Who have you told?

[EllasMummy]

DH and I are trying to keep this pregnancy a secret untill 12 weeks. With DD we were so excited we told everyone we knew straight away but I was really worried that if anything happened we would have to untell everyone.

So far we have told just my mother and the midwife of course! DD and I are off to see MIL this afternoon. Its so hard not to tell her but she is so bad at keeping a secret.

I'm so glad I have you mamas to talk to about it or I would be going crazy!

What about you? Have you told or are you keeping it secret for now?

[augustmom]

I have just told my mother and best friend. I used to tell the world, but not this time around. I'm waiting until 10-12 weeks.

[OhMel]

I've told just about everyone with whom I've come in contact. I'm not good at secrets. :)

[gethane]

my dh and my best friend. We're waiting to tell the grandparents and kids til later, at least 8 weeks, 10 would be better. We'll see how sick and tired I get this time though. Sometimes necessity dictates you tell sooner :)

[hottmama]

I'll be 9 weeks tomorrow, but I told everyone as soon as I found out, at 4 weeks! I can't keep a secret and wouldn't want to. I told most people around 6 weeks when I was pregnant with Jules, just because I was in Nova Scotia when I found out and wanted to tell people in person.

[LoveMyLil'B]

Just my dh and a few friends. We'll tell the grandparents in a couple weeks I suppose. I will have an u/s at my first appointment at 8 weeks, so we might try to wait that long.

[because]

Everyone.

Except a few people with whom I'm only in contact with via email anymore. I figure those would be the really ackward ones to "unannounce" it to so we're waiting 10ish weeks for them. Literally everyone else knows, though.

[Getz]

Hi, I am Jen and new to Mothering! I got my long awaited BFP this week! (we tried for 2 years).

Anyway, we told my sister, DH's brother, and my best friend. I can't wait to get a bit farther along so I can tell the world!

[Persephone]

First I told dh, then I told you guys at MDC, and other places online. Then I told the doulas at the doula meeting I went to, then I told my parents, and then my friends. I've been telling everyone I meet, lol. :) We will tell dh's side of the family when the come here for the end of the month.

[ehsclt]

I had planned on waiting until 12 weeks, but I've been so sick, tired and incompetent mentally that I've felt the need to explain myself to many people. So, lots of people know. Also, I really am beginning to show and one person actually figured it out by looking at my belly (brave woman!) and asked.

[Sweeney]

What ehsclt said!

I tell people because I want to make sure they know that I'm not like this usually! It's only because I'm pregnant that I can't do simple math, pronounce words correctly, burp often, etc. I SWEAR! And it's nothing personal if I gag when speaking to you!

Also with my family there's this thing where if you tell one person, you need to tell everyone else as well- or you'll be badgered about it until you die.

So DH knows, both our families know, some close friends know, the midwives know, the person I got recommendations for midwives from knows... Oh, and DH told everyone at work. So only about half the western world :)

[SunflowerMommy]

Well, we just found out we're expecting yesterday but we're not going to tell anyone for a while yet. I've had 2 miscarriages in the past and it really sucks having to unannounce a pregnancy. :( Once the morning sickness starts though, it's very hard to keep the secret! Here's hoping it's not too bad this time around. ;)

[ahuva]

This is fun! Last time we told some close friends and family starting at 5-6 weeks, mostly because I wasn't feeling well and needed to explain it. This time, though, we're living abroad and it's easier to wait a bit longer. I guess I'm a little over 5 weeks and we'll probably wait until 8 weeks or so and start making phone calls. I'm having a hard time keeping it from people here--one friend has already guessed-- but it helps to have this board and my midwife who is also a friend. It's nice to see such a range of responses. Last time I actually felt guilty that I told so early, I guess because we're "supposed" to wait, or at least that's how I felt. Now, though, I think that the pressure not to tell cuts women off from support. So we asked ourselves, who would we want to know if a m/c happened so that we could have support? That helped. Glad to have you all!

[EllasMummy]

Thanks for all your replies. Its so so hard to keep it a secret but DH really wants to so I guess we will.

Saw MIL yesterday and managed not to tell her although I am sure she has guessed. I had to pee 4 times in the 3 hours that we were there!lol

[ehsclt]

I am sorry, this is a little off of the topic, but Sweeney, thank you for explaining that you also have trouble with words, math, etc. It seems more pronounced to me this time around and I am glad I'm not alone!!

