also pregnant again and planning to remain a SAHM. Whether anyone else approves or even understands, I LOVE being a SAHM and am enjoying myself too much to worry about other people's opinions.

It's funny though because my mother really didn't like being a mother and it showed. She went to law school as soon as my father decided the youngest was old enough (me at 12) and hasn't looked back. She is in her 70s and while she only works part-time now, I don't think I could make her quit if I wanted to. Despite this, my sister and I have both gone through numerous periods where we weren't working and she doesn't even have kids. When we were both staying at home before I had my son, she would call us her "laides of leisure." She didn't understand it at all, but thought it was amusing that we are both so different from her.

I also think that if I had started out homeschooling my mother would have been horrified. But then, she hated being at home and when I had my son, homeschooling was still a fringe thing which it isn't now. I also had REALLY good reasons for starting to homeschool when I did which you just can't argue with. For my next child, due in July, I plan to homeschool simply because the schools here are horrible and I enjoy it. I also can't see paying for private school when I am so capable of doing it myself for a fraction of the cost.

[Saartje]

My mom was not a SAHM. I think she approves of however I choose to live my life, as long as I'm happy; she's always said that she felt her job as a parent was to raise her children to be happy, healthy adults who take care of themselves and make their own decisions.

[willowsmom]

My mom was not a SAHM. My dad left when I was 12. She had no choice. She always wanted to stay home with me...but it just wasn't feasible.

She tells me all the time that she envies my being able to stay home.

[RubyWild]

My mom was a SAHM until I was about 9 and my sisters were 14 and 4.

My mother did not want me to marry young: I didn't. She wanted me to earn higher degrees: I did. I have no idea if she wanted me to be a SAHM or not. She has never said anything about it. I know she thinks I'm a good mother, and I know she knows how important and happy SAHMing makes me, so I guess she must think it's a good thing for me, despite the career I gave up.

[Zamber]

Well, My Mom had me at eighteen, so her career life was just begining. So, my Grandma raised me, and was a 100% SAHM/Grandmother. Fast-forward to when my Mom had my sisters - she never could afford to SAH, mostly because she ended up being a single parent again. She never seems to stop working, kwim? Now everytime I see her, she keeps praising me and reminding me how fortunate I am that I have a supportive husband and that I have the opportunity to SAH with DS.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

My mom worked part time nights as a maternity nurse while I was growing up. She mouths that she is happy that I am a SAHM, but then makes very derogatory comments about it if I dare to mention the stress involved with beign on 24/7. She constantly makes comments like, "Well, just imagine if you were working too? I would have loved to be home full time, but we couldn't afford it." Well, first of all, they could have afforded it. We grew up very much upper middle class. My dh and I have given up a lot for me to be home with my children. We lived in a studio apartment until ds1 was 1.5 yrs old. Then lived in an apartment complex, and just got lucky two years ago when dh got a job that requires he live on the wildlife refuge he works at, so we rent a house on the refuge with 20 acres around us for less then we paid for our tiny apartment!! It has totally been worth it, but I just wish my mom would give me more credit for being a sahm.

[HelloKitty]

My mother was an on-again, off-again SAHM. She has been VERY supportive of me deciding to stay home. My Dad I don't think understands why I want to (he's a work-a-holic) but he is still supportive.

My in-laws on the other hand imply that I sit on my ass all day and keep trying to suggest jobs for me, I keep explaining that if I wanted to be working I would have stayed at my good paying career - HELLO!! :irked: They don't get it, but they also think I should be letting DS CIO, that I shouldn't keep BFing, that he is "spoiled" and many other things so I've become pretty skilled at ignoring them. :D

[chalupamom]

My mom was at home with us (sometimes doing part-time catering or something, but largely at home) and now she is an at home wife. I don't really ever remember her as being happy and even now I think that she was only home with us because she couldn't think of anything else to do.

As far as being supportive of me, she is supportive to the degree that she's supportive of anything (which isn't much).

