Beloved Pet, Beloved family member

[Peace4all]

For those of you grieving for your pets, I just want you to know you are not alone in your grief. I have found some comfort here knowing I am not alone.
We have decided to put one of our cats to sleep tomoorow. Hank has been with us for 11 years and was my baby long before I had ds. Certainly you can't compare the two, but I do love my Hank so dearly and the thought of his loss so pains me. He has cancer.
The love we feel for our pets is great, as is the saddness of their loss. I am crying as I write this, it is such a difficult thing. It is so hard to know what the right thing to do is. I know his time is getting close, but I am not sure I'd put him down just now if it weren't for a trip we are gettting ready to take. We have to go, as we haven't been home for almost 4 years, and we have been planning this trip for months. We worry that he would suffer in our absence and taking him would not be good for him either. So I feel pushed to do this now. I feel guilt and grief.
Our other cat Tony was Hanks litter mate. We will take him with us as I think leaving him would be cruel, since now he'll be alone in the house.
Anyway, I have said much more than I had planned, I just felt compelled to write this and I hope it helps someone else, as reading that I am not alone has helped me some today.

[lisamarie]

Our pets are such a huge part of our family and it is like loosing a member. They love us unconditionally and are always there for us. Give yourself time to grieve this loss and be gentle with yourself.

Much Love & Peace~

Lisa:hug

[Elphaba]

i'm so sorry. the day we had to euthanize our dear Bailey was the worst day of my life.:hug :hug :hug :hug

[Quirky]

I'm so sorry, I know how difficult it is to make this decision for your beloved pet especially when there are confounding factors that make you wonder whether you're doing it for them or for your own convenience.....

I know where you're coming from, as we had to put our beloved 13 year old Lab Wellie to sleep this summer two weeks before DS was born. He'd had crippling arthritis for years, and my family and midwife were (gently) pressuring me to put him to sleep before DS came. I resisted because I didn't want to make the decision for my benefit, but for his.

What really helped me in the end was deciding that I'd rather put him to sleep a week too soon than a week too late, KWIM? The last thing I wanted was to hold on to him when he was so obviously in pain that we couldn't control any more.

It was soooo hard, but in the end it was also the right thing to do for him and for us. There is no way I would have been able to give him the love and the around-the-clock care he needed with a brand new baby here.

I know that you've made the best decision you can for your cat and your family, in a tough situation, and I hope that through the pain you will be able to find peace in that thought.

[USAmma]

I'll be thinking of you and your cat tomorrow. You are peforming one final act of love for your friend. He'll still be with you after he's gone. Our pets never really leave us, they just change forms.

I wrote a poem for my retired racing greyhound Gracie the day after she died. It's a tear jerker so hope you don't mind me sharing the link.

http://home.earthlink.net/~sukumaran/InMemory.htm

Darshani

[DaryLLL]

Well, I can so relate after losing my little white cat over 2 weeks ago now. different circumstances, as it was sudden and she was only 2. but still, it is amazing how we love our little furkids. they are so simple, it's nice just to cuddle their little warm bodies.

I felt better after I wrote her story here, and I hope you did too.

[merpk]

:hug So sorry about Hank ...

My cat is also just about 11, also has cancer, a tumor in his mouth/face.

We haven't decided when, it's hard to know. He's still eating (only if it's really tiny pieces, his mouth is all distorted) but I don't know how to know when it's time. DH's cats died 7 yrs ago, and he waited 'til they were really unable to eat or make it to the litter box. I don't know if I can do that. :(

How do you know? I'm sorry to hijack this, but really need some direction, and the vet isn't too clear on it ...