[gethane]

I am sorry, this is a little off of the topic, but Sweeney, thank you for explaining that you also have trouble with words, math, etc. It seems more pronounced to me this time around and I am glad I'm not alone!!

And the dropping of stuff! I had a bunch of family over yesterday for a daughter's bday and I was sure they were going to guess because I had a terrible case of the "dropsies." I couldn't keep ahold of anything if my life depended on it :).

[Persephone]

Haha, I was dropping stuff all the time too. I'm still like that a bit! I think it had to do with me being so distracted and nervous about being pregnant. I get so clumsy when I get nervous! :)

[AAK]

So far, my dh, kids and a couple of close friends. One bil knows but he is my chiropractor too so I felt that I needed to tell before a treatment. DH likes to wait to tell--last time we waited to see the hb. However, I will NOT have an early u/s this time so we won't get that early visual. And I know that I look pg far earlier than one would expect--and since swimming season is here that will be hard to hide. So, since my out of town sister is coming in next weekend (assuming that my bloodwork on Mon is good) we will tell at the family BBQ (my family) we will tell dh family that day too. I think I will be 6 weeks then. A bit early...but in my family you can't tell just one person (unless it is my mom--and then she has a hard time with secrets). I have had one m/c at 5.5 weeks but my counts weren't ever good with that one.

Amy

[Benji'sMom]

Only DH & I know. We also want to wait a while, just in case. Well, we told Ben, but of course he didn't understand! :)

[megpaw]

Well, dh knows of course, and I've told my cousin and sister. I had to tell my cousin so she could help me keep the secret from my sister at a bachlorette party we were all attending (I knew sis would get suspicious if she noticed I wasn't drinking), and then I ended up telling my sister when she tried to smoke in the car. I just couldn't come up with a lie fast enough, so I blurted out "I'm pregnant!" Her cigarette flew out the car window, ha ha. We're planning on telling my mom and the in-laws this weekend, although I know MIL and SIL already suspect. We'll probably blab to everyone after that.

I'd planned on waiting longer, until we got to 10-12 weeks, but I'm too afraid my belly will be obvious before then and everyone will figure it out for themselves. My pants are already getting snug!

[Raisingarrows]

DH knows and a few friends I can trust to keep a secret, but I didn't want the word getting out until we'd told the grandparents. I'm a little nervous about telling my mom (I can handle everyone else! :wink ). She's liable to hit the roof b/c this will #4 and Baby Lia will only be 16 mons when this one is born. But hey, she already thinks we're nuts, so I guess this will just seal it for her! Everyone has been really supportive and happy for us, so hopefully, I can exude happiness and she'll refrain from saying something rude.
AmyR

[gethane]

Boy do I understand apprehension about telling your mom :). When I was pregnant with my 3rd long long ago, I was so afraid of telling her I waited until I was 13 weeks and wrote her a letter!

Even with a new dh, and with everyone expectation that we might choose to have a child of our own, I still "just" emailed my mom. She spent the next 8 months telling me how weird I was, how only 10% of people have 4 or more children, etc.

I have no idea how to bring this one up. I love my mom, and we get along pretty great. But I'm an only child by her choice, and she just doesn't like or get babies. She's a GREAT grandma to school age children, in fact, every summer she takes the three oldest on a trip to a state park in a cabin for a few days, but she doesn't see the value of popping out babies like I seem to.

You'd think at 36, almost 37, I would really internalize my mantra of "I don't care what everyone else thinks.".. well I don't.. unless its my mom :)

*wave at a kansan from up north in nebraska*

[Raisingarrows]

My mom loves children and had 4 of her own, but she always says, "We didn't have birth control back then!" :eyesroll I also get pretty sick w/ my babies and I think she thinks I'm killing myself. And lastly, everything is about money w/ her--she assumes we're burdening ourselves financially w/ all these kids and she wants better for us--even though we're just fine (well, most of the time :wink )

We'll probably tell her this weekend when we go visit. Hopefully, I'm worried all for nothing.