I don't think about it much.

[chersolly]

My father was abusive and wouldn't let my mother work or finish college once my brother and I were born. She hated being a SAHM, or back then, they called it housewife or homemaker. She was so unhappy. Looking back, she must of been severely depressed. When I was 10, she found the strength to leave my father and went back to college. She's worked ever since, putting her career first. Often, she reminds me that I need to finish college and maybe find a part-time job, so that I'm not dependant on my husband (little does she know that it's actually DH who's dependant on me;) ). But staying home with DD, at least during the first 5 years, is more important to me than being able to afford expensive purses and vacations.

[WriterMama]

My mom is supportive of me being a sahm, because she and my dad both worked long hours at relatively low-paying jobs to support a large family. She sees that their absence caused a lot of probs with their children (not saying woh does this--but they were literally too exhausted and distracted to do much of anything with us) and she's glad that I can be fully available to my kids. My dad and ils feel the same way, fortunately.

I have to say that her absense in the home and the fact that I never saw one happy sahm role model probably contributes to the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I'm wasting my education by being at home. I know it's irrational, and I know that being with my kids is the best decision for us, but I just wish I could do it without reservations. That's something I'm always working on, it seems.

[phathui5]

My mom was a SAHM until I moved out. She took college classes at night for years and years (graduated when I was 12). When I moved out, she started working full-time because she wanted to have money for herself. She is very supportive of me staying home with the kids and has helped us out financially in the past.

[my2girlsmama]

My mom was a sahm. She did do cleaning houses on the side at times, but overall was a sahm. She enjoyed it, chose it, and basically was very happy to be there for us for everything. She is the reason why I saw no otehr way to parent that to be at home.

[eclipse]

My mom was a SAHM until my brother was 5 and my sister was 4 and her first husband left her for another woman. Then she had to travel cross country to be near family and worked 16 hour days to pay the bills. she hated it, but did what she had to do. Then she married my father, but left him while pregnant with me because he was abusive and alcoholic. She stayed home with me for two years while receiving welfare and then became a preschool teacher and took me with her. She never wanted to be anything but a SAHM, and it was really tough for her to lose that dream.

Fast forward to now, she is *thrilled* for me that I can finally SAH with my kids (I worked fulltime until ds was 3.5 and dd was 1 and i was laid off). While I was working, she was very supportive of the way that dh and i arranged our schedules to avoid using daycare (no comments about how we were going to ruin our marriage by never seeing each other) and was more than willing to pick up the slack when we both had to be at work at the same time by caring for the kids (she arranged her days off in such a way to make it possible). Anyhow, she has been great about it, and never implied that I'm "wasting" my education my caring for my kids.

[mamawanabe]

My mom was a stay at home mom. She doesn't really have an opinion on whether I should be one or not, but she does worry that I'll be somewhat bored/miserable (I guess because she was a little).

[annethcz]

My mom was a SAHM, and she completely supports my decision to stay at home. Honestly, I think she'd be disappointed if I WOH full-time and had my kids in daycare.

[katebleu]

my mom was a SAHM until i graduated from high school. my brothers were 16, 13 and 9 (i think) and she joked that the family gave up the live-in maid so i could go to college. that wasn't really what she thought or how she felt about staying home. she was always very proud and bit defiant about being a SAHM especially in the 70's-80's when more women were going back to work.
she's very proud that i'm staying home. and has been one of my biggest suporters because she knows how it can be. which has been a great help.

"yay gramma" - lucie goosie

[mamawanabe]

My mom was a stay at home mom. She doesn't really have an opinion on whether I should be one or not, but she does worry that I'll be somewhat bored/miserable (I guess because she was a little).

Now, MIL is a little ambivalent too, but for an opposite reason - she was a sahm and likes the idea of her dils not being able to handle being sahms. She once told me with a note of self-satisfaction that sara (fake name - the wife of dh's brother who woh part-time) would go stir crazy at home full-time. My MIL is great, but she stakes her self-esteem on weird little things . . .