:(

- Amy

[Momtwice]

This helped me:
http://www.petloss.com

[Peace4all]

Hello all, I thought I'd write an update. Actually I did not know this
thread was still going as I have not been getting notices from MDC for some
reason. Anyway, the day we went to put Hank to sleep in November we ended
up with a vet that frankly has no business being a vet. He was insensitive
and rude, to say the least. (Remember we are fairly new in the area and
didn't have a vet
yet) Anyway, without going into too many details, he said we could not be
with Hank while he was put to sleep and that he would be doing it by
puncturing his heart. I COULD NOT DO THAT! So Hank went with us to
Illinois. The vet really did us a favor (they say all things happen for a
reason). I did not feel it was quite Hank's time.
To Amy, I had previously been given this guideline from a kind vet in
reference
to knowing when it would be time. He said that one of two things would
happen. Either Hank's tumor would be open, draining and stinky even though
Hank would still be basically Ok otherwise. He said this is the toughest
decision, but that it would be time. He also said it would be time when
Hank had more bad days then good. Sometimes an animal has to suffer alittle
to know it is time. When he is not cleaning himself, eating, or being
sociable at all, are all signs.
I think this decision is so personal that we each have to find our own
way and listen to our own inner voice. I don't believe there is a wrong
answer. We just have to do what we know is right for us and our beloved
furchildren. For some people the answer is sooner so that their loved one
knows no suffering, and for others it comes much later. I just kept asking
my inner voice, at first the answer was no, it is not time and then it was
it is almost time and then I heard yes, it is time.
We put Hank to sleep 2 Jan 03. His tumor had really opened badly a few
days prior. The tumor itself did not seem to be painful, but he was going
downhill fast. He had lost so much weight, although he was still eating. I
could see he was getting weaker and he slept much more. He stopped going
outside so much (we have an enclosed backyard for them). He still cleaned
himself, but could not do as good a job, I'm sure. I noticed he was waiting
til the last minute to go to the bathroom and the last time, I saw him not
quite make it to the box. He was still quite sociable and wanted us to hold
him, but I wonder if at times it was for comfort.
That last sentence is a source of great guilt for me. Two days before
we put him down, he wanted me to hold him. I was busy getting ready for
company and wanted some things done in the house. I held him for a minute
and then put him down. I did that a few times that morning till he went and
layed down. I should have sat on the couch and just held him for awhile,
which is what he wanted. I am having a very hard time with myself that I
did not do that. Most of his life I held him, but those last few days, I
cannot remember really taking more than a few minutes at a time to do so.
WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? I am so sorry for that.
I read on petloss.com (thankyou for directing me there) that losing a
pet is the same as losing a person. We grieve the same. We have lost a
loved one. Period. For many of us we have lost a member of our family, who
we loved so very deeply. How much we grieve depends upon our
relationshipwith our pet, just as it does with people. So many of us feel
such a deep responsibility to our pets that how can there not be guilt?
I feel such a deep sense of saddness and loss.
One good note is that we did find a very kind and sensitive vet. We
held Hank the entire time and he was eased gently out of this world first by
a sedative and then quickly and painlessly by an injection that he wasn't
even aware of.
I am having a hard time letting him go. We've had two furbabys for so
many years, Hank and Tony, brothers, 11 years of age. Tony remains with
us. He his having a hard time as well.
I want to give a last note. Hank's cancer/tumor was vaccine induced. 3
vets have said this. His tumor was on his side close to an injection site.
We need to be cautious with our pets the same as we do our children. I did
not know until it was too late.
Anyway, Thanks to all of you for your thoughts on this thread and for
sharing your pain as well. I'm also glad I got to read about Gracie.
Thank-you.

[Quirky]

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss; you're right, it is just like losing a (human) family member. I hope you and your family are doing OK.

That first vet sounds like a complete ass. Puncture his heart??? That is total crap, and I'm glad you went with your gut and got out of there.

I hope you don't beat yourself up too much over any guilt for the last couple days of Hank's life. He had so much love from you his whole life; you didn't let him down.

And you're so right about the vaccine-induced cancers. My best friend is a vet and on her advice we're not vaxxing our indoor-only cats any more except for rabies, and when we do the rabies shot we will do PureVax, which has a much lower incidence of vaccine reactions and tumors. It is so awful to think that we could have been setting our cats up for cancer, and terrible that vets don't warn us of this danger.

:hug :kitty :hug :kitty :hug :kitty :hug :kitty :hug :kitty :hug :kitty :hug :kitty :hug