AmyR

[Persephone]

We told the MIL today. I wasn't too worried about telling my side of the family, or my friends. I knew they'd all be happy for me. But dh's side of the family has just BARELY started to accept the fact that I'm married to dh, for good. (It's our one year anniversary next week). And MIL seems to think we're going to end up on welfare cause I don't work and dh doesn't make all that much. (Thankfully we know how to manage our money, and aren't even CLOSE to going on welfare *rolleyes*) But she said today how scared she is that we're pregnant. And she's like, "Oh, you're going to have to move!" And I told her our one bedroom is fine for the two of us and an infant. (We just moved here 6 months ago, and I was looking forward when we rented this place to having a child in the next year or so. Didn't know it would happen so fast! :)) But she's like, "Oh no, you'll want another bedroom for the baby, you won't want him in bed with you. You won't last 3 weeks that way." And I just kind of nodded while thinking, "lady, you don't know what you're saying." I know our parenting ideas are going to clash. But she breastfed dh for 3 months, and cloth diapered him for... 3 weeks I think she said? So, we'll see. Maybe she'll be open to stuff after all. At least she'll see after the baby is here that my ideas aren't so crazy, and I do know a thing or two about babies. :p

Now we've got to tell dh's dad and that side of the family. FIL and I DON'T get along. So, that's the worst one of all, and I'm not really looking forward to it.

[gabry]

Until today (almost 8 weeks), we'd only told our parents and siblings, and our boss (cause we had to schedule a day off for ob visit). Today we had a staff meeting at work, and I told everyone we work with then. They were all excited and happy for us, and one of the nurses felt totally vindicated, because she told me a few weeks ago to go pee in a cup cause I looked different (I was able to deflect it then). Somehow it feels more real now that we've told more people, weird...

[ahuva]

I can really relate to being nervous about telling my mother. I think our mothers tend to have high expectations for their daughters of some kind or another. With me, my mom thought i got married and had a baby too young, without enough of a career first. But this time I took a deep breath and told her first, and her response was pretty positive. I made a point of telling her first and early (i'm 6 weeks) so she would feel special and included. Now we're just waiting for the right opportunity to tell DH's parents and our siblings. That's it for a while, until I'm further along.

[Wugmama]

I've told so many people! :bag: We waited until 8 weeks to start telling people with the first one. This time, the pregnancy just didn't seem real, so I think I wanted to start telling people so that it would seem more real to ME! I told a friend over the phone about 2 minutes after I got my results, then told my husband! We told my parents and sister that same day. I've been telling one person per day since then, kind of spreading it out and trying to enjoy the telling. :) It will be hard if something happens to the baby, but it would have been hard anyways.

[Getz]

We have told actually several people. My sister, his brother, a few of my friends and a small handful of co-workers.

We won't tell our parents or extended families till I am at least 10 weeks.

[fiandaca]

My partner and I will likely wait another 3 weeks until after I have my first prenatal appointment. Last time, we told his parents, sister, and two of our good friends about 10 days after we found out. Later, we told a lot of other people, but not everybody who was important to us. I ended up miscarrying at almost 8 weeks real/10 weeks obstr. It wasn't that hard to tell people I had miscaried. What was hard was feeling like I wanted to tell people that I had never had a chance to tell that I was pregnant.

I think we'll keep it to ourselves a little longer to get used to the idea and see how the first app't goes. I'm a little worried that some people will be too fearful to be happy, esp. since it only took us three months to conceive again after the mc.

As for my mom, I don't know when I'll tell her. We are not close and do not share the same values or ideas about how to do things. All I foresee upon telling her is arguing about things like why I want to do a homebirth, etc. :(

[deb_b]

I'm at 8 weeks and we've told most of our friends, my brother and SIL, and a few key people at work (so they'd know why I was slacking off and extremely grumpy).

We haven't told either set of parents yet. I have way more misgivings about telling them because they'd be so devistated if something happened. This is my third pregnancy since Christmas (the first two ended very early - within a few days of finding out) and hardly anyone knew about those. But those that did know were very cool about it, weren't overly saddened (they know better than to coddle me, I don't take it very well), and were pretty realitic about the whole thing.

Also, I know that the instant I tell my mother, she'll go on a marathon shopping spree and the kid will have everything it will need through high school. Seriously, I'll have the only newborn with a Trapper Keeper notebook and a shiny new 10-speed bike. I'm going to have to be very firm about it and am not looking forward to putting my foot down.

We're having a Father's Day BBQ to tell all the parental units.