[elmh23]

My mom wasn't a stay at home mom, but wanted to be. She was a single mom with no help (she finally got child support from my dad when I was 19!) so she couldn't. She loves that I stay home with Sarah.

[janerose]

We've been very lucky that both our families are VERY supportive of me being a SAHM. If anything I think I'd seriously get hassel if I decided to go back to work. Especially if that decision meant placing dd in daycare even part-time!

My mom was a WOHM. She worked FT as a nurse my whole life, and just recently (last month) went per diem. Having a child of my own has really made us talk about stuff like this & I realized that she ideally would have worked part-time while we were little but just wasn't able to do it as my dad made VERY little money as a factory worker. She has said on numerous occasions though that if my Gram hadn't been able to care for my brother & I that she would have had to stay at home & just found some way to make it work. Daycare wasn't an option for her at all.

My MIL has been a SAHM all along. Actually, now she's a WAHM because my IL's own a business & she does all the paperwork part from home. She has a BS in education though & has many times gotten the "you're wasting your education" line. That's one I'm very blessed to have never heard from either of our families either. Since she had an education & made the choice to stay home she is obviously very supportive of our decision to have me do the same.

Holly

[sincitymama]

My mom stayed home for a couple years. Actually she couldn't have gone to work, as she was too young to drive or have a legitimate job :LOL but she liked being home with me. She was a single mom though and had to go to work as soon as she was able. Luckily there was lots of family around to help take care of me :love Like my grandmother would work a m-f 9-5 job then watch me nights and weekends whil emy mom worked jobs like waitressing and whatnot. When I was schoolage, an aunt ran a home daycare so I was still taken care of by family(surrounded by my other cousins too :) ).

My whole family is quite supportive of sahm-ing. Plenty of the women have had outside jobs also, but staying home is understood to be a very tough, respectable job. It's nice to have so much support. It's also nice to be able to vent a little here and there and have people understand, tell you they remember, how they got htrough those otugh times with young ones, rather than tell you that daycare and a full time job will solve all your issues. :wink

My husbands family is a little different. They aren't openly disrespectful or anything, but are mostly hte type who seem to believe that earning cash is some kind of moral issue. Even if oyu hate your job and your family doesn't need the money to survive, it's lazy to not have paying work. So different from my family, where sure, it's lazy to never do anything with your life or whatever, but they understand that it doesn't always mean cash.

My mom particularly is very supportive of our choices. If there is something she doesn't understand, she asks. And listens to the answers! Usually once she hears our reasoning behind something(not vaxing, homeschooling, etc..) she's cool with it. It's a nice change from my IL's, who if they don't understand or agree might ask a question or two but not listen to the answers and then just never bring it up again. If the topic comes up, they just get quiet. :eyesroll


I htink the only thing my family would worry about with me is that I won't ever make time to continue my education or anything like that, that is just for my own fullfillment. I'm a high school drop out who only ever had lame retail jobs I didn't like but paid the rent, then I turned up pregnant(and SO not on purpose). So I can see why they worry about that, me not meeting my potential(iam a smart cookie ;) ), and try to remind them as it ocmes up that I do have plans for college and owning a business and stuff, it's just not time for that in my life yet. I actually am quite grateful for this time off from the 'working world' to be able to sit back, hang out with my son, explore different interests in my own way at my on pace, and make my plans. I will have plenty of time for those goals when ds is a bit older, right now he's 17 months and still just little.

Have I veered too far off topic? :LOL

[merpk]

Until I was maybe 3. After that she worked full time, and went to grad school at night for multiple masters degrees.

[Jennisee]

I *think* she stayed home w/ me the first year, but I'm not positive. I know she was working when my brother was born when I was 2, and has always worked since then. I know she didn't handle being a WOHM very well, IMO. She treated her children like live-in maids, cooks, babysitters, and told me often that she didn't have to clean up after herself (as in clear her plate from the table, put her coat and shoes away, that sort of thing) b/c she had a job--that was my responsibility b/c I didn't have a real job like she did. And I'm not really sure what she thinks of my being a SAHM. Can you tell we don't talk much?

My dad walks a strange line. He has given me many lectures over the years about "doing whatever makes you happy." But, he also asks when I'm going to go get my PhD (I have a masters). Um, we live in the middle of nowhere. Where am I going to go, Podunck University? :eyesroll

[mags]

My dad walks a strange line. He has given me many lectures over the years about "doing whatever makes you happy." But, he also asks when I'm going to go get my PhD (I have a masters). Um, we live in the middle of nowhere. Where am I going to go, Podunck University? :eyesroll

Lol, same here. My parents, esp my mom bug me about getting my MS degree, but we live in the middle of no where like you. I would have to commute over an hr and a half each way, which I'm not willing to do at this pt with a toddler and another baby on the way.

[virgo mommy]

My mom was a SAHM, so i just naturally thought that's what i would do, i never really questioned it, and my whole family is very supportive,

but i hate it when people give me those sympathy looks when i say i am a SAHM like they were sad for me or something :confused: not my family but people i would meet, etc...i don't feel like i'm giving up anything by staying at home....i LOVE it and i wouldn't have it any other way and neither would dh or dds :love

[Goldenlover]

my mom was a SAHM and also my dad was due to medical reasons for them both :)

My mom never got the chance to see me being a mom :( since she passed away 19 days before Jayden was born :(

[GOPLawyer]

My Mom worked yet fully supports and encourages me staying at home. My Dad, however, was not thrilled that my education was being "wasted". Let's just say he's now seen the light and is fully behind me.

[OnTheFence]

My mother was a SAHM, and she believed that at all possible children should be at home with at least one parent while they were young. If you had to work, she thought that a grandmother, aunt, or cousin should care for the children. She was very opposed to day cares. When my mother had to work due to a divorce, an older cousin took care of me or my grandmother.

[~Megan~]

No she wasn't (and thank God!) my grandmother had in home day care though and we stayed with her. We got a much better deal than if my mom was SAHM.
If she was well rested she was a great mom and did it fine but I can't see her doing it all the time. She was definitely more about quality than quantity.

I think she sorta regrets it but also recognizes it was necessary for her to work. Not only her personality but my parents divorced when I was a toddler so she worked because she was single and it was her only choice. Then after she married my step dad she continued to work and my grandmother cared for my baby sister. My brother was born a few years later and my dad was unable to continue to work because of very serious health problems. So she's glad she worked.

She also respects my choice not to work and I think she thinks it a good idea. Of couse she wants me to live to close to her so that when she retires in 4 yrs she can babysit for me. No, thanks.

[Doodlebugsmom]

My mom was a SAHM until I went to kindergarten and she and my dad got divorced. She has worked as a social worker ever since and the hours worked out so that my sister and I spent about an hour in an in-home daycare after school. My mom, step-dad and dad are all very proud that I SAH. They think my kids and I are lucky to be in this situation. They don't feel like I'm wasting the education that they paid for! :)

[cks321]

My mom was a teacher before she began to have kids and my dad was an engineer and made a lot of $$$$ so when she had my oldest sister she quit and became a SAHM (considering my dad made 6 figures a year it didn't do any damage on their income anyway) it sucked though becuase when I was 5 my mom found out my dad got a woman who worked in his plant pregnant....good job daddy...and they got divorced. The problem was she didn't have a teaching certificate or whatever for the state we lived in at the time, and couldn't get a job. So she ended up taking over a donut shop that my dad had bought has a "hobby". But she thinks me being a SAHM is great, but she says that I should finish my school so I have something to fall back on so if (god forbid) my dh and I get divorced I will have something to support myself with.