How do all you SAHM get a break ?

[kayleesmom]

hi all,
i am a stay at home mom to a 9 1/2 month old baby girl. and i find it hard to get a break or anytime to my self. she only takes 45 minute naps. and when hubby gets home from work she still wants me me me.I was wondering how you all get a break? what things do u do on ur break.

need suggestions

[mamameg]

:hug I recall around the 9 month mark being the time I was most frustrated with the me me me show. It felt like it was never gonna end and I couldn't ever have a moment to myself. It's still tough, but I find it's getting easier as my DD gets older (she will be one next week). Within the last couple of months, I've left her with DH for longer periods of time (6-7 hours a few times :thumb ) and now going out for an hour or two on the weekend is no big deal. There were a few key factors that got us to this point:

1) Solid Food. My DD never would take a bottle and was a pretty frequent nurser, so it just added to the difficulty of getting away for a bit. But the more she eats, DH is able to give her meals and she's fine. Of course she nurses a lot when I get home, but surprisingly, she doesn't insist on it the moment I walk in the door. I figured she would, but no.

2) Building up DH's confidence by Just Doing It. The day I left her with DH for 7 hours was sorta rough - it was a bit of a crash course for the both of them - but ultimately it *really* helped DH feel confident in his ability to care for her in that way. Ever since then, he is much more "in there" when it comes to how he parents her and they spend a lot more time together just the two of them. :thumb This required some letting go on my part. I had to realize that they needed to go through that in order to grow together, and if she cried a little bit, its okay. She's with her father and she will be fine. :)

3) She's just older. The first year is SO about the mother for the baby, and as we have emerged from it, there is more of a balance among mama and daddy. She used to *only* be comforted by nursies, but now DH can often comfort her. They are developing a really special relationship. :love

It does get better, but you have to help the process along, kwim?

[Benji'sMom]

Well, DH is a SAHD. During the day I come home for lunch, so DH can go run errands or take a nap or whatever. When I come home evenings, I make a special effort to get DS' attention, because like you said he still wants to cling to the SAHP, and I know that's tiring for DH. Then again, your baby is so young, I'd expect her to be more clingy anyway just because of age. Also, make sure you're not discuraging you DH from participating (like by criticizing his parenting or something like that).

[ekblad9]

The only me time I get is at night when the kids are sleeping. That usually only happens (all at once) about twice to three times/week. It's those times that I read, take a bath, or something. Sometimes I still have "work" from the daytime left to do, though, esp. when there's a new baby around.

[LoveChild421]

We moved to be near our parents and grandparents (who all live in the same city, conveniently). I feel truly blessed to have so many caregivers available who truly love my son. I leave him with his great-grandparents a couple of hours each day and either my parents or FIL keep him for a couple of hours in the evening once a week so we can go to dinner. I think I would have gone nuts if I hadn't moved near them- financially it wasn't the best option- but sanity-wise...we had to

if you can't be near family/ close friends maybe finding a quality babysitter would work? I used to babysit for a lady who just stayed at home and had time to herself or did errands a couple of hours every other day.

I know some moms don't need "time off" but for me it is necessary- what do I do on my breaks? whatever I feel like! :thumb usually I garden, sit in the sun and read, go to the grocery store, take a bath, cook, hang out with friends...

[chalupamom]

Months 9 through 18 are the hardest for me so I both empathize and sympathize. I wish I had mamameg's post around when my son was that age. Now that my daughter is in that timeframe I'm living it again, but feel a bit better prepared this time. Still, I might print the post and put it on the fridge for reference.

[4evermom]

When ds was that age, i would send dh and ds out on a walk, usually 30-45 mins.

[cjr]

The first year is the hardest, but it does get easier. Ds is 15 months and it has only been the last month that I have gained the confidence to leave him for an hour or so. Even in the evening it was hard because he has such a specific routine. I now go to the gym almost daily and ds goes into the nursery. I'm in the facility so I'm ok with that. He loves it. His older sister is with him so it's been a little easier on him and in September he will be without siblings. I also take off one day on the weekend. I either do the shopping or just toodle around. I'm too tired to go anywhere at night.

[mystic~mama]

9 months old feels like awhile ago...like I do now, I would do my work in between play, story, walk or whatever time it happens to be & give her an activity to do right next to me or in the other room (we could see eachother the whole time)...our routines keep us bonded yet we have grown more and more into our own space...to the mama or mamas who posted that 9-18 months was the hardest time for you, how old is your little one now....just curious, I'm finding the 2 1/2-3's (just began) the most challenging myself...looking forward to number two when I can experience a whole other little person~ality :D

[virgo mommy]

after the kids go to bed is my time, they have a 7:30 bedtime and it's great for me to have that time in the evening to relaxe and hang out with dh and get ready for the next day :)

[zinemama]

Well, my kids are older now, but starting when ds1 was 8 months, my dh started working 4 10 hr days with Fridays off. So every Friday afternoon was mine all mine. Now, I was ffbn, so it was easier for dh to take ds for longer periods. But even with ds2, who was bf, dh would always take him when he got home from work. They'd go for a walk, or just stay downstairs together while I got some alone time upstairs.

I really believe that the earlier a dc gets used to spending periods of time with dh, the better for everyone. Of course, a baby's gotta nurse when a baby's gotta nurse. But you also have to trust your dh. And I admit it can be hard. But unless we let our partners find their own way with the baby, we're going to be stuck without the break we need. (Not implying that this is your situation kayeesmom, but it does seem to be a common trap first-time mamas fall into, and I know I did myself.)

[Goldenlover]

daddy works 6am-7 or 9pm at night MON-FRI

he takes the baby with him on weekends when he goes to his moms, run errands and all that! he is a great daddy :) i love him